Stickman Readers' Submissions April 16th, 2003

My Alleged Good Girl Story

I recently found that my Thai (allegedly) "good girl" girlfriend, who I had been with for just under two years has been cheating on me, and as a result our relationship has fallen apart. Here is the story from the beginning:

I was a young (27 yo) guy working in a successful Sydney-based company with good prospects. Originally from England, I knew only a few people in and around Australia (other than people connected with work) – so I posted a profile on a personals website.

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I had visited Thailand a few times, and admit that I had "dabbled" with the nightlife, and like many others on here I'd enjoyed the company of ladies from Thailand. Although it soon became apparent to me that I would be wasting my time to attempt a relationship with a bargirl, so I hoped that one day a "nice girl" would be a possibility.

Completely out of the blue, I received emails making contact with me from a couple of unrelated Thai girls. One was a 24 year old computer sales girl based in Bangkok (lets call her Girl A). The other was a 25 year old airport ticketing agent for Bangkok Airways, but she was based in Koh Samui (lets call her girl B).

After a few months of contact with both girls, I didn't know which one to meet…. so I took the option that I'm sure everyone else would have taken – I met the both! (separately of course) I decided to split my 8 day trip into 3 parts. Part 1 was supposed to be girl A, Part 2 supposed to be girl B, and Part 3 supposed to be open to whatever I felt like at the time…. whether Nana, Cowboy, or Kao Sarn Road. Just as I was arranging this, girl A had some work commitments come up for the time I was meant to originally meet her, so I swapped the plan around, and decided to meet Girl B first.

Girl B had offered to organise all my internal flight transfers, and accommodation for me – which I agreed to. I took the trip to BKK, and transferred to USM (Samui) as planned. I arrived at 3 PM and although she would be working at the airport until 6 that day, she had organised for her friends to take me to my accommodation and get settled. I was in the baggage area, when 3 girls in their cute little blue uniform with mixed coloured shirts descended on me. Taken aback by them all, it was hard to tell which one of the 3 she actually was :o) Anyway – introductions followed, and I was taken to my accommodation – based at Chaweng.

Later that day, she turned up as promised – only unexpectedly, it was not just her – but a group of her friends, including one of her friends English boyfriends. (I later found that this was the normal thing for nice girls to do when they first see a new guy). We all went for dinner, and then moved onto the beach side bars drinking cocktails under the stars and chatting. I forget what the time was, but one of her single girlfriends turned on one of those famous pouting faces that means they desperately want to do something… and that something was, that she wanted to go to Green Mango and party. So we did.

I remember it looking more like a cow-shed than a nightclub…. but it the atmosphere was good, and we kept the drinks, and the conversation flowing. It was actually the first day of Songkran, and there was a lot of watery games going on. As the night went on, the friends all disappeared. It was early hours in the morning, and she had arranged the following 2 days off work. Walked back to my accommodation, and being a gentleman, we made arrangements for the next day, and she left. Within the next 30 seconds a feeling that I don't know how to describe overcame me, and I turned around to see her walk away to her car. I ran after her, and told her to be careful driving after drinking so much – as in UK it was against the law. She laughed at me and said that in Thailand people do it all the time. Anyway, I told her to take care and walked away. Whilst walking from her I turned around at the exact same moment she did – and we both smiled. It felt like a special connection was made in that moment.

The following day, she drove me around the island, we saw the sights, walked and played on the beaches and in the sea. We returned got cleaned up, and had a romantic dinner and drinks that night. It seemed perfect. How could life get any better than that? Again we said our goodnight, but tonight was with a peck on the cheek. I didn't want to force anything upon her and I wasn't sure if she was just being nice to me or if she really liked me. Next day I was due to leave Samui in the evening.

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In the morning we saw more of Samui, and went to an Elephant reserve and saw the show. I was pushed forward to be a volunteer for some of the activities, and then at the end, the elephant kissed all of the ladies with its trunk.

Dinner, then lazing around on a beach together – I decided that I should do something to gauge how she felt. We talked about the elephant show and fooled around pretending to copy the elephant… which I ended by blowing a sloppy blow kiss on her stomach. She laughed, so I did it again… after a while I repeated the elephant kiss joke to her, only this time it wasn't a joke kiss…. and she responded.

Sadly, time was up and I was due to leave. I tried to get her to change my flight details, since I didn't want to leave that day. She drove me to the airport, and we said our farewells (in the formal non-contact way for public).

I had seriously been impressed by those few days. Either it was Samui, or it was her, or maybe it was both? But I felt different somehow. Thoughts of Nana, and Girl A were thousands of miles away….. all I could think about was how happy she made me feel.

Upon arriving back at BKK, Girl A was waiting ready with her car to pick me up and take me to my pre-booked hotel – Majestic Suites just where Sukhumvit Rd meets Soi Nana (ideal location for the intended part 3 of my trip). We stopped off at a cafe which was owned by one of her friends, drank some Heineken and some Chang…. then she took me to my hotel. On the way there, she asked why I had chosen this hotel in this area….. as it had a "bad reputation". I simply replied that I'd been recommended to try it by work colleagues, and that seemed enough for her. I showered and changed into clean clothes to get ready to go out. She stayed in the main part of the room, fixated by the Thai soap operas and MTV. When I walked out of the bathroom, she was so impressed how well I'd cleaned up (compared to spending hours on a beach in Samui, and jumping straight on the plane, and drinking beers in the same smelly clothes) she had rang her friend to arrange a meeting place. We were off to Kao Sarn Road – more specifically Suzie Pub. Having never been there before – my eyes popped out on storks when I saw the sexy non-bar girls.

Plenty of drinks, and dancing, and it was time to leave. She drove me back to the hotel again, and insisted on walking me to my room. Well that night she didn't leave….. I'll spare the details, because I'm sure that you can imagine what happened – although it wasn't her that I wanted to be with.

When I woke the next day and saw her there, I felt guilty about Girl B – how she would think about this…. hopping straight into bed with an almost complete stranger? I felt like crap all day, and most of the night…. only drink could console me, which stupidly led to a repeat performance in the bedroom that night too.

Enough was enough. I told her the next day that plans had changed and that I'd have to leave early. She left, and I told her I'd be in touch when I returned to Australia. Well I didn't have to leave that day, but I didn't feel like doing much – so I didn't.

I was weighing the options, and everything I could think of, Girl B seemed to have something special. Having only known her for two and a half days (in person) it was too early for major feelings, but there was something. I felt that Girl A was one of those girls that you hump and then dump.

A month passed, during which I had all manner of events happen. I was still in touch with both girls through email, messenger, and phone calls. As events transpired Girl B had been accepted at a University in Sydney to study her masters degree in tourism. Incidentally, I repeatedly suffered a number of what were diagnosed as throat infections. This continued, for quite a while, but they would clear up for a while then reoccur.

During that month my parents came to visit me for a couple of weeks in Australia. They stayed at my place, and had a great time. I showed them all the photos of Samui, and told them about Girl B. On the same day that they were leaving, girl B was arriving in Sydney to start her university course.

One other event also happened – the moment that every guy fears – Girl A contacted me, telling me that she was "late". She told me that she carried out tests and it was positive…. she was pregnant – but that it was no problem, and that she would get an abortion, although she was scared. I consoled her, made her feel better about it, and she said she'd deal with it. I said ok, and left it at that. At no point had she made any request for money…. and having been on the receiving end of an attempted rip-off at a prior encounter with a different girl – I made no offer.

Anyway, Girl B arrived early in the morning and I said I would meet her, although she'd told me her flight landed at around 6.15 AM – so I got to the airport for 7 AM, and see no sign of her. Her flight had actually landed at 5.15, and she left the airport around 6.45! so I went home alone…. my parents were packing preparing for their flight…. so another trip to the airport later, and I rang a number given to me by her before she left…. after a few tries, and the other person saying that there was no-one of her name there, the dumbass Aussie girl twigged who I was trying to contact. I spoke to her, apologized for missing her, explaining to her that either she'd given me the wrong time, or that the plane was extraordinarily early (* this event turned out to be a lasting impression, and she continually made references to it throughout the relationship). Anyway I took her to dinner, escorted her home, and arranged to meet again the following day.

During the next few days we got back to being comfortable again. I'd been the complete gentleman, and had even escorted her back to her accommodation at the end of each date. But then one day, we'd spent the whole day out, and she was interested to see my apartment. I took her there, had some food takeout from the local Thai restaurant, watched some movies, and it was getting late. She asked about how far it was, and how long it would take her to get home. Joking – I said too far, and that she would be welcome to stay the night. Quite surprisingly, she said ok…. I don't need to go into detail, so I won't.

She began to spend more and more time at my apartment, but strangely she moved out of her old place, to a new place very close to me. I'd expected her to just move in with me…. since she was practically there all the time anyway. She explained that there may be times that either of us need our own time or space.

Anyway, some months later I was out with a friend, and she was in my apartment. I got a phone call screaming and shouting at me "how could I do that???" – it turned out that she'd been on my PC at home, and had gone through all my personal emails. She had seen the messages to and from Girl A. She found it hard to believe that I could treat Girl A so badly, and that I had even done that – just hours after leaving Girl B in Samui. Explanations and apologies followed, which seemed to patch things up…. but out of the blue (while we were out in a large bar in Sydney) she gets all weepy, and saying bad things to me, about how I cheated, how I am unreliable, etc, etc. The bar staff eventually threw both of us out of the bar – not because we were shouting and screaming – but because she was upset, and I was the one upsetting her…. She went home to her place down the road and didn't call me.

At that point I thought it was over, and had initiated interest in another girl….. when suddenly she calls me and asks why I am not fighting to try to get her back. After a while she calmed down, and we sorted things out.

But meanwhile, the throat problems continued, so I had all the tests done that I could imagine, and everything came back clear except one. I had somehow contracted glandular fever.

She had previously cursed at me for sleeping around a lot before I met her, but the tests all being clear seemed to be a very positive changing point in our relationship. She agreed to take the pill, and that the "raincoats" wouldn't be needed anymore.

From that point on – things were great, with the occasional fight here and there as with most couples….. mostly if I were just a tiny amount late for a meeting with her (I'd get reminded about the airport incident). Then a slight change of plan for the both of us.

She decided that she didn't like the University in Sydney, so wanted to resume her studies on the Gold Coast. I was getting bored in my job, so agreed that we would make a move together. Her term ended, and she was visiting Thailand for the vacation, so I decided to go with her, and hopefully I could sort out a new work visa for Australia from Thailand.

So I quit my job, and we both had 3 wonderful months travelling around Thailand and Singapore. Her parents were shocked when she took a farang boyfriend home, but they were very warm towards me, and it seemed that they liked me a lot. However disaster struck for me, when I found that the new Aussie work visa was not as easy to get as I'd previously been advised, so I had no other option than to go back to the UK – and lodge my application from there.

She returned to the Gold Coast alone, and desperately wanted me to visit her – which I did. I used up all my savings during that trip, but we agreed on a long term plan, that she should concentrate on her studies, and that I would be back with her on a permanent basis as soon as I could. All our old problems were long behind us, and we'd even talked of marriage, and children at that point.

The relationship continued on a long distance basis. We called each other, and emailed on a daily basis, and regularly wrote and sent presents to each other. My work-life was picking up again, and it was just a waiting game that would dictate how much longer until I could return to her in Australia.

Then fast forward to Xmas 2002…. She decided to come and visit me in the UK and spend the holiday with me and my family. On her way from Australia to the UK, she had a two or three week stop-over to catch up with some of her friends on a trip to Bkk and Krabi.

During the time she was in Thailand I could sense a difference in her, although I couldn't put my finger on it….. and didn't make too much of it as I was so anxious to see her again.

I met her at Heathrow, terminal 4. I was so happy to see her that I held her hand all the way home while driving. She soon settled in, and we had a great vacation.

My parents were over the moon when they met her. They absolutely adored her. They had been quite apprehensive about my relationship with a girl from Thailand, but all of their fears disappeared. They were really happy that I had found such a nice considerate, sweet, funny girl.

I booked a lot of time off work, to be with her as much as possible. We travelled all around the UK, and I even made one of her dreams come true – I showed her real snow! I took her to meet some of her old school and university friends who had moved over here a long time ago.

The only problems encountered during the stay was that I was completely ignored when she was with her Thai school friend who was in London. I was driving, so I couldn't drink. They were are completely pissed out of their heads, and I felt really uncomfortable.

The other thing was the internet….she was keen to check that I had been a "good boy" and not been talking to any other girls. I hadn't, and she was satisfied at that. But then one afternoon she was on the PC, chatting with a friend who she had holidayed in Krabi with, and they were talking about guys….. I surprised her when I came to the computer room and I noticed that the other girl said that XXXXXX missed my Girl B, and wanted to be "her stone*" for her.

*STONE – I have to translate this as in that, on Koh Samui there is a rock formation that is often referred to as Grandfather and Grandmother stones….. one looks like a vagina, and the other looks like an erect penis.

Knowing this phrase, I questioned her about it. She squirmed a little, and then said that the other person was only joking – some bullshit about this guy having problems with his girlfriend, and that he liked being friends with my girl B…. but insisted that nothing had gone on.

When the time came for her to leave, I had spent pretty much £1,500 on going out, travelling around the country, and clothes and presents for her. She outright asked me if she could take my laptop computer back with her to help her study – I told her no, because her university was a good one, and had plenty of PCs that she could use, and besides – I would need it myself. She also was interested in my Playstation 2 and my Nokia mobile phone….. which I also declined.

She had told me of her plan that when she returned to Australia, that she would move in with an older Thai friend – who has her own house and a 10 year old son (and 3 or 4 broken marriages behind her). I advised her to be careful of that situation, as I didn't trust the older lady.

When she left the UK, it was unbearable to not be with her. I didn't know then that that would be the last time I would see her. I managed to contact her a few times in Thailand at her parents house, but she soon told me that she would be staying with her sister in Bkk. I tried countless times to contact her only to get no response.

Then she was due to fly back to Australia – I still hadn't heard from her, so I contacted the people where she was supposed to be staying – only to find that she hadn't contacted them. A number of weeks passed, and I still hadn't been able to get in touch with my girlfriend, and I was becoming increasingly concerned. It was the longest time in our relationship that we hadn't had any contact.

I had continually made efforts to obtain an overseas job to get back to Australia, and on 6th March 2003 I was offered a position that would achieve my goal of returning. It should have been a happy day since I had my good news to share. Quite ironically, my whole world collapsed that day! I received an email from her admitting that she had found a new guy, and had been cheating on me for a while.

If she had been a bargirl, or had come from a bad background, I could have expected this to happen. However, that she was a good girl, from a good family – I never dreamed that it could happen to me.

I have gone through many emotions since I found out, and it has taken me quite a long time to come to terms with it. We have since corresponded a few times, and she does finally realise that what she did was wrong, and now she does show some signs of regret over it.

The point that I wanted to illustrate by sharing my story, is that it isn't necessarily where you get your partner from….. dating a nice girl doesn't automatically exclude you from the fate that many bargirl relationships encounter.

I even contacted the original Girl A recently. I told her my story, and apologised for treating her so badly with the situation that we had faced. She reacted very well to it, and was very generous in her responses to me. Now we are friends again, and I have been invited to her forthcoming wedding.

People ask me if I will go back to Thailand, and if I will consider dating another Thai lady…. well my answer is YES! It will be strange and probably quite painful to go back there without her, but I have nothing to fear.

Stickman says:

I have always been cynical of long distance relationships ESPECIALLY if the couple are not married. It is hard to gauge the dates that the two of you were apart for, and whether or not other issues existed (at least from her point of view). As difficult as it may be, if I was thinking of marrying someone, I would not want to be away from her for too long…because things happen…

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