Visa Versa

An oft-heard moan on Stickman's website is the reaction of various Western embassies to citizens who want visas for their newly-acquired Thai girlfriends. Tales abound of poor unfortunate holidaymakers who have been made to feel like criminals simply because they want to take a girl back to their home country.

Let me give you a contrary view. I've helped my Thai girlfriend apply for visas to the Unites States, to the UK, to France and to New Zealand. I have never come across anything but courtesy and respect from all four embassies. She was interviewed at the UK embassy and the US embassy, both times by Westerners, and both times the questioning was neither unpleasant nor especially demanding. Basic questions were asked, such as her purpose for her visit (always tourism), proposed length of stay (usually a month or so), and details of her assets in Thailand.

In all four cases my girlfriend hasn't had to wait more than twenty-four hours to receive her visa. In the case of the United States, she applied for a single entry visa but was given a ten-year multiple entry visa. The UK and France were happy to give her six month multiple entry visas.

I can hear gasps of amazement from all the sex tourists who've had trouble getting visas for their temporary girlfriends. How can this be, they ask? How can DS get visas for his girlfriend when we're given the third degree by embassy officials. Why does DS get treated with respect while we're told that our girlfriends are persona non grata in our own countries. What's his secret?

Well, let me tell you. Listen carefully. MY GIRLFRIEND ISN'T A HOOKER, YOU MORONS!!

Jesus H Christ. A guy comes to this country on holiday, shacks up with an ill-educated prostitute, and then is surprised when embassy officials are reluctant to let him take her back home with him. When will these guys learn?

The embassy officials aren't being difficult or vindictive. The opposite is the case. They know that in ninety per cent of cases the girl has zero interest in the sex tourist, but every interest in getting into his country. A fair proportion disappear and overstay. Most relationships end in tears eventually. The embassy officials have seen it happen again and again.

But not me, cries the sex tourist. I'm special. So is my teeruk. She loves me. I love her. She's been waiting all her life for me to rescue her.

Listen carefully. You are not special. Neither is she. You are a sex tourist. She is a hooker. The embassy officials know this. And if you were honest with yourself, so do you.

Sitting in the various embassies waiting for my girlfriend's application to be processed, I saw a stream of overweight, middle-aged sex tourists walk in hand in hand with girls half their age. (In one case it was hand-in-hand with a katoey, now how sad is that?). The girls were flashing their midriffs and gold jewellery, a fair proportion of the sex tourists were wearing sandals and shorts. (Why do Brits always wear white socks with sandals?) Fat Americans with tattoos, goatee beards and beer guts. These are the same sad bastards that you see walking hand in hand around Robinson department store, proudly showing off their hookers. And they wonder why they get refused?

So, my message to all you sad sex tourists out there is that you will just have to face facts. The embassy officials can spot a bargirl at a hundred paces. And they are equally adept at recognising a sex tourist. In most cases you will be refused a visa, and rightly so. Stick to being a sex tourist. Come to Thailand, pay for sex, then go home and save up for your next trip.

For those of you who are serious about this country, and who want to have a relationship with a genuine Thai girl, don't worry. You will have no trouble taking your girlfriend home with you when the time comes.

Stickman says:

I like the point you make about 90% of these cases ending up in tears. In many ways the embassy is doing the punters a favour by turning the visa applications down.