Thai Thoughts And Anecdotes Part 11

1. I am checking into the Chiang Inn in Chiang Mai. Everyone is all smiles. Only one hour north of Bangkok by plane, the English language is almost non-existent in this big, modern, new, expensive hotel–but they are really good at smiling and the Thai experience. I expect to stay there four days. It is the off-season and the room rate is over 1000baht per day which is a little high. I haven't got the energy to bargain and it doesn't suit my temperament, so I just nod my head and say "Dee". Then they tell me that if another person shares my room, there will be an additional charge of 315baht. Excuse me?! Say that again. They repeat it. And smile one of those big Thai smiles. I don't say anything. . . On the way to my room at the end of the hall I notice that the maids have left all of the doors open on the rooms that are made up but unoccupied. None of the rooms are occupied. Instead of a maid staff of 5 or 6 per floor, there appears to be just one maid; and I am the only guest in sight. The hotel is practically empty. The next morning when I go down for my complimentary breakfast, I notice that all of the buffet food tables are covered with cloths and there are no diners and there is no food in sight. The room captain informs me that I am only the third person to come, but that they will prepare an omelette for me. Clearly, this hotel is not meeting its expenses. And yet they want to treat any nice woman that I might meet as an automatic whore and make me pay an additional 315baht. The stupidity of this is staggering. No. Wait a minute. It is Thai. Let's see. I am required to pay a bar fine at the bar. Then I am required to pay a hotel whore fee. Then I am required to pay the girl. And of course she will ask/expect 'taxi' money. They ought to meet big, bad sex tourists like me at the airport with a red carpet, and a band, and dancing elephants. If challenged on this hotel-fine policy for women quests–the hotel would say that it is in place to discourage the 'wrong kind of clientele and the wrong kind of behaviour'. But they'll take the money. I've got news for you Chiang Inn of Chiang Mai. As soon as you take the money, you are a flesh peddler. You are profiting from what you regard as prostitution. You are engaged in prostitution. Charging the fee and taking the money, doesn't make you different. It makes you the same. And the notion that a 54 year old man can't meet another nice human being of the opposite gender and share some intimate moments with her without them both being branded as social undesirables is just stupid beyond belief. It is another sad example of why Thailand will never be a global player. The Thais are just too retarded. You can call it 'culture' if you want; but the result is the same, no international people of power and influence will take Thais seriously. Nobody in this busy, competitive world has the time for this childish crap. And no I am not over-reacting. I have a 55 year old Thai woman friend here in the States. She was a Fulbright scholar and now has two masters degrees. She is also a successful career woman, mother, and wife. Her husband is a US citizen. When she and her husband go back to Thailand to visit her family, and they are checking into a hotel; she is often treated like a prostitute. To her credit, she has matured a little since leaving Thailand many years ago. When she gets this bullshit in her own country, she rips their heads off. Her 60 year old husband stands at the front desk while she just screams at these mean-spirited retarded people. The other day I ran into her and I asked her when she was going back for a visit. She looked a little sad and said that she and her husband had decided to go to Florence and Venice instead.

The next day I had a driver take me to the Doi Suthep temple. This is a four hour excursion that is definitely worth doing. I recommend it to everyone. Make sure you are wearing long pants and make sure you have clear weather. The views from the mountain top are wonderful. I bought some jewellery, and a gong with cloth covered hammer, a lacquerware tray, and some postcards. But I am really just stalling and thinking. When I get back to Chiang Mai, my mind is made up. I check out of the hotel and for a 20baht tuk-tuk ride I transfer to the Montri hotel. It is a perfectly nice hotel with no hassles. They have a free airport taxi service and they only charge 518baht per day. That night I returned with a woman friend from a nearby bar. The front desk just smiles.

2. It is another beautiful day in Pattaya. I'm up at 7 and on the way down the street to get a donut and a paper. I love these early morning walks. And the retail shop girls are different. Completely different. They are the 'good girls'. The girl in the Dunkin Donuts store and the girl in the 7-11 are both angels. Fathers daughters with timeless dreams of love given and loved received. It is a nice change from the night- time girls. It gives you hope. On the way to the donut store I meet Diptra. She is cruising. I am an idiot on vacation. It is a match made in heaven. I forget the donut and take her back to the AA hotel. After I have said good-bye to her, I go back out for the morning ritual of donut and paper. On the way down the boardwalk, I meet Faha. We go back to the hotel. Christ, it is tough to get a donut and a paper in this town. By noon I have already had sex with two great girls and I am not even trying. I make an appointment to see Faha again at 5. She has lots to offer. She is a Go-Go dancer who doesn't need the money, she just likes the action. OK, sign me up. After a super tough afternoon of lounging around the pool and going to Swenson's for ice cream (dodging other cruisers and smilers in the Mall)–I finally bestir myself around 4 o'clock. I go down to Soi Pattayaland 2 for some chicken-on-a-stick. I buy 8 of these treats for Faha and I, plus some other fun foods. Then back to Soi 13 to wait for her. She stiffs me. Never arrives. Meanwhile, the boardwalk is crawling with freelancers and trannies. I am beating them off. The trannies are pestering me. One has her hand up my shorts leg. She's so stupid and so sexually aggressive that she's making me laugh. We both know that it is just a matter of time. I start sharing my chickens-on-a-stick with one of the trannies named Pat, plus a soi dog, plus Pat's degenerate friends. The afternoon is coming to a close and it obvious that Faha isn't showing. So to recoup the afternoon, I take Pat the tranny over to the hotel for a BJ. It is only 6 and I have already had sex 3 times. And tonight I'll go to the bars. I have an appointment to meet a woman named Pai at 10:30 on Soi Pattayaland 2. She is an older woman with big, soft breasts that spill out of her top. The other night I rested my head on them and imagined our future. What a town!!

Stickman says:

More thoughts from Dana.