Stickman Readers' Submissions April 1st, 2002

To Go There Or Not To Go There

In planning my first trip to Thailand, my research led me to Stickman's pages. Thank you Stickman and all brother contributors – I have laughed and I have cried along with all of you! (Mostly laughed, though).

Having in the past year taken the leap into the world of paid-for sex before my actual visit to Thailand, (by paying for high-class escorts in my own city), I feel I have some unique insights for those of you who have never paid for sex before – for whom this article is intended. Also, I spent a few years in India in my younger days seeking wisdom and observing my mind and biology for extended periods of time without sex or masturbation, and this too I think has given me some interesting insights.

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The first point I want to make is that in my opinion, in taking the initial plunge and "going there" and paying for sex, whether it is in Thailand or your own hometown red-light district or Internet-ordered escort, you are opening yourself up to much of, if not all of, the same heavens and hells expressed so well on Stickman's reader's pages.

Movies and the media always portray prostitutes as sleazy, uneducated, helpless, etc. Though these types surely exist at the street-walking, drug-addicted level of prostitutes, for those of you educated and wealthy enough to be reading this online and considering a trip to Thailand, you would no doubt be able to choose from better fruits wherever you are on the globe. I have no doubt that the women of Thailand are unique in their beauty, sweetness and art, (and thus I am booking my ticket), but when I had my first experience with an escort at home I had much of the same revelations and feelings of those who are now devotees of Thailand. These are sweet girls, often with more intelligence, self-esteem and integrity than one's self. The sex can be fantastic, or not, but there are no strings attached and it is always an interesting experience. It can also be emotionally satisfying, intellectually stimulating, reawaken your manhood, give you thoughts about marrying the girl, etc. etc. etc.

This is the positive side.

The negative side is more complex and subtle.

Paying for sex is ADDICTIVE. Are you listening? There is an India saying, "trying to satisfy lust by indulging in it is like trying to extinguish a fire by pouring flammable oil over it". The fire just gets stronger. Many of you have probably seen your sexual fantasies getting more hardcore with the advent of Internet porn. Case in point. Whether you are in Thailand or not, once you realize that beautiful, wholesome girls can be had like candy, well.

One more piece of Indian wisdom to ponder: "There are pleasures which are sweet in the beginning but bitter in the end. These should be avoided as they lead one downwards. There are pleasures which are bitter in the beginning but are sweet in the end. These should be pursued as they lead one upwards." (There are some perverse pleasures which are bitter / bitter, like masochism, and some which are sweet / sweet, like good music).

My point? I didn't have to do much soul-searching to realize that after the instant gratification on the surface, whoring can bring one down. The kick your manhood may get initially can be sabotaged in the long-run if you lose your aggressiveness and will to pursue, (pardon the expression), normal women because your libido has been satisfied elsewhere. You also don't have to face the fear of rejection. Yes, your sexual hunger is satisfied by a prostitute, but for how long, and wouldn't your manhood and self-confidence be strengthened one-hundred times more by courting and winning a real girl? It would not be out of place here to mention that over-indulgence in masturbation can have the same consequences: lowering your libido, taking away your proactive edge to pursue women, and at the same time eroding your self-esteem, which of course, women pick-up on, and thus makes you less attractive – a viscous downward spiralling circle. By the way, mystically speaking, masturbation is worse than whoring because you are neither giving nor receiving any energy from a woman.

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Then there are the more subtle effects on your conscience. There is always the fear that you may have picked-up a sexually transmitted disease or AIDS. You have to wait three months before HIV can reveal itself. In that time you will probably want to have sex again with a prostitute, (believe me, you will), so you will always be living with a perpetual fear and behaving irresponsibly, not quite knowing if you may be carrying something. I made the stupid mistake of lubing my condom with some baby oil one time. Oil based lubricants can tare a condom, and mine tore. I also made the mistake of fingering a girl and soon after, accidentally putting my finger in my mouth. This can be even more dangerous if she is just a bit pre or post menstrual, in which case there could be blood. IT ONLY TAKES ONCE. I have been checked recently and am HIV negative, but will have to check continually now anyway. (It's great fun, let me tell you). Yes, an undercurrent of FEAR eats away at you. And last but not least, having sex with a condom always falls short of being completely physically satisfying. For me personally, that thin layer of latex which separates one from true intimacy leaves an empty and unfulfilled space somewhere in the soul too. (Violins please!)

For those of you who are married, I need not go into all the mental baggage that might start weighing you down. You can contemplate that on your own. But even for those who aren't married, how will you feel if one day your future son or daughter asks you if you have ever been with a prostitute? Will you lie to your kid? How would you feel if your father used a prostitute? What about the money you are spending for this habit and where could it be better invested? Your family, friends, charity? How about your own personal values? Are you really at peace with prostitution, legal or otherwise? How do you feel about contributing to the mushrooming spread of prostitution in the world these days?

You may just want to nip this in the bud and try to avoid venturing into the world of paid-for sex somehow; Confide in a friend, make a few visits to a shrink, a support group or a religious / spiritual person you respect, talk to your partner about an open relationship, take the money and invest in a health club membership, personal trainer, singles vacation, dating service, motivational seminar. Anything. Yes, it may be a bit humbling and bitter in the beginning, but perhaps yours will be a sweeter victory.

Those of you who are in love with Thailand, I am one with you. I know I am going to love the culture and women of Thailand more than their Western counterparts for very real and deep reasons, but in my humble opinion, it's not ultimately about Thailand, it's about the quest for peace, happiness and wisdom, and for those of you who are still virgin to the world of paid-for sex, I will warn you once again, it is addictive, and you may want to think thrice before "going there".

Recommended reading: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia

Stickman says:

I agree with all that you say, but sometimes one has to just find out things for themselves…but then it is too late!

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