Sending Your Girlfriend Money
I want to write this letter to advise those people (in some cases fools) who send money to their Thai "girlfriend" every week. On a recent trip to Pattaya with my wife, who incidentally used to be a bargirl, I met a very nice lady who runs an internet / translation business. We were having a laugh about bargirls who had, maybe 5 guys e-mailing and sending them money regularly, all professing their undying love. She told me that in her experience the only girls who remained faithful (not 100%) were those who were receiving around 20,000 baht each month from one guy. Isn't it funny that when you read about guys who think their lady has stopped working that they all seem to give 10,000 baht a month? How do you think this figure has come about? I would say it has come about because it is both a reasonable amount for a Thai person to live on and because most guys could afford this for their "peace of mind". However the reality of this 10,000 baht a month is that it is just not enough to keep a bargirl especially when she is live living in Pattaya / Bangkok and maybe even if she goes home. Bargirls and go go girls have assumed a different lifestyle since they moved away from their towns and villages. They have seen that they can have a little of the good life and they want to at least maintain this standard of living. Most of the girls I know and this includes my wife some time ago have gold etc out on the tick and in many cases this is around 4,000 baht a month. Lets say the rent is 1,000 baht a month and she will want to send at least 3,000 baht home each month and if she has kids this could be more. So if we give and take a little on these figures that will leave her 2,000 baht for food and socialising (and I forgot the mobile telephone). Do you really think this is enough? I don't. These are not women that are sensible with money. They are not, in most cases deliberately reckless with money but they just don't understand the concept of budgeting or saving a little. My wife is only now starting to understand how to take care of her money. I would like to agree with the author of "the Price of Love" submission and that is to not let your girlfriend know your true financial standing. My wife still does not know that I am a lot wealthier than she believes. But why should I tell her? I have always been generous and kept her in a very high standard of living. She will never be left short.
As other submissions have pointed out it pays to have access to her email so that you can know when you're being taken for a mug. I know it will be a terrible feeling to find out but you'll have avoided a dangerous situation both financially and emotionally. It's not just your money they're playing with. It's your heart. Most guys paying money each month do so because they want her to remain faithful until such time as they can get a visa to take her home.
I think the bottom line is that unless your girlfriend is prepared to move back home (which many are not because they have no-one there the same age because they have gone to work in the bar scene) then 10,000 baht is not enough and you can almost guarantee that she is either receiving money from other guys or going short-time so that you will never know. Use your head guys and remember if you cannot afford to keep her in Thailand then you certainly can't afford to bring them to your own country. I think in my own experience I have been very lucky especially after reading the advice of the "ever so slightly cynical" Stick!!! However I think the reason that things worked out so well was because my wife had not worked the bar a long time (about 5 months) and so she was well satisfied with the 20,000 baht approx. I sent each month. I was also very firm that I would not be able to send more than this. I must admit it never bothered me sending this money as I appreciated she had come from a poor background so it gave me some satisfaction that she could enjoy this money. I know that I was very naive at the time but luckily things have worked out so I reckon I've done everything right.
I would also have this bit of advice. If you are considering a relationship and sending money but only going to Thailand once or twice a year, FORGET IT. I think you need to be out there at least 4 times a year. Remember your little lady will be much more likely to be faithful if she thinks you are the man to take her out of Thailand. If you can only come 1 or 2 times a year not only will she have more time to meet other guys but you just cannot have anything like a normal relationship. I myself was out there 6 times a year for 2 years and we had the chance to get to know each other really well. Again it boils down to money. I am fortunate that at 26 years old I was earning enough money to do all this, and working for myself I could take holidays as I wished. For others it is not so easy (and I don't want to sound condescending) – but you have to keep life in perspective. In life there are things that we want but can never have. For instance I would love a Lamborghini Diablo but I would struggle to keep up the payments on it. The same goes for the guy with limited funds trying to keep a Thai lady. It's a nice dream but you just can't afford it mate. You'll have to wait until lady luck shines and you earn more lolly. Remember too that it's not fair on her if she thinks you are going to take her to your country but the reality is that you do not earn enough and your embassy would turn down your application.
So guys think with your brain and not your one eyed trouser monster and take care of your wallet and your heart. I've seen too many guys take a pounding on both scores and I certainly wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Visit them regularly, insist that they sever ties with ANYONE who has EVER worked in the bar, insist that they do NOT return to the bar. These are just three of the many things that you have to do if you want to make it work, but even then, the odds are against you. Peeking at her email is morally questionable, but in so many cases, one could argue that it is justified. Still, if that is the level of trust you have, perhaps it is best to find someone new?