Reply To Harlequin

Harlequin, in his submission Tragedy In Bangkok 2, asks a number of questions about his relationship with a Thai bargirl.

The simple truth is that Harlequin’s questions are typical of a middle-aged expat being taken to the cleaners by a hard-bitten bargirl. The best advice to Harlequin, or anyone else who even considers a long term relationship with a bargirl, is to read Private Dancer, a free downloadable book at www.stephenleather.com/unpub.html.

But in case Harlequin can’t read Private Dancer through the tears he’s shedding, let me have a go at answering his questions.

Q) If I was just another client, why did she give me her phone number and address?

A) Because she wants you to stay in touch so that you will give her money. Every sex tourist who goes to Thailand ends up with dozens of phone numbers and addresses. It means nothing.

Q) Why did she introduce me to her mother at her mother's home?

A) To show her mother how she has control over a farang. It gives her face. Plus, she knows the more personal stuff she shows you, the more money you will give her. Most sex tourists will go up country with a bargirl at some time. They're shown the family house, they meet the parents and the villagers. It means nothing. The same girl will often take several farangs. The parents know the farang is a sex tourist, so do the villagers.

Q) Why was she honest about telling me that the girl I met at her mother's was her daughter?

A) Why didn’t she tell you sooner is a more valid question. She wanted to check that you were hooked before telling you. She knows that you would have found out eventually. And she knows that knowing that she has a child means you will give her more money.

Q)Why did she show me the one roomed flat where she lived?

A) So that you would feel sorry for her and give her more money.

Q) Why did she introduce me to her friends and take me eating and drinking with them?

A) That's what bargirls so. Every sex tourist can tell you stories about hanging out with bargirls, in their rooms, in restaurants, in karaoke bars. It means nothing to them. Plus, you will almost certainly end up picking up the bill.

Q) Why did her other friends invite me around to their flat for dinner?

A) See above. It means nothing. Plus, it can be an opportunity for her to show off the power she has over you.

Q) Why did she find me a room in a hotel close to where she lived?

A) To cut down on her travelling time. If she really wanted to be with you, she’d have moved in with you.

Q) Why did she insist on me catching a taxi away from the Bangkok Palace Hotel To Happy Springs so that her boss wouldn't find out that I was staying close by?

A) Who cares? Could be that she was trying to make you feel special, so that you would give her more money.

Q) Why wouldn't she let me buy some things for her when I wanted to?

A) Yeah, this is something that Dana doesn’t get either. He buys his bargirls little trinkets and doesn’t understand why they are not grateful. The answer is simple. Bargirls want your money, not gifts. The only gift that they do appreciate is Thai gold, and that will be sold or pawned before the end of the month.

Q) Why did she get angry with me – prostitutes don't get angry with their clients.

A) Thai bargirls are forever losing their tempers. It’s partly because they don’t actually like most of their customers. Plus they are often on drugs or drink too much. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re special because she screams at you. You’re not. If you were special she would treat you with respect. Thai prostitutes are very different from prostitutes of other nationalities, that's why they are so successful. Hookers generally don't kiss, Thai hookers do. Hookers don't give you home addresses and phone numbers, Thai hookers do. Hookers don't say 'I love you', Thai hookers do. Once you understand that Thai hookers are different, then you are less likely to get hooked.

Q) Why did she want me to give her a baby?

A) It’s just something that Thai bargirls say to their customers. Any sex tourist will hear that line dozens of times. It’s as meaningless as ‘You handsum man’ and ‘You have good heart’. She said it so that you will think she's special and will give her more money.

Q) If she didn't want to come to New Zealand, why did she get a passport?

A) She didn’t want to tell you flat out that she is only interested in your money and that she has no interest at all in going to New Zealand (It might have been a different story if you had been an American). She was hoping you’d realise she was unhappy and stop asking her. It was only when you kept forcing the issue that she had to tell you. You should have got the message then. She doesn’t want to be with you. She wants your money.

Q) Why did she allow me to fill out the forms and go with me to the NZ embassy?

A) Because you were putting pressure on her and she didn’t want a confrontation.

Q) The Big Question. Why does she still profess to love me, tells me she's unhappy, and doesn't like working where she is and yet she won't take up the offer of a job that will teach her new skills and give her the opportunity of a new life. She will have money provided by me, with very few strings attached to support her daughter?

A) Because she wants your money, not you. You are offering her money but the string attached is that she has to be with you. She doesn’t want to be with you. You are on old farang. She is a young Thai.

Q) Why does her best friend tell me that she misses me and cries for me, and that Lek does love me and wants to come to NZ? (this could well be a lie though).

A) Of course it’s a lie. You have been lied to from Day One. By everyone. Wake up and smell the Som Tam. You are a sex tourist. She is a bargirl. Expect nothing else and you will not be disappointed. She doesn’t want to be rescued. She doesn’t want your love. She doesn’t want your baby. She wants your money. Everything that she has said, everything that she has done, has been with one aim in mind – to get money from you. Read Private Dancer. And commit it to memory.

Stickman says:

Fine advice. Harlequin, you're giving us Kiwis a bad rep!