Stickman Readers' Submissions April 16th, 2003

What Do Thai Women Dislike About Thai Men?

What Do Thai Thai Women Dislike About Thai Men?

By Catman

The answer from Mrs. Stick to this week's questions as to what Thai women dislike about Thai men would have done a politician proud. In the best Thai style, it avoided answering the question at all. Mrs. Stick, you must remember that your audience is foreigners that talk pretty straight and your answer might wash with a Thais but won't wash with them.

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The question is a very pertinent question because one of the most repeated sentences we hear from Thai women of all stripes is "Thai man no good". We hear this to the point where we start to feel sorry for the Thai men. I can understand that Thai guys in the lower strata of society are quite macho and may not be the best husbands compared to relatively rich foreigners. But you Mrs. Stick have an opinion that is particularly interesting because you are an upper middle class (I'm assuming) girl that has access to a better class Thai men and you purposefully made a choice to go after westerners. I won't ask you what makes Stick better than your average Thai guy because in my humble opinion, Stick will make a better husband than 95% of Western men (we should revisit this question in 7 years time).

But the question is, why specifically look for a western man? Have you had bad experiences with Thai boyfriends? Are they not ambitious enough? Are you assuming that they will fool around in the future? Is a foreign man more exciting because they are different and afford a great opportunity to expands one's view of the world? Or is there really not much thought put into it and a foreign man just seems like an exciting thing to do and it's great to show off one's good looking (by Thai standards) husband to one's girlfriends. Actually, it's kind of interesting to think of Stick as arm candy. (Sorry Stick, it works both ways).

My own wife is Thai and I have often been proudly shown off to her relatives and friends. It's great for the ego and there is nothing inherently wrong with it, but it's good to be aware of what's going on.

In defence of Thai men, the three Thai husbands that I have gotten to know well, have been exemplary if one's discounts the odd fooling around. And there's the rub. No matter how Thai society accepts fooling around, no women will ever like it. The above husbands have always kept their fooling around very secret but I am sure that their respective wives know what is going on but just so that it's not thrust into their faces, it is an accepted part of marriage.

But give a girl a chance at the outset of picking between a Thai man guaranteed to philander and a Western man that is supposedly better, the scale starts swinging to the western man. Add the money or potential money, the looks and the excitement of the unknown and we start to look pretty good. But it is built on a lie.

I my opinion, the Thai way of regarding this aspect of life is much more reasonable, wiser and more realistic. Men will roam. This does not mean that they have lost all sense of love and responsibility for their family. The traditional western way of handling the problem is to call everything off. The hell with the kids, 12 years of happiness, friendship, affection, the destruction of one's dreams, financial plans, all of it down the drain because you were caught with a floozy in a meaningless search for a little excitement.

If Thai women think that western men are somehow more pure, they should have a look at a Masters & Johnson study that was done way back in the '60s that said that after 10 years of marriage, 64% of women had extra marital sex and 72% of men. Considering the dire consequences of such behavior, it shows that given a chance, western men are as bad as Thai men and the minute there is no chance of getting caught, they go crazy. One only has to look around the foreign oriented Thai bars. How many are married men?

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Again, western values are taking over at the expense of another culture that's been around much longer. Western culture has nothing to teach Thais if you look at the divorce rate, the unhappy marriages and the desperate western men trying to escape their own screwed up society. I expect Thai women will learn soon enough that as the French say "Tous les hommes sont des cochons" and that once a woman knows that, a more enlightened decision can be taken. Just so I am not misunderstood, the fact all men are pigs has contributed to the survival of human kind. It's just a conveniently ignored fact.

Stickman says:

In Mrs. Stick's defence, she does not actually think that all Thai men are that bad, and she will not necessarily come out and slag Thai men in the way that bargirls do, but rather give a more balanced opinion.

Now having said this, you do make a lot of very good points that would appear fair. It is a complex question and the response will obviously be a little different for each girl. However, the philandering is as you put, the big issue.

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