Stickman Readers' Submissions May 22nd, 2003

Do Bargirls Prefer Young Guys?

Do Bargirls prefer young guys? Do Bargirls prefer farang? Do Bargirls prefer handsome guys?

They are bargirls. Bargirls equal prostitutes. They are in the trade for the money.

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However, with the money being equal, it would make sense that they would prefer a guy who is PHYSICALLY handsome, with all other things being equal (i.e. personality, "heart", etc.). You should be aware that "good heart" (jai dee) is often, for bargirls, just another code word for some guy who is willing to generously throw money at them. Depending on if the guy knows he's being played, we often call such persons suckers in the West. But that depends on if they realize the girl is just giving them a compliment to get more baht out of them, I suppose.

As other aspects of jai dee, does anyone really think the girl would consider him good hearted if he was funny but with no money? How about if he was nice and caring, but had no money? Is he still going to be considered good hearted? Probably not, at least not if we are dealing with a bargirl!

Take them out of their profession though, and I think you will find they are often young teenage or twenty something females with an Asian twist. They prefer those guys with common interests (music, dancing, fun, drinking, sometimes drugs, etc.) and who are similar. This would include age, because those closer in age have similar interests. Despite the myth of Asian women actually preferring older men, I believe Asian women are like most women in that they prefer those closer to them in age. The reason Asian women seem to prefer older men is the same reason so many think they prefer farang. In reality, they simply realize "all things are not always equal", and thus are much more willing to sacrifice physical looks (in a man) in return for money. Foreigners have more money, in general. So do older men. Consider these women come from poor backgrounds and are willing to go so far as to sell their bodies, and even substitute real relationships for a series of short two hour to one night sexual encounters for that money.

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So yes, I do believe looks matter, where "all other things are equal". And I mean this in the context of a hooker and her customer.

Now if you were talking about her "real life", outside of her career, than I do believe she would prefer an attractive guy whom she has something in common with. And the guy most in common with her is usually a young Thai man.

You should also keep in mind that the bulk of confirmed sociology studies on human behaviour suggest that men and women prefer those more similar to them, when it comes to interests, culture, age, and ethnic grouping. People like those who are slightly different and thereby exotic, but when it comes to life partners, they seem to prefer those who are in the same race, age group, and culture.

Of course, maybe she would like all the good things that are attractive in a real boyfriend AND to have that boyfriend have money. If all other things (i.e. his physical attractiveness) are equal, then why not? After all, we are dealing with a girl that was and often still is selling her body for money! In such a situation she might give up the similarity of a Thai guy for a farang guy, even if he is a bit older.

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You have the older farang, who meet a BG in a gogo bar, who sometimes take this last suggestion to the extreme. They will say with enough money, the older guy actually wins out to the younger guy (Thai or farang), in a REAL relationship, because he is both good hearted and able to provide her security in life. When you find out what this really means, it inevitably comes back to financial support and money. So it all circles back to money in a relationship involving a BG that just became an ex-BG due to his taking her out of a bar, paying her an allowance, and an understanding that if she gets that money she won't go back to being a BG. And he is still some older guy, who is very often less physically attractive than younger men she could have a real relationship with, but who is usually much more wealthy. This just seems like a way to nicely complicate and explain away the fact this extreme case is still what it was when they first met. Most of the time, it was and still is a prostitute and her client. I am not saying if it's wrong or not, but it needs to be seen for what it is.

A few last thoughts.

First, if the relationship starts as a client and prostitute, it will be hard to move out of that mode. For one thing, it will be hard for the guy to know if she is still just playing on his desired fantasies or speaking the truth when she professes her claims of love. Thinking with your penis is a common symptom of the male gender. Furthermore, it will be hard for the BG (or alleged recent ex-BG) to NOT see him as a revenue source (i.e. a paying client).

Second, those familiar with the BG scene in Thailand will attest to the fact the girls will say what you want to hear. They often claim to like whatever nationality, age group, or ethnic group you happen to belong to. Are you a Martian who is 120 years old? If so, she might say, “I lub Martian old, they good hearted and lovely!”. Just dismiss it, by saying or thinking “whatever!”

Third, the line between what is professional (BG and client) and what is a "real relationship" is not often a clear line for these girls. It is for some, and for others it gets all convoluted.

However, keep in mind there is a clear difference between her being confused and you being confused about reality. A psychotic can confuse dreams of grandeur with the reality that he is in a sanitarium, but the reality is that he's in a sanitarium. In the same way, bargirls often call their clients "boyfriends", but if she's going from one boyfriend to another nightly and is mostly motivated to have sex for money, she is a bargirl and prostitute. That's what is real. Some either can't or chose not to see this. Among those choosing to live in fantasy world are love struck or egotistical customers, and bargirls who prefer to not face up completely to the hard reality that they are prostitutes.

Can it work out between a BG and a client? Can such a relationship convert to a real relationship? Yes, but rarely. Many even think they are the exception, only to find out they are not a few years later. And the age disparity does make a difference?

Stickman says:

Money, looks, similar interests, similar age. Who knows what women want? I'm convinced that by the time I understand the answer to that question it will be too late.

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