Readers' Submissions

Dana’s Thailand Part 2

  • Written by Dana
  • May 25th, 2003
  • 7 min read




If Paedophilia is so bad…

If Paedophilia is so bad (and it is) and the Thai culture is so superior and family oriented; then why doesn't the Thai government dispatch police to every Isaan village and round up the fathers who sold their underage daughters down the river for gambling debts and whiskey money!? Line up these fathers and I'll hand out the bullets. And don't waste my time talking about culture and poverty and need. Victims of the Holocaust behaved with more human dignity and civility to each other. The reason the Burmese were able to turn the Three Pagoda Pass into an autobahn and invade Thailand at will over and over is because Thailand didn't (doesn't) have a sense of culture and sovereignty. Any Burmese punk with a spear and an elephant could conquer a village. In Vietnam in the late 60's the North Vietnamese learned how to shoot down Helicopter Gunships with massed small calliper weapons fire. Now that's stand and deliver. That's a sense of sovereignty and pride and culture. They deserved to win. The fathers who sell off their little, trusting, innocent, barely cognizant and poorly educated, anxious-to-please girls (human beings) like buckets of dirt; don't deserve anything, including my respect. Don't even get me started on the mothers who allow this. So go ahead. Call me a Sex Tourist. Call me a Farang. I'll wear it on a sign around my neck with pride. I'm a 100 million times more worthy than these fathers and mothers.

Now You Are Truly A Farang

You have had two glorious happy weeks with Noi, or Lek, or Wan. You've had picnics on the bed after sex, bubble baths, Thai : English dictionary sessions, and middle of the night conversations. One of you has gotten sick and been nursed by the other. Both of you wait for each other to come home. You've done beach and boating trips, elephant safaris, butterfly and orchid farms, and cooking lessons. You've been inseparable and childlike in your happiness. You fold into each other like water. You sleep together like two happy puppies. Your contentment with each other and the rightness of it all doesn't need words. The English speaking monk smiled at the two of you and asked if you were married.

Then three days into a trip to Chiang Mai, in the back of a taxi, her cell phone rings. Suddenly, she is transcendent, transformed, relaxed, innocent, real, and centred. You turn sideways in the taxi and look at her. There she is giggling on the phone, her eyes bright and her body happily agitated. She is laughing, whispering, listening. There is intense, squinty eyed girl talk. You can feel yourself drifting away as if your astronaut tether has parted, and now you are tumbling slowly away from the mother ship deep into space. It's over.

Now she's really happy! Before, she was only 80% happy. It's like a knife in the heart.

Now you are truly a Farang. Unloved. Unappreciated. Unneeded. Welcome to Thailand.

Now I Care

It's our third time together in a little over a year. Her name is Noi and I've lost my heart to her. I'm 53 and she is 27. Who Cares! She's an Isaan stunner with a smile that could run a power plant. She's a 40 kilogram perfect woman. In 10 years her curves will only go one way – she'll be shaped like a bowling ball. But I don't care. I'll still love her. She has stretch marks because she has had a son. But I don't care. I'm happy for her. At dinner she rearranges all my cutlery and the food on my plate. I don't care. I think it is charming. She has us riding in stinking hot, Calcutta crowded buses to save a few baht. I don't care.

We are staying in the AA Hotel in Pattaya. One morning on the way to the elevator she makes a joke about me being old. In the elevator on the way down, I feel my insides crumbling like unsupported brick walls. My legs feel like lead. When the elevator door opens, I have to throw my feet forward to make my legs work. NOW I CARE.

I didn't deserve this. This isn't reciprocity. The abuse has begun and only I can decide how much I will take. I've now given more than I've received. The tide has turned. It's over.

God, they hurt us so much and every man-woman relationship is like a ticking time bomb. And it's never equal. I can speak about 50 Thai words and phrases, but I don't know how to tell a woman she isn't attractive as a female. Noi can speak almost no English but she knows enough to hurt me.

It's over. I'm just a Farang. No matter how open and generous and loving and caring I am; I'll always have toilet paper stuck to my shoe.

We spend the day doing the Ko Lan beach and boating tour. She wants me to buy her something. I'm surprised to hear my voice say 'No'. Now I am desperately clutching at pride like a drowning man gripping a life preserver.

Next morning I surprise her with the words 'Choke dee' and put her on the minibus to Bangkok. It's over. I'm a Farang.

You Have Taxi Money For Me?

It was our third time together and we had done all the things that couples do. We were both grownups. My intentions were serious. The word 'forever' was floating through my brain. We took a trip to Chiang Mai. On the fourth night she came to bed with all of her clothes on. Nobody comes to bed with all of their clothes on. I could have gotten up and thrown back the covers and taken off her clothes, but what would have been the point? So I lay on my half of the bed trying to puzzle it out. But I couldn't figure it out because some things just don't make any sense. The next day we get up and went to breakfast and then spent the day on an elephant safari. We look like a happy couple, but I can feel air going out of the balloon. That night she comes to bed with all of her clothes on, her back to me, and about two feet between us. I didn't say anything. But I'm in better shape this night because I know what I am going to do. In the morning I help her pack, take her to the airport, exchange her tickets, and walk her to the departure gate. At the departure gate waiting for the AIRPLANE she says, "You give me taxi money?" We aren't saying 'Good Bye' in a room at the Nana Hotel in Bangkok. I have paid her 1500 Baht / day for weeks plus all expenses plus gifts and I just paid for her breakfast, minibus, and airline ticket. She has 70,000 Baht in her purse. And she says to me, "You give me taxi money?" THEY'RE PROSTITUTES!

Bangkok Central

One of the attractions of living in Bangkok is that it is so central – to other countries. If you live in Boston, Ma. (USA) like I do; the idea of going to Nepal, or Bhutan, or Bali, or Manilla, or Vietnam, or Singapore, or Laos, or Burma is really too big an idea. Lots of distances to be covered, and time and money to be spent, and plans to be made. So the trip probably doesn't get made. But Bangkok's central Asian location makes visiting other countries fast, fun, and easy. So if you live in Bangkok, don't go to Chiang Rai again. There isn't really anything there. Don't go to Chiang Mai again – it's an ugly city. Leave Phuket to the Europeans who think nudism is a philosophy. Leave Ayutthaya to the daytrippers. Go somewhere special. Go somewhere exciting. Nobody who has skied in Chile is impressed by Thailands so-called beauty. No one who has stood atop Table Mountain in South Africa is impressed by Thailand's vistas. No one who has taken a train trip through the Swiss Alps is going to gasp at Thailand's natural wonders. Thailand doesn't have any natural wonders. Hell, it barely has any wildlife – it's all been eaten. If it were not for Thailand's lame sunny south coast with it's limestone formations and Thailand's smiling females – nobody would visit. But Bangkok does have a fantastic central location. So go to Jakarta, or Sumatra, or Calcutta, or Hanoi, or Hong Kong, or Kuala Lumpur. That's the way to get the most out of Bangkok, Thailand. And send me a postcard. I'll envy you.

Stickman says:

Lots of interesting thoughts.