Dear Farang

Here we go one more time. You will find nothing new in this submission. I just feel that if you are new to this website or to Thailand then this may be helpful. For the rest of us, this is a repeat of what we should understand but we may not be able to internalize.

In the Farangland where I live, we have more Filipina women than I care to have. The other day, I got off the bus and I noticed a Filipina couple walking on the street. She looked ok. He looked like garbage. She was holding his arm. She was smiling and talking to him in a way that a woman pleads for a man’s love and attention. It seemed obvious to me. He was walking as if she almost was not there.

Why Filipina? I was going to talk about Thailand. Well, because for you, dear Farang, it’s all the same. You can sense the usual generalizations about Southeast Asian women coming up. I know.

So let me start by saying that my impression is that the greatest majority of women in Thailand and the Philippines are probably good women. Good for who? Good for Thai men and Filipino men. Yes, of course, there are successful marriages between foreigners and Southeastern Asian women. But how many such marriages do you personally know about?

Ok. Let’s try again. To us a marriage means two people who care about each other more than anybody else in the world. At least, this is what I learned all my life in the west. This means that they share their life together and their main concern is for each other. I don’t know how else to explain this. Go back to the days before you got involved with any Asian woman and try to remember what love and marriage meant to you.

Ok. Let’s try again. Real love and marriage means that a man and a woman care about each other and none of them tries to take advantage of the other. Money does not exchange hands as a prerequisite for love/marriage. Is this clear? The woman is with the man for the same reason that the man is with the woman. How many such marriages do you personally know about between a foreigner (which is what you are) and a Southeastern Asian woman?

Stick is going to say in his comment that I am making too many generalizations. Let me pre-empt it again. The greatest majority of Asian women are good women. This is what I think and I hope that I am right. But let’s look at reality as I see it.

First, the cultural difference. I remember when one of my nephews was about four years old, he used to make me laugh. I would call my brother’s house. He would answer the phone. As soon as he recognized my voice, he would start a conversation with me from the middle. He was not able to understand that what is in his mind is not the same as what is on other people’s mind. He would carry on a conversation with me from a point where I had no idea what he was talking about. But he thought that I already knew all the thoughts that went through his mind to get to this point in the conversation.

It is childish to think that other cultures see love and marriage the same way as we do. They don’t. When it comes to a relationship with a foreigner, well, you are a foreigner. It is not the same for an Asian woman. When she gets married with her kind (which she prefers and don’t ask me why) it is one thing. She will even go abroad to work cleaning bathrooms day and night and send him her money. I don’t want to generalize, but if you think that he is sitting waiting for her then you are wrong. Anyway, if she marries a foreigner then it is a different story all together. Don’t ask me why. I tried to ask them why. They can’t give an answer themselves. All she knows is that a foreigner has to come with money. Otherwise, she will not be with him. Yes. I know there are exceptions. How many do you personally know?

I’m not talking about the 60 year old fat man with the 24 year old sex toy. And if he met her in a bar, well, what else can I say? And if you are 60 years old sitting on a bus in Bangkok and a young woman approaches you as if you were a young Elvis, you would have to be out of your mind to think that you found the love of your life. Nice young women in Thailand do not approach old foreigners. I am talking about even when you meet a woman who is not a prostitute and she is close to your age. Forget this nonsense about Asian women don’t care about age. Why would a young woman want to get involved with a man who could be her father?

Yes. There are exceptions. There are situations where a foreigner marries an Asian woman close to his age and the marriage is real the way we used to think about marriage. But it is an exception to the rule. In reality, if you are a farang then there has to be something in it for her. I don’t know why but that’s how they see it.

Here is how it goes. Her mother is more important than you are. Her father is more important than you are. So are her brothers and sisters. Her money is her money and your money is good only if it benefits the people who are important to her. Funny enough, her nephews and nieces are more important than you are. So are her cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents. You are an outsider at best. At worst, you are a job. You are a man, right? You want sex, food and a clean house. That’s a job.

I personally dealt with two Asian women. One was a prostitute in Thailand (I did not know in the beginning that she was a prostitute but now I would not fall for such a trap again). The other was a totally non-prostitute from the Philippines. I did not see any difference in the way they look at the world especially when it comes to marriage with a foreigner.

I personally met one couple in Thailand who were happy. He was a farang and she was a Thai woman. They were close in age. They told me that they had a lot of problems in the beginning (It is a shame that I have to say this, but no, she was never a prostitute). But they achieved real marriage. I also must say that their circumstances are special and unusual. I will not get into details.

So, what is going on here? Let’s assume for a moment that everything I said so far is correct observation (and I think it is). Why do we see so many struggles in the submissions of readers to this website? As you may imagine by now, I have an opinion.

They say that old age is not an illness. Bullshit. What’s an illness? Your body gets diminished. Many ill people go into denial. If you are 60 years old and you think that you can find the love of your life with a young woman then you are in denial of your old age. It won’t work. It won’t change reality. A young woman wants a young man. And a young Asian woman wants a young Asian man. If she is with an older man then it is for the money. Period.

If you are a young farang then what are you doing looking for love (sex is a different matter) in Asia? I know. Thai women are exotic. I personally have an incredible attraction to Asian women. They are feminine (well, their look is feminine), they look happier and more carefree, they are delicious. But this kind of thinking brings us to desire for immediate gratification. It blinds us from reality. But reality hits sooner or latter unless you are a total moron.

Stickman's thoughts:

I will comment on the point where you ask how many Thai female / Western male couples are genuinely happy. Of all the couples I know, I would say only two are what I would call genuinely happy. With all the others there is philandering going on and / or there is distrust and / or there is control and there is general unhappiness on the part of one or both. Basically all the things that shouldn't be present in a relationship
are.

While many friends tell me their married life is wonderful, I don't bother asking them why they go with bargirls on the side, why they don't call their wife's bluff when she makes demands and says she will leave when the demands aren't met, or why they never do anything together – in some cases they don't even eat dinner together at home! When it all goes tits up they then tell me how it had been hell for so long! Aw shucks, it was kind of obvious all along! Some people really ought to be honest with themselves…

Yeah, there are happy Western / Thai couples out there, but I am not convinced they are the majority.