Stickman Readers' Submissions September 17th, 2003

Thailand Perspective And Other Observations

Having ventured to Thailand and like many before me, I have been bitten by the bug to return over and over again. The ”Land of Smiles” is quite intriguing and it would seem that while trying to make heads or tails out of what one’s experiences, at best in reality you learn something about yourself. It amazes me how many farang go and never seem to change their routine. They don’t seem to like women in that they treat them like dirt. They seem to feel validated in doing so by finding women in the game, that since they are solely after money, never fulfil the mans idea of what they should be.

Thailand can be fun with some perspective. You can find the most intimate sexual experience but do not mistake sex for love. I think many men I see do not know how to have a relationship with a woman and think that good sex is love. I see them let down over and over when the woman lies to them and / or deceives them, and yet this is what this game is about {lies and deceit, trickery and treat doled out so as to get you to part with your money}. In this game you are just an intermediary between the ATM machine and the final user. This does not mean that it cannot be pleasurable but get clear what it is you’re doing and how you are doing it. When I take a taxi I don’t fall in love with the driver or want to own the cab; it is merely a way to get from one point to the next. When you’re in the taxi people don’t think about how many people have been in that cab before you; it is a brilliant idea here to think about that, wrap things up, and don’t eat the red plate special. It amazes me how some men are totally irresponsible and have their brains in their pants.

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None of this changes the fact that I am dealing with another human being and someone that based on their behaviour deserves to be treated with some level of respect and dignity. I am however always open to helping with dental problems or the doctor to someone that is a kind person with a mai pen rai attitude.

I have found that trying to change the prostitute and make her life better is often a waste of time. While being an interesting Pygmalion concept it does not have a high success rate. We are all our own students and our own teacher; and you cannot make chicken salad out of chicken shit. When you are in a loving relationship it is about trust, communication and not deceit and manipulation; but these relationships require work. They are not easy and require regular maintenance and taking inventory in the form of checking in, and much introspection. Most relationships with a bargirl are on a need to know basis as far as what she reveals to you. Bargirls are highly economical with the truth. However I am amazed how often I see some foreigner talking about himself and his life to some bargirl. It seems that Asian men are far clearer what this relationship is about and get on with their business and move on. It is generally pay for play and in this arena talking does not cook the rice. I have taken friends, several times to Thailand, but not anymore. I have found that they are either so firkin cheap with the girls or so stupid that like a moth to a flame keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. I took one friend who fell in love with a bargirl and got totally hosed and then very angry when he saw that things were not the way he had thought. Life is seldom the way you think; it is the way you find it. You are either present, here, or somewhere else. It is always lovely to see some angry farang venting his feelings in some bar. It is like being angry in Disneyland that it is not real but only a pay for play ride.

It is always fun when you meet a mate that bellies up to the bar, is fun to party with, wants to have fun and you don’t need to keep a running tab as he is not cheap with mates or gals, and has some perspective on what this is about. He is polite to the girls, treats them with respect, like human beings. I generally find this with some expats. In these cases, Thailand is some of the best fun to go out, entertain the gals and be entertained. Beautiful women, drinks, great food and good times, it does not get better than this without some commitment. {Enjoy it, as it will soon be over}

We are all on the same map. We were born, we live, and we die. I think culture is what determines how we read the legend and what we deem “normal”. This is a different part of the world than the western world, and thank God it is. Rather than accept that it is different, people are constantly trying to figure out other people. My suggestion is have your own boundaries and hold them. Figure out what you are doing and how you are doing it; and never mind figuring out others. We all have a built in altimeter to tell when the batteries are getting drained. If someone is a drainer I don’t need to complain or explain as you can find someone who is not. Eastern culture is fascinating and like Western culture there is much to learn. Don’t lose your temper but move on and be polite. Don’t reveal everything about your self. If you are wise you realize you are the only one that needs to figure that out anyway. The more you realize you “don’t know”, the more room there is to learn. If you can answer two questions 1) what am I doing? And 2) How am I doing it? If you can do these two things you will be aware of things you can change and they are not external. Life is short. It does not take a lot of extra effort to have a kind mouth {just thought before the mouth stars moving} and treat people how you would like to be treated. What they do is their karma. What you do is yours.

Stickman says:

Not so sure about karma…a few good points nonetheless.

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