Stickman Readers' Submissions May 21st, 2003

Can You Find Love In Thailand?

I read Stickman very regularly. Sometimes I get very confused and sceptic about the effort to find a BG for long term relationship leading to marriage. I have a totally different experience in my life with Thai BGs. I go to Thailand very regularly and once I lived in BKK for 2 years to teach in Thammasat University. Anyway, in my life I met three bargirls at different points in time and had very similar experience with the first two. But I am trying to go steady with the third one. Following are the description of those incidents.

About 5 years back I got separated and I was very low on morale. I knew Thailand and Thai ladies from the time I stayed in Thailand for 2 years. So I went to Pattaya and dared to find the girl of my dreams. Just like other people I was bar-hopping to find somebody suitable. Within the first couple of nights I realized that all the girls I am targeting are extremely good in bed with but I am not feeling comfortable with them for a long term relationship. Everybody said that they do not like their job and they want to come out of the bar if I could pay them a monthly check. But somehow I felt they are not so keen to come out or they are not desperate to leave the life of a bar-girl. They do not hate the job to that extent, may be they have accepted it. Apart from bars there are several escort services run by individuals in Pattaya (usually at their residence). You pay a daily fee to take the girl for the whole day. I was taking a walk on Beach Road and a person told me that I can get really good girls at this escort agency. I went with him to small condo near "SABAI MASSAGE CENTER". All girls were lined up to be seen by me. Every body was trying to impress me except one girl. She was sitting in a corner like a sacrificial lamb. Her name is "NUI". I felt so different when I looked at her that I could not resist myself from choosing her. But surprisingly when I selected her, she was so sad that you can feel her resistance to go with me. To ease the situation, I took her to the hotel asked her about her village, mama, papa etc.. Initially she was very tentative, but gradually she felt comfortable with me. I looked at her face very closely and discovered that she does not use makeup. But still that face is the most beautiful face I have seen so far in Thailand. So innocent and so sad that you will not ever think of having sex with her immediately. Gradually I found that she had been in the business for couple of weeks and was still trying to cope up with situation. I told her about my intentions and asked her whether she would be willing to leave the job. She became very surprised and told me she never thought about that option. But she can leave the job if I can take care of her family requirements. Her demand was very low (8000 Baht/ Month). I thought I had found the right one and was very happy. But when I came back to US then it became very difficult to communicate with her and also I did not confirm the financial support for her. Gradually it fell through the crack as I became busy in my business. Six months later I visited Pattaya and went to that same agency to find her. To my surprise I found that she was waiting for me for a long time (about 2 months) and ended up getting married to a Thai man. She went back to her hometown. The agency owner told me that she was not going with the customers so he was also not very happy with her.

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I met my second girl about one year back in a "GO GO BAR" in Pattaya. The first time when I went to the bar it struck me that she was different. Her smile, her dance rang a bell. I immediately asked her to come with me. She told me that she can only go with me for "SHORT TERM". I asked her why? She could not explain me because her English was very poor. I did not insist. We had good time together for couple of hours. But surprisingly she does not talk at all. She was so quiet that I felt uncomfortable having sex with her. I told her that tomorrow wait for me and we will go to "KOH SAMET" together. I went to the bar and asked her to come with me. She again told me she can only go with me for "SHORT TERM". I was desperate, I told her how much money do you need? I gave her an offer of 4000 Baht and she thought for a moment. Then she agreed to come with me to "KOH SAMET". I came to know that she is working for 6 months in the bar. Surprisingly she never showed any gesture to impress me in anyway. She was not even ready to have sex with me that night because we were about to go to "KOH SAMET" the next morning. She could not sleep throughout the night and told me that she can not get sleep anywhere else except her room. That is why she goes only for "SHORT TERM". On the way to KOH SAMET she told that this is the 1st time she has been with somebody. We stayed together on the beach. She told me that her mama and papa do not know that she is working in the bar. She was so shy that she did not go to sea in a swimming costume. I asked her whether she will leave the job if I take care of her financial needs. She told me that she will send me email about that. Initially she was very hesitant to give me a monthly figure. But after couple of emails and my persistence she wrote that she wants 30,000 Baht per month to leave her job. I was shocked and wrote that I can not pay that much. She wrote she can continue her life in bar but she needs to earn that much money for her family. I felt bad and decided to go for it. I wrote that I will go to Pattaya within couple of weeks and will pay her some money and after coming back to US I will send her check regularly. When I landed in Pattaya, I paid her 15,000 Baht. She became very angry and told me that I should pay her 30,000 Baht now. I was very surprised. But somehow I arranged the money and paid her. After coming back to US, I felt that she is probably exploiting me. I wrote her an email stating that I am very angry and she is up to my money and not for me. I stopped getting emails from her. I tried to call her but never got any answer. I thought I am saved. Especially after reading Stickman, I built this scepticism about BGs. I went back to Pattaya two months back. I went to that "GO GO BAR" to get some news about her. What I found is very surprising, she left her job after getting my email. She went back to her village in Surin. She was extremely depressed during that time. She never came back to Pattaya. I was very confused but probably will never get any clarity about her feeling towards me. Somehow I felt that I missed another chance.

But on the same trip I met another BG. I was very depressed and wanted to go the old escort agency where I met the first girl. On the way I met this this girl in a bar near to that agency. I recognized the same smile which I saw in last two girls. I did not lose a single minute. I took her out of the bar and proposed that I will take care of her financial needs if she leaves the job. She was shocked by the proposal. I could see the joy in her eyes. I found that she is working in the bar for 2 weeks. I went to her apartment met her friend. Her friend is from the same village and works in motor parts shop. We spent three days together and never had sex. She does not know English well, she also did not have a bank account in Pattaya. I opened an account for her deposited sufficient amount of money and told her that she will have to go to school to learn English. She is extremely happy, she told her friend that she can be good wife. She will cook food, clean house and take care of me. She wants a baby girl. I do not know whether I hit the right one. But I will not lose trust this time and will go all the way. She never demanded any amount from me. But I told her that I will pay about 10,000 Baht per month so that she can live happily. She is not very good looking and 25 years old. But her smile is so beautiful that you can feel that love. I am sold on her. Hardly we talked with each other but this is the 1st time I felt silence has so much of meaning. Still I do not know whether it will work out for me but I know that I can find the right one and for the following reasons.

I always look for love and a smile which looks very innocent. I never look for sex when I go to the bar because my intention is very different. So I can smell that innocence in the face. I agree that it is very difficult to find, but I think if your intention is right you will find your love in Thailand and in the BGs. I think your intention will be reflected in your choice. You can not make mistake. They may not be the most attractive girls but I think they will be the right ones. Lets see… (I am scared to break somebody's heart again)

Stickman says:

Where you look for love is up to you, but Pattaya would not be the first place I'd begin the search.

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