Stickman Readers' Submissions October 24th, 2002

A Bargirl Relationship Reminder

I feel compelled to write this piece as a warning and as a reminder of the pitfalls of a bargirl – farang relationship.

This story is about a bar girl I have known for over 5 years who is now in her late 20’s with 3 kids and a drinking problem – and recently married to a farang.

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I will call this girl Porn, not her real name. Porn is an attractive girl with a lively personality but a limited amount of English. I have always found her good fun but she definitely has her limitations. Realizing that her days were getting on in the bar scene she was actively looking for the permanent customer.

Quite obligingly an American chap fell for her and eventually married her a few months ago. He has been to Bangkok a few times in the last year and is now keen to get Porn over to the States.

I have taken a rather voyeuristic interest in this relationship and it has been very interesting!!!

How have I done this. Well Porn asked me to set up an email account for her and well you see I have the password and so I have been monitoring this relationship by e-mail. Now this guy has been sending emails from the beginning with things like I’ll love you for a thousand years and I cannot live without you and you are the only one for me and I’ll die if I don’t see you etc. Way over the top I would have thought but maybe I am not romantic but… He was not the only one sending email to her either as there were also a couple of other guys doing the same thing although not as keen as he seemed to be. She also sent me an email asking when I was returning and not to forget to visit her. In the meantime despite the fact that he has also been sending money over regularly and she is not actively working any more she is still doing the odd trick here and there and was quite willing to go with me if I wanted. They finally got married after many long emails and one trip back to Bangkok. In fact I would say this guy doesn’t know Porn as well as I do as he has spent about 3 weeks in total with her and is now married.

Since they were married the real problems seem to be starting to appear. Firstly he is having big problems getting her a visa. The application was rejected the first time and as she has worked as a bar girl for so long so there is difficulty in establishing her as a genuine visitor.

The worst of it is the money factor. Porn is always asking for money and this poor schmuck is handing it out like there is no tomorrow. His latest email says that he has no food for the rest of the month as he has sent all his cash to her and that he still loves her but he cannot afford to send anymore. This guy is an average wage earner and doesn’t really have the capacity to send. He also states that he has credit card debt of over $US 10,000 as he had to pay for his last trip and the wedding on credit.

Well from my perspective things look like they are going to go from worse to worse for this guy. Porn seems quite determined to go to the US where I figure she will last no longer than a year tops. She will be going to a small town in mid west US where it is freezing in winter and to a country where she cannot speak the language that well to live with a guy who has very limited financial resources which are getting even more limited by the hour!!! Add this to the fact that her children will be left in Thailand and the heavy drinking problem she has inherited due to working in a bar for nearly 10 years and the chances for success are in my opinion almost non existent.

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It is too late for this guy I think but for others out there please reconsider before embarking on a relationship with a bar girl because the odds are so stacked against you that if you were a gambling man you would never consider such prohibitive odds.

Stickman says:

An important reminder. With bargirls and ex-bargirls, trust becomes quite an issue, and it is easy to see why people want to monitor email for a period of time until the trust has been established.

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