Stickman Readers' Submissions July 2nd, 2003

Good Girls On The Net

(all names have been changed)

About me…. I'm a farmer from New Zealand, divorced, 2 kids at University and I'm fast approaching middle age,… who am I kidding,…. I'm already there at aged 40.

He Clinic Bangkok

I don't know how I first got the idea that Thailand would be a good place to find the woman of my dreams, perhaps I must have clicked on one of those Thai Bride site banners. I soon realized that those sites were just a complete rip off, some charging thousands of dollars for an introduction and some email translations. I thought there is got to be a better way to meet some good Girls. I looked at a number of Pen Pal sites and decided to try out Friendfinder.

I soon had my profile posted, I had written out a good introduction and had a halfway decent photo of myself on, for all to poke fun at. I sat back and waited for the letters to roll in from some of the 2000 Thai Girls that had their profile on friendfinder.

One week passed…… and not one letter. A second week passed…. What am I doing wrong!…. could it be that photo of me in my swandri and gumboots…. na na, just kidding…. It was a good photo of me in a suit. I decided to change my introduction from "farmer" to "Generous Businessman"

CBD bangkok

Whoa! That was the trick!, the letters began to arrive. Perhaps Thai women think that farmers from other countries are dirt poor like a lot of their fellow countrymen. If only they knew what a New Zealand farm is worth these days!

I received about 25 letters in the 6 weeks I was on friendfinder, the women were aged between 19 to 45, all had good careers, or owned businesses. I had a letter from a secretary of one of the executives of a Television Channel, also from the manager of a security business at the airport, a clothing store manager and a student who was a national volleyball rep to name a few. But as good and as interesting as these women were, none suited me.

I decided to look at some of the profiles and out of the many hundreds that I looked at there was one in particular that stood out from all the rest! Her name was Kay, she was 30 and worked in an office. I wrote Kay a very nice polite letter introducing myself. Kay wrote back the next day saying she was very impressed by one particular comment I had made, she said that many Thai girls would think the same.

And what was the comment…..sorry I'm keeping that one to myself for now.

wonderland clinic

It wasn't until after I had met Kay did I realize how important that comment was. You see, what you guys may not know is that these girls are getting hundreds of letters from men from all over the world and if it wasn't for that comment my letter would have been sent to the trash can to join the many others on Kay's computer. (more about this later)

Kay and I began exchanging emails in January 2003, we would write twice a week. You soon get to know a person quite well when writing, there were many things that impressed me about Kay, her sense of humour, generosity, intelligence, hard working and above all her honesty!!! Yes Kay was totally honest, straight down the line, no half truths or exaggerations, she proved this to me many times.

Kay was originally from Isaan province, she moved to Bangkok at the age of ten, and lived with her older sister. Kay was top in her class at school, after high school she had a number of jobs and she also put herself through University majoring in English and Humanities.

Kay is a very independent thinker and privately she would tell me some of her political views and some of her criticisms of some individuals. This criticism proved to me Kay's complete honesty because I can not even in this letter make a hint of what she said and who she was talking about. But it surprised me what certain people have got away with in Thailand.

On 1 June 2003 I arrived in Bangkok and the next day in the evening I had arranged to meet Kay and her Sister Jo in the lobby of my hotel.

There is something about first introductions…. you're heart beats fast, you're a little nervous, you're not quite sure what to expect. But when I saw Kay…… Woa! baby!!!!…… She was just so much more beautiful in person than in her photos. Kay was so shy….. we said hello and found a nice quite place in the foyer to sit down and talk. Kay apologized that her younger sister Jo could not come as she had a job interview to go to.

Well it wasn't long before we were chatting like two old friends that had known each other for years. I had brought Kay some gifts from New Zealand, and also I had a video of my farm that I wanted to show her so I asked her if she would come up to my room. Kay hesitated at first and asked "who else is going to be there?", I said , "It's ok, you know that I am a good man who can be trusted" I also explained how my room was a suite and it had a small living room and that is were I wanted to show her the video.

So yes Kay agreed and we went to my room. I gave Kay some books on New Zealand, she carefully looked at each page marvelling at the beautiful scenery…. I also gave her a greenstone heart shaped pendant and told her the great significance that New Zealand Maori have for greenstone. I showed Kay the video of my farm and what I did, she just loved seeing sheep and she would say "Sheeeeep so cute"….. if only I had known she liked sheep so much I would have bought one of those stuffed toy lambs with me….. imagine the comments walking through Don Muang with one of those toys tucked under your arm….. "Bloody Kiwi farmers, can't bear to be without their sheep, he has to take one on holiday with him!" ha! ha!

I made arrangements to go and visit Kay at her work at 4.00pm the following day. Kay wrote out directions in Thai, it took three attempts to get a taxi driver who new where her place of work was…. all I know is that it was north east of the city center and about an hours drive away in good traffic.

Kay's workmates made me feel very welcome, they were very friendly, we sat around a table drinking green tea and having great conversations. One by one her workmates left to go home and soon Kay and I were alone. We talked for hours and hours, Kay told me all about her life and her family.

It was 8.30 pm and we decided to go and visit Kay's best friend Moe who had her own small shop selling women's clothes. When I met Moe I thought to myself "where have I seen her before", sure enough Moe also had her profile on friendfinder. The girls took me to a great place to have a meal, they showed me how to eat correctly Thai style, the food was fantastic. The girls told me all about their Friendfinder experiences and about the men who write to them.

They found that a lot of guys just simply had a bad attitude, they were often rude, just wanted sex, they often bragged about how much money they had and what they owned etc….. But what the girls found most insulting were the offers of money and gifts, some even offering to buy them expensive items such as computers.

Quite often the girls would get the exact same letter from a guy with just the girls names changed, they thought this was a great joke.

On friendfinder you are able to keep a track of the people who are viewing your profile and it shows their names and photos and introduction. I thought I was doing well to have 40 look at my profile.

Kay told me that when she first had her profile on it was without a photo and she received only one letter but when she added her photo in just a few months she had over 2000 men read her profile and she had received many hundreds of letters.

hmm!…, what does this say about most guys that they will only write to a girl if they see a photo first and they won't often take the chance to write to a girl who just has a written introduction.

Moe told me a story of how she met a 55 year old German guy through Friendfinder. At their first meeting Moe took a friend with her, can you guess what happened, yes the German guy liked her friend better and started dating her…what a stink bugger!!

For the next 12 days I saw Kay every day. On her work days I would visit her in the late afternoon until she finished work at 6.00pm and then we would head off around the city doing all sorts of things from visiting the 24 hour flower market to picking up some great software and DVD's at "mates rates" at Pantip Plaza and of course dinning out at street vendors. Kay was quite choosy at where we would eat, sometimes she would check out 10 vendors before deciding which was the best, her judgement was good as I never once got sick even though at times I thought some of the places looked pretty dodgy.

Kay said to me that most Thais would think she was a prostitute walking the streets with a foreigner, I asked her how she felt about it, she said she didn't care as she knew that she was a good girl, but there were one or two women who would give her a little smile when they saw us together and they would be thinking we were married.

One evening we went to the Emporium, Kay had never been there before, she could not believe how expensive everything was. She asked "are we still in Thailand?" Yes I agreed it was a very different to the shopping places that Kay had taken me to. Kay was amazed to see how the rich Thai's lived and where they spent their money.

On the Saturday Kay and her younger Sister Jo took me to see the Grand Palace, actually we did Stick's Bangkok Tour and the girls also added a few more places. When I first met Jo I recognized her from a photo on friendfinder, yes she too was trying to find a husband. This was probably the best day, the girls were so much fun to be with, I was glad I had a camcorder to capture all their antics.

On the Sunday, Kay took me to Kanchanaburi, Kay had lived there a few years ago, Kay new Kanchanaburi well and she showed me all the usual tourists places. It was great to spend another whole day with her.

At the end of our evenings I would always see that Kay got a taxi home, often it would take me 5 minutes or more to convince her to let me pay the fare, it would sort of be like a play fight, sometimes she won and paid for herself, I felt guilty about this as I knew she really could only afford to travel around the city by bus.

On one occasion I got Kay a Taxi to go home, gave her the fare and said good night. Unbeknown to me, the Taxi driver, after a few minutes driving decided he didn't want to travel across town, so Kay had to get a bus. On the bus she got chatting to a girl who was down on her luck and had no money, she was trying to get back home up north to her family. Kay gave her the taxi money that I had given her and the girl thanked her very much and said that when she was next at a temple she would make an offering and say a prayer for her, but Kay said this is not my money, say the prayer for "Mr. James"

Kay told me this the next day and her little act of being so honest and generous spoke volumes to me about her character.

One afternoon at her work I showed Kay Stickman's website, we read through some of the readers submissions, she did not like some of the references to Isaan Girls, and she was right you know,… Kay and her friends were typical "Good" Isaan Girls, intelligent, honest, hardworking and trustworthy.

I said to Kay I want to read you something that I'm sure you will like. I read her Stick's column about his wedding. (16/3/2003) We had some laughs reading it and at the end I said "this is what I want, I want a wedding just like this. I told her that I knew all about the dowry (Bride Price) and what was expected of the man in a traditional Thai Marriage and for the right girl I would gladly pay a dowry to her parents. (read Stick's weekly for 23/3/2003)

I told Kay that I had fallen deeply in love with her and that I wanted to marry her and have a family. Kay became quite upset and had a sad look on her face…. hmmm!…… not quite the reaction I was expecting!!!

Kay told me she could not marry me because she only wanted to marry a man that had never before been married. She told me she had a plan for her life. She has given herself 2 years to find a husband and if this did not happen she was going to return to her hometown and join a Women's Monastery.

I asked her if she loved me and she said yes she did…. I asked her if I hadn't been married before would she marry me…. she said "I'd marry you tomorrow" !!!

Dam!!!, just my luck to fall for a girl with such strong principals and convictions.

If she was 18 I could understand her way of thinking, but at her age of 30 it would almost be impossible to find a western man aged between 35 to 40 who had never been married. In Kay's opinion if a man had been divorced she saw him as a failure. Yet to her way of thinking she could not see that a single guy who may have had many girlfriends and live in lovers could be an even bigger "failure".

Kay had never had a boyfriend or even been kissed by a guy, I am her first boyfriend of sorts. Kay's innocence is one of her great attractions but it also had it's negative side as she had no previous bench mark to judge how good our friendship and relationship was. In some ways it was like dating a Women with about the same or even less experience of a 16 year old western girl.

Over the following days we had many discussions on this never been married before stuff. Her friends, workmates and even her Sisters tried to persuade Kay that her thinking on this was all wrong and that the only thing that really matters is how much a couple love each other. The poor Girl was being bamboozled from all sides…. I didn't help much either with me continually talking about it as I was determined to change her mind…… and can you blame me!!!! I had fallen so deeply in love like never before and the thought of losing her was inconceivable.

The night before I was due to return home I invited Kay and Moe to my hotel to to have diner at the Thai Restaurant on the top floor, it was very "posh" and the girls had never been to a place like this before. There was also a floor show during dinner of Traditional Thai Dancing. The girls were so proud to see dancing from their Province. After dinner in my room we watched the videos that I had taken. The girls were just so funny. Kay was tired and went into the bedroom to rest. (sorry guys this is not going where you think it is)

That gave Moe and I an opportunity to talk….. she told me I had to try and convince Kay to change her mind about marrying me… so of I went and talked to Kay, I held her in my arms, told her again how I felt about her…. but still she could not say yes to marring me. I talked with Moe again and she said….. try again, try again….. No I said we have to respect her decision even though both of us know it makes no sense.

The next day Kay went to see me off at the airport, we spent 5 hours together, most of the time in the pub on the second floor between terminal one and two. If you ever want a relatively private place to say goodbye to your Teeruk this would be the best. Well we talked and talked, I told her some stories a few of them sad which didn't help the situation as Kay was very upset and crying, I held her for ages, we hadn't touched like this before. Soon it was time to head down to the departure area, I gave Kay a hug and she whispered in my ear "I love you"

I remembered reading a question to Mrs Stick,…..Why do Thai girls say I love you so infrequently….. the answer…yes that's true but when they do say "I love you" it's said with such great meaning.

So I knew then, that Kay was truly in love with me.

It was pretty hard to say goodbye to Kay, especially as it might be ages before I see her again.

Since returning home my phone bill has gone through the roof! I can't believe I can talk for 75 minutes straight and not notice the time.

Since I have been back home I have noticed a change in Kay, she is more flirtatious and silly and giggly…. hmm! Sounds like a woman in love!

I am planning on returning to Bangkok in a few months, it might be cheaper to buy an airline ticket rather than spend all that money on toll bills. I might just have a diamond tucked in my pocket.

Wish me luck!

Footnote…..Ok it's my turn to be matchmaker….. Moe and Jo are still looking for good husbands. Moe is 31 ,an accountant, she would like a guy aged between 35 to 45 Jo is 23, just finished University and would like a guy aged 25 to 35 Both Girls have qualities like Kay.

Drop me a line and I'll send you their email addresses. New Zealanders get a look in first!

Stickman says:

Interesting story. I wonder what will happen in the future? I wonder if she realised that you were entertaining thoughts of proposing to her? it seems that she may have genuinely been in the dark about that… Had she realised, perhaps things may have been different. Who knows?

nana plaza