Stickman Readers' Submissions April 1st, 2003

I Thought It Would Never Happen To Me

Some of you reading this will know me personally and may be shocked and saddened by this, because you may know her as well. This is my true story and it’s the shorter version. Why am I telling this story? Because I wouldn’t wish this pain even on my enemies, not that I have any.

I met her in August 1999. She was my dream and it seemed I was hers. We were so much in love. I was 40, she was 19. We spent 3 weeks together 24 hours a day.

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I came back for her after 4 weeks just for a long weekend and then again in October for a long weekend and in November for 3 weeks. We just had to be with each other.

However during this time I did discover that she had been cheating on me. I know because I am a very good detective.

After a very difficult 6 months I think I was able to instil some values in her and change her for better. 2 months later in Feb 2000 she came to stay with me in my country. During the 2 months while she was waiting I know she was good. During the 3 months stay with me it was as good as it gets. Then her visa expired and she went back home to her village. Once again I knew she was good, staying in her village wanting nothing other than just to be with me. I supported her on about 2000 baht per week. It was enough as I know her love for me was real.

I was obsessed with being with her but wasn’t ready for marriage; I had to find a way to get a job in Thailand. After 3 months I landed a dream job….an expat in Thailand with western salaries and per diems as well as free accommodation. It was simply a dream come true.

So we lived together in Thailand as a couple for 1.5 years. Again it was just a model relationship full of love in both directions.

I was due to return in November 2001. In October we applied for her spouse de-facto visa. In the meantime they gave her a temporary entry visa for her to accompany me to my home. She stayed with me for 2 months, then she went back to get ready for her visa interview which I couldn’t attend. Miraculously her interview got delayed by 2 weeks which enabled me to be there with her. The love we had for each other was just unbelievably strong. She seemed not the type of Thai girl we hear about negatively.

We came back here, her on a probational permanent resident visa for 2 years. After 2 years she would be permanent. But for all intensive purposes she was a resident. By this time we had known each other for close to 3 years and except for the turbulent first 6 months it was an un-moveable dream relationship. We loved each other so much. Sex was daily.

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All the time I am reading Thai girl done me wrong stories, I keep thinking poor sods, my girl is so different. We even shared our thoughts about it reading stories such as Private Dancer together.

During her 1 year here, the relationship was getting stronger and stronger, now I am thinking marriage. I even got a job for her in our office as an office assistant. Everyone loved her, she loved everyone. My mother and father adored her, my mother said she was her best friend. My two kids loved her and vice versa. It just couldn’t be better.

During this time I introduced her to MSN because she was getting bored. It was the biggest mistake of my life helping her put her profile up with her pic. She was getting daily propositions from men from all over the world and we would laugh at it together.

This lasted until she went back to Thailand for holidays in mid Feb 2003, after almost being together for 4 years.

As innocent and stupid as she was, she would not tell too many lies, so these wolves out there took advantage…..yes after 2 days of her being there, some guy was able to seduce her and convince her to stay with him for 2 weeks.

Now they have planned to go to Sweden together. She had planned all the lies to tell me to cover up.

Once I had a suspicion I created a fictitious MSN character (her friend) to chat with her and over time and using my detective skills I uncovered everything.

I was supposed to come visit her in 2 weeks and they planned for him to visit the day I leave.

I was planning all kinds of silly games to catch her in the act but I thought what is the point, she is a lost battle. I confronted her a few days ago with all the evidence and after a long while she reluctantly but definitely confessed.

I told her that we are finished.

Wow, is this a typical story or what. Yes mine wasn’t different after all. 4 years of major investment in time, effort, love and money you can’t imagine how I feel. She was my life and I was hers.

I THOUGHT IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME, that is why it hurts so much.

Stickman says:

While this is on the face of it a sad story, there are several issues that need to be discussed. The first one is that she cheated in the early days… When someone cheats in a relationship, you need to examine whether it was genuinely a mistake, or whether it is simply part of their character. If it was a mistake, it can be worked through with a lot of effort from both parties and no doubt a bit of pain. (Thai women are not that good at working through such things for it will inevitably result in major face loss, something that they avoid at ALL costs.) If the cheating occurred because they are of dubious character, then things are doomed because no doubt it will happen again. From what went on to happen, notwithstanding that it was a few years later, it would seem that perhaps this girl was of dubious character.

The other major issue here is the internet. A few months back I wrote the a piece in a weekly column about how the internet aids seemingly innocent introductions that can then lead on to bigger things that can be destructive in terms of existing relationships. I have experienced this on both sides of the coin… I fully maintain that the internet can be VERY dangerous for couples and if one person goes as far as putting their profile up online, then anything is possible. (It is not that difficult to mine for information and I know of one guy who wrote a small programme that downloaded ALL of the pictures uploaded by Thai girls to a certain website, with a view to contacting the better looking ladies.) One needs to keep an eye on their spouse's internet usage and continued contact with a member of the opposite sex could well be a bigger concern than many realise.

Finally, I would suggest that the age gap might have become an issue. Girls in their early 20s still want to have fun while a guy of your age, with all due respect, wants to settle down. Better luck next time.

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