Stickman Readers' Submissions › November 6th, 2003

Tragedy In Bangkok 2

The Meeting

The story starts in March 2003, when on my way to England I met a young girl in a Go Go bar and took her back to my hotel for the night.

She was beautiful, with a generous heart from which she gave freely and a love maker beyond compare. Her kisses were true, gentle, and yet passionate. I was told she had only just started work in the business. How true that was I still don’t know. We made love and blended as one. I saw her again the following day and at night we had dinner.

Whilst in England I could think of nothing but her and how she would be hurt and ruined if she stayed in the business. I phoned the taxi driver who had taken me to the Go Go bar and arranged to meet her again on my way back to New Zealand.

In April we met again and over breakfast I discovered she could neither read nor write Thai or English. She gave me so much affection I wanted to help her get out of the business and thought if I could teach her English she would have a chance so I asked her if she would come to New Zealand with me. To my surprise and happiness she agreed.

Unfortunately I had to attend to business in New Zealand and couldn’t get away until late September. I phoned on a regular basis just to keep in touch. Her friend told me she wasn’t in the business anymore and was just singing. I asked her to obtain a passport and found a person in New Zealand that was going back to Thailand and could help her with a visa application however she could not make contact with her and I was told I needed to come over to Bangkok

The Bangkok Palace Hotel

In September I booked my flight and a double room at the Bangkok Palace Hotel in Bangkok. I arrived Monday night 22nd September and waited until late the following afternoon until she arrived at my hotel with her friend. My heart wept for her. She had had her eye brows plucked, her hair was a mess and she had had it died, and her nail varnish was coming off. She didn’t have the silver ear rings she had in April, and she definitely wasn’t taking care of herself and she had a tattoo – the mark of someone with no self respect.

Maybe that night though I am unsure of the sequence of events we went out to dinner with her friends to a buffet outdoor restaurant with a steamer on the table and I was introduced to a Thai outdoor meal. She looked after me and cooked food for me. I was asked to pay which I was happy to do. After the meal as we were leaving I was told I had to pay her boss for her time. I refused as I was going to be paying for her trip to New Zealand, her upkeep, and any English lessons she would have whilst in New Zealand.

That night she came back to the hotel and I gave her a silver and paua shell bracelet I had bought specially for her in New Zealand. It was a beautiful bracelet with the green and blue of the shell shimmering in the light and I thought it would suit her and go with the silver and paua shell necklace I had sent her from New Zealand. She told me that she hadn’t had sex with anyone else since she last met me.

The following day I went to her place to see where she lived. I again felt so sorry for her poverty. It was a small room with only space for a double bed and a wardrobe and she lived there with two other people. She appeared to have very few possessions and not many clothes. She told me she had to sell the necklace as she was short of money but showed me the letter she had kept from me.

I took her shopping to the market, as she would need to look good for her visa to New Zealand. With her friend she chose a suit, some shirts, underwear, and a bag – then we found a swimming costume for her. I was going to buy her more clothes once her visa was approved. I wanted to buy her some new shoes but she wouldn’t let me. She looked a very classy lady when dressed well.

One afternoon she said she had to visit her mother and didn’t get back to the hotel until 2am. We went to see her mother at some time and collected her passport issued in August. She lived in a wooden shack somewhere about a 40 minute drive from Bangkok by a river. I met two children there. Her mum wanted to know if I was married. I said no. She also asked whether I wanted babies. I can't remember what I said at the time but it might have been "maybe". (this was interesting as a couple of times before Lek asked me about a baby and wanted me to give her one – she used to get upset when I withdrew)

Lek asked me for 1000 baht for her mother – I gave it to her and she gave it to one of the children (I took it as a custom that she wouldn't handle it personally in front of me)

During our stay at the Bangkok Palace hotel, we ate in the restaurant, and by the pool, and went swimming. We met an acquaintance of hers in the cocktail lounge and arranged to go fishing for shrimps in a pool. She couldn’t make it in the end as I was told her mother had taken sick.

One day she told me she had resigned from her job. I thought then we could have a good time in Thailand – go on trips, the beach and countryside. I wanted to spoil her – take her to the movies, to shows, out to dinner.

That night come 2am when she had supposedly finished work she didn’t return to the hotel. I wanted her to come back to the hotel wearing her new suit so she wouldn’t be treated like a prostitute by the staff. I wanted her to be treated as a lady – for people to show respect to her. I waited for her in the lobby for hours just to see her enter the hotel.

I thought she did return as I saw a person dressed in a similar manner enter the lift. I couldn’t catch it in time so got the next lift. I expected to find her in my room as I had given her a key but she wasn’t there. I was so worried that maybe she had been kidnapped by the people she worked for or had been harmed by them for resigning.

All that long night I worried about her, called the hotel security and searched all the floors of the hotel. I phoned a number she had given me and was told not to worry – but I was worried.

When she did finally arrive I was in such an emotional panic I couldn’t stop hugging and kissing her. It was then that I fell in love with her and never wanted to let her out of my sight again. I wanted to protect her from all the evils of the world.

Happy Suites

As I needed a cheaper place to stay for the rest of my time in Thailand she found me a room at Happy Suites, close to where she lived.

Saturday night she took me to meet her friends for a drink. It was fun and I enjoyed their company and loving her. That night I had the most erotic experience of my life. I paid again for the meal and again I didn’t mind.

At some time she told me that one of the children we had met at her mothers was hers – an 8-year-old daughter.

On the Monday I had to drag her out of bed to the New Zealand embassy for the visa application. She was unwilling to go but we got there. I think she was scared of the questions she might be asked.

The next day she told me she had to visit her sick mother. When she came back she sat on the edge of the bed and calmly told me her mother didn’t want her to go to New Zealand. So she wanted me to return to New Zealand and pay her money in Thailand.

I was devastated, as I had done nine months work in six months so as to dedicate at least three months of my time to her when she came to New Zealand. I had cleaned the house, got her bedroom looking nice, arranged for all kinds of activities including sea kayaking, and horse riding lessons. We could go swimming and really have fun. I had computer programs to help teach her English and to read and write.

I was still on guard at the thought that I was just being used to pay out money and not see what it was being used for so I refused to pay her but I wanted to discuss it more to find out the true story. That night however we were invited to her friends place for dinner –which I also enjoyed but really wanted to spend some time with her. After dinner we were supposed to return to the hotel but instead she wanted to go drinking with her other friends again. She said I didn’t have to pay but I was too upset to stay and so returned to the hotel room.

I expected her to come back after drinking with her friends but she didn’t return that night and early in the morning she phoned and said she was very unhappy with me. I didn't see her for some hours but after numerous phone calls I was told that she couldn't speak with me. I guessed she was drunk and persuaded her friends to bring her back to the hotel no matter what state she was in. They did eventually – about 10am. I made her have a shower and put her to bed to sleep it off.

I didn’t want to believe that I was there just to extract money from as her kisses and loving were so genuine.

The next day she told me she was going back to work – I pleaded with her not to but she wouldn’t listen as she said she needed the money for her sick mother and young daughter.

For the next few nights she came back to the hotel at around 2am and went to sleep, only to get up again late in the afternoon and go to work again. I hardly ever saw her and she ignored me in bed – just slept.

I asked her how much she was paid and offered to pay her the equivalent for every day she was in Bangkok, and for the time she was in New Zealand. She said she would think about it and asked for some money for makeup so I gave her 1000 baht. The next day she refused my offer.

I wanted to spend time with her, drink with her friends, arrange for her visa but she was never there. One day I said I would go to her work and watch her. She put the business card of where she worked on the table much to the dismay of her friend. I followed her there in another taxi about an hour later and then found out the other lie. She wasn’t a singer and if she had resigned she had started again –working not as a singer but as a full time prostitute. This explained all the times she never showed up.

Her boss sat me down and tried to extort the equivalent of NZ$20000 out of me to buy her out of her three year contract so that I could see her without paying for her. I negotiated it down to NZ$5000 but knew that there wasn’t a contract. Prostitution isn’t legal in Thailand, she wouldn’t be paying taxes, she couldn’t read or write so wouldn’t understand any contract, and couldn’t even sign her name so couldn’t have signed a contract. He wouldn’t show it to me and neither did she have a copy. He also said that I would need to pay it whether or not she wanted to go to New Zealand with me if I wanted to see her again without paying bar fines to him when I came to visit. (She wasn't even working there when I first met her). I was in total emotional turmoil.

Her boss appears to have brainwashed her into thinking that "he only has her interests at heart" whilst the opposite is actually true. He will do all he can to keep her as he is making very good money out of using her. I don't think she realises this and trusts him.

That night, back at the hotel she told me I didn’t have to pay.

Over the next few nights she still came back to the hotel to sleep. She still wore the bracelet I gave her and I couldn’t stand the thought of her fucking all those men, wearing my symbol of love and affection towards her. I took the bracelet off her wrist whilst she was sleeping.

I understood the reason she was working, and even understood why she had lied to me but I went back to my first reason for going to Bangkok and asked her whether she enjoyed her job. Her answer was “no”.

She stopped coming back to the hotel. She was angry that I'd taken the bracelet back. I felt compassion for her and was in love with her. I could see how she was being used and abused and how it was affecting her personality and wanted to give her a better life. She fucked men, slept, and drank away her reality. She really wanted her own beauty salon but she wouldn’t let me help her. Although angry with me, I still felt that underneath she still had some genuine love for me.

Even though I was always told that I would see her the next day and she wouldn’t be working that day, she always did work and I never saw her. As I couldn’t see her I wrote a letter in broken Thai to try and let her know how I felt – I only had a Thai phrase book so my vocabulary wasn't really what I needed to say.

One day I went round to her home, after expecting to see her and her not showing up once again, – I found out that she had taken her mother to hospital. I went with her friend to see them at the hospital where she ignored me except for asking me to pay the bill for the prescription – which I did. I gave her the letter which she then shared with her mum and friend. They laughed at it, I thought at the time they were making fun of it but on reflection I did include some strange Thai sayings. She then went to work again.

Music and Art

During my lonely days waiting for her at the hotel, I got into the habit of going to Music and Art restaurant to eat and pass the time playing pool with the waitresses. I talked with the owner and she mentioned that she needed staff and needed to increase business. She also spoke good English and wanted to teach her staff English.

An idea started developing in my head and I thought that perhaps the lady I loved could get a job here and I could subsidise her income. She would be out of the prostitution business and learning English. She would learn a little bit about running a business and it would be easier to get her a visa. I could see her again and perhaps in time bring her dream of her own beauty salon to fruition through training and investment. (How I didn't know exactly)

At some stage I went back to the New Zealand Embassy and cancelled the visa application so that I could return her passport to her and so they wouldn't investigate her at that time.

I went round to see her again and was told that her mother needed an operation and that she wanted some money and loved me. I wasn’t going to hand out money when I didn’t know whether or not anything was true anymore as I had been lied to so often. (She got angry again and made to rip up her passport – on reflection maybe this was a test for me set by her mother – I just don't know)

However I told her that I had a job for her and she agreed to come to the hotel dressed in her suit at 12.30. She didn’t show up so I went to get her, forced her out of bed, made her get into her suit and took her to the restaurant for an interview. She insisted on taking her friend with her. She was offered a job as a receptionist and to look after public relations. She said she would think about it overnight.

This was a great opportunity for her however after the interview, she hardly spoke to me, both her and her friend were speechless. She looked back at the restaurant and told me that we would go there the next day.

The next day came and she didn’t show up. I was in misery again that she wouldn’t take this job – that she was so angry with me, and probably never wanted to see me again. I wrote another letter in broken Thai. I didn’t have a dictionary so couldn’t use the words I really wanted to use. I drew a picture to express my devastation not only at my unhappiness in not having her love but also in the tragedy that she wouldn’t accept this job which would change her life for ever.

The following day was her birthday. She phoned me and arranged to see me. I was leaving Bangkok that day. She didn’t show up.

I left a message for her at the restaurant and her bracelet. I left a note under her door asking her to go to the restaurant and pick up her birthday present (That is giving her bracelet back to her only with different connotations) The job offer was still open. I left Bangkok without seeing her, without a kiss or a hug goodbye, or seeing a smile on her face. Though I don’t really know her – I still love her and want to be her friend and lover

So much love denied – so much frustration – so much misunderstanding

Nelson New Zealand

I returned to New Zealand on the 12th October and made numerous phone calls to Lek but her phone wasn't working. I phoned her friends but couldn't get any information as to where she was or whether she was safe. I was worried about her. I phoned the restaurant to try and make contact with her. They did once, shortly after I had left, and she told them that she would start work at the end of the month.

I contacted her friend once more and asked her to take Lek to the restaurant. That was around the 26th Oct.

I finally managed to talk to Lek at her mum's place on the 29th October. We had a good fun conversation with plenty of laughter. She told me she didn't like working where she was, that she was unhappy, and that she loved me and still wanted to go to New Zealand.

Her friend had told me the same thing a few days earlier.

I talked to the restaurant on 30th October and they told me she had been in, picked up her bracelet and would start work on 1st November.

I was overjoyed. Everything would work out but I phoned Lek again to wish her well on the 31st October and she told me she wasn't going to work at the restaurant. She sounded tired and depressed and passed the phone to her friend. I'm devastated again as something has happened since I spoke to her before and I don't know what.

The Arrangement made with the Restaurant and ideas for the future

Lek would work at the restaurant as a receptionist and looking after public relations (ideal for her as she would have had plenty of experience in the sex industry of how to handle men and wouldn't need to know how to read and write)

The times would be from 4pm to 2am (the same times as she would be working at the brothel – ideal as I would know she wouldn't be working there and also she could still see her friends)

Her salary would be 5000 baht per month plus tips. I would subsidise her income by 10,000 baht per month. (This would bring it to the equivalent of what she says she is earning at present)

So that she would feel secure I arranged with Daeng, the owner of the restaurant, to set up a joint bank account with both Lek's and her signature required for withdrawal. Into that I was going to transfer 30,000 baht (3 months of subsidy). Lek could make withdrawals as needed up to a maximum of 10,000 baht per month to cover accommodation, health, education, power, etc. costs for her, her mother, and her daughter – and anything left could accumulate for capital purchases or further education.

The withdrawals would be on production of receipts – copies of which I would receive monthly. (this would go someway into keeping it from being squandered and also give Lek practice in budgeting and keeping records under Daeng's guidance – by the way Daeng speaks fluent English and is training her staff – she has a degree in commerce)

This would continue every three months until such time as Lek could learn to read and write English or Thai. I was willing to keep this up for 12 months if need be and maybe during that time I would come and visit and maybe bring Lek to New Zealand for an English course or just a holiday. This was all dependent on Lek doing OK and working at the restaurant. I wanted to know her better before making a total commitment to her.

I also arranged that Lek would be given a sum of 2000 baht so that she could buy some suitable clothes for the job.

The other part of the job that was pre arranged was to encourage new customers.

I'm in the promotion business as you know, and as mentioned I have already designed a discount voucher for expats.

The other promotion was that Lek would contact her friends in the business and they would get a 10% commission on the whole bill for any of their clients they brought there to eat and drink.. Today I posted 20 Identity cards for Lek to give to her friends.

There were no strings attached to any of this except

that she had to work at the restaurant.
keep in contact with me so that we could get to know each other better
stop fucking multitudes of men, and to let me know if she ended up having a serious relationship with a particular person

I was believing that our relationship might develop further and if it did then the next step would have been to pay for some training for Lek either in NZ or Thailand if she really wanted to be in the beauty salon business – and then if we really did hit it off to rent a two bedroom flat in Bangkok. One room for her two friends that live with her now and the other for her – which I could share when I came to visit. The step after that was too far ahead to give serious thought to at the present time.

All this would have stretched my budget but I was happy to do so. I would just have to expand the business in NZ to cover the costs.

My current work really only takes me 6 months hard out to complete each year and unless I expand the business in a big way I could have the rest of the time almost free as I can update the web site from anywhere in the world. I have a three bedroom house and in the past have taken in foreign language students and have enjoyed coaxing them. I thought of maybe tutoring in Bangkok and getting the necessary qualifications to do so.

The Quandary

Now back in NZ I can neither work during the day nor sleep at night. My eyes are full of tears. Lek is a lot younger than me at 25 years old so I'm experiencing the double anguish of the love of a father that can't help his daughter, knowing that she is being hurt but can't stop it and that of a serious boyfriend, whose girlfriend supposedly loves him but is forced for some reason or other to fuck any man that wants to pay for her every night of the week.

Can you imagine what I'm going through?

What started off as a wish to bring a single girl to New Zealand to teach her to read and write English, to give her an experience she would never normally have, and try to give her something so that she didn't have to work in the sex industry any more has now developed into a situation whereby I am almost committing myself to supporting her and her child and maybe even her mother too although supposedly she does have a father that works as a plasterer.

All this and I still don't really know her – only what I feel from her. She is two people – the insecure girl underneath crying out for affection, hating what she has to do, and the prostitute – laughing at her work, untrusting of foreigners, and drowning her feelings with whisky and beer, accepting her fate without the confidence, ambition, or drive to change it. I want to know her but I can't see her in Bangkok whilst she's working as a sex worker and unless she stops I can't get her a visa to come to New Zealand.

I can't just send her over money – that I know would be totally stupid as she would still probably be working – I don't want to be a total fool so would want to know where the money is going – that's why the restaurant job would have been so good.

If I was just another client to extract money from

Why did she give me her phone number and address?
Why did she introduce me to her mother at her mother's home?
Why was she honest about telling me that the girl I met at her mother's was her daughter
Why did she show me the one roomed flat where she lived?
Why did she introduce me to her friends and take me eating and drinking with them?
Why did her other friends invite me around to their flat for dinner?
Why did she find me a room in a hotel close to where she lived?
Why did she insist on me catching a taxi away from the Bangkok Palace Hotel To Happy Springs so that her boss wouldn't find out that I was staying close by
Why wouldn't she let me buy some things for her when I wanted to?
Why did she get angry with me – prostitutes don't get angry with their clients?
Why did she want me to give her a baby?

If she didn't want to come to New Zealand

Why did she get a passport?
Why did she allow me to fill out the forms and go with me to the NZ embassy?

The Big Question

Why does she still profess to love me, tells me she's unhappy, and doesn't like working where she is and yet she won't take up the offer of a job that will teach her new skills and give her the opportunity of a new life. She will have money provided by me, with very few strings attached to support her daughter?

Why does her best friend tell me that she misses me and cries for me, and that Lek does love me and wants to come to NZ? (this could well be a lie though)

Possible answers

1. I have been totally duped, she has no feelings for me at all and the whole thing is a total lie. – This I find very hard to believe due to the reasons above

2. She was just looking for some fun in the short term with a farang that would end up sending her money on a regular basis from New Zealand – if that were true why does she still profess to love me when she knows I'm not going to send her any money whilst she's working in the sex industry and that I've already offered to support her if she stops.

3. She actually enjoys what she's doing and doesn't want to stop and telling me she doesn't enjoy it is just another lie.

4. Someone is coercing her to keep working with threats of either violence or the fear that if she stops she can't return and will have to earn a living as a street prostitute and that farangs can't be trusted no matter what they say. (the latter I've tried to alleviate with the promise to set up a bank account for her and to support her in the medium to longer term so that she can learn some skills and how to read and write – but she doesn't know this yet)

5. Her mother doesn't approve of me – maybe she wants Lek to keep working to snare a fatter cat or a younger person. Maybe she set me some tests and I failed – if so I'd like to sit them again.

6. Her mother actually sold her to the brothel which is why I would be required to pay out the contract. Perhaps even she was made to work as a young girl and that is why she can't read or write now. I would be interested to know how long she's been working as a bar girl / prostitute.

7. She doesn't have the faith or confidence in herself to enter the real workforce. (this I've also tried to alleviate with the help I would give her to promote the restaurant and with a love letter I've written entitled "The Hidden Gemstone" – she doesn't know about the promotional things I've arranged with Daeng at the restaurant and I haven't had the letter translated yet. If you do translation could you translate it and read it to her – I understand that would be an additional cost)

8. She actually does love me but won't accept my help or money because she feels there would be no future for us and she would feel either indebted or reliant on me..

9. She doesn't want to work at all but only wants me to support her and her child whilst she has fun with her friends.

10.She really only wants a non serious casual relationship and in my concerns for her safety I became too serious about her and demanded that she stopped working where she was and the reason she still professes to love me is that she would like to see me again in a short term casual relationship or as a client if I ever return to Bangkok.

Summary

There is a girl whom I hardly know but love intensely, the safety of whom I worry about. I feel she is trapped in a job where she has to have sex with anyone who can pay for it and for some reason she can't get out even if she wanted to.

I want to give her the freedom of choice.

I want her to learn to read and write English or Thai and am willing to pay for her to do so with no strings attached except that she leaves the sex industry and I have the security of knowing that she isn't working in it and that the money is being used for what it is meant for. I am willing to support her financially whilst she does this by 10,000 baht per month. (a hairdresser only gets about 7000 baht and a waitress around 3000 baht plus tips)

If she wants a long term serious relationship with me I am willing to do all I can to bring it about and to see if it can work.

If she just wants to see me on a casual basis either just as a friend or a lover or both I will, in time, accept that.

I would like to bring her to New Zealand but I can't get a visa for her whilst she's working in the sex industry.

If she truly doesn't want to see me or hear from me again – well as my neighbour said " It's like asking a girl to marry you and being refused "

I just need to know the answers and what I can do so that she has the freedom to choose. I would return to Bangkok on the next available flight if I thought it would do any good.

I only draw the line at sending money to her when I don't know what it is being used for and she is still working in the sex industry or I feel that I am epitomising the saying " A fool and his money are easily parted "

If I have just been totally duped – then so be it. Misjudged her totally. Put it down to experience, try to forget her and move on – though I would still find this hard to believe.

Why I'm so persistent I don't know – if it did work out the whole thing is going to cost me a lot of money but it would be worth it just to see her free and happy.

Stickman says:

This fellow emailed for help and this is a fairly lengthy email that he sent to me. I thought it would be of greater benefit to him to post his story here as a reader's submission. Not only does it make interesting reading, but it also provides the facility for other people to provide him with their ideas on how he should proceed.