Readers' Submissions

The Hua Hin Situation – Update

  • Written by Flummoxed
  • November 16th, 2003
  • 13 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok



I recently wrote an article to this site, which can be viewed here.

I have had many people write to me about this article and now wish to update. It is with sadness I write this update. I don't know where to begin with it really….I'm struggling to focus on my laptop screen as I haven't slept for three days straight now.

I wanted to treat Thai bar girls for the trash that they are. After a devastating relationship a few years ago with a Thai girl in Hong Kong which left me mentally, physically and financially broken….and another relationship with a girl in BKK which left me disillusioned about….well, everything…I had no intention of ever having any feelings for a bar girl again. My attitude was as such….enjoy a drink with them. If you feel like it, fuck them, which is all the little tarts are good for.

The way I found out about my previous girlfriend's indiscretion in Hong Kong was purely by accident. I called her in Hong Kong on her cellphone, using an international calling card. In order to make a 'follow on call' with this particular card you have to press ##. Coincidentally, that is also how you access voice mail on a Hong Kong mobile. So, when I tried to make a follow on call, I was played all of her messages, one of which was from some other poor unsuspecting farang who was saying how much he loved her and missed her blah blah blah. My heart shattered. This was the excuse I needed to hack into her email account (Easy if you know how) in which I read an email about how he was worried that they hadn't used a condom but not to worry and how much they missed each other.

My point is this – even though it is reprehensible to snoop into the emails of others, it is often the only defence a guy has against being mistreated by a bar girl. To that end, I consider it standard procedure to investigate the activities of a potential lover. If that is through hacking their email, then so be it.

…and now back to my current girlfriend. I wanted to try and love her, as she had requested. As I wrote in my previous article, I told her she has to prove herself to me for six months. I consider that long enough to get an idea of her motives and level of honesty and staying power as regards waiting for my return. As part of this, she had to completely forget her life in the bars and that involved closing her email account that she used to fleece all her ex-customers. She readily admits that she kept in contact with many of them with a view to them maybe sending her money and / or taking them as a customer next time they came to Thailand. She wanted me to help her close this email account and I obliged.

I waited a couple of weeks after I got home to the UK and re-activated this email account before everything was scheduled for deletion. It took some doing, but I managed to fool the system into re-instating the account and all the emails within. I read through a myriad of emails from all over the world over the last couple of years from men who had been her customer etc etc. Some were just for fun and the guys were not being strung along, others were from love struck guys pledging themselves to her….but this didn't bother me at all because I really don't care what she did before I knew her….it was in her past…but there was one email that caught my eye, just one, and it caught my eye because it had only just been sent.

I followed the string of emails from him over the last year. The guy was hopelessly in love with this woman. The more recent mails were getting quite desperate. He wanted to know why she hadn't been in touch (she hadn't written to him for as long as she's known me). He'd even sent her money on previous occasions….not much…but the point is, he'd sent her money.

On the face of it, I wasn't too concerned. She'd given up this life and it was reasonable to expect that a few of these emails would be filtering through for a while. Nevertheless, I took the risky decision to get in touch with this guy. Coincidentally, he doesn't live too far away from me in the UK. I sent him my phone number and requested that he call me as soon as he could. The call came within a few hours.

When I answered, I didn't know what to say to him. I think my reason for getting in touch with him was because he seemed like a decent chap and was so love struck. I wanted to tell him about her and that he was being fleeced….If it was me, I would hope someone would do the same for me. When I explained who I was and made him understand that she'd been working as a hooker ever since he left her to go home, he was upset but took it very well. I think he had an idea anyway and took it as a sign that he was wasting his time when she hadn't been in touch.

The real shocker is this:- a couple of weeks ago, before I returned home, I bought her a new SIM card for her phone…AND HE HAD THIS NEW NUMBER!!! She's sent him a text message only a few days ago asking him to call her back…Tee Ruk!!!

It was at this moment, I realised that I'd been let down already. He said he hadn't bothered calling her back because he was asleep when the message came to him and planned to call her at a different time. She had also said that this number was her sisters.

(I can see you now Stick, rolling your eyes….'Yet another fool'. Well don't be so quick to dismiss me.) (Mate, my eyes aren't just rolling, they are jumping around Stickman HQ like a ball in a bloody pinball tableStick)

I called her…I asked her about this guy. At first, she denied it but I explained that I had spoken to him and know that she's been trying to contact him….it was the only way he could possibly have her new number that I had given her. Her explanation was that she wanted to speak to him and tell him the truth about me and to stop calling her. I reminded her of the one rule…never lie to me. She answered 'I never lie you' with desperation in her voice. I explained to her that she had left this life behind and what was I to think if so quickly she was already in touch with another guy…subversively?

I hate being back in the UK. It's truly dreadful but I had decided I could cope with life here if I had something to look forward to when returning to Thailand….and that was the apparently changed woman that loved me.

Could she possibly be telling the truth about this? Was she calling him in all innocence just so that she could let him down gently? She admits that she only uses guys with a view to milking them for cash but says I am the man who made her want to change and forget about the bar. Could this be true? Was she only contacting him to tell him to stop???

I've no reason to disbelieve anything this guy tells me. I spoke to him the next day and he said he had called her. She had indeed been honest with him and told him that she had lied to him for so long, had fucked so many guys in his absence and that now she was in love with me. She told him that she was sorry for hurting him. This went some way to restoring my faith in her…but alas, he then went on to say she would meet him when he goes to Thailand next month…IN THE BAR WHERE SHE HAD PREVIOUSLY WORKED!! I called her immediately. She denied saying this and said she had no intention of meeting him, or going to the bar where she once worked (a ten hour bus journey from where she is now).

What can I do now…Eh? On the face of it, she did the right thing by telling this guy the truth…but she fucked up big time by lying to me and doing this behind my back. I am expert at sniffing out a lie, I have to be…but she sounds so genuine. I know she's at home with her children now because I speak to them on the phone and I confirm her whereabouts by calling her on a landline occasionally. She tells me I have to have faith in her for six months. Should I believe what this guy tells me or is he just angry with her and trying to get revenge by destroying her relationship with me? Did she really say she would meet him at this bar where she worked?

He expresses his eternal gratitude to me for getting in touch with him and letting him know the truth….and now he says he wishes to return that favour. To that end, when in Thailand, if he really does see her in the bar working again, he will call me immediately on his cellphone and once the connection is made, he will say where he is, and hand the phone to my girlfriend who will have the shock of her life when she hears my voice on his phone saying 'now I know where you are and you let me down'. Whether this will happen or not, I don't know. Maybe I'll just board a flight myself and waste even more money, but it'd be worth every penny just to know the truth.

She sounds so desperate on the phone to make me believe her….but this guy has a ring of honesty about him.

I feel I've been let down already. I don't sleep anymore. My dream that I finally found an honest woman has gone already. This is exactly the feeling I never wanted again. Was I wrong to trace this guy? Was I wrong to read her emails in my endeavour to establish her motives? Should I believe that she just wants to break contact with him and tell him the truth? Should I believe this guy when he says she tells him to meet her in the bar in Hua Hin next month?….

Oh fuck it all! Why do I bother. I don't want to be the ********* any more….I'd rather be a wanker Farang…they're all trash…everybody's trash….fuck it all. Maybe I should be like that cunt Troglodyte, maybe he's got the right idea after all. There's no room in this world for an honest man. I'm obsolete, I'm just too old fashioned I guess. I cry too much, I don't like that…. Fuck the lot of you….and as for you Dana, don't bother sending me any feedback…you're a twat!

It's all rather clear to me now. I can reccommend going without sleep for three days to anyone. It's all perfectly clear to me now. You are witnessing the death of someone….and I don't mean suicide. I am intelligent, articulate and educated. I spend my time listening to radio 4, watching Newsnight and never miss an episode of Question time….I just happen to be foolish enough to fall in love with whores.

Was I right to give her a chance to prove herself to me?

Am I wrong to dismiss her at the first hint of bullshit?

You are witnessing the death of me, because now the ******** has died. Now I am a Troglodyte, an asshole…a Farang.

What has my intelligence gained me? I live in a room the size of an ashtray (and it smells like one). I have little money, no career prospects and…for a 32 year old, poor health. (Although I am rather handsome). In short, I'm fucked.

This may sound like I'm moaning….but NO!…indeed this is a glorious rebirth. I am now a man who sees the light. I can now fuck women for the trash they are with impunity….for I have never met an honest and true woman from any walk of life…from the East or the West….from the rich or the poor….or indeed from the bar. I've killed the obsolete me and now I am a moron, blissful in my ignorance. I can butterfly with impunity, safe in the knowledge that the bitch is doing the same.

I had to give this lady the chance. I had to give myself one last chance at finding that special 'obsolete' woman for an 'obsolete' guy.

No problem!!! Now I'll never be sad again because I'm a moron, a butterfly, I've slashed a 'zero' off of my IQ. Fuck Radio 4…hello Capital FM. Fuck longevity….hellooooooo all my little Mia Noi's.

Hey assholes, buy some shares in Durex, there's a new asshole in town.

Stickman says:

I wish this could have been submission number 500, because this submission is just so typical of the experiences farang men have with Thai women.

I feel for you. In the emails we have traded and in the submissions that you have written you sound like a damned decent bloke – and I hate seeing decent blokes get messed around but these Thai women.

Being hurt once in love is tough but in life it must be expected that we will all experience that. But when you finally gain the confidence to lower your defences and try to love again yet find the same thing happening all over, it can damage you and the ability to trust and to love can largely be taken away from you.

I agree with what you say about the need to check up on Thai women – and I include both "regular" Thai females here as well as the working girl variety. Looking into people's emails is not nice at all and is morally and ethically wrong. Thai women are using the internet in more and more numbers and if you are even moderately good with computers and the 'net, there is a huge amount of info you can find. I know for a fact that my computer has been looked through by more than one girlfriend. And yeah, hacking into someone's email is certainly not that difficult.

A good number of Thai women do not play fair. They treat guys like this, but if it was the guy who had done something like this, the Thai woman concerned would be mortified. This really pisses me off.