A Cherry Boy
Just finished reading "Time: 3 seconds" by Dana and was laughing all the way through, 'cause you know it is so true. It reminded me of a story of one of my past travels to LOS about 10 years ago.
I had been to LOS about 3 times previously when my friend Billy and I were sitting in an Air force bar in Australia discussing travel. I was describing the Kingdom to him and suggested we do a trip together. Since there is a RAAF base in Malaysia where we had a mutual friend in Penang (lets call him Smithy) we decided to have a few days there to meet up with him and then we would all fly up to Phuket from there.
A couple of months later, and there we were in Penang. We had a great time together and being in our early 20's we were all hitting the alcohol pretty hard (I seem to remember quite a number of jugs of Margarita's). Being in Malaysia, we were right into the Roti Chanai and Char Kwoi Teow after our binges too. For 3 days though, Billy had been getting a real hard time by myself and Smithy for being a "Cherry Boy", which is a name we all used for someone who was a virgin as far as going to LOS. "Hey Cherry Boy get me a beer". "Where are you going Cherry Boy". He was really getting it big time and consequently he couldn't wait to get up there to remove his unfortunate tag.
After three days we caught the flight up to Phuket, took a "limousine" down to Patong Beach and checked into the Hash House Harriers stalwart, the Expat Hotel. It was still only 11 am when we arrived, so there was no removal of the Cherry Boy name for quite some hours (of course we could have, but that would have been no fun). We spent most of the day sitting in the Oasis Bar in Soi Patong Resort, which is a nice quiet bar away from the action, where we could sit and play pool and of course, lay more shit on Billy. "Hurry up and have your shot Cherry Boy".
Finally, night time arrived. So we all decided to head back to the hotel, shower up, change out of our "poor man" clothes (board shorts, t-shirt, thongs) and into our "rich man" clothes (jeans, new t-shirt, thongs). Now we were looking the part, just in the off chance we picked up for the night.
Billy still had no idea how to play the game and he was still in awe of the jungle he had just walked into. We worded him up and said we would drink in some bars and when we found someone we liked we would have a few drinks with them. We started with all of the usual bars, Kangaroo, Aussie, Gonzo and then we ended up down in Soi Sea Dragon. By this time we were all getting pretty drunk, but still doing ok, but the shit was still flying around the Cherry Boy, Billy. By this stage of the night he had just about enough and he didn't care what he had to do, he was going home with a BG. We walked past a bar and they had a few cute chicks in there, so we all sat down. Each of us had a BG and we were all having a great time together. It came to about 2am and we all had enough to drink and Billy asked how did we go about talking the girls home with us. "Easy", I said. I asked for the Check Bin and then asked the boss if we could barfine the girls with us. Sure, no problem.
All the girls could go with us, except for Billy's. What ?? We were all stunned and after we had a quick dig at Billy for not being able to even pick up a chick in LOS, we enquired as to why. "Lady only 13." What the f*ck !! I swear we didn't know. We were young ourselves and of course all the piss we had been drinking couldn't have helped either, but we couldn't believe she was so young. Being in these bars, you always assume that everyone is older than 18 as well.
Right then. There was no way that she was coming with us. Billy was in a state of shock. Not because of the major mistake that just happened, but because he was now back to square one and he was under the impression that he would have to go through another 4 hours of "tuning" another BG, before he could take her home, something that he just wasn't in any condition to do. Hence he was left the dilemma of having to endure another day with us, still branded a "Cherry Boy". The look on his face was priceless, but I couldn't let him stay like that. "Come with me Cherry Boy", and with that I took him to the bar next to us, which was loaded with about 15 girls. Out running they all came, almost doing a line up for us. "Anyone here you like ?? What about that one ??", I asked. "Yeah, she looks nice", said Billy. "Well, give me 200 Bt" (man I miss the old prices). Billy gave me 200 Bt, I gave it to her, and 1 minute later she was back hanging onto his arm with her handbag. "You mean that is all you have to do ??". "Yep". "Why didn't you tell me that before ??" Now, where would the fun be in that, hehe. He was surprised and happy at the same time.
We all went back to the hotel and enjoyed ourselves. Billy was no longer a cherrie boy and the next night he was out like a seasoned professional. Yes folks, another sex tourist was born that night.
While it wasn't quite 3 seconds, it was pretty damn quick. Goes to show it doesn't really take any real talent or charm to find your teeruk in LOS.
"The Cherry Boy is dead".