Hong Kong Hell
I was one of those guys, when more naive, who lost it all to a Thai girl.
I was on my way to a far off land to start a new life for myself. I stopped off in Hong Kong for 5 days on my way and met a Thai girl in a Wanchai bar. I fell for her and never made it to my destination. I spent a year in Hong Kong with her.
I was one of those guys who thought he could change her for the better, thought that despite the terrible things that have happened in her life (she's 32) to have made her into such a nasty piece of work, I could extend the hand of love and caring to repair the damage that had been done to her. I think she genuinely loved me in her own way but nevertheless, she destroyed me physically, emotionally and financially. I wound up back in the UK having lost my personal fortune and having wasted all the opportunities I had taken so long to make for myself. I still don't think she has a clue of what I had given up for her.
I'm now repairing the damage to life but it's a lengthy process and I will be feeling the consequences of my love for a Thai bargirl for a very long time to come. I really did wind up at rock bottom.
At the time I didn't know she was a hooker. She seemed to good to be true. I only found out later when wiser to these girls that most of them are in denial. I know she was never faithful in my absence, be it paid for or just loneliness.
I still haven't found the courage to go for an AIDS test.
During my time in Hong Kong, I became very good friends with a Thai lady, who is not a bargirl but a middle aged, middle class woman with a high paying professional job in Bangkok. So horrified was she at my first experience with a Thai woman, she has taken it upon herself to make sure I am 're-educated' as to the true nature of Thai women. To her credit, she has proved to be a good friend and goes out of her way to introduce me to what she considers to be good / nice women. I have an open invitation to stay in Bangkok with her, when she shows me the sights and makes every effort to match make, and stop my bitterness towards Thai girls.
Despite the fact that she has proven her honourable intentions, I still find myself questioning her motives, which is a real shame. I blame this on my previous girlfriend (who squandered an opportunity with me (and my cash)), the appalling reputation Thai women have in general, the fact that as Westerners we tend towards the bars, and the numerous horror stories on forums such as this one.
Do legitimate Thai women have Western friends as a status symbol? Am I being set up for an almighty con? Or is she just a loyal and sincere friend. What a shame I have to ask these questions.
My friend continues in her efforts to re-educate me.
I propose the following. If you come to Thailand and you have a reasonable level of intelligence, stay away from the girlie bars and the girls within. Your time here will ultimately be far more rewarding. There are a few hearts of gold there, but you are unlikely to find them.
I've never actually been to Wanchai but from what I understand, it is something of the Hong Kong equivalent of a very old, dilapidated Bangkok bar district, where Thai, Filipino and Chinese girls battle for interest from the local Westerners. I would guess that shacking up with a girl from that area is little different from shacking up with a girl from Cowboy or Nana.
It only takes one bad experience with a woman and your modicum of trust can be absolutely shattered. This can manifest itself in many ways, but the primary result is that it can damage your ability to trust in future relationships and relationships can become hard work.
As far as your final piece of advice goes, avoiding the bars is not a bad thing at all- especially if you are unable to keep it in perspective. Very little to be gained from venturing to such places and a whole lot to be lost.