Stickman Readers' Submissions November 10th, 2003

Honest Hearts

In my previous submission, I wrote of my friend in BKK, who, has many wealthy friends and lives a wealthy lifestyle. In fact, since I wrote that article, more astonishing things have happened. Whenever I am with this woman, I feel I have the key to the city in BKK. Wherever we go, we always seem to go to the front of the queue outside prestigious nightclubs. We always breeze past the security of expensive American owned hotels (bearing in mind the terror risk involved with the APEC summit). Whenever we dine at top end restaurants (she has expensive taste buds) the manager will always come to our table and say 'How nice it is to see her again'. We never seem to pay for entry anywhere, doors are always opened in anticipation of our arrival. The more time I spend with her, the more I begin to realise that there is something very big that I have not yet discovered about her but I just can't seem to work it out. This lifestyle is one that I am not accustomed to in BKK, yet I am trying to enjoy it for what it is and feel very privileged indeed to know this woman, although I am living somewhat beyond my means (and yes, she does pay her share of the bill).

Despite my intentions to avoid a relationship with her, a relationship very quickly blossomed. Within days she was declaring love for me. I am completely sure it is genuine love but such a rapid commitment I see as a danger sign, but that's irrelevant here.

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I have realised, that despite knowing her for over 1 year (I've only actually spent the last 6 weeks with her continuously) I know almost nothing about her. I never see her speaking with her family on the phone, and indeed, have never met nor been introduced to any of her family. I would've thought by now I would at least have met someone. The only thing I know about her is where she works and her job title. I have not previously given this issue too much thought and decided when she is ready, this will happen in due course.

Red lights started flashing for me, however, about a week ago. This will take some explaining so please bear with me. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe in Siam with a couple of her friends. The second we arrived, she simply vanished into thin air. A couple of minutes later her friends mobile rang and after a brief, muffled conversation, I was smartly ushered out of the bar by her friends. I was left wondering what the hell was going on. Her friends would tell me nothing and their English was limited anyway, as is my Thai. I was then taken to the Novotel, where my girlfriend just as mysteriously re-appeared!!! Me being the suspicious chap that I am, I asked for an explanation as to what had happened. When the explanation wasn't forthcoming, I demanded one. The only response I got was that it was for my own protection as she feared someone in the Hard Rock "maybe wanted to make a problem for me". I of course fruitlessly asked why (with a foul temper) but to avoid further embarrassment to her friends, I decided to try and enjoy the evening and press the issue later.

We then sat for drinks in the Novotel bar but within minutes, a strange Thai man approached our table, introduced himself only to me, exchanged a couple of sentences in Thai with my girlfriend and then sat at the next table where he just stared at me. My girlfriend looked very worried and it was at this point that I raised shields and went to yellow alert. For now, I said nothing.

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Within minutes, the bill was paid and we left. As we left, the mysterious Thai man paid his bill and followed us outside at a discreet distance but by now I was on high alert and well aware of his presence. We hailed a cab and got inside but waited a couple of minutes for a friend. As we waited, the Thai man just stood in the street. When we finally pulled away, the Thai man urgently hailed a cab and followed us. I pointed this out to my girlfriend but she just said that she didn't know what I was talking about. Instructions were given to the cab driver in Thai and before I knew it we were travelling at high speed on the main roads and doing U-turn after U-turn. I was in no doubt whatsoever that we were being tailed. It was all rather 007, with wealthy folk and Gucci handbags blah blah.

I was absolutely furious, not at the fact that we were being tailed, but that I was being kept in the dark about it. Time and time again I demanded to be told what was going on and 'Who was this guy following us' but I was just told I was being paranoid!!! Eventually, the tail was lost. When we came to a halt I had steam coming out of my ears. I told my girlfriend that if she didn't give me an immediate and full explanation of the evening's events, I would leave and she would not see me again. I left.

The following day, when I arrived back at my apartment, she was already there waiting for me. She offered a limited explanation. Apparently, in the Hard Rock Cafe, an ex-boyfriend was there, as was a friend that she was having problems with. Apparently, the man tailing us was her ex-husband. I don't believe for one minute that I have been given even a fraction of the story but at the end of the day, you could argue that it's none of my business. (And you could argue that it was absolutely your business because after all, your safety was at stakeStick)

At this point I must point out that I am experienced with Thai women. Indeed you know already about my opinion of Thai women as regards fidelity (and I not only refer to bargirls). To that end, and after my last appalling experience with a Thai girlfriend, I have set myself a rule and promised myself I will stick to it. Whenever I have a girlfriend, I will not dictate anything to her, I will ask nothing of her. I will only make ONE rule for her and make it clear to her right from the start, and that ONE rule is that she never lies to me.

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I don't think that is an unreasonable request…..only 1 rule…..never lie……and I will ask nothing else.

If she can stick to that one rule, I can trust her.

Almost immediately, I realised that there were some discrepancies in her story. I think I deserved to know what was going on that night. I have asked her several times for some more details, as carefully as I possibly could. Each time the story is different in varying degrees, which I earmark as bullshit. I pointed this out to her and the conversation degraded into an argument in which I pointed out the one and only thing I ask of her, not to lie. She gave me that classic Thai girl answer……"You cannot keep your feel, now I don't like you feel". That is to say, when faced with an obvious lie, they'll turn it on you and blame it on your Farang temper. She left and that was that. I'm now writing this as I sit in my Sukhumvit hotel waiting for her to arrive.

From what I have pieced together, and the explanation for her well known face in town, is that her ex-boyfriend is 'Mr Big' in Bangkok, some absolutely loaded guy, (which would explain the staggeringly expensive jewellery she wears, and the fact that in the last 18 months, she has spent over 80,000 pounds Sterling on clothes in Hong Kong!!!). I find myself asking, If they are 'EX'-boyfriend / husband, why was I whisked away? Why did she fear I was in danger?

Why is it that Thai women cannot understand that honesty breeds trust? She cannot possibly expect me to observe the things that happen and just swallow it as being one of those things. I NEED an explanation. Is that unreasonable of me?

I'm very fond of this lady, despite the fact that she is somewhat older than me and, if I wanted, could find someone far more attractive (I know that sounds shallow but I think you know what I mean). When she comes round, I want to try and patch things up with her, but I fear I cannot go on without an explanation for these events, and the discrepancies in her story. The perks that come with having her as my girlfriend are indeed excellent, but that's not really what I'm interested in. Maybe I should just forget about these things and wait to see what pans out.

Maybe she just fancies a bit of rough for a while and she'll be bored of me in no time, although her body clock is ticking fast and she wants children, and most of the time, she is genuine.

I just can't accept that a Thai woman will not butterfly. When we're in the sack, I've never known such an experienced woman. She goes at it like a turbo charged rabbit. She gets horny when the wind changes direction!

I thought I knew Thai girls but this one's unique in the extreme. She's lovely to me and takes fantastic care of me but I can't trust her.

The panic!!!

A few days after completing this email to Stick (everything above was sent to me as an email about a month or so agoStick), a rather unexpected situation arose with this woman. I realised one day that she was over a week late for her period. I pointed this out to her and she confirmed this, and casting our minds back a few weeks, we remembered that one night, a condom split while we made love…oh boy!

We discussed this at length of course. I have, in recent years, considered myself to be ready to have children and the more I thought about it, the sound of little feet running around the house was rather appealing…but was this the right woman? I was already having my doubts about her for the aforementioned reasons.

She is definitely ready for kids. At 37, she thinks she’s running out of time and she made it quite clear to me that if she really was pregnant, she would go ahead and have the child, regardless of what I thought. She did however absolve me of any responsibility for the child should I decide I did not want children yet.

We waited…..and waited….but still her period did not come. We went to Boots to buy a home pregnancy test after a couple of weeks…but would you believe it, as we walked home from Boots, her period came!!! I felt relief but I could see she was disappointed. At this point, I was more concerned about her health. Why was her period so late? I insisted she go to the doctor for a check up. It turns out she was pregnant, but it was growing in the wrong tube and so it quickly miscarried.

To be completely honest, I had already made up my mind this was not the woman for me. It took her weeks to go to the doctor, even though she promised she would go the next day. She almost immediately broke the only rule I gave to her…..never lie to me but she has numerous times about who was following me. I’m just too suspicious and pissed off about the whole being followed thing. She lives beyond her means and expects me to also…..and frankly, she’s a snob. She boasts that if she ever needs money, she can go to her ex-boyfriend and ask him for money and he will readily give it to her from his fat wallet…she thinks that this is great but I only see it as a weakness and that she cannot control her spending. Also, she has started to expect me to pay for everything as she’s overspent again.

I feel a little bit guilty because I believe her feelings are genuine…..but I have to stick to my rule, never accept lies. Besides which, I just don’t feel that special something for her after all this. I hope we can remain good friends.

Stickman says:

A great rule to live by with Thai women.

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