Stickman Readers' Submissions February 27th, 2003

Fact Or Fiction – My View

Anonymous Submission

I just came across an article you published on your website, called The Poor Bar Girl – FACT or FICTION. It’s a pretty bad article, to say the least, racist in the extreme, and I feel compelled to rectify a couple facts. Could you publish this response after the article? (actually, it might be long enough to be an article on it’s own.

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Here are a few comments I would like to make on that article:

#1. Do not marry a Thai woman.

First of all, is one fit for a marriage in the first place? Obviously, the author is NOT. As it looks, the guy spends most of his time hunting for sex partners. You can call that “having fun in Thailand”. I will not discuss it…but no marriage, anywhere in the world, could succeed on that basis. It’s really sad to see someone assuring that a happy marriage is impossible in Thailand when the truth is that he himself never understood what “being married” meant.

It is not easier then in our home country, that’s true, it’s harder because of the cultural differences and of the language barrier, but blaming the Thai girls for it is gross.

#2. 90% of Thai girls are prostitutes.

This is an outright lie. I had the chance to come to Thailand and stay with a friend’s family for the first 15 days, and spent the next 3 months without even getting near the centre of Bangkok or any of the “action areas”. And being fairly open in nature I met a number of people (for some reason, most of them were women). Not one of them belonged to the scene, and would have been very offended to be thought of as prostitutes. Yeah, several girls were interested in me on another level than just friendship, but the same could happen (and does happen regularly) in other countries. In fact, none of them would have been considered a quick one in a dark corner, and that’s more then I can say for a number of “honest” French, Danish and American girls I know of.

Several of my friends, belonging to the beautiful side of mankind, have been offered by farang to have sex for money. That’s disgusting. Just imagine going to a girl in an American store and offering her a month’s salary to have a quick fuck. Most US girls would react by slapping the offender straight in the face. A Thai woman would never do that. Chances are she would just leave, or ask you to go. But if because you don’t get that slap straight in your face you imagine that you are talking to a prostitute. Boy you’re wrong.

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Frankly, more often than not I feel ashamed for my countrymen’s behaviour, and myths such as “Thai girl = prostitute” make us lose face. In Thailand, where face is everything (or more, I’m not sure which), this is not such a smart move. In fact, we have lost face completely for a while, and nowadays it has got so bad that if a Thai woman (even properly dressed, little make up) was to walk in a tourist area with a farang by her side, she will be assumed to be working.

#3. Thai girls will marry you for money.

Some will. No denying that. But that’s not true for most of them. (I’m not talking about bar girls, but about the general “female” population). Love, really, is a form of admiration. So if you are a bum, dirty and drunk, you are not likely to get admiration from most people, are you? On the other end, if you are successful, chances are there are things about you worth admiring. Saying that all Thai girls will marry you for money is the same as saying that all Thai girls are unable to love. This is stupid. Thai women can love. It must however be clear that a marriage is a life engagement, and that there must be an alignment of goals. If a farang thinks he can come down here, marry a girl, and keep her around like a pet, I guess he would be safer trying to drive a motorbike through a concrete wall. A human being, any human being, will be unhappy without something to do. I guess this is one of the main reasons why a guy marrying a Thai girl and returning to his country is unable to keep his marriage going. What is she going to do?

#4. Even if what I said doesn’t ring a bell, just consider the fact that the guy who wrote that other article probably did not meet more then a few thousand people, and certainly didn’t know most of them really well, if any. How could he conclude logically that no Thai girl was worth marrying?

Now, about bargirls, we are talking about another breed of cat. Most of them are in it for the money. She is not in the bar for you, or because she likes to be man handled by a fat bastard twice a week. How many really love sex? And if it was a craving for sex, would they go out with old fat guys? She is there to make money, be with her friends and in the bars. Don’t think she doesn’t like the bars. She finds them fascinating, just as you do. Isn’t it funny that after you paid a girl’s bar fine she often brings you inside another bar (unless you requested …a little privacy). Very fast after becoming a bargirl, she loses any friend she had outside of the scene (they are not appreciated by the Thai population at large. They really are the underworld) and gain a number of friends amongst other working girls who share her life and have a similar story. The bars ARE her life, her universe.

You may think her life sucks, and it fact, it does (she too). But SHE doesn’t see it that way. She earns money, lives with the only friends she has, can get money whenever she needs, and actually, needs very little of it (lives in a flat with her friends, doesn’t have a car, goes out “all paid for”, sleeps during the days. Nights are accounted for). All the thinking she has to do is geared toward one purpose. Handling farangs to collect money. What makes you think she wants to change her life? While she meets you, she still fucks right left and centre, which may not be the best for the development of a real relationship. On top of that, she is trained to lie. Girls teach one another that farangs believe what they are told providing it is what they would like to believe. So even if there is no need, she may lie to confuse you. Besides, don’t forget you are a customer, an emotional involvement with a customer is unprofessional. When they start, they may believe they can have a real relationship with a farang. But they either quit or become professionals. Fast. Understanding why is easy. Imagine she starts to like a customer, her friends are going to talk her out of it, or she finds out he jumps other girls too. She is hurt and promises herself “never again”. Fake, yes. Have fun, yes. Love, no way! Now, that’s what you are up against. You would have to prove your bar girl you are perfect, or better, over a long period of time, and be able to spot her every lie, because no one can stick with a partner one is lying to.

If you got that much skill, why the hell are you checking out prostitutes to find “the one”? In that I agree with the author of the previous article. A prostitute may be a sex partner, possibly a friend, but certainly not a wife.

That said, prostitutes are a minority amongst the Thai population, and there are a number of great Thai women, with amazing moral standards and fascinating smiles. They deserve our respect and love.

Hum. There is a lot more to be said, but that should already answer most points addressed in the original article. Thanks for publishing it, if you decide to, of course.

Stickman says:

Nice reply.

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