Who’s A Lucky Boy Then?
O.K., so the story starts off by me admitting I fell for a lovely Thai lady and, like so many before me, found love stops when the money runs out. Someone should write a Thai version of the old Sinatra classic. "Love and money, love and money go together like bees and honey!" But that's another story and this one concerns the next chapter in my life.
So here I was, a short, balding, cuddly (fat!) 58 year old Farang who should have known better feeling lovesick and lonely. What to do? Head for Pattaya my friend.
Now, as we all know there is no shortage of ladies in Pattaya ready and willing to give solace to the broken hearted. However, as I was still feeling a bit down I did not find it easy to accept any of the many invitations offered to me. By the time 1:30 was reached I had had more than enough to drink, but still no lady to take back to the hotel. Making my weary way home I stopped for one last drink and was given the usual invitation, "play game with me." O.K., why not. The lady concerned was not the most beautiful lady I had met that evening, but then she was by no means ugly either. She spoke a little English and there was something about her, I could not put my finger on it, which prompted me to pay the bar fine when I had finished my drink. I think she was a little surprised by this as I had made no mention of doing such a thing and even the lady who came to do checkbin had not asked the usual, "you want to take lady?"
Anyway, when we went back to the hotel I soon discovered the 'something about her' which I had felt earlier turned out to be I had found a soul mate in the bedroom. Without any prompting from either of us we seemed to no instinctively what it was we both liked and were glad to make each other happy. Next morning Jo (not her real name but I do not want her to get into trouble if her boss should happen to read this) asked me to give her the money for another night's bar fine and she would take it so we would not have to go there in the evening. Trusting soul that I am I gave her a 1000 baht note as I did not have anything smaller and we agreed she would return to the hotel that afternoon at 3.
So 3 o'clock comes and guess what. Wrong! She does come back with the change, having paid 2 nights bar fines instead of one but what the heck, with the change. Also she has her sister and 'baby' in tow. Baby turns out to be a 15 year old girl, but I guess all our children are babies to the parents. Sister, Noi for the sake of this story, is a stunner and works in one of the local go-go bars. I am asked to give them some money for food and, when they can see my hesitation, say it is only 100 baht they need for all 3 of them. O.K., why not? Sister and baby trot off for the food and we go to the pool to wait for them. I do make it clear to Jo I am not interested in looking after the whole family, and she assures me this is purely a one.
At some point during the evening I suggest to Jo, in truth only half seriously because I do not think she will agree to it, that perhaps her sister would like to join us one night. To my surprise when says "Why not?" and we make a stop off at the go-go bar to speak to Noi. She, also, is agreeable and says she will come to the hotel when she finishes work a 2 o'clock. While we are in the go-go bar baby comes in so I make it quite clear she is in no way to be included in the deal. The hotel where I am staying are very good when it comes to taking ladies to the room, but I am sure if 15 year old turned up it would not be long before the police did too and I just do not want to know. However Jo assures me that is never on offer and baby coming to the go-go bar is purely a coincidence. Apparently she has lost her job cleaning and is feeling a bit low and did not want to spend the evening on her own in their room.
That night was one of the worst I have ever spent in Thailand. Jo and I returned to the hotel around 1 o'clock and, not wanting to disappoint either myself or Noi, Jo and I did not have any rolly polly! I just could not sleep, and after 2:30 every time I heard a noise I thought (hoped) it was Noi arriving. By the time we reached 4 o'clock frustration was causing as much sleeplessness as any noise so it was a very tired and frustrated me who eventually dropped off around 5. When Jo woke me later in the morning I did try my best, but somehow the joys of the first night were not repeated. Again she trooped of saying she would be back at 3, and saying she would bring Noi with her.
Now, as I say, I am 58 and realise sometimes I need a little help when it comes to the 'boom-boom' stakes. Before I left England my doctor had given me some new tablets which are supposed to rival Viagra but are taken by placing under the tongue and not swallowing. I had tried a couple before and, I must admit, was not too impressed by the results. However, 30 minutes before the expected return of the sisters I took another and hoped for the best. The bad news is Noi was not with Jo when she returned. The good news is the tablet worked a treat!! Lucky Jo!
Jo had said for a couple of day that after tonight's bar fine she would return to work for the rest of my stay, but would come to me each morning after the bar closed at 2. As far as I can make out she had 3 reasons for doing this. She had only a little English and was, I think, finding it hard to spend all day and all night with a farang. Jo certainly did not like the places I was going to eat feeling, I am sure, the so called Thai food was not to her taste and much preferring to buy from the street stalls. I would like to think she also wanted to save me the 200 baht a night bar fine, but I think it is more truthful to say she despised her boss who only pays her a paltry 2000 baht a month and was reluctant to have him make money from her going with me. At the end of the day it was saving me money, so I was not complaining.
That evening I made my rounds of the bars, politely telling the ladies I already had a lady so I could not take anyone back to the hotel and hoping Jo would indeed turn up. At 2:20 there was a knock on the door and there stood Jo beaming from ear to ear. I returned the smile and held the door open for her to enter. "Is it O.K?" she asked, stepping to one side and revealing she had also brought Noi with her. In classic Thai tradition I replied "No problem" and invited them both in. Now I am not going to go into details, but believe me it was one hell of a night. The only draw back, from my point of view, was they had to go at 6 as baby was being sent back home, something I was in full agreement with. Pattaya is not the place for a 15 year old girl who has no job. "See you tonight", the sisters chorused as they kissed me goodbye. "Tomorrow we stay long, long time." With that promise ringing in my ears I slept the sleep of the just, and physically exhausted!
2:20 on the dot the knock comes, and it as this point I suddenly realise what an excellent job the new Minister of the Interior is doing. He has uncovered a whole new bar scene. The Farang does not go to the girls an pay bar fines, the girls come to him! I hope this is working for others too! So the next 4 nights pass in a wave of threesome bliss. Not only do I have 2 lovely, one more so than than the other but who is looking that closely, Thai ladies but I am not paying any bar fines, and to add the cream they are happy to split 1500 baht a night between them.
All good things have to come to an end, and the time came to move on. I shall miss the sisters, and certainly never forget those nights we spent together. However I still do not like to sleep alone, so I soon found another lady this time from the freelance scene which I was introduced to by Stick's articles. She was a little gem and, much to my delight, really up for the candy eating game and another night close to heaven. But that's another story and, like I said, "who's a lucky boy then?"
Am I the only guy in Thailand that has never had a threesome? After your report, I think that I am going to have to give it a try one of these days! Hmmm, what time is the next bus down to Pattaya?!