Stickman Readers' Submissions July 2nd, 2003

I Don’t Have A Brother. He’s My Boyfriend

I Don't Have A Boyfriend. He's My Brother!

Isn't it amazing how many Thai girls will tell you that the guy who takes her home every night after work is her brother? If I had a satang for every time I heard this bullshit, I'd be one of the richest blokes in Thailand. I can understand bar girls using this line, but even the regular non-bar Thai working girls, and Thai girls from the middle to upper class use this line. I see this crap constantly, even in the workplace. I work two jobs in Thailand. One of them is teaching English at a well-known school in the Isaan province. Occasionally the word "boyfriend" comes up in class, and when a Thai girl is asked the question, "Do you have a boyfriend?," they always lie and say they don't.

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Let's call this girl Rung. She is a lovely girl and very attractive. The other day she showed up at the school but did not come to class. Two days later when she did show up for class, I asked her why she didn't show up for class the other day. The reason she gave me was that her brother came up from Bangkok to see her. I told her that I had seen her sitting with her "brother" outside the class. I then asked her if sitting so close to a brother and holding hands was the Thai custom here in Thailand. She just smiled and gave me that confused look on her face. You know, the one that says "Damn you. You are causing me to use my brain!"

What is up with this shit? I had another student who on the first day of class, asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said no, and asked her if that is an appropriate question to ask a teacher on the first day of class. I then put the ball in her court and asked her if she had a boyfriend. You guessed it. The answer of course was no. Later that week I saw her at a local disco sitting and smooching with some ugly-ass, drunker than hell, Thai man. When I saw her in class the following week I told her that I had seen her at the disco with the Thai man. Her immediate response was, "He's my brother." She didn't bother to re-register at the school for the following term, but I did manage to run into her three months later sporting a very enlarged abdomen. A friend of hers told me she had been shagged and knocked up by her boyfriend…er, uh, I mean her brother.

Wanting to know more about this abnormal behaviour from Thai women, I decided to do a little research on why they lie about not having a boyfriend 99.9% of the time. Well, I discovered a few things. First of all, almost ALL Thai women are looking to marry up the food chain, even if they are already married or have a boyfriend. I like how Thais put it. They say "looking to upgrade my boyfriend." A lovely choice of words indeed. A few Thai people told me that couples who are not married are looked down on by Thai society, hence the lies and fear of losing face. I also suspect that they are possibly looking for some stupid farang to support them and their low-life boyfriend. I think this situation definitely applies with bar-girls. Non-bar girls have no excuse for this, yet they are just as bad as the bar girls. Whatever the reason, it seems to me that it basically comes down to this. Thai girls will always leave the door open for something better to come along. Sad, but it's true. One girl told me once that she didn't have a boyfriend. What she meant was that she didn't have a boyfriend here in this province. He was in Bangkok! The fact that he was in Bangkok meant that she was free here in another province. That's Thai logic for you. Try this next time a Thai girl asks if you have a girlfriend. Tell her no and that you have a sister and / or five Mia Nois (minor wives). Watch the look on their face.

Stickman says:

Next time you encounter this nonsense, teach the students the meaning of the word "incest" and ask them what is worse, incest or bonking someone who they are not married to.

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