Stickman Readers' Submissions July 11th, 2002

An Asian Viewpoint

By An Asian Man

I’m an Asian of Chinese-Malay descent living in South East Asia outside of Thailand. Boy, reading through all these readers’ submissions over the past year really was an exercise in getting to know the Western mind.

He Clinic Bangkok

As an Asian man, I was brought up in a family environment with many values similar to Thais. The family does come first. I am married to a wonderful Chinese woman with a daughter. When I married her, I did not just marry her… it was understood that we married into each others’ families as well and yes, that meant that I looked after the interests of her parents and siblings and likewise she does the same for my own parents, siblings including nearby and far relations.

I still screw around whenever I’m in the LOS, or for that matter, just about anywhere I set foot on as long as there was pussy… easy or otherwise. I still love my wife and kid and I guess that’s where the secret really is for any Western man coming to this neck of the woods irregardless if he was single or married. You always need to know where ‘home’ is. It might be like me…my own family….or it might be our own little ‘home’ of friends in Farangland ….a place where you are comfortable hanging your hat and letting your guard down knowing that this is YOUR TURF.

I cant speak for all men of Asian descent but I do believe I speak for a majority of Thai, Chinese, Philipino, Indonesian, Malaysian etc etc playboys. Our wives are likely to know or at least suspect that there’s another woman out there somewhere where I’ll occasionally or regularly share a bed with. As long as we don’t bring it home or even talk about it, nobody cares. How do the west say it? Don’t shit in your own backyard?

CBD bangkok

I particularly enjoy Thailand, Indonesia and China. Asian women in general, not just in LOS, do take pretty darn good care of their menfolk…that’s why most of you see us middle aged Asian men as a little on the hefty side. Benefits of years of TLC.

We generally take outside relationships at face value, nothing more, nothing less. That does not mean that we preclude ourselves from having personal love-like feelings for our extra-marital girlfriends. I’ve loved a few of my women very much but always know where ‘Home’ is. It amuses me to read that some westerners try to lay down terms or have heart to heart lay-the-cards-on-the-table with their Thai girlfriends. I mean no disrespect but the rules and etiquettes of the West simply do not apply here. Asians understand this and there is no need to even talk about it….its understood between us what I want and what she wants.

The decisions lie more in the evaluation of who I can afford and who I cannot. This doesn’t mean rich girls vs. poor village girls. If their financial and material expectations are beyond me (reading these signs is a subtle art and hardly lie in a physical assessment of how she dresses or how much gold she has draped on her) or eventually reach a stage where I cannot afford it…I walk away. No fights, no killings, no pain. She would want you out anyway so that she can find someone else who can afford to maintain her.

This often silent unspoken understanding between the Asian playboy and his bed partner has been around for generations. It sometimes does evolve into a long term relationship and both parties are under no illusions as to who the mistress is.

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In the case of my own father, he had 3 wives whom he loved dearly and fathered my other 5 step brothers and sisters. It was rare for a man married to a few wives to house everyone together under one roof. My father had homes for each of his wives, including one for my mother and me and my younger brother. He would spend a couple of days alternating between the 3 families and sent all of us through college where I graduated with a degree in chemical engineering from an Ivy League school out on the East Coast. It was an honor for him to be known to be wealthy and benevolent enough to support 3 known families. I’m sure he’s had other women on the side as Mom and the other Moms got into their 50s. There was never any fighting over ‘the other wife’ just as long as he did not bring it home with him except on important occasions like the New Year or when one of us kids married. He demanded that we show respect equally to each step Mom. We loved him dearly and he did his will such that it evidenced itself that he loved each wife deeply and equally. Everyone was involved in his funeral, ranks and all. It surprised young me then that it actually made the 3 women stronger together in their time of collective grief. We now have the ritual of visiting each other during important festivals and take sincere concern in each other’s welfare.

All this was possible only with early acceptance of the culture and where men and women stood in relation to one another in Asia.

Back to the present day…

She accesses me as well too. Asian men generally accept and want that because I’d rather have her know now how much sugar her daddy has than be disappointed later if I’m not what I made myself out to be. <This is sooooooo trueStick>

That way, even if I want to end a relationship, its much easier when the lady knows that I know where my brains are (in my pants) and perhaps where ‘Home’ is for me. This benefits both parties and who knows….down the road other benefits await her if she helps me bed a friend or relative of hers that I fancy.

And I always insist on paying. It does not need to be much and it MUST NEVER be “here’s the money for the great fuck last night”. Its always “here’s some shopping money, get some nice clothes” or my usual practice…just slip it into her purse or pocket quietly. This delivers the message of where we’re both coming from without humiliation or demeaning a nice lady whom I enjoyed myself with. They understand us Asian men, our priorities are mostly business (big or small) first, followed by ‘Home’ and then our fun. Well, the Home and fun part might sometimes swap places with those who have a unhappy marriage….. But NEVER the Business. Its always Number One.

Lastly, I would advise that when in Asia, men behave as men. There is sexual inequality and there is a culture of female submission. Women lose respect rapidly once they perceive you as emotionally weak. Doesn’t matter if you have money. They will play this weakness or perceived weakness to its fullest advantage. Now I probably do sound like a chauvinistic pig from the Old World and in many ways I am, but the East is still the East with one and a half legs still in the Old World insofar as such values are concerned. Yes, Utopian western values and ideals of equality will probably one day replace the current but its day is not here yet.

You might not notice it on the surface in Singapore, Kuala Lumpur or Hong Kong but it is there if you understand and are able to interpret the nuances. I am NOT advocating boorish or physical violence towards woman (although it is not beyond me to whack an insolent bitch across her face if she steps across the line e.g. challenges my position and responsibilities as a man when she’s drunk or sober).

Know the reality in Asia and please do enjoy your holidays here….with your heads screwed on right side up. Although I initially introduced myself as an Asian, I am a man nonetheless and I speak here as a man amongst men.

Stickman says:

Thanks for a different perspective, one which we can all learn from.

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