Readers' Submissions

Still Flummoxed

  • Written by Stick
  • September 23rd, 2003
  • 4 min read


Anonymous Submission



A while ago I wrote briefly about my times in Hong Kong with the Thai expats there. I also wrote of my friendship with a middle class Thai woman in BKK who has a good job and works very hard for her money.

It has been around two years since I first started my involvement with Thailand and it’s people. I have known many Thais in that time and developed a couple of very close friendships.

I have recently had the opportunity to stay with my Bangkok friend. As our friendship developed, she spoke of her friends and to cut a long story short, she said a few of them were very famous in Thailand. Me being the sceptical, cynical man that I am, didn’t believe a word of it. I thought she was just trying to impress me.

Until of course, within a few days of my arrival in BKK again, I was astounded to be introduced to a guy I had seen on Thai TV the previous day. (I won't say who to protect my friends anonymity (and mine)). Thereafter, I was introduced to a string of middle and upper class Thais, mostly Thai Chinese and most of them female.

As the weeks passed, I noticed a pattern, a very definite pattern. ALL of these women were maintaining several relationships at the same time with men from all over the world……some rich…..some poor.

My point is this. In two years, I have yet to meet a Thai woman that has only one boyfriend, regardless of her walk of life. Isaan girl, Bar girl, Rich girl or Poor girl, Waitress or company accountant.

We all know about the antics of bargirls, it’s been discussed to death on this site, but you can’t imagine my disappointment at the attitudes of apparently ‘normal’ Thai girls. Maybe it’s just a BKK thing, I don’t know. I really wanted to see the other side of Thai society and relish in the fidelity of a good Thai woman……alas I have only found more of the same, several boyfriends on the go.

I hear Thai girls speak of the Thai man and his many wives…..’Thai man Bad man’……..Well Flummoxed asks ‘Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Because I have not yet seen a monogamous Thai woman’

I had no intention of sleeping with the friend I spoke of before but we got drunk one night and….well, you know the rest. She calls me her September guy. She sometimes hints at the possibility of a relationship. Maybe I’d be foolish to turn her down, she is after all a lovely lady and takes very good care of me (and ALWAYS pays her share of the bill!!!) but I just don’t want to be one of the many. She has many wealthy friends in BKK, some very handsome and kind. When I ask her what she sees in me, she will answer ‘I lazy about find the boyfriend’….I think it lost something in the translation.

Tonight I wondered around Nana, Soi Cowboy, dropped into the Thermae and wondered back again, trying to make some sense of this. ‘Farang man butterfly, farang lady free sex’. After, I pondered upon the higher class girls and their major / minor husbands / boyfriends.

I'm not one for sweeping generalisations but I have to believe what I see for myself. Thais appear to me to be the most unfaithful bunch on the face of this Earth. Yes they are lovely people. You even get a smile and a genuine hello when you stroll into a 7-11. In the UK you'd be lucky to get a raised eyebrow. Thai women ARE the most attractive in the world, I don’t care what anyone else says. I want one for my wife, but I can’t see myself ever trusting one of them, wherever I happened to first meet her, the bar, the office, or the bus.

The most genuine girl I have met so far, works the bar In Nana Plaza. A 27 year old from Isaan who claims to be a virgin (you could hear me laugh in Rangoon when she first told me this) But after seeing her at the bar regularly for several months, I have never seen her leave with a customer, NEVER. The money she makes from the drinks is apparently enough for her while she learns English in BKK. Despite my devastating good looks, she has never attempted to gain my custom. She is also a splendid wheeze to chat with. Of all the girls to prove me wrong, it may actually turn out to be a Bar girl!!! Strange world.

Stickman says:

This is beautiful and yeah, I AGREE WITH YOU! Monogamy is not at all the norm in Thailand and it can often seem like everyone is fucking everyone. Married or unmarried, poor or rich, Isaan or Bangkok, they are all doing everyone else behind each others' backs. If you want a faithful wife, Thailand is not the place to find her because yeah, the Thais just cannot help themselves…and no matter what, Thai women cannot be controlled. Rules and regulations to them are like a minor nuisance that gets in the way but are just ignored…