Stickman Readers' Submissions September 1st, 2003

4 Short Times

Rambo Dentistry

Remember the scene in the first Rambo movie, when he gives himself stitches with no anaesthetic and doesn't even wince? Well, this isn't nearly as brave or gruesome, but I once did a little emergency dental work on myself. And, no, I have no training in dentistry. I had chipped a lower front tooth on a small stone in some Thai sticky rice. I guess the rice hadn't been thoroughly cleaned before cooking. The tooth was left so sharp at the point of fracture that it was cutting my tongue every time I'd talk or eat. Something had to be done immediately- I had a date lined up that night! (Yeah, with a bar girl). I used a metal fingernail file while watching my work proceed in the bathroom mirror. It took a long time, but I finally filed it down smooth. It wasn't painful to do really. Just downright unpleasant in the way scratching your fingernails on a chalkboard would be.

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Shopping For Room Rates

I arrive at the airport, thumb through Lonely Planet, and call a hotel. The following conversation ensues:
"Hello. Do you have a room?"
"Yes, Sir."
"How much?"
"850 per day- How long you stay?
"I don't know"
"You stay here before? You old customer?"
"OK, I give you 700."
"I'll think about it."
"How long you stay?"
"I said, I don't know. Bye."
"Wait Sir! Maybe I give you special price!"
"Yes? How much?"
"How long you stay?"
"I said, I DON'T KNOW! BYE!"
"Wait! WAIT! How much you want (to pay)?"
"How much I want? Up to me, huh? I want FREE!"
"Ha! Ha! Cannot free!"
"Look, tell me your special price, your best price, your LOWEST GODDAMNED PRICE, OK?!!!!"
"Yes, Sir. How long you stay?"
"BYE!," and CLICK I hang up, exasperated.

Sex Junkie

This place is insane. I stayed in my room all day yesterday reading a book. Planned on taking a night off from all the action. Been going at it full-steam for some time now and figured a break would do me good. Went out for dinner just across the street from my hotel about 9PM. Saw so much irresistable snatch, I couldn't get it out of my head. Could barely chew my food, I was so distracted. Went back to my room after eating. Tried to get back into my book. No dice. Just that short peek at the cornucopia of carnal delights here did it. I couldn't stay alone all night with that plethora of pussy waiting just outside my door. No way! I am a hopeless sex junkie. Worse than my alcoholism even. Should probably do the 12 steps for both addictions, but as long as I can get my fix, I don't want to be cured!

The Couple Next Door

Hotel walls are thin. The guy in the room next to me is unbelievable. I hear him and his gal going at it day and night. They must do it 10-15 times a day. How is that possible? Viagra? Oral? Battery powered toys? I can't for the life of me figure it out. And they'll be at it for hours on end. Just when I think they're finally through; when I hear water running in the bathroom, drawers being opened, closet doors being shut, footsteps, etc., a moment or two later I'll hear her moaning all over again. Bedsprings squeaking, fists being pounded on the mattress, the whole show! My God! I've seen them only once, very briefly, as they were entering their room. He looks like any typical, middle-aged, out of shape (out of shape!) sex tourist. She looks like any typical, short and slightly chubby bar girl. What is it about these two? I wish I had a stethoscope. Curiosity is killing me!

Stickman says:

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Nice stories.

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