Stickman Readers' Submissions July 28th, 2003

Knock Knock

Hotel life is never dull. For instance, you never know who or what will show up at your door, and at what ungodly hour. Often, people, usually drunk, will knock on the wrong door by mistake. Or just try the key if they think it's their own room. This can be a bit startling. Especially if it wakes you up in the middle of the night.

Late one night, a few weeks ago, me and my gal were woken up by the sound of some enraged drunkard really POUNDING on my door and screaming something I couldn't make out. Might not have been in English. Or maybe he was just slurring, tongue thick with booze. I thought a second, "Who hates me? (no idea). Whom have I made jealous? (too many possibilities to consider). WHAT THE F***!?" So, I guessed he was probably just blind-drunk and wanted to kill someone else, not me. I yelled, trying to sound ten feet tall (God knows HE did), "You got the wrong room buddy!" And that did it. He went away.

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Other times I've heard a knock and opened the door to see a Thai woman standing there, looking embarrassed. "Oh, sorry! Wrong room!" Then sometimes, (not looking embarrassed), "…but, uh, can I come in anyway? You know, uh, heh, heh!…." Door-to-door whore. Very enterprising.

Thai hotel maids can be unbelievably stupid. They don't even knock half the time. Once, I happened to be standing right by the door, stark naked, when the maid suddenly entered with her master key. I think it embarrassed her more than me.

Where I'm staying now, there seems to be a towel shortage (at 400 Baht a day, you expect and put up with these things). Sometimes when the maid cleans the room and picks up the used towels, she doesn't yet have fresh ones to give you. Gotta wash the old ones first, I guess. So, she comes back a couple hours later with new towels. Well, yesterday afternoon, when I returned to my room, it had been cleaned and there were already fresh towels on the bed. I jumped in the shower. Then, I heard the maid walking down the hall handing out towels. But I had mine already. She'd forgotten that she'd given them to me. She knocked on my door. "Towels!" Still showering, I yelled, "YOU GAVE THEM TO ME ALREADY. I HAVE TOWELS ALREADY, THANKS!" She went away. I finished showering, dried off, got into bed and started reading a book. I heard another knock on the door. "Towels!" Good Lord! This woman has an abundance of towels and she's not going to leave me alone until I take some off her hands. So, I get up, wrap a towel around my bare waist and open the door. "Oh, you shower!," she giggles. Hands me two more towels. Now I have four towels. I'm thinking, gee, maybe I'll use these to clean the windows (the maid never does).

Stickman says:

Another fine example of how Thailand is seldom boring!

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