Readers' Submissions

Inflating Balloons with Whores

  • Written by Anonymous
  • August 31st, 2002
  • 15 min read


Inflating Balloons with Whores (and the Beauty of Human Connections in a Floating World of Inflated Egos)

By Happily Inflated


I just got back last week from my second trip to Thailand. The first time I went was with a rounded farang girl three years ago, which meant my fun was limited (though I still enjoyed the trip immensely). This time I went with a rounded buddy of mine, which let me explore the "naughty nightlife." I have been living in Japan for 4 years and currently work at a large Japanese company where I see money grabbing, duplicity, and cover-ups on a day to day basis. Even if the smiles I saw from all the girls at Nana plaza my first two nights there may have not been the most authentic, they were most welcome. My second night, my friend and me took two go-go girls out to listen to live music and wound up having a better time out of the go-go bar than in it. I read a submission from a reader explaining the horrible time he had taking a bargirl to a nice restaurant and a movie. If you don't mind Thai pop-music, street food, discos and billiards then I think you can have a great time "out of the bar". I think the girl I was with was more fun to hang out with than shag (the shag was pretty good though). I'll never forget her cute smile, her sitting on my lap in the passenger seat in the taxi cab, her saying "good night" as soon as we lay down together, and then grabbing me and saying "no good night" while giggling. I wonder how many guys she had done that to before. I don't know, I don't care, it was funny and felt good anyhow.

After going to Pattaya, I was on my third night and with my third girl when I had the slight misfortune of being sexually assaulted by someone I was supposed to be paying to get MY rocks off with. Somehow I have managed to deal with the horrid memory of a Thai girl forcing my face into her crotch and saying, "you smoke me, I smoke you." When I said 'no' she actually had the audacity to say that, "you don't care about me." And to make matters worse, she asked what my name was the next morning. After we had spent the entire night together in a beer bar and at her brother's karaoke bar the bitch couldn't remember my name. By that point I was queasy and disappointed enough to call the whole "naughty night" scene off and be content with just SCUBA diving as opposed to muff diving for the remainder of the trip (at least the dive masters don't forget my name). But, my friend dragged me out the next night on the Queen's birthday (hey, what are friends for?).

I took a cutie to my hotel. Let's call her 'Mai'. She wanted to go upstairs and did the *usual tricks (*I assumed this was usual) to try and lure me there. She attached her bra strap to my collar and started tugging playfully, she massaged me in the right areas…but she forgot my name when I made sure to ask 5 minutes after her ploy (If I was going with anyone this night, I was gonna have to be selective). After she repeated my name several times and looked like she truly was sorry, so I caved in and took her back to my hotel. When we got to the lobby she told me she didn't have a card. When we got to the elevator I pressed for her age. When I got to my bed and she was ready to go (I was more that ready after seeing her G-string), I got my answer…"18 (giggle), 17 (giggle), 16 (laugh)." Oops…was the polite version of what went through my head. I'm only 26, but that 10 year age difference…she's just a kid…and illegal.

When my friend got back with his "girlfriend" to the suite in our hotel he found me in his room reading a book. When he walked into my room and saw a beautiful girl sleeping on my bed he gave me a look that said "what the fuck are you doing?!” but soon realized something was seriously wrong.

The first words out of his mouth were "hey man, there're cops downstairs, did something happen?”

"There's a half-naked 16 year old in my bed," I replied. "She doesn't speak enough English to understand that I want her to leave."

I filled him and his "girlfriend" in. Apparently his "girlfriend" started working at 16 and said that it was no big deal, and the cops always did routine checks. When I told my friend I didn't do anything, he praised me for my will power and started getting it on with his 18 year old veteran.

I woke up the next morning early for a SCUBA dive. Mai mechanically got up and tried to get to work on me. I told her I had to go and slipped her 1500 baht (what she asked for at the bar). She gave me a look of total shock. "WHY?" she said. I explained that I didn't mind giving her the money even though we didn't have sex, because I 'liked' her. She gave me a mixed expression of shock and relief and told me she wanted to see me again that night, and that she would take me to "Hollywood", a disco in Pattaya. I gave her a white lie and told her I'd meet her in the bar and pay the fine.

12 hours later I realized I did ‘like’ her and was in her bar again. The mamasan came straight up to me with a charming smile and said that Mai had been waiting and wanted to cut me a "deal." If I paid for her sister's barfine as well, I would only have to pay 1000 baht for the night. And that's when the greatest memories of my trip began, and where I would meet a group of Go-Go girls that now bring a smile to my face whenever I see their pictures. I bet you wanna know the bar…no chance, that one's for me.

Walking out with what I thought were the 2 cutest girls in Pattaya, one dressed in all white, and the other in all black. They both wore party pants that had scratched out areas on the upper thighs that gave you tempting peaks. I got hollered at as we walked towards the beach, "Hey sexy man with two girls!” All three of us laughed. While we waited to get in to the club the girls showed me the joys of Thai video games. When we got in to Hollywood the ladyboy comedian had fun poking fun of me even though I had no clue what she was talking about (it was probably better that way because I swore I heard the Japanese word for loser somewhere in her routine). When the great performances ended and the dancing began, Mai was happy to find that I used to be an avid break-dancer. It was fun teaching "dancers" how to dance.

I went back to the hotel with Mai and her sister went back to the bar. Mai showed me her card and explained she was to turn 18 soon (better than 16, but not much comfort). I taught her some jujitsu moves (no pun intended), we had a pillow fight (no pun intended), and then went to sleep.

When I awoke in the morning we cuddled and I called her "Mai-chan." "Chan" is a Japanese suffix attached to the name of a girl younger than or about the same age as the speaker (if the speaker is close to the girl). She did a double take. "What you say! Say again!"

"Mai-chan, Mai-chan, Mai-chan," I said. "It mean little…cute girl. In Japan you say to girlfriend."

"In Thai, same, same!" She then said my name and attached a "-jaa" at the end. I guess it means darling. For the rest of the trip we would always attach the -jaa at the end of our names. One morning in the lobby of my hotel, I called her out by saying Mai-jaa and got laughs and smiles from all the hotel staff. Sometimes we would just keep saying each other's names, "Mai-jaa, xxxx-jaa." We must have looked stupid, but it seemed to say "everything." Everything being that I liked spending time with her (and felt good about giving an under-aged prostitute a little vacation), and as far as she felt, I think I must have been at least one of her more interesting customers. She would often say, “I like when you say Mai-jaa.” Some day in the future, after studying enough Thai, I would like to say a lot more.

I skipped diving that day and took Mai out shopping. We took pictures together, dipped our hands in freezing cold water, followed by hot wax to make a hand wax mould that would be a sign of our love until it got too hot in her room and the thing melted. We ate papaya, she taught me a Thai Karaoke song…you know, the usual shit. Despite the fact that her English was horrible, we somehow managed to communicate (I think the fact that I was a TESL teacher years ago, and the fact that she was smarter than she led on may have helped). She asked me to go back to her bar in the afternoon and help the girls prepare for a party that night. I asked her if I would be a bother to the other girls and she let me know that she wanted to show me off.

Until the day I die I'll never forget inflating balloons with a group of Thai whores. It will go to my grave as one of my fondest memories of bridging cultural and socio-economic gaps. Better than my experiences working at a die factory in East LA with a bunch of fun-loving Mexicans, even better than picking green tea with Japanese old ladies. When the balloons got full with air in the motorized pump, the girls (even the older ones and mama-san) would playfully cover their ears, afraid of hearing a loud popping sound. That got me to laugh – hardened hookers, afraid of a popping balloon.

Turns out Mai's aunt was the mamasan. This was a family affair and a lot of the girls acted like family. The mamasan even said it, "we're all one big family." And she poured me a coke and gave me a look that welcomed me to her home and made me feel at home with her “family.” I remember thinking how beautiful she was and what a knockout she must have been in her prime. As I busily pumped air and tied off balloons, a gay Thai boy who was a sort of bodyguard for the girls would happily refill my coke and Mai's sister would hold a cigarette in my mouth as my hands were preoccupied with party preparations.

That evening, as soon as I showed up at the party, there was food in my lap, girls on sitting on both sides, and an interesting, drunk expat in the corner

A guy in his late-thirties / early forties drunk to the point where his eyes seemed stapled shut, and who the mamasan told me to ignore as he was "not 100% here," said some great shit I'll never forget. First he told me something I already knew, but in very eloquent terms. "When you make the world your home, you'll always find bullshit." I agreed with his statement. Then he told me Pattaya was all about "ego." I hadn't thought about it like that, but agreed with him on this point too.

Two nights later, I had the biggest ego in Thailand. It was my last night in the country, my plane would leave from Bangkok at 7 AM. I had to be at the airport before 5 AM, and a taxi would get me at 2 AM from my hotel in Pattaya. My farang friend would remain in Thailand for another week. My "host family" knew all this and was bent on making me have a pleasant final night in Thailand. My farang friend came along for the party too of course. And a party it was…with presents!

I hadn't sat down for more than several minutes when Mai and one of her friends give me a present of two crystal dragons in a glass case. The mamasan explained that I would not have to go to the airport alone and she would pack 5 girls in the taxi with me to see me off. Mamasan asked for 200 baht, and bought a feast of street food of which me, my friend, and my "host family" of whores proceeded to dig into on the street outside. When the bugs came out, I had to pass, even when Mai tried to get me to bite a cockroach leg out of her mouth. One of the girls ran off to buy me leis. The mamasan put the 5 flowered necklaces on me explaining that I was not to take them off despite my sunburns and the heat. She said that the necklaces "mean we love you."

I felt bad when I saw from across the street many farang guys peep their heads in the bar, ask "where are all the girls?" and leave. Mamasan was losing money on this party. Customers were leaving because all the cutest girls were eating bugs in the street to honor me during my farewell party (ego man, that's the shit).

But ego overcame guilt and I went with the flow. After a while, we went back in the bar, and the girls proceeded to give me pole dance lessons. Word of advice for you male readers (the majority) interested in tackling a go-go pole: when you jump a pole to hang upside-down, never straddle the pole from the jump, but rather start your jump on the left or right side. Straddling from the jump equals pain that may have repercussions down to your offspring…

After my pole dance lesson it was off to the disco and then back to my hotel room with 5 girls. My farang friend was laying low downstairs as he had already hooked up with Mai's sister, but had his "girlfriend" waiting upstairs. Mai's sister wasn't offended when she saw the girl in our sweet (she was there for my party anyhow…ego man, ego, yeah baby, wicked!). After the girls cleaned off the wet bar, and I checked out and charged all the stuff to my friend's room, we got in the taxi and headed off for the 2 hour trip to the airport. Mai fell asleep in my lap and I soon to dozed off hearing the soothing giggles and chatting of the 4 professionals squished into the back of the cab.

Three of the girls headed back to Pattaya, while Mai and one of her "skanky ass whore" friends with a kind smile and beautiful face stayed to see me off. Mai's friend asked for money on behalf of Mai. I only had 1500 baht on me (the rest was in Japanese yen I would need to get back home) and needed the 500 baht for airport tax. I slipped them 1000, but wanted to give them more to say, "thank you" in the most understandable way for members of the oldest profession in the world. I felt bad. But the girls said thank you for the little bit of shopping money I gave them, and I thanked them for the priceless memories, promising to write. My farang friend paid Mai's barfine and then some for the rest of his stay to give her a holiday (a little time to get over me…ego baby, ego), and to give himself a better excuse to shag Mai's sister, who is number one in the bar. Mai's probably with a customer now…I hope he's gentle, I hope she's strong enough to wear a mask that will get her through the night, I hope her friends and family will take care of her and get her to smile, laugh, and dance during hard times.

My best memories with the "prostitutes," "whores", "brown fuck machines powered by rice" (as one chap called them) were the times when we were not "fucking" and burning off rice calories, but just hanging out, chill'n and shoot'n the shit. What I took away from my first experience enjoying the "naughty nightlife" was that it doesn't matter what you call them or label them, because they're people. People lie and cheat. People love and take care of each other. There are good people and bad people, and I’m not sure but I think I just found a fascinating place in the grimiest, sleaziest, and most sinful recesses of our planet, where a society of people exists with unique culture driven by personal greed and desperation, and fed by customer libido and above all, customer ego. Members of this society wear masks, but who doesn't? I know it to be a society not devoid of love, and its members, call them what you want, are every bit as human as you and I.

Stickman says:

I always admire people who are able top have fun with the girls away from the bars. There is a certain simplicity about these girls which some people find cute and charming. It seems that you were able to successfully tune into this. Nice summary at the end.