Stickman Readers' Submissions November 27th, 2003

The Envelope

Anonymous Submission

Let me start by saying this; everybody has their typical sob stories about the girl who lied to them and cheated them, the bar girls and their scheming and scandalous ways. Well this is not one of them.

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I was seeing a bar girl during one of my vacations in Thailand. The girl was very willing to be with me and I was probably a relief since I was a 22 year old man with lots of cash to blow, as opposed to maybe her usual clientele consisting of over the hill cheap Charlies.

We spent a great deal of my vacation together, and I made it clear to her that I wasn't naive to the tricks of the bar girl trade, and she wasn't going to benefit financially from this relationship. She went on to tell me she was in love with me, and she wanted to take me home to see her family, blah, blah, et cetera, et cetera.

So I finally just gave her the benefit of the doubt and accepted her feelings as sincere. But there was one problem, she claimed she was 20 years old, which I would have believed without question until the incident on the fist night I took her out. The hotel I was staying at required guests to sign in and submit their identification card. She failed to produce one and I took her home, I was pretty irritated. She claims to have the lost her ID and maintained that she was 20 years old. I eventually gave her the benefit of the doubt again and believed her, but I still had my guard up.

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Throughout my vacation she was using her older sister's ID card, which stated she was 22, and carried on with our love affair until I had to leave. Before I left she gave me her email address (this is crucial later in the story). She explained to me that she would wait for me, that she wouldn't go with farang customers any more, all bull shit of course. In fact I insisted that she go with her customers for the sake of her own livelihood, but according to her older sister was banking with four European boyfriends sending her cash inevitably benefiting my girlfriend.

So I returned home. She would call me, I would call her, when I didn't call her she would get frantic and call me all through out the day until she finally got a hold of me in the middle of the night while I would be sleeping.

Everything seemed legit. I had this rule about falling for bar girls, which was 'don't fall for bar girls'. I decided I would make this case the exception. So I let myself fall for her and let my guard down.

But there was one thing, which really bothered me, and it was the question of her age. But I decided to forget about it and wait to address it the next time I saw her. But then one evening I received an email from her and that is when it donned on me. When I read the moniker she used for her email address it all made sense to me. The question that bothered me had an answer in front of my face the whole time.

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The name she used for her email address was her nickname, followed by four numbers, which to me looked random and insignificant. But then it clicked in my head, when I read those four numbers which I have typed on my computer countless times with out thinking about it, I realized those numbers were not random numbers at all. They were a date, the Thai year of 2530. The year is currently 2546 in Thailand (am I right? because if I’m not I just broke this girl's heart for nothing). The difference in the numbers is 16, indicating to me that she's 16 years old. Although this was all just circumstantial, it was still very compelling evidence nonetheless. And I don't like being lied to, and I don't like it when people play games with me, on the other hand at this point I did still care about her. So I hatched a plan.

I saw my girlfriend again about 7 weeks from the last time I left her. I did not notify her of my arrival and gave no warning of when I would be coming. I instead entered the go where she worked and sat at a table on the opposite end of the bar drinking beer and shooing away repressive bar girls. I scanned the scene for my girl and found her, chatting with friends, occasionally accepting drinks from customers and flirting with them. I watched her for about two hours, chit chatting with bar girls in between, and watched as customer after customer flirted with her. To my surprise she wasn't very warm to them, or enthusiastic with them. I finally approached her and saw her eyes light up like fireworks when she saw me. We exchanged kisses, hugs, and I bought her a drink. We started catching up, and before long I paid her bar fine and we left. Keep in my mind the plan is still in effect at this point.

I took her to a pretty empty bar in North Pattaya, for a little privacy, plus I wouldn't have to compete with techno music and Shania Twain's "I'm gonna getcha" while I was speaking with her. We laughed a bit and sipped on our drinks and then I became very serious and confronted her about her age. I brought up what I had noticed in her email address, I asked her to produce a valid ID for me which she still claims she lost it and still hadn't received a new one, and all the while she maintained that she was 20 years old (what a good liar, always deny everything).

Eventually I presented an ultimatum. I produced a yellow envelope; its shape was oblong because of the contents inside of it. On the front of the envelope I had written her nickname in English. I opened the envelope revealing to her that it contained cash. The very first note in the envelope was a 1000 baht note. I licked the glue on the envelope and sealed it. I explained to her that in this envelope was 20,000 baht in various denominations, I told her I intended on giving it to her as a gift until my suspicions about her age changed my mind. So I gave her an option:

A) She can take the money and leave and never speak to me or see me again. And I would not return her calls, and just ignore her and forget that we ever met.


B) Don't take the money, proclaim her love for me, and I made it clear to her that she would not get any money from me at all, except for living expenses and bar fines for the duration of my stay in Thailand. She would also have to be completely honest with me at all times, and that I would be constantly snooping around with her until I felt I could trust her. But of course in time we would be a normal couple again so long as she didn't lie to me.

So what does she do? She takes the fucking money like I knew she would. As soon as her fingers touched the sealed envelope I didn't waste anytime, I paid the bar tab and proceeded to leave, she attempted to hug me or kiss me or something, but I just shoved her out of my way without looking at her. I never looked back.

I took a stroll down Beach Road towards Walking Street. It was a nice cool night and though Walking Street was a hike away I decided it was a good night to walk. I never saw my girl again for the rest of the trip. I began to reflect on how this whole relationship was a waste of time for me since she was in fact a liar who only cared about money (big surprise). But it was also a big waste of time for her.

From the time I first met her I never paid her for sex, I never bought her anything extravagant or of value. The most I spent on her were simple living expenses. But in return I got laid.

Then a grin started to crack on my face as I was walking, as I thought about the whole situation I only lamented to the fact that I would not be able to witness the conclusion to this story.

You see, at some point in the evening, at her apartment, or at her bar, she would open the envelope to inspect her bounty. I picture her friends gathered around as she gloated and laughed about the whole incident between us that evening while she tore open the envelope with her acrylic nails. God I wish I could have been there to see the look on her face when she discovered that all that was in that envelope were stacks of newspaper clippings from that day's edition. The 1000 baht in the envelope that I showed her earlier I stealthily removed as I was licking and sealing the envelope. Now I picture her with her eyes popping out, mouth gaping and her face turning red with rage and embarrassment, while her friends standing around giggling uncontrollably.

I began to laugh as I walked ignoring the hawkers and free lancers soliciting their services.

The next day I changed hotels to avoid any backlash or retaliation for such a cruel, but funny, and justifiable joke.

My lesson learned? Duh, rule number 1 don't fall for bar girls, hopefully she learned hers, which is don't fuck with me bitch, I wouldn't have been so damned vindictive if I didn't have any feelings for her, but this chick actually had the balls to break my heart. Had she been honest with me I would have cared less how many men she had to sleep with, or about how she made her money. Whatever, it's in the past now, it'll be either a comical day or a bad day if I ever cross paths with her again.

Stickman says:

Oh, you had me there, you really did. Here I was thinking, doesn’t this clown realize that 20,000 baht is a lot of money? Great stuff. But one needs to be aware that this girl probably considers that you ripped her off! So if you do come across her again, a string of abuse is the least you should expect! But this is great stuff, it really is!

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