Stickman Readers' Submissions June 12th, 2002

My Story Of Orm


I am writing to tell you my story of a 10 month relationship with a Thai girl called Orm. I am a 35 year-old international banking consultant who travels extensively and earns a good income. Last year I got an assignment in Bangkok. It required me to spend 2 weeks every quarter in Bangkok for the next year. I had been in the city before and had partaken of the pleasures of bar girls and go-go dancers. While it was fun I eventually got tired of the scene. So for this work assignment I decided to spend my free time seeing if I could date what you call in your article a "nice" Thai girl.

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Two days into my first session of work, while eating lunch in Siam Square, I struck up a conversation with a girl and her friend called Orm. Orm spoke English, was pretty, smart, 29, and had a nice sense of humour. She was very shy (in fact her friend spoke more than she did) but told me she worked in an insurance company and as a hair stylist part-time. We exchanged phone numbers. The next day I asked her out and we had a really nice time. She was so shy around me that I thought she didn't like me so I was quite surprised when she called me back to ask me out again the next day. We went out about three more times that week and got along really well. She was very conservative, did not drink much or smoke, and would not even go into the lobby of my hotel as she thought people might talk about her. I eventually had to go back to the States but we agreed to email each other and see each other again when I came back.

When I returned to Bangkok after 2 months, we went out again. Things went very well but slowly with her (we didn't kiss until the fifth date) but she was such a nice person and fun to be with I didn't mind the slow pace. She was very different than other Thai girls I had gone out with, and a refreshing change. She invited me to her company and out with friends. All the while, she told me many things about growing up in a small village and coming to Bangkok to work in a variety of jobs (factory work, waitressing and clerical work). She got along well with her mother but her mother passed away when she was 25. She was estranged from her father because of his drinking. Towards the end of my trip we finally slept together and it was a wonderful experience.

On my third trip we became an item and were inseparable. I really began to fall for this girl – we'd been going out over 8 months and had spent almost a month together. The more time we spent together the more we enjoyed each other's company and our intimacy grew. I knew she did not have much money so I sprang for dinners, entertainment and various day trips. I even offered to buy her gifts she admired in stores but she objected to me spending any money on her. In fact, the only arguments we had were about me spending too much money on dinners and trips. She didn't like going out to bars very much and preferred to stay home. The only puzzling thing about her was that when we made love she was very concerned that I was happy and satisfied – but seemed uncomfortable if I tried to reciprocate the favor for her. She also liked lovemaking to go quickly rather than slowly – most girls like it the opposite way. As with many Asian girls, I took this to be part of their upbringing.

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I returned home and looked forward to our weekly emails and phone calls which filled the time between visits. But, after being home a few weeks I stopped getting emails from her. I phoned her at our usual time and she did not answer the phone. Finally, a few days later I get an email saying she lost her job and was having a lot of problems. I phoned her immediately and then got the shock of my life! She was happy to hear from me but sad and depressed. I asked what was wrong and she told me she got another job but it involved long hours. She wouldn't say anything else other than to inquire as to how things were going with me. THEN I GOT THE SHOCKER OF MY LIFE! A few days later I phoned again and she told me she is actually working in a bar on Silom Road. She said I would not like to hear what she does in the bar but it is only temporary until she finds something else. She then told me that I am the only one she can confide in and she did not tell any of her family and friends. I had her promise me she would look for something else as soon as possible and even offered her financial help so she could quit until I returned – but she refused money saying she would be ok and not to worry.

Well, I was quite shocked to hear all of this. I am scheduled to go back to Bangkok in a month but am at a loss as what to do. I thought I was in a growing long-term relationship with a nice Thai girl and then out of the blue she tells me she has become a “temporary bar girl”! After thinking about it a few days I thought to myself maybe I am the victim of some scam. But the trouble is she doesn't want me to give her any money. All she wants is for me to see her again when I go back.

What is going on? Is she being honest and this is a personal crisis that I may / may not be able to help her with by being emotionally supportive? Or, am I being led into some sort of elaborate scam? I am very confused as all the time we were together she never asked me for anything. I want to see her again and help her but at the same time I keep thinking what if I am being set up for something bad and the best thing to do is get out of this. Any advice from people with similar experiences?

Stickman says:

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This is a tough one and there are all sorts of possibilities. Through meeting you, she may have eventually warmed to the idea of becoming a bargirl – not by choice, but only should a contingency arise – as happened. She may have made the choice that she needs to make a lot of money fast – and with 30 approaching, she may believe that she can only make money for a short amount of time (which is actually wrong as many bargirls work AND are successful well beyond this age.) It really is impossible to determine what has happened, but her refusing your offers of financial assistance really are unusual. It all goes to show that some of the "non working girls" are not always the princesses that we (I ?) make them out to be.

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