Sincerity, Does It Exist And On Whose Side?
By An Asian Diver
I have read so many stories about relationships in your site that I guess it's my turn for the confessional and at the same time open myself for a little criticism.
First of all a little about myself. Asian / American SCUBA diver and recently divorced, had no intention of going to Thailand as I was more into private vacations in dive destinations and never considered Thailand as a prime destination compared to say Palau, Micronesia. But was persuaded to try by novice diver friends who realized of my being single coerced me into going and telling me that the 17-day trip will be all worth it with all the diving that we are going to be doing. I never bothered checking the itinerary and found out that we were only to dive 4 days in the 17 days I am going to be in Thailand. What am I supposed to do with the other 14 days.
That was last year April 2001. Since then I am about to come back this November for the sixth time.
Segway to more unusual quirkiness and more confessions. I had never fancied Asian women, was married to an American Italian for 15 years. But why am I coming back to Thailand for the sixth time in 2 years. It cannot be just the sex and women as I have no trouble with that back here in the USA.
I just realized it is the opportunity to try out different would be human interactions and supposedly relationships. Yes, cultural exchange too. After reading all of Stickman's warnings and reading "Private Dancer" I had to laugh and sometimes out loud about the stories that I have read. My male friends when we are in Thailand practically hate me because they say I am too smooth. I can easily approach any girl even in the most unusual circumstances and let my guard down just per se if they would bite. Yes, I dangle myself out there for girls to prey on. Plus I look Thai! That's what the girls say to me and get totally into long drawn out conversations. I lost track of all my faults like freely giving out my cell phone number. I tell 18 year old bar girls I meet who show of their farang boyfriend pictures who will not allow themselves to be barfined (yes they do exist) as they are going to be whisked away to Farangland to forget it while she is on the cell phone with the guy calling her from Farangland. I find this all funny when I speed up the six weeks that it takes a bar girl to get jaded down to two weeks. Then encourage her to make as much money as she can with as many guys as she can and try to get them to send her money. I get this look from them and a yell that I am "Ba BA Bo Bo"
Funniest times I have is when I hang around with these farangs at my hotel and they are all sulking about their girlfriends dumping them or cheating on them after all they have done for her. My first question is always "Which bar did you meet her at?" and then when one of my girlfriends show up or call my cell I let her talk to them to cheer them up. It's hilarious and at the same time I am so envious. I have lost the ability for sincerity with the women here in Thailand for one basic reason. "We are not playing on a level playing field!"
Let me explain this in a more understandable language. We, "the Farangs", have the money and they don't! So you can ask yourself how do you expect them to be sincere when the money thing is always looming. We use it as our weapon to buy love. Do you really think starting a relationship this way could really work? Right off the gate we would want to control everything. Because we paid for it!
So what is the solution. I say forget the money? That is what I did. If you give it, no strings attached. Do not think for one minute you control someone because you give them money. I find this sickening when you think that they are your property which is what it boils down to when you try and control them. Do not ever ask questions of her in which she would have to lie to answer you what you want to hear. My girlfriend ask me if she can go to work (I met her outside the Thermae!) I told her yes if she needs to make more money and I cannot give her more she should find three more men just like me who can send her money and if it just happens that all four of us come to Thailand all at the same time we can have a five way! She yells "OOiiee!" and calls me Baba bobo and tells me I am a good man. Every time I tease her girlfriends about a three way they say no as they hint that she would kill them or loose their friendship! How do you find out if a girl is not cheating on you! Who cares! Why would you want to? It sounds like some kind of sick possession thing to me. Ask yourself, are you intending to be faithful? And if you answer yes, Ask yourself again what you are doing in Thailand? Are you suicidal! Or do you just like the emotional pain! These girls are just trying to survive for crying out loud. By the way my girlfriend freaks out when I do not call her for more than two days!
I have another girlfriend I met at "Oishi Restaurant" by asking her help with how to make the desserts. She told me she was a virgin and promptly fell in love with me or so I was led to believe. Now I refuse to make love to her. I stop at third base and tell her she should save it for marriage. She has a car which is convenient whenever I want to get out of Bangkok.
I have a girl at NEP I am trying to train into getting her other boyfriends into sending her money. She is hilarious as she says she really loves me in her limited English and I mimic her every line down to wiping her imaginary tears when I am about to leave. It's so funny her trying to convince me that she wants to get out of the gogo bar as she is tired and does not want to dance. At the same token before our every deed she spends countless time just dancing in front of the mirror admiring herself! I asked her how can she possibly give up men looking at her adoring her. Can you guess her answer "Oh, I want only you to watch me dance".
Here is a great pick up line if you do not want the girl to get in trouble with her work. Hand them your cell phone and tell them to program their phone number in it and you can call them after work. This avoids loosing face so to speak. I lost face once because the girl had the same name as one of my girlfriends. That was pretty bad! You call her out for dinner and the entourage of roommates comes along to check you out and stamp their approval and then you get to go out with her again alone this time. You get to learn something everyday.
My Thai by the way is limited to about 20 phrases.
And then there was this gorgeous one in Phuket who worked in a bakery? I never thought I could ask her out so I went in with my interpreter. Low and behold she said yes to dinner and next thing I know she spent three nights with me. Telling me she liked me because I am a funny man and she saw me since last year as the dive shop I went to was outside the bakery. She never mentioned all the other girls I met from the Shark Club that was hanging around me either. She seemed sincere enough and can write emails quite well. So my question Stick is how the heck do you fall in love with someone you do not have a clue about! I was sincere telling her that I like her very much and miss her. But I never said that I am in love with her. She seems to be in love with me head over heals for what reason I do not know! Then comes the inevitable email about not having money and she needs to work in a go go bar like her roommates so she can send money home to her parents. I asked right away if they are ill or is the buffalo sick!
Thai women love to talk about themselves. Let me rephrase that. All women like to talk about themselves!
I really get off on the stories more than anything else. I love looking them straight in the eye when they are telling them. If I can only sincerely fall in love with one then I can say that I am halfway to heaven.
The best stories are out of the Eden Club. Without getting into much detail I find them to be the most sincere and probably most honest.
I just wish I was a stud like you…