Stickman Readers' Submissions May 1st, 2003

Held By A Thai Girl

By Odd Norwegian

This is the story of how I was held by a Thai girl. First I want to say that I’m not a newbie in Thailand. I know the story of the bar girls, and I know their ability of lying and faking love. Two years ago I even got to know a girl that used to be a trainer for those girls, teaching them how to talk, how to act to fool a farang. She herself had four boyfriends sending her money every month. I was aware of all this, and I thought I was able to spot any tricks pulled by any bar girl. Since I’m the kind of man that sometimes just takes girls for company, I’m often a target for those attempts. I’m just the kind of man they would try to trick, open-hearted and honest-speaking. Someone they think will fall in love with them, the ones that want to play Messiahs.

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If I already now would give an advice to others in dealing with bargirls, I would say like this: Take her back to your hotel or apartment, have sex with her, pay her money, and get rid of her. As soon as she thinks you’re after something else than sex, she’ll start setting out bait for you. You’re exactly the one she has been waiting for. The soft-hearted fool that wants sex with someone he loves.

My two months holidays had lasted for three weeks already, and I was sick of meaningless sex and meaningless conversations. Three weeks of drinking somehow can get to your nerves. The night before, I had decided I would never take a girl for sex again. Come on guys, they don’t really like it!

I was in my regular bar, and once again I was speaking to this girl I had been playing pool with a couple of nights before. I never flirted with her, and she never flirted with me. I never saw her flirting or talking with any man. She had this very warm and relaxed looking face. Very sincere, and very calm speaking. No jumping around when hitting a difficult stroke in the pool game, no hysterical laughter, no pretentious behaviour at all. I didn’t talk much to her, cause as I said, I’d had it with the girls already.

That night I felt very lonely, though, and I had some pot in my hotel room that I wanted to share with someone. There was something very trustworthy about this girl, so I made a little hint to her to see if she liked smoking. She replied “sometimes”, and I asked her if she would like to keep me company in my room. I told her I didn’t want any sex, and I wouldn’t pay her anything. But since she was alone, and I was alone, maybe we could just kill some time together. It was a true proposal. She said she had to go home tonight taking care of her baby, and I immediately accepted it. I asked her to take good care of her child, and that I maybe would see her the day after.

So I did, the same bar. It was late night again, and still I didn’t see her with anyone else. But she didn’t seem to try anything with me, no flirting, not much smiling, not much talking, just playing pool.

The place closed down, and I again offered to keep her company. She agreed and asked if her friend could come as well since she was taking care of her, and she didn’t have any place to go. I agreed to this, and we went back to my hotel. We smoked pot, played cards and small-talked. No flirting. This night, and the night after, all three of us slept in my bed, but in safe distance from each other. But I realized if I wanted company from this girl, I could not take her out of work without paying her anything. So I gave her 1000 baht, just as a replacement for the money she could have had by going with someone else.

She was unlike all the girls I’d met before. She seemed so intelligent, good-hearted. She had so many reflective thoughts about life, about living, about being good to surroundings, about Buddhism. And she didn’t talk rapidly like a flood, like other girls when they try to convince you of something. She was a true mother figure for her friend, that was much younger and far less oriented in life.

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A couple of days later, I finally managed to have her for myself. Still we didn’t have sex, and she didn’t try to have sex with me. I’d already told her that I didn’t enjoy meaningless sex anymore, and that I wouldn’t consider having sex with a prostitute again.

Over the next few days we became very close. She said she enjoyed my company, and she liked smoking with me. She appreciated that I didn’t talk about “love” and big feelings with her, like other men attempted to. The word “love” was one big fake in this world. This she told me.

So far I hadn’t given her almost any money at all. I explained to her that I didn’t have much myself, and that I would understand if she had to go with someone else to earn for living. She said being with me was a break from it all, and that the people she was taking care of didn’t need much to survive. Those people were her sister, living with her two kids after divorcing her husband, her own kid, and her friend that stayed with us the first days. Anyway, she agreed on bringing them 500 baht from my pocket for daily support.

This night was the first (and last time) I saw her crying. She told me about her sister who was unable to take care of herself, about all the pressure put on her shoulders to support everyone. There was such pain in her eyes. I cried with her. And we hugged for the first time. We held each other so tight, so intensely. I was sold. This night we almost had sex, but I could not go all the way. I explained to her that I could not have sex with her as long as she still considered herself to be a prostitute. She accepted this.

The next two days we did nothing but hugging each other. I've never in my life felt so intensely close to anyone. If not already, I started to love her. Loved her from all of my heart. I asked her why she didn’t ask anything about me. Didn’t she even want to know my job? She said that we could talk about everything, but not about work. She didn’t have a job that she liked talking about. I took this as a sign that she wasn’t there for my money. She didn’t care if I was rich or not.

Then we went to Ko Samet, and we stayed there for almost two weeks. It was a dream. I’d been there with another girl before (not a bargirl), and even though I liked her, it had started being very boring after only a couple of days. No real communication.

But this was totally different. We were so in love, you wouldn’t believe it. And why would she love me? I’m not an old man. I'm 34, she is 32. I have a good body, girls used to tell me that I'm very handsome (especially Thai girls seem to like my look). We were dancing on the beach at night time, I borrowed a guitar and I was singing songs for her. I made one special for her, (that I’m quite proud of). I make money at home composing. We were watching the stars in the night, and she told me Thai stories about them. We played games in the sand, Thai games. I made small stories, and played theatre for her in the bungalow. We both laughed till we cried. I didn’t want her to do all stuff for me all the time. I gave her my best massage. I taught her about the universe, and I taught her not to be afraid of the water, or anything at all. And I learned from her. Learned about her ideas about love, her ideas about living in the moment. She had things to teach me.

Nothing in the world existed around us, nothing mattered. Everywhere we went people smiled at us (even older farang women, that not always look so friendly at you dragging around a Thai girl). But we was such a nice couple. She was my queen.

All this sounds maybe too good to be true, but this is the way it was. You would believe it if you had seen us.

I had long realized already that I could never send her into prostitution again, and we started discussing the future. She didn’t demand much, and she agreed to look for a job, in case everything went bad. She said she had found herself with me, and that she had decided never going back to prostitution again, whatever happened between us.

I told her that the feelings I had for her scared me. We discussed the difficulties being from different cultures. I explained to her the problems she could meet living in my country. She told me she never was afraid of love. Love doesn’t hurt, she said, only lack of it. Later she told me, this time, this time she started being afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. I would never hurt her.

I have had some relationships in my life, but never did I go 100% with anyone. There was always a little feeling in my stomach, a feeling that something was missing, that it wouldn’t last. This time I was sure. 100 % sure. This was the girl I was gonna marry. Finally I’d found her. And I didn’t care about her past. Past is past, now is now. The sex she had before didn’t matter all all. That belongs to the physical world, we had something more, much more, I thought. If I play game with you, she said, I would loose for sure…, yes for sure.

We stayed together almost one and a half months all together. We went back to Bangkok, and back to Ko Samet again. Every day was wonderful. We were so kind to each other. When I went back to Farangland, there was no doubt in my heart. I started working like hell to be able to support her and her family. She said they could all live well for 12,000 baht a month, but I wanted her to have more, so I sent 18,000 every month. She never asked for more. When we stayed together, she never asked for anything. Not a penny. Moreover she was concerned about me spending too much.

When I left, it was late January 2003. I started saving to go back for Easter. 16 days I would stay this time. She was going to visit me during the summer, and I was going to spend another two months in the winter. Then we would see what happened. This was the plan.

I arrived at the the airport on April 12th. We had agreed on not meeting at the airport, but that she was coming to my hotel at night. I called her when I got there.

What she said when I called was such a disappointment. She couldn't meet me. Her father had arrived in the morning and he was very drunk. Her mother was there as well, and they kept fighting all the time. She had to stay to look after them, and she couldn't meet me for 3 days. I was crushed, but I tried to understand. The King first, then the parents, the kids, then me. This I had accepted already.

I went out to the bar where I first met her, and I was more than surprised to see all my old friends there. Some living in Bangkok, some just arrived. Everybody told me she hadn’t been there since I left. I had been calling her every third day from back home, most often early in the morning, Thailand time. She was always awake, always with the kids. I could hear them in the background. I spoke to her 2 year old on the phone. She said that when I called, he used to ask “Papa?”. His own father was gone a long time ago, a German that just left her in vain without caring a bit.

I was relieved to hear everybody telling me she hadn’t been there. Her Thai friends telling me how much she had been waiting for me, how much she loved me. And when I finally met her, everything was like before. I had her back, the girl I left two months earlier was still there. For a few days.

But something had changed. Something difficult to put the finger on, just very small things. My suspicions were awakening. The knot in my stomach was growing each day, and for the first time I really started to subconsciously question her and her intentions with me. A relationship is a dynamic thing, a mental thing. There are certain things that you can not fake. I started to ask around about her, not directly, but indirectly. I got hints, hints from people living in Bangkok. No-one told me anything, but I knew someone knew something I didn’t know.

I won’t bother to tell how I found out about everything; or not everything, some things I can only guess.

For the first part, she is married. I don’t know if her “sister’s” two kids are her own or not, but that’s my guess. The father of her youngest son, is not German, but Thai. Kids of her husband. First time I saw her kid's pic, I remember I sussed out that he didn’t look mixed at all.

Whatsoever, her game was revealed. I woke up one morning in Ko Samet, and it was like the light hit me with the truth. All the bricks were suddenly fitting into one ugly picture.

I didn’t make a scene. I just blamed myself for being stupid. I could read from her reactions that I was right. She was very surprised of the turn, and she denied everything, but she didn’t have the right answers. She waited in the bungalow for a couple of hours, waiting for me to crack into tears, but I did not. Even thought at this point I was not 100% sure in my case, I knew it was all over. I knew I could not be with her if I didn’t trust her. I cannot have that kind of relationship. 100% or nothing.

She went back to Bangkok, no scene, no tears from her. I think she still hoped I would come after her.

And I did.

I couldn't stand staying on the island without her, alone in our paradise. So I took a later boat and went back to Bangkok as well. Here I found my answers, and I was no longer in doubt of anything. And the signs had been there from the beginning, I just hadn’t seen them before, her game had been so incredibly well set up. So unbelievably good that I still think she at some moments must have liked me for real. But her intentions had been clear from the beginning. Her net was already made, I was the offer she had been waiting for.

When I met her in the bar later that night, I had already talked to the right people. Everything was clear. First when I came in, she just overlooked me, but afterwards, when she noticed I was absolutely calm, playing pool as always, smiling as nothing had happened. And I really felt calm that evening. It’s good to know the truth.

Then she started contacting me. “Choke dee, ka”, “good luck for you”. She flirted with other men, trying to make me jealous, but absolutely in vain. Then she started to realize the game was close to an end for real, and I was just waiting for the theatre to begin. The theatre for defending her face towards the rest of the clientele. Everybody knows everybody in there.

It started with her throwing hot coffee on me and my friend that I was talking to. She suspected him to be my informant. I didn’t even move a finger. Just shaking my head at her. Then she started a hard discussion with my friend, he was upset of course, getting hot coffee all over himself. She was still claming to be innocent of all suspicion. I didn’t even want to look at it. I went outside, waiting for her to calm down. I couldn't help crying, and I didn’t want anyone to see. But I was soon mad over the situation again, and I went back in. Things were calmed down a bit, my friend had moved to another part of the bar, and she was sitting there, quiet, but still furious.

We didn’t talk at each other for a while, but a little later she was again trying to save the situation for herself, again she tried to convince me I was all wrong about her.

But she looked into my face, she saw my eyes, she listened to my voice, she finally realized that the game was over. I never thought I would have her admitting anything, and she didn’t either, but what she now said is as close to admission as you will ever get from a girl of her kind. Her kindness was gone, the whole girl I thought I knew, was gone. I saw into eyes I never looked into before. I think I've never been closer to something that I would describe as pure evil. If you only met her good side, you would never believe it.

She was close to my ear when she with a very calm voice, dripping from ice, said:
“You must never come here again”. I was not afraid, I felt as cold as her. I answered: “Why not?”
She then said: “Do you know what I can do to you?”
“Yes, I have pretty much the idea..”

“I can kill you”.

I let my arms out to the sides, and said:

“Just go ahead, kill me all you want. I don’t fucking care. You killed me already”.

There was a big pain in my chest, not from the horror she was giving me. But from seeing the love of my life finally disappearing. My hopes for the future, the one big thing that had given meaning to my life over the last half year. There was a tear on my chin, but I felt absolutely cold, absolutely calm, absolutely ignorant of the threats she was serving me. Cause at that point, I really didn’t care a bit if she killed me or not. I even offered to get a knife for her. I leant over the bar desk and asked the girl behind if she had a knife for me. Of course she didn’t give me one, but my ”girlfriend” heard me doing this as she was sitting there just next to me. She then said:

“Nah, I wouldn’t kill you now anyway, I hate people asking “please, please”.

There was my karma girl. Ha ha.

I told her this. I asked for my karma girl. She replied with sticking her cigarette in my arm. It burned.

If I was calm before, I lost it now. I groped her throat and threw her to the floor. I snared at her, my mouth were foaming centimetres from her face. But then I saw she was afraid, at least I think I saw it, cause I suddenly let her go. My anger was gone.

I was about to leave, when she smashed a bottle on my head from behind. I turned around, and was just avoiding her from cutting me in the face with the rest of the bottle. Her little friend who I had taken care of for days, hit my the back of my head with a pool stick. I turned around, grabbed the stick from her and pushed her to the floor. Another bottle in my head. She hit my ear, that is now all blue. I pushed her to the floor as well. The thing about not hitting a woman sticks so deep in me, that even now, being attacked with bottles, I didn’t use my fists. I just pushed them away. I didn’t put my hard hand on either of them. And I’m glad I did not. That might have turned the situation more ugly than it already was.

Finally someone came and held their arms around the girls and led them outside. My ex-girlfriend shouted for the police, and I think they came. An Englishman spoke to me very gently, and said for my own safety I should leave the place. I went out the back door, and took a taxi all the way to the steps of my hotel, even though it was only two minutes to walk. I waited in my room for one hour before I went out again. The man in the reception asked me what happened. I was bleeding from my chin. He’s a good friend to have, cause I know he’s a high ranking policeman.

I went out to have a few drinks outside in Sukumvit. Just next to my hotel. In the end I got drunk enough, and of course, a girl wanted to take me. She wanted to know my name, and I replied “falang”. She was half old, half ugly. She wanted to know the reason for the pain in my eyes, and why I wouldn’t tell her my name, and I told her the reason. She said she could talk to me if I wanted, and I made it absolutely clear for her that she could come with me if she wanted, but I was not giving her a penny, and not under any circumstances was I going to have sex with her, and if she wanted to be my girlfriend, she could just forget about it. She still wanted to come. “I can be your friend”.

My soul was laughing, and again I made the rules absoslutely clear for her. Absolutely no games at all.

What happened? Yes, of course, after another beer from my cooler, she started grabbing my balls.

“Oh, you want to have sex with me? What a surprise, maybe you like sex just for the fun of it?”

I was dripping with irony.

“Yeah, yeah, oh my God, it’s so good… Oh yeah, you make me come darling. Oh my GOD”.

She had to smile, half in shame.

“Or maybe this is what you want?”

I grabbed in my pockets, and held 5000 baht under her nose.

“This is what you want? I’ll show you what I’ll do with this.”

I went to the bathroom, dropped the money in the toilet and flushed. This was my revenge.

Poor girl. She still stayed all the night, and in the morning I was softened enough to give her to a taxi home. All this wasn’t her fault, after all. But of course, later on, she was there again. Playing her little game. Trying to get me to have sex with her, trying to get the rest of my money. I threw her out.

So, this is how it ended. The love of my life. I write this story, not as much for other guys to be warned by it, but more for myself. For my own recovery. Have to get it out of my system. Cause now I’m only depressed. So very depressed.

And I know it doesn’t help to warn anyone. Maybe newbies in Thailand can learn something from it. But for the others, it doesn’t help. You have to learn it the hard way. I got all the warnings, still I jumped into it with with both feet, with all my heart. And if you have a little bit of heart in you, and you meet that “special” one, that one “exception” – just wait, you’re gonna get screwed. And I feel sorry for you all.

Part 2 (for bar girls only): How to screw a falang.

1. Don’t be pushy. We don’t like that, and we would never trust you.
2. Don’t ask for money. The first sign we’ll look for, is if you try to get your hands into our pockets. Later on, if you succeed in hooking one up, never ask for more than you think he can afford.
3. Wait to tell him that you love him. Wait till the point when you’re sure he’ll believe you.
4. If you don’t know how to cry, don’t do it. The most stupid thing is a girl that obviously fakes crying. If you want to learn how to cry, try to think about something real sad. Like yourself.
5. When you have sex with the guy, don’t overplay. So many girls don’t know how to fake that they enjoy sex. If you learned how from an American porn movie, just forget about it. Better not at all. Be a bit selfish in bed, or act like you're being selfish. For example, when your riding the guy, don’t just jump up and down on his dick. Girls don’t come that way. Better rub your clit against his stomach. Maybe then he’ll believe you’re doing this for your own pleasure.
6. Tell him things about yourself, small stories, that underline that you’re being good. That you have been doing good towards others. Tell him you’re doing it all thinking on your karma.
7. Don’t be pushy about sex. He would never believe that you like sex THAT much, after being a prostitute for years.
8. Tell almost everything truth, and when you’re telling a lie, don’t forget what you said. Remember everything has to fit. If you are planning well, make plans for the lies that your think you’ll have to tell later. If you have a husband, tell him you have a brother living with you, even though he at this point still don’t know some man is living with you at all.
9. Be thankful to him, and give him reasons why you love him. “I just love you” won’t be enough for everyone.
10. Play interested in his country. Try to ask questions about living there like you’re really gonna live there some day. Example: “How would it be for my kid to be in a Norwegian kindergarten? You think he’ll make friends?”

Final: If you’re a clever girl, find a stupid guy. If your a stupid girl, don’t play the game at all.

Stickman says:

Sounds like she really fucked you up big time. Still, imagine if you had got the wench back to Norway – then it would have really got bad!

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