Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts And Anecdotes 18

  • Written by Dana
  • October 26th, 2003
  • 7 min read





Yang Power

Around 1408 in the Forbidden City of China, the captured virgin Korean concubines revolted and flung insults at the emperor, Zhu Di. Previous to this, two of the concubines had been caught trying to have sex with a eunuch. Talk about sexual frustration!! This insult flinging and eunuch seducing behavior was punishable by death but the concubines didn't care. They were not getting fucked enough! They said the emperor had lost his Yang Power. They said many other things. The blood flowed. 2800 concubines and eunuchs were hunted down.

Why did they do this?! They behaved out of mind because the reptilian cores of their brains had taken over. Talking with their concubine friends and their eunuch friends about make-up, and dress-up, and boys, and marriage, and babies was just not enough. A woman needs to be fucked; and if you can't do it, she'll find someone who can–maybe even try a eunuch. Women hate their rapists but some of them spend the rest of their lives dreaming about them. That is why when you and your little bargirl friend undress in the hotel room for the very first time; she looks at your equipment. She wants to know if you can do the job. She may tell her husband that she hates her job as a prostitute, and she may tell her female lover that she hates all men; but she still wants to know if you can do the job. Can you fuck her!? Thai women call me 'small body-big cock'. Well, at least I'm batting 50%. But I can see how as I get older I might benefit from some pharmaceutical support. Because in the hotel room it is not the journey that counts, it is the arrival that counts.

My little Noi or Ba or Poom or Na doesn't give a rat's flying ass about my hopes and dreams, or my likes or dislikes, or my wants or needs. She just wants to know if I can fuck her. That is why more and more I see the wisdom of corporate greed and lust for profits and unyielding advertising; in other words, the drug companies. God bless the drug companies that are spending millions of dollars to help me with Noi in my hotel room. These drug companies are corporate saints doing God's work. I pray for them and I worship them. And in that vein I think it would be appropriate to have a temple or place of worship for these drug companies somewhere in Thailand. A place for farangs to go to ponder and worship and pray. I imagine that the shrine could look like a giant supplement tablet–maybe about 30 feet high and with a blue porcelain finish.

I noticed during my last trip to visit Bangkok, that they have some unused real estate. Maybe there would be a good place. The 30 foot high supplement tablet would be housed in a giant building modeled on the Nana Plaza. Entrance would be free to all farang. No French, Japanese, Thai or women allowed. Fuck'em. A decision has not been made yet on pre-op trannies. That is still in committee. You would be able to wear any kind of clothes you wanted, eat anything in the building you wanted, talk or laugh out loud, and lie down on your back and point your feet at the thing if you wanted. Nudity would be discouraged but nudity in erectus would be allowed. The surrounding walls of the building would have giant high resolution photographs of happy farang-girlfriend interactions made possible by the saintly and forward thinking drug companies. Time lapse impressions of the drugs effect on the penis would be cast in bronze and inlaid in the tile floor. The gift shop would sell 'before-and-after' photos as well as 'before-and-after' plaster casts and complete literate histories of the drugs and drug companies available in either cloth, leather, or foreskin bindings. Drug company banners and logos and mission statements and CEO portraits would hang from the ceiling. There would be a donations box to help the drug companies with their on going research and for a fee a drug company representative would bless you and tie a lucky string around your penis. Those in erectus during the drug company representative interview would receive a free sample of the latest non-FDA approved performance enhancing drugs currently being used in Burma.

For the younger crowd there would be headsets that would explain the exhibits and the future of the performance enhancing world of chemistry. Predictions would be made about what they had to look forward to. At eight minute intervals recordings would be piped in that were the sounds of people happily copulating. By turning the headset dial you could choose to hear the sounds of love in Danish, German, Aussie, Norwegian, etc. The toilets would have distortion glass over the sinks that made your favorite friend look bigger and longer. Of course there would be an open bar and hilarity would be encouraged. Behind the bar would be a blank steel wall against which you could throw your girlfriend's cellphone. However, erectus ring toss games and picture taking would be prohibited. Come on guys, it's a Temple. In addition, there would be a screening room that would show historical and contemporary laboratory films chronicling the drug company experiments with performance enhancing drugs. Most of the laboratory subjects were either Chinese prisoners, zoo primates, or Hollywood celebrities in rehab; however the films are riveting. The film screen would be 25 feet high. That is an erection you won't soon forget. The films would all be converted to 3D Holographic technology so that the screening room lights could be left ON. For those of you that are high heel shoppers; it's a Temple, not a butt-dart convention. These international performance enhancing drug laboratory films that have been graciously donated to the temple by the drug companies with no thought to themselves other than charity and public education and pharmaceutical historical respect may sound a little academic; but believe me a 25 foot high erection in high resolution color and 3D holographic technology can be quite attention getting. You will be proud and excited to be able to participate in the wonderful world of chemistry and thrilled at the notion that at age 90 you will still be able to hold up a bucket of water with your dick. It's a man's world baby and the world is run by big dicks.

As part of the temple outreach programs the relevant drug companies will be asked to place use-specific anullments on their proprietary corporate and brand names so that happy and grateful men (and women) will be able to name their sons and daughters names like Pfizer, and Upjohn, and Cialis, and Levitra, and Uprima, and Viagra, and Nexmed, and Alprox-TD, and Palatin. Imagine you and your pregnant wife are lying in bed playing the name game. She wants to name your soon-to-be daughter Lucy and you want to name her after a performance enhancing drug. Pop a Viagra, flip the wife over, and the problem is solved. Goodbye Lucy Smith and hello Viagra Smith. I can hear the future of our playgrounds now. Instead of the prideful and bragging taunts like "My father is better than your father!", it will change to "My father's performance enhancing drug is better than your father's performance enhancing drug!"; and the even sweeter "My father made me when he was 79. He's got a penis like a tent peg!" No doubt followed up by something from an eight year old like "My dad is so hard he can do it standing up butt naked in a snowstorm with his feet in buckets of cold water–that's why he named me Blue Pill." Ah, Kids. . . There would be a back door at the end of the exhibit hall in case you wanted to ditch your waiting girlfriend or your family. The opening ceremonies would sponsor testimonial speeches and condom blowing up contests for the kids. In the Spring the drug companies would sponsor pageants held on the temple steps before the vulva entrance. And there would be summer contests held at the temple for biggest erection, strongest erection, longest, hardest, etc. The Grand Prize would always be for fastest erection. Winners would get to keep their supplement tablet trophies for one year. As always, these would be public service events of human dignity and historical importance. No wagering please. After the 90 day probationary period was up, paperwork would be filed to have the temple declared a World Heritage Site. It would become a stop-over for all world girdling celebrities and politicians.

Think of it. Try and engage this happy future. While your girlfriend was bowing before the monument you could be prostrating yourself in front of the giant supplement tablet. Afterwards, you would meet up outside and buy flowers and light incense. I think this is a social need and a time that has come. Who wants to be with me when I present this idea?!

Stickman says:

This article had four sentences removed because they were deemed inappropriate and if published would see both Dana and I in hot water. Dana, what are you on?