Stickman Readers' Submissions May 20th, 2002

How Many Katoeys Are Working?

Anonymous Submission

I've recently returned from my 7th trip to the LOS. I am no rookie to the scene. I've been and seen plenty, and with regard to katoeys I've always, always, always been extremely confident that I would never mistake one for a girl…ever. I’m quite sure that I've confidently bragged to this affect on more than one occasion.

He Clinic Bangkok

But on this last trip, I was seriously fooled on two occasions…once in Phuket and once in Bangkok (Nana). I feel pretty bad about this for not only the obvious reasons, but some not so obvious reasons as well.

The first time…

…was in Phuket. I spent an entire evening at one particular bar, chatting up this particular “woman”. The entire time I was in this bar (no less than 5 hours!), we sat face-to-face, played Connect 4 and Jenga, drank, laughed, and talked. For God’s sake man, face-to-face for five freaking hours! Honestly, it scares me to recall it. I paid her bar, and we headed off prior to closing time…12:30 or so, I think it was. At her suggestion, we proceeded to the katoey bar area off Soi Bangla (Soi Eric I think it’s called). We sat down at one of the bars right at the front and she began chatting to the “girls” in a way that immediately set off warning bells. These weren't just her friends; they were her brethren. I immediately confronted her about my fear, and her facial expression and body language said all that needed to be said.

CBD bangkok

I told her I was sorry, that this really wasn’t my style. I’m strictly a “Women only” guy. I don’t care if she's a boy in drag, or a full trans-sexual with 100% converted anatomy. I don’t want to have sex with a man, or anything that used to be a man. Period. End of story. (And really now as I think about it, I don’t truly know whether or not she still had her “equipment”…it didn’t appear so, but as I've said, it wouldn't have mattered either way).

She was obviously upset, and I truly felt bad. I felt bad because I’d been fooled. I told her that she should have told me. She said she thought I knew. I didn’t know! Man, just thinking about it makes me feel really odd about myself. It’s embarrassingly hard to explain. Despite the realization that this was a man, I cannot deny that even as I stood there rejecting her, I was still attracted to her. Like, a small whisper voice in the back of my mind was thinking, “Maybe just a blowjob…”, while at the same time, the predominant, in-control voice was positively screaming, “No Fucking Way!”. It was truly a weird emotional experience.

So as I mentioned, I felt bad because I’d been fooled, but I also felt bad because I truly liked her and still do. She was extremely fun to be with and very attractive. We genuinely had a great time partying that evening. I definitely didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and did everything I could to avoid doing so. But unfortunately, I ultimately ended up having to just walk away from her right there on the street in front of the bar. She kept asking the same “why?” questions over and over, and I kept telling her exactly the same thing…that it just wasn’t for me, and that I was sorry. I really felt bad about having to walk off like that, but I was afraid things might escalate. She definitely lost some face there with our small scene in front the bar where her friends were sitting. I was worried that this would cause her to lose her temper, so I just got the hell outta there. I really wished that it hadn't gone down that way. Despite the fact that I did not want to have sex with her, I still wanted to remain friends. I’ll never see her again though. Even now I wonder if it was my fault for not knowing, or hers for assuming I knew.

The second time…

wonderland clinic

…was in the beer bar that's directly attached to the Nana hotel…right across the street from NEP.

This girl has my mind really quite twisted. Even now, I’m really not 100% sure if she was at one time a man, or is in fact a girl who's undergone quite a lot of plastic surgery. In fact, I've seen this girl completely nude and I’m still not sure!

She absolutely has had a breast augmentation done. They look fantastic when she has a shirt and bra on…stunning really. But uncovered, they're clearly fake looking and something is just not right in the area around the nipple. It almost looks as though some attempt was made to artificially create an areola surrounding the nipple, but the end result is utterly unconvincing and really quite bad looking. Perhaps this was simply a side effect of the surgery, as I've heard that silicon implants are sometimes inserted via an incision right at the nipple. I’m not a silicon implant expert, so I really don’t know what the deal was.

She also has had a nose job done, and to my eyes, it looks outstanding. In fact, it’s too perfect. It’s so straight and perfectly shaped that it has to have been worked on. There are no scars that I could see, and in my opinion, the doctor who performed this work must be quite first-class.

The girl has beautiful, straight black hair parted down the middle. I’d say the length comes down to about the middle of her back…maybe a tad shorter than that. She’s about 5 feet tall with small hands, small feet, and absolutely no adam’s apple whatsoever. Her lips are a bit full for a girl, and when one looks closely at her hands and feet, there might be a small indication that something is up, but really it’s nothing you'd notice right off…and they're definitely not the type of hands and feet where you'd take one look at them and automatically think “oh yeah, that's a man”…nothing like that at all. This girl is petite, pretty, and curvy. And if she were a 100% natural woman, she'd be exactly the kind of hottie that I’d really like to spend some time (and money) with. She has the look I like in a Thai girl.

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe some of you would see this girl once and think right off that she was a man. Or maybe you wouldn't think she was as attractive as I think she is. I don’t know. I think I’m a pretty normal guy with fairly normal taste in girls. I don’t think I’m way off base here regarding this girl. I feel pretty sure that most guys would find this girl at least acceptable for some short-time company (which is all I was interested in really). I've seen punters walking off with a lot worse than this girl, let me tell you!! Maybe she's not extreme upper-echelon for a girl, but for a girl that used to be a guy, she's almost certainly in the top 5% to my eyes. Very, very convincing…

So I barfine this girl and shortly thereafter, her girlfriend shows up with her newlywed, farang husband. We have a few more beers, the girls eat some dinner while her friend’s husband and I chat (he’s from the UK), and after a brief stop at the newlywed’s hotel room, Lat and I end up back at my hotel room.

After some small talk, Lat asks me what I want. I tell her that I want her to take her clothes off. After a bit of modesty on her part and a bit of encouragement on my part, she begins to comply. Shoes, socks, and jeans hit the floor. I am aroused…there is no doubt about it. After a bit more modesty and a bit more encouragement, the panties hit the floor. It was at this point that something didn’t seem right. Could it be that what I thought was modesty was, in actuality, concern and apprehension over me discovering the truth about her gender?

At the point when her panties hit the floor, I’m sitting on the edge of the bed and she's standing directly in front me. Her crotch is directly in front of me at eye-level. Really, at the moment her panties came down, it wasn’t like I went “Hey, you're a man!”. There wasn’t a manly package tucked away in there trying to hide. So honestly, the whole realization thing was sort of just a gut feeling on my part. The shape of her hips, the shape of her legs, just the whole anatomical structure down there just didn’t ring true for some reason (could it be that I was gun-shy from my Phuket experience?). This, coupled with her demeanour (which at this point I’m clearly reading more as fear than the modesty I’d originally thought she was expressing) was what made me start to feel uneasy.

I asked her is she was a man…straight out, and with no hesitation. Once again, her facial expression and body language said it all. I was blown completely away. Remember here, that I had been fooled once already the previous week in Phuket. During the intervening period, my radar has been fully on for any possibility of another gender mistake. To have this happen a second time in two weeks was just staggering to me. I thought I was going to start hyperventilating or something.

All sorts of terrible questions about myself began to flood my consciousness as I flopped back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling: My God, am I attracted to katoeys? Is this latent homosexuality? Did she think I was gay and that I was in fact actually interested in this type of sexual experience? What if next time, I don’t realize it’s a man until I've… penetrated? Or worse, what if next time I don’t realize until after? Or what if I don’t realize it? What if I've already shagged a man or two and never knew it?

Let me tell you man, two experiences like this in two consecutive weeks will leave you questioning yourself in some totally irrational ways.

I’m not sure I can accurately describe the scene that followed during the hour or so between my realization and her actually leaving, but I’ll try.

There was no yelling or screaming, and definitely no hostility. I remained calm at all times, as again despite the roller coaster emotions that were rippling through me, I still honestly liked this girl. And I would be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t still attracted to her. She was still beautiful in my eyes; just not sex-partner material any more. We talked at length about my “women only” preference. That no matter how compelling, convincing, and realistic her anatomical alterations were, I still would always see her as a man. To her, she was 100% woman and she couldn't understand why I didn’t see it the same way. I gave her 1000 baht, which she reluctantly accepted and I told her that should could go. I told her that I wanted to remain friends and that I would stop by her bar the following evening and we'd have a drink. I was relieved that she was being calm and cool about the whole scene. I told her that I liked her, but that sex was out of the question.

But instead of leaving straight away, she stayed and we talked some more. We talked about the transformation of her body. She showed me her ID, which served as a sort of “before” photo. Truthfully, the ID photo just looked like a younger version of her with shorter hair and a bigger nose. If I could read Thai, I could've seen the gender for sure, but unfortunately I can’t.

At some point, the discussion of her body ended up in her completely disrobing again! And ya know, I just have to say it; because it’s a fact…this girl impressed me. Except for the boob job, she looked 100% woman. But, it wasn’t like I’d done a thorough gynaecological examination. She didn’t lay there spread-eagle for my perusal or anything that lewd. She could easily pass as simply a woman who's had a breast augmentation and a nose job done.

Say what you want about my sexuality, but as she stood naked before me displaying herself, I was absolutely aroused by her (“Maybe just a blowjob…?”). I think she was either picking up on this, or she was in fact also aroused by her unabashed display, because she then attempted to seduce me. Fully naked, she climbed atop me on the bed and tried to kiss me. I was a torn by so many odd, conflicting feelings. But the overriding emotion was one of homosexual revulsion (I’m not actually going to kiss a man, am I?), and I ultimately diverted all of her attempts. She finally gave up, clearly disappointed. Again, there was no anger or hostility…just a bit of sexual frustration on her part, I think. I’d bought her several lady drinks at her bar. I’d paid her bar fine. I’d even given her 1000 baht and told her that she could leave. Zero lost face on her part…she was free to go. But she hadn't. She was still there and she didn’t want to leave. She was horny and she wanted me. And I liked it. I am not gay, no matter what you may think after reading this. In almost every way imaginable, this was a woman. If she was born 100% man, what percentage remains “man” now? 2%? 3%? 5%, maybe? Do you honestly think that she has never shagged a man who'd never had any inclination that she was not a woman? I’m quite sure that she's shagged plenty of unsuspecting, heterosexual men.

But the story doesn’t end quite yet. After deflecting her advances, and as she's putting her clothes back on, she dramatically changes her story in a way that leaves a seed of doubt within me even now. In a shocking twist, her story now becomes “I can’t believe you really think I’m a man! I’m really a woman and not a man at all!” I was having none of it. I couldn't possibly believe that the conversation that had transpired only moments before was all a hoax and that now the truth was really coming out. It was just too far-fetched. But she persisted. She offered to prove it to me (sexually), but I declined. She then asked if she could just stay and sleep with me, but I again declined. I told her politely, but firmly that she should go. She finally did without much fuss. As she was leaving, I again promised to stop by her bar for a drink the next evening.

I did keep my promise. (But not before taking two girls from NEP back to my room for a vindictive, “I’m a MAN, by God!” shagging!). Anyway, we talked about the previous evening. She was still standing firmly behind her “I can’t believe you think I’m a man” story. She told me that if I paid her bar fine, she'd go short-time for free to prove it. Again, I declined. I finished my drink, wished her good luck, and left. I doubt if I’ll ever see her again. Even now, I’m 99.99% sure she was a man. But there’s that .01% doubt due to her change in story, and my inability to absolutely know for sure.

So, how many katoeys are really working the farang scene in Thailand? Yeah, there are all of those that are highly visible since they're so obviously former men.

But, how many are masquerading as girls, with no qualms whatsoever about deceiving a heterosexual man? If the guy doesn’t know and doesn’t ask, I can’t imagine the girl volunteering the info! “Oh, by the way, I’m a man!”, or “Oh, by the way, I used to be a man!” Yeah right…that just ain’t happening!

I've since gotten over those irrational fears regarding my own sexuality. I’m not gay. If there were even a chance that I might be, I would’ve shagged ehr. Of this, I have no doubt. If I were ever going to have sex with a man, it would’ve been with her.

You’ll still see me in the bars of LOS, but rest assured, my bar girl selection process has been forever altered by these two experiences.

Stickman says:

It must be said that you handled both of these situations extremely well. Face loss can cause a Thai to do just about anything and you reaslly did everything to eliminate such problems occurring. As for the Bangkok ladyboy (or girl), who knows? But, I have to admit that you really piqued my interest in strolling down, just for a quick nosey. (The author originally included the name of the Bangkok ladyboy / girl, but that has been edited.)

nana plaza