Asian Muse Part 2
Again a few references to the notes by: Lao tzu and Ramblin' Richard)
I was also in Beijing watching the wonderful graceful old Chinese doing tai-chi in my 20's. A spiritual escape that moved me to observe at that young age.
We recently returned from Shanghai and Singapore. Love Singapore. Shanghai made my mouth drop open at every turn. I had not been back in over 20 years.
Alas I also digress.
I have my favorite places that I sit and drink coffee at or have lunch when my Asian wife is at the spa or managing some of the businesses. However, I find myself avoiding some of my favorite spots (outside, watching people), because if I am alone expats seems to want to come and sit with me and tell me their life history. Actually, this is one of the charming things about Asia, but must be taken as a homeopathic remedy to shock one back to the realization of what many (most?) of the expats are like in Asia.
A story, from the mouth of an expat that sit with me several months ago. By the way, I generally do not let my wife talk to expats. Think about it, what do all of the writers on this site talk about, what do most expats talk about. My wife is a college graduate and does not need to be exposed to this type of person. Ok, having said that, I decided to let her hear what many expats are like, and why I avoid almost all of them that are in Asia. There are exceptions of course. You know who you are. Back to the story. I had spoken to this "gentleman" before so I knew that he was representative, in a rather interesting way, of the type of expat and their manner of speaking in Asia. So, when my wife showed up after finishing her exercise class shortly after he sit down with me, I told her to stay and listen to his story.
His life story was basically as follows (lets call him tom) : tom said that he had been coming to Asia for 10 years now because he was very lonely in his home country and was seriously looking for a wife. Tom spent about 6 months a year here and 6 months in his native country earning money (a European country). Tom was constantly texting girls on his cell phone he related his story to my wife and I. Over 200 girls, tom said, were on his phone directory. Ok, fine.
Then I did something that I do not usually do. First, because it is not worth it. Second, it is not a challenge. Third, it does not really help the other person. No flames, please, I promise I will never do it again; I just wanted to give my wife a lesson in what I had to go through with many of the expats that would sit down with me. (Ah, it is getting hot, flameeeeees. please, but no. Do not. I know I can tell them not to sit with me. But, the reason they do in the first place is that I am friendly and a good listener. The first time tom talked to me I did not say anything for 25 minutes!)
Really, I had to do it because I wanted my wife to see first hand, exactly who and what tom was about. And the fact that he did not really know who he really was or was about is really pathologically sad. But, all of those that you alluded to "escaping" are actually, as you note, escaping from the reality of themselves. Digressing again, hmmmm.
So the conversation went something like this. M for me. T for tom
M: so you have been coming here ten years and have never found the right women.
T: yes that is right. And I always talk to at least 40 or 50 every trip. I am really lonely and really want a wife badly. I have a beautiful girl that works at the mall I want to have dinner with.
M: how long have you known her?
T: 3 months now
M: you have never had dinner with her in 3 months
M: well I think that perhaps you just have phone text sex and phone sex with these girls and do not even meet them for dinner. Is that true, tom?
T: well, yes it is.
M: and I think that you call them from the U.S. for phone sex also. Is that true.
T: well, yes it is.
M: and I think that you must not really be lonely and looking for a girl to live with because you have not lived with a girl here or in the U.S. for 10 years. It that true.
T: well, yes it is.
M: then what you told us was a lie wasn't it.
T: well, yes it was.
Ok, ok, take it easy…this guy did not even skip a beat before he went on to his next story. Which, of course was also a lie! Found under non-aware in the dictionary.
Representative of many expats? Actually, yes, if you change the details. E.g.: she works in a bar right? And, she is the only bar girl in all of Asia that does not think like a bar girl? She is really a nice, take home to mom girl, that has been waiting for you because you are the thinnest, most beautiful guy she has ever seen, right? Stick has covered this from every angle in an effort to help others. The aware will see…the un-aware are not able.
True story number two. We will call him "bill.” Bill is retired in Asia on 4 thousand U.S. dollars a month. His live-in girl friend, not only a bar girl, but a street girl, just stole everything in his house last month. Wow, I feel sorry for him, don't you? Well, he just moved in another bar girl. Oh, did I forget to say. This same story has been going on for 4 years now. Ah, the saddest part, and the reason I put this story in here. He has a wonderful little girl living with him from a previous marriage in the U.S.!!!
True story number three. This one is "john.” John has been in Asia for 10 years. Making a living. Working at this and that, all legit. Looking for the perfect women. For TEN years! He gets at least 2 phone numbers a day of beautiful, nice women. You do the math about how many girls he has approached. He dates some of them. Some of the girls come to his apartment. He has not had even one live in girl in TEN years!! He has been married before and has a child by a western women more than 10 years ago.
True story number four. Ok, "Noah.” I know Noah very well. He is a nice guy. A completely recovered alcoholic and helps out every week at AA. He is one of the very few successful businessmen in Asia that own and run a domestic business. He was married to a local. He had his Tuesday girl and his Thursday girl and his Saturday girl. He would limit it to three. He is in his 60's and has been running a business in Asia for 20 years. A record few can match. He is deathly afraid of being alone when he gets old and infirm so he has picked a girl to live with him and has given up his other three girls. I had never met these girls as he generally just took them to the movies and a hotel on his days out. I asked him why he did not pick one of these three girls as they were all young and pretty, around 20 yrs. old, and he always told me how much he loved each one of them. Well, he said, I cannot really talk to them because they do not speak English. He did not think this was strange!
True story number five. "Jerry". Jerry bought a little outdoor bar for his live-in girlfriend. She managed and worked there daily. As it is close to where I live, my wife and I were sitting outside having a snack. His wife came over and sit down with us to talk to my wife. This is what women do in Asia, and as my wife is outgoing and gregarious, unlike me, this is a common occurrence. Anyway, the first thing she said to my wife, in the local language, which she did not know that I understand, is that she was receiving one thousand u.s. dollars from a guy that she talks to using the computer in her boyfriends house. The last I heard he was going to marry the girl, and she still had guys on-line and in pocket.
True story number six. Do not know the name of this guy. Among other things we run a boarding house for college girls. One day a girl comes to visit one of the boarders and invites us to her wedding. She is obviously in love, as she is sitting very close to the young man next to her. I asked the young man if he was excited to be getting married tomorrow. Oh no, not me, she is getting married to a rich Canadian. I am going to the U.S. to work for one of my relatives next month. Then, my girlfriend will divorce the Canadian in about two years and take his money and come and live with me in the U.S. Oh, I see, I said, not really surprised.
True story number seven: a Chinese I know runs a very successful Internet business. He makes thousands of U.S. dollars every month. He pays beautiful and some not so beautiful girls to take their picture. He then puts these pictures on the Internet on some of the well-known services and writes back all of the men that write these girls. He has several phone lines in his house and his sisters, who have very sexy voices, answer and talk to the men that call.
Digressing again… you can examine one's reaction to the following quotation and tell a lot about the person. A true story also. Immediately after 9-11 in New York a newsman asked a black (African American, whatever) man what he thought about what just happened in his city. He said: " I wonder what we did to them that made them do this to us." Wow! This guy really understood that the politicians and incidentally the Israeli leadership perpetuate this type of thing. He understood that one thing that the last century should have taught thinking people, is that politics is an exercise in futility. An interesting side note is that a poll done after the U.S. invaded Iraq in June showed that 41% of Americans believed that WMD were found or were unsure. One of the polltakers said afterwards "that this level of misinformation suggests that some Americans may be avoiding having an experience of cognitive dissonance." yes, indeed. Remember, awareness does not seem to be necessary evolutionarily for Homo sapiens and is therefore not chosen for. Beware those who tread in life with awareness. Ok, ok…do not look so serious…
Disclaimer: these observations are mine and are valid only for specific subsets of each social group mentioned. It is also a given that your perceptions and experiences will certainly be different from mine. Isn’t it wonderful, the diversity? For a nice explanation of why society must be as it is, and you are what you are, and I am what I am, read Dawkins: "the selfish gene" as a good starting point for those that really want to be aware. Please note: awareness does not seem to be selected for evolutionarily. Therefore, tread therein with caution. Your circle of non-aware friends will not be so valuable to you anymore. It will be difficult to find actual, real, aware individuals to help you investigate contemplative matters. Last but not least, everyone thinks they are aware so you must learn to keep your mouth shut most of the time with what is visible to others but they do not really "see.” ah, I feel an intellectual roast from those with occluded vision coming on…I was a little cold anyway.
If I get around to it part III will be about the psychology of the Asian women
Comments to follow later.