Stickman Readers' Submissions May 13th, 2003

Dana’s Thailand

By Dana in America

One reader sent several interesting emails so I have compiled them here together as a collection of thoughts. Each was just a little short to be a single reader's submissions but they make an interesting collection nonetheless.

He Clinic Bangkok


How the BG cellphone has changed the BG-Farang relationship

It used to be that when you and your bar-girl were together, it was just you and her; hopefully discovering things you have in common, enjoying each others company, perhaps starting down a road of adult intimacy and reward. Today when you are with your bar-girl, you are also with whoever decides to call her; her husband, Thai boyfriend, Farang boyfriend, children, girlfriends, and family. The courteous thing for her to do when these calls come in would be to say, "I'm busy right now, I'll call you when I can." But no Thai has ever said this. EVER! So you, the person who is paying for all of this; sit there, or lie there, or stand there next to her while she talks and talks and talks and screams and laughs and giggles and talks some more on her cell phone. All in Thai. Eventually, it will occur to you that you could get this rude feminine bonding discourteous bullshit in your own country and save the airfare. Below is an example of something that happened to me:

CBD bangkok

I once picked up a knock-out in the lobby of the Nana Hotel. Between midnight when we got to my room and 7 AM the next morning, her cell phone rang SIX times! And she answered it six times, regardless of what we were doing (I'll leave that to your imagination). Apparently, anybody who was calling her for any reason at all, even a wrong number, was more important than me. The third time it rang, around 1:30 AM, she got up and got dressed and left. She was gone an HOUR! When she returned she explained that her girlfriend had had too much to drink and needed help. I should have paid her off then and there but I did not. I didn't because she was blistering hot looking and because I am an optimistic fool.

The next day we met in the lobby to go visit a temple. I asked her as a courtesy to both of us if she could please turn off her cell phone. She turned and looked at me as if I was CRAZY!!!

As has been amply recorded on this web site the Thai bar-girl / farang relationship is bumpy enough. This latest new bump in the road is just about the last straw for me. In October I will be returning to visit a woman named Wan in Pattaya. It will be our 3rd time together. She is 36, a little overweight, a little slow, and no exotic beauty. But she does NOT HAVE A CELL PHONE!


wonderland clinic

If you read all the Thai-net sites, reader submission sites, and anecdotal info sites like an actuary seeking data from which to draw conclusions; it would be easy to draw up a list of what to DO and a list of what to NOT DO regarding Farang-Thai relations. Essentially, all the information is known and it is all publicly available. So if that is true; then why do we smart, educated, worldly, logical, clever Farangs keep making the same old mistakes with women who are not worth our time!?

I'll tell you why. It's because our libido and our male needs which are the result of 10,000 years of evolution, plus our conscious will; can always be trumped by the sexuality of an Essan-Stunner. It's an uneven contest. We can never win. We aren't supposed to win. It's evolution. For evolution to rumble on they must always win. And they always do. We are being raped by THEM. It's nature. So relax. Enjoy it. Of course they are trash. Of course they are not our equals. Of course they are liars, cheats, weasels, and thieves. But what's the alternative? Are you honestly going to tell me that if I put you in front of the G-Spot bar, or the Rainbow bar, or the Bottoms-Up bar, or the Temptations bar; that you won't go in. Of course you'll go in. You can't help yourself. And once inside, you'll be happy. And you won't want to be anywhere else. So relax. Stop analysing. IT'S NATURE!!

Kangaroo Pouches

One of the hazards of picking up girls cruising the streets (Sukhumvit Rd., Nana parking lot, Pattaya boardwalk, etc.) is that you can't see what you are really going to be presented with once you get them in your room. Women who look fabulous in clothes can be downright frightening naked. I've actually had battles and wrestling matches with half naked females trying to re-dress them and get them out of my room. While they are tearing off their clothes hoping that once naked my libido will kick in; I'm bent over double trying to put their feet through the holes in their underpants and dress them.

If I just want to pound meat, I'm not too particular. That's what the light switch is for (God bless Edison). If I'm there and if she's there and if she wants to earn the money; then that's usually enough. EXCEPT when they have a Kangaroo Pouch! If you are a man and you don't know what a kangaroo pouch is then you are a lucky man. Quit now while you are ahead. Swear off any further sex and become a hermit. Because the first time I saw one I nearly fainted. Then the battle started to dress her and to eject her. I'm a small man and many times these women were bigger, taller, and heavier than me. These were hotel room BATTLES!

A kangaroo pouch is what some women have left after giving birth. Some women give birth and then they get their figures back. Sure they have stretch marks but you could still bounce a coin off their flat, tight stomach. Other unfortunate women, however; are left with a huge, ugly scarred mass of disfigured flesh that tumbles out of their shirts and over the top of their pants like a kangaroo pouch. A more unsexy disfigurement of the female anatomy is not possible to imagine. Combine this with stretch marks, unhappy looking breasts, and a vagina big enough to put your foot in; and you are not a happy sex tourist. You are a frightened sex tourist. You have made a mistake. You have picked up a woman with a Kangaroo Pouch.


I submit that most of what happens between a man and a woman falls into the category of mystery. In other words, nobody really knows what is really going on. The Farang is educated and wary and thinks he knows the game. The woman is calculating and has a plan. But the result is usually a surprise to both of them! Let me give you a personal example:

In October I'll be returning to Pattaya and I'll be visiting with a woman named Lek for the third time. The first time I met her she was such an incompetent bar girl, that I left the bar without barfining her. She is not young (36), not sexy, not good at make-up, not flirtatious or fun, not a good dancer, and she is overweight. You guessed it; the next night I went back for her. And I found out that she was a lousy prostitute. You couldn't get her legs off the bed with a crane. But I liked her. I don't know why. It's a MYSTERY.

I assumed that she was quiet and reserved and non pro-active because she was 'DEEP'. Maybe there was character there. Maybe she was the ONE! The second time I went back to Pattaya to visit her; I found out that she is not 'DEEP' – she is just a stupid, aimless drifter with barely any brain activity. But I like her. It's a MYSTERY.

The subject is Exhibitionism!

If you are a first time visitor to Thailand and it is your first time at the Nana Plaza, and your first time in say the Rainbow bar; you might think that all the girls are exhibitionists. It sure as hell doesn't look like Scotland, or Nepal, or Estonia, or Tasmania. The girls are certainly all exhibiting themselves. But the difference between exhibiting and exhibitionism is everything. They are exhibiting themselves because it is a condition of their employment. If they don't do it, they don't eat. But if you can step back mentally in the bar and cast a more objective eye on them you'll see:

1. They can't dance and they don't care.
2. They almost never make eye contact with you and they don't care.
3. Many of them are losing their figures and they don't care.
4. If the men are not looking at them, they don't care.
5. They have no real interest in the world of sex, and they don't care.

The common thread here is that THEY DON'T CARE! These low-spark provincial farm girls don't know what they are doing and they don't care. That's why you can get them for so little money. They are not worth much. They are prostitutes but they don't want to do anal sex. They are prostitutes but they don't want you to kiss them on the lips. They are prostitutes but they only know one position. They are prostitutes but they don't want to put it in their mouth. Please! Stop the Music! Get a Grip! Grab the reins. This is bullshit. I go into the bars to feast my male eyes on the most beautiful women on this planet. But more and more for sex I pick up a slag off the street because it is a lot cheaper and I don't hear the word NO so many times. I'm paying for SEX! If these bar girls had to be prostitutes in a competitive, market based business environment; they' d all have been fired for incompetence and for indifference. The only reason they have these jobs and they get any money is because of the weird genetic anomaly known as the Asian female. Only in Asia can you hear yourself say, "No ass, no tits – unbelievably sexy!"

BUT, to the exhibitionist; caring is everything. They care (wish) to be seen, noticed, looked at, and appraised. It is their reason for being. Nothing else gives them more pleasure.

I can remember three noteworthy exhibitionists in my non-transvestite bar visits.

1. In Pattaya I once sat next to a couple. He was a Farang and she was a naked Thai BG exhibitionist who was sitting on his lap. Her feline movements, sexually provocative behaviour, arched back, and trembling shoulders were riveting. She would not have received more pleasure by being taken back to his hotel room because it would not have been as public. She was receiving her maximum pleasure right then and there. She was an exhibitionist.

2. Another time I was in the Rainbow 1 Bar I believe, and I saw a show that I would have paid $100 to see again. In the back, between the stage and the wall was a floor to ceiling post with a mirror on it. Posing in front of this mirror, surrounded by people, was a naked Thai bar girl. She was one of the most statuesque, fabulously feminine, sexually arresting, and gloriously beautiful women I have ever seen. And what was she doing? She was arranging her hair. She would arrange her hair and then decide that it wasn't quite right and then take it down. Then she would put it up again in a new and different way and play with it and then take it down. And on and on and on and on and on and on. You would have thought that men would have been hitting on her. But they weren't. We were all too stunned. None of us could move, or even talk. I think we also realized that that isn't what she wanted. What she wanted; was to be an exhibitionist.

3. And lastly, I was once in a Patpong bar fairly early (about 6). There were more girls than customers and more girls were coming to work. The girls would come in the front door and then go to the dressing room so that they could take off their street clothes and put on their costumes. In the back there were about 6 girls sitting and chatting and I was sitting there also. A woman came in for her shift, only instead of going to the dressing room to change; she walked to the back corner of the bar, stood knee to knee with me, and stripped NAKED! That's an exhibitionist.

You might visit 200 bars before you see an exhibitionist. When you do see her, don't ruin it. Don't speak to her. It isn't pick-up time. Just watch her. That's what she wants.


Because I have much of my wardrobe custom-made, I have done business with many Indians in many cities in Thailand for many years. In all cases, I have found them to be a race apart from the average Thai. They speak at least 3 languages well (Indian, Thai, and English). Many of them speak more than 3 languages. And they speak the languages correctly. They are well educated. Many of them travel with regularity to Europe and Australia and the U.S. on business. They are cosmopolitan. Their businesses and their lives almost never come to ruin because of drinking, or drugs, or adultery, etc. They understand the value of discipline. They can tell time. They understand that when you agree to meet someone at a certain time; that that is a contract. Civil discourse and civil society, and civilization in general can not be possible when people do not understand and respect contracts. The Thais will never be globally competitive until this simple idea dawns on them. And the Indian tailors in Thailand understand and endorse and implement the concept of customer service, a concept completely unknown to Thais. I understand that their business practises can sometimes be a little 'sharp' and bear watching. But I expect that. And I understand that I am ultimately just a another customer from a far-a-way place. But I expect that. At least they are not lying to me, they can tell time, they honour their appointments and their promises, and they want my future business. I have to laugh at all the well dressed nose-in-the-air Chula Thai girls graduating with degrees in Marketing. I'll bet not one of them could verbally articulate or write 3 logical sentences about the business value of customer service. And this is why Thailand will never be a great nation.

The Indian tailors and the Indian community is an old (Thai is partly Indian based) and integral part of Thailand, but they never get a mention.

Stickman says:

A lot of interesting thoughts.

nana plaza