You Have To Use Your Brain

You read a lot of stories on this site about failed relationships, deceptive females, the Bangkok sex scene, the lure of the night and the backwardness of Thai people and culture. So I thought it would be nice to provide an account of my situation.

A bit of background first. I am a Caucasian male, wealthy (self-made), hardworking, average looking, young and educated. I live and work from Bangkok for most of the year. I have lived here now for many years. The only reason I came to Bangkok was to do business and experience an expatriate lifestyle in an Asian country (life is for living right!!). So I guess that given my stereotype I would be ripe for the picking by the traps and downward spirals that Thailand can lead you into. Wrong!!

Lesson number one: always think with your brain. If you want to be successful in life you have to be smarter than the person next to you and you have very good self-control / discipline. I realized from a very early stage what Thai people were up to; "the land of fake smiles" would be a better travel brochure title. My background made me very analytical and pragmatic, and it is about as easy to earn my trust, as it is to meet a non-cerebrally challenged Thai person. Basically I came here with a mission, a goal, a plan, and nothing is going to let that waiver. The distractions of the night and its Hedonisms can easily drop a man at his knees. You have to maintain your focus, and always stop for a second to pause and think about what you are doing. I'll never understand why guys try to marry Thai hookers.

Lesson number two: Have standards. I don’t give a rat's ass about the Thai sex industry, hostesses, bar girls, freelancers…they can all bugger off as far as I am concerned. Sure there are some lookers, but fucked if a hooker is good enough to share my bed. Is it easy to abstain from the women of the night?? Not really, I am a red blooded male and I see many attractive girls. But I always stop to think first, and trust me, the costs and potential costs always outweigh the benefits (short and long 🙂 )

Lesson number three: be wary of the nightlife and don’t let it control you. Once it starts controlling you, then you are in trouble. Also be economical with alcohol when you are bar hopping….inebriation eats away at your self-control and you can easily make regrettable decisions. I've deliberately never been in any sex type establishment, because it is just as easy to find a lovely girl in regular establishments. And I did, my lovely Thai wife. I also find pleasure in other avenues such as sports, movies, reading, clubs and traveling around the country. Non-destructive extra curricular interests definitely help in maintaining your focus on why you are really here.

Lesson number four: why are you here? Know why you are here and try to make something positive of you time. Don’t let some whore drain your accounts and soul. Learn the language, make some cash, start a business, learn about Thai history, sponsor a child, do something more worthwhile than boozing, whoring or chasing little Noi from Nongkhai.

So some of you are no doubt thinking who is this holier than thou asswipe. Well your damn right I am. I am so annoyed by constantly seeing so many men with promise get swallowed up and spat out the other side. My diatribe is intended to provide some guidelines to succeeding in Bangkok, personally and professionally. These are just a couple of the guidelines that help me to achieve what I want while I am temporarily here. They work for me. They may not work for you. They may have little or no relevance to the Khao San backpacker or 2 week sex tourist. But if you can take something from this essay let it be this, decide what you purpose is here in Thailand, and never let Thailand control you. If you want to have whore sex, then short time away, be safe and never get committed. If you want to conduct business then be patient, earn trust, know your market, research the law and accounting practices, etc…. Be calculating, be cool, get what you want and maintain the upper hand. It is a much nicer feeling getting back on that plane knowing you achieved your goal rather than lost your soul, heart or bank balance.

Ok that was the bridge. Onto the next verse.

I don’t really trust Thai people. A farang in Siam is always an outsider. Where there is no genuity in a relationship, I am simply not interested. Enough said. I don’t have or want any Thai friends. My wife is Thai (physically) but she has a western mentality. She is the only Thai person in my inner circle. This exclusionary policy works for me in attaining my goals, it is rather isolationist, but I am comfortable with it. Plus I have a good set of non-Thai friends in Bangkok.

Lesson number five: set rules for yourself and don't break them.

I love my wife so much so that I put her needs before my own. Our relationship is a success to date. I believe the reasons are that:

a) We took a lot of time to get to know each other.
b) We lived together for a long time before getting married.
c) We established ground rules for each other's roles and expectancies in the relationship.
d) We have never lived apart, we have been together continuously, none of this inter- continent, pan-ocean email relationship carry on.

Lesson number five: take your time in a relationship, just because the sex was great one night, doesn't mean that she'll make a good partner for life. So don't rush your little Noi off to the visa office after a few steamy nights. Be patient, use your brain!!

Thai people and Thai culture are backward and outdated. The government’s policies are hypocritical. Taksin loves Western goods and services, as do his people, but there is little reciprocity of feeling towards Westerners themselves. This hypocrisy is probably not even dwelled upon by Thai people because they have very poor ability to think constructively or analytically let alone have the ability of foresight. Yes the Thai way sucks ass. But hey it is their country and Bangkok is their refuse heap.

Lesson number six: Find a way to deal with it. I live quite comfortably now because I have etched out my own little bubble of comfort where I surround myself by those things I like, and exclude those that repulse, irritate or anger me.

With that last burst I'll fade out quietly now…just remember, the world can be your oyster in Bangkok, just watch out for those girls in the cloister and always think with you brain. Be a hard man, don’t get humbled, don’t tumble, audit your company. Yes those are references to a well-known Bangers anthem.

I really don’t believe that anyone desires to be taken advantage of in Thailand, to lose their money or to have their heart ripped out. The only way to avoid this is to be headstrong, know what you want and develop a plan / strategy for acquiring it. Self-discipline is the key and this takes time and practice. Meditation can help to hone your focus. I’ve achieved my Thai goals by following my rules and using my brain. I haven’t been taken advantage of or fallen into any holes because I simply wont allow it.

Go out and party, have all the fun you are used to having, just do so with your head on your shoulders.

I am a hard man; I am tough and blunt but also fair and honest. I haven't read any inspirational a la Tony Robbins style self-improvement guides, what I write is common sense to me. I sure hope this essay can help some of you that are in more precarious situations. Take control of your Thailand experience.

Chok dee na !!

Stickman says:

Yep, it is all common sense. Like someone once said, "so many farangs seem to check their brain in at Don Muang the moment they arrive…"