Stickman's guide to Bangkok Readers' Submissions
Thai Journal 4
By Caveman
The purpose of this journal is to serve as a submission to Stickman's site and also as a record of this, my 4th grand & glorious trip to the LOS. Names have been (mostly) masked to protect privacy.
The honeymoon is over. This is my 4th trip to Thailand, and I can tell you that my initial thrill at the “naughty nightlife” has been dimmed to a mere glimmer. Yes, I have every intention of visiting some beer bars in Pattaya and maybe a gogo or 2 in BKK, but I don’t intend to break any records with the number of ladies barfined or any nonsense like that. It does not have the same allure for me that it all once had, as I think I now see the whole picture more accurately for what it is. If you are still enamored by the Thai naughty nightlife even after multiple visits to the LOS, more power to you. By all means, knock your socks off.
First a word of advice for those flying out of the US. DO NOT attempt to exchange your hard earned dollars for any baht in US airports. The rate they give you is equivalent to highway robbery; they might as well just mug you. They offered only 35 baht to the dollar in L.A., and when I arrived here in Thailand, I am now able to get well over 38. What a fucking scam, and this time, we're not talking about a Thailand scam.
The only reason I feel a need to comment on the ever-painful flight from the US is the encounter with the colorful Asian male seated next to me on one leg of the flight. We have all experienced the delights of being in the company of persons who eat with their mouth open as they mush their food openly with that disgusting, loud chewing sound that reminds you of pigs sloshing around in the mud: what a treat. While it may not bother some and while I am pretty tolerant of bad table manners as mine are not perfect (I eat like a human vacuum cleaner), this is disgusting. Well, not only did this chap have the habit of eating with his mouth open, but at one point was also busying himself in a nasal excavation project which lasted for about 5 minutes, during which he consumed his findings. Truth be told, we probably all have a small, stealthy pick now and then under cover of darkness. This guy was into his nasty snot-locker up to the 3rd knuckle, making no attempt whatsoever at being discreet, doing complete circles so as not to miss anything. Completed a full sweep of both nostrils, probably even succeeding in wiping away the front of his fucking cerebral lobes, consuming a few delectable neurons along with the snot. And you guessed it, as he stuck his nasty paw which contained these extractions into his mouth, he seemed to be relishing every bite by making that smacking sound of people engaged in the enjoyment of a tasty repast. Ten minutes later, the in-flight meal was served, and much to my amazement, he still had room.
After check-in at the Honey Hotel on my way to a 7-11 at about 2 AM, was accosted (literally) by 2 ladyboys ("Where you go?", while yanking on my arm to try to entice me) out on the prowl for prey. Just exactly how anybody can have any difficulty spotting a ladyboy and mistaking him for a woman is really beyond me. First of all, the shape of the face along with the attributes of the hands and other body parts tells it all, with the voice merely a confirmation to your aroused suspicions and being the icing on the cake. And yes, I understand that ladyboys are people, too, and capable of love, kindness, and other wonderful qualities. But for me the first quality they have is the ability to freak me out.
Went to California Fitness Center this morning and they happily gave me a 27-day pass (the length of my current stay in Thailand) upon showing them my membership card to 24-Hour Fitness Center in the US. What a deal. I always have a good workout in that place due to the excellent environment and equipment (and pretty Thai ladies).
As the above picture indicates, you are greeted by some serious Thai ASS at every turn in BKK. There can be worse things in life. I used to prefer Pattaya, but now believe that BKK is certainly more robust, to say the least.
The pictures here were taken at the California Fitness Center branch off the Sala Daeng exit of the skytrain. They were taken on the 19th floor of this facility, and depict the great view you get from this vantage point while you work out. Aside from the view of the lovelies inside, this is what makes this facility world class.
On my way right now to meet the Stick Meister. This time, we're going to start out my Asian holiday the right way for sure. Great company, great food, great beer.
Last evening was a fun-filled night out on the town with brother Stick. After a huge feast at the Londoner (which I recommend, as the food and service are both first class), hit a few places, the most memorable for me being a place on Soi 33 where I had the pleasure of meeting the most beautiful temptress you could imagine (G). Bought her a drink, which I have no problem doing with a lady working bar in BKK even if I will NOT barfine her. Didn't even ask her for a massage, but G seemed to know what I liked. Said the nicest things in her broken English, she just pressed all the right buttons. When we left, I actually felt punch drunk and didn't know my north from my south. Internal navigation systems were down for sure. But alas, there was no way she was coming home with Papa. No negotiating for me. I guess the one mistake she made was the ultimate one: that of choosing to be a bargirl in BKK. Negative, Ghost Rider. But she did leave me with a good taste in my mouth and was very pleasant company.
Last night out with Stick was as good as it gets. This is the evening that I met A, a clean, beautiful, demure Thai woman who is not in the "industry". Cute as a button. She even gave me a ride to my hotel at the evening's conclusion. Was kindly invited to go to a wat in BKK with her on Sunday of this weekend, but will not do this as I will be in Pattaya. Funny how Stick and I were talking in code at times in order not to be understood by the ladies about certain things. And what do you think the code word is for Pattaya? How about "cesspit"? The shoe fits. Had a great evening, finally settling down in Admakers for a rather large feast which stopped only when our outing did. Another great evening with lots of laughs throughout, the most memorable being the occasion where a very well appointed-looking white gentleman of about age 50-55, who had quite the air of wealth if not CEO material, waltzed in with a katoey in tow. It required merely a glance to confirm the fact that, indeed, this guy was with a man-woman-man-thing. Stares are unnecessary and even admittedly rude. But the members of our small party could not help but erupt in laughter at the sight, and we laughed about this amongst ourselves, a laughter that was no doubt encouraged by good food and drink on that grand evening. We laughed for a good minute or so, and I'm laughing right now as I type this. "Do you think he knows?" Stick asked. "Does it matter?" was my reply. Possession is nine tenths of the law, or some happy horse shit like that. The man and his man-woman-companion-being left their table after about a minute and at the time we thought they might have left because of our laughter. In hindsight, it may well have been the table's proximity to the air conditioner in this place, which had our small corner area a great deal cooler than the rest of the place. My left arm received an Arctic blast for the evening's duration, a fact that became lost on me as I inebriated myself with a few Carlsbergs, while simultaneously admiring the beauty of A and the other Thai ladies present. Life is grand & glorious.
OK, now here in the Cesspit. Went out and found J (from my last visit), and to my surprise, she would not go with me because, so she said, she was receiving regular payments from a German fellow who was evidently planning on removing her from the bar to take her to Germany (the Thai word for Germany sounds like the reggae singer "Yellowman"). Yes, I'll tell you, if there's a good lady to be found in the bars, it seems to me that she has very good chances nowadays to find herself a knight in shining armor to get her out of the scene. I wish her the best of luck; she really is sweet and smooth. Cruised the town afterward and met a young lady, M, who claimed to have been in Pattaya for a mere 3 days. I believed her then and still do, despite what I have to say about the episode. Firstly, she was a cute little number fitting the typical model of physical attributes I love so much, and was quite shy about things. She told me that I was her first customer and I still believe this. We took a stroll along Walking Street and had a decent time. At one point, we passed by a clothing vendor whereupon she requested (it was more like a demand) that I purchase her a cheap set of pants. OK, 200+ baht isn't that bad. Pretty aggressive, though, for a "newbie" bargirl. Now she's got herself a new pair of pants, compliments of her dumb farang walking ATM. Headed back to the hotel after a while where we chatted for a good hour or so, all in Thai because she spoke ABSOLUTELY no English. I surprised myself at being able to hang with her for such a long time in Thai. I do much better when I'm in a quiet setting, as I can hear what is being said and can think more clearly. All of a sudden she tells me she loves me, afterward asking if I love her. "Er, eh, uhh, ahem, well, I like you a lot," was my awkward reply after being initially stymied and surprised by the question. I don’t like to delude a lady and lead her on with BS. But she loves me. And how much does she love me, pray tell? If you can't guess, go back to "Thai bargirls 101". By this time, I'm still believing but have doubts that I'm Farang Customer Number One, but it's obvious that she has received some schooling from that nasty wench of a bargirl (may have been the mamasan) I saw with her when we met at the bar. It looked as if she had a mothering influence on M, her being new. OK, no problems thus far. Still shootin' the breeze with it all. Proceeded to some physical activities after the talking died down, and what did I find afterward? Upon rolling back the sheets, it looked like somebody conducted a ritual sacrifice of a pig. WTF is this? Does anybody else out there have a problem with "bleeders"? I really don't think I'm being that rough. Wasn’t quite as bad as that scene with the horse’s head in the bed in the movie “The Godfather”, but you get the drift. Next morning, made plans to pick her up again at her bar that evening. Shortly afterward, she seems to be requesting something of me, but I can't figure out what she's getting at. She asks for a pen and writes the letters "goden" on a piece of paper. We went back & forth with this, even using my Thai-English dictionary, and I could not tell what she was getting at. After about 20 minutes of this, I finally deduced that she was now asking me to buy her a gold chain. WTF, over? Boy, she was really trying to get everything and anything from her very first customer. For some intangible reason, I saw her coming up with this shit as a direct result of her own observations along with what she had been told by her bargirl friends as to what to do, how to act, what to say, what to expect, what to require, etc, when going out with customers. Yes, she wanted me to buy her a gold chain. Only a few thousand baht, should be no problem for you, Mr Farang from America with money falling out of your tight asshole. When I told her that I wasn't certain if she would be getting such a nicety (mai ruu), she actually had the gall to feign anger. Wow, how funny is that? What a little fucking cunt. Dropped her off at her place shortly afterward and did not fulfill my promise of picking her up at her bar that evening (last night). Fuck her and the broom she rode in on. Her advice givers had coached her into losing what may have been a good multiple-evening customer. Instead, cruised the town and went to a large beer bar area on Pattaya 2nd Road. Encountered Nit, who so enjoyed giving me a massage while sitting at the bar back in December. Asked her if she was hungry, to which she replied in the affirmative. I therefore went out and brought back a pile of chow to include pizza and other goodies for her and her friends and we all ate like pigs. Honest to Buddha, that good sized pile of chow was gone in no time flat. This token was well received, but is not something that I plan on doing too often at the risk of being taken for granted. Anyway, noticed one of her friends (Noi: yes, indeed, the names really are Nit and Noi) that was sitting right next to me, and she was looking really good. Claimed to be 28, which I find to be better as it is closer to my age. Perfect would be about 30-35 as long as they're taking care of themselves, and Noi is certainly taking care of herself. In fact, she would be considered gorgeous in the US, and I consider her such. Very clean and demure looking, with that "girl next door" look that I look for in a woman. Smooth skin, thin, petite, beautiful medium length hair slightly dyed, small hands and wrists with tiny little fingers, semi-dark skin.....need I continue? I'll stop so you don't get a rager. Does not look like a bargirl. Well, we left the bar, did the Walking Street Stroll and had a very good time, and continued to enjoy each other's company until I dropped her at her apartment this morning after breakfast. She's a smart one, this Noi. Coy Noi. We went into a shop on Walking Street and I bought a couple of things for my house, while encouraging her to pick up a thing or 2 for herself. She looked around and came up with nothing. Mind you it was a shop with tons of stuff she could have asked for, but she let me keep my cash. Shrewd one, eh? She's possibly looking for some later return on her investment. Now here's a lady who knows how to play her cards. Made plans to pick her up again this evening, and this time, I will keep these plans. All the running around looking for suitable company gets tiring, and truth be told, I would prefer to limit the number of ladies I stay with to the smallest possible number (even ONE).
Oh, BTW, I was amazed at Universe Gym this morning when I discovered that they had fixed one of the treadmills that had been broken since the Cretaceous Era (even before there were Cavemen).
Last evening, took a ride out to Jomtien with Noi, and cruised the cycle out to the north end of the beach to a restaurant out near the water called Suttangrak. Great place that I would strongly recommend that seems to always have live music and great food at reasonable prices with generous portions. I ordered a grilled seafood combo for 500 baht and got a nice protein infusion of crab, about 15 clams, 15 mussels, and a pile of octopussy. Great and romantic place that serves the food outdoors in a great seaside environment. Take your lady out there and you will really have a good time. Went bowling afterward at Noi's request, and she is quite the competitor. She's the type of bowler that stands at the line and awkwardly dumps the ball off instead of doing that running start thing that most others do. Looks funny as Hell. She was busy wishing me bad luck so she could outscore me, while I was actually coaching her on, despite my shitty, non-bowler-fuck performance. Had a great time either way, after which we retired.
LADYBOYS AND RATS. Taking a page from the book of another frequent submitter to Stick's site (who is a very talented and prolific writer, I might add), I'm giving this paragraph a title: "Ladyboys and Rats". This morning, not being able to sleep past about 5:30, I left Noi in the room for a spell and took a walk along Beach Road on the walking path. What did I encounter? Two things primarily: ladyboys and rats. Ladyboys were out in full strength. One of the creatures approached me, breaking out into a run to catch up with me doing my power walk, and shot some sort of proposal at me. It should have been obvious that I was out minding my own business and should not have appeared to wish such an approach. All I heard between some other words was "100 baht", and I am left to assume that this was the price I would have had to pay for a blow job from this being. I believe it would actually take a payment of US $50,000 TO ME if I were to kindly give this man the PRIVILEGE of performing this act, and I might even finish in his mouth for another 50. I think I would have preferred a blow job from one of the rats that was frequenting the sidewalk along the walking path, crawling around the cracks, through the holes, up the trees, EVERYWHERE. There were hundreds if there was ONE! I never knew that the rat population in Pattaya was so huge. Maybe the rain we've been having was bringing them out of their lairs. They were not particularly large ones, but there were so many. Did you see the movie "Willard" that came out in the 70's, I think? This is what it reminded me of. I was actually having to stop at times as I was almost tripping over them. I have read submissions where at least one Stickman submitter (same one as above) takes frequent trips to the coffee shop at an early hour and doesn't make it back to the hotel, or something to that effect, before encountering a sex partner. If he is picking up any of the humanity the likes of which I saw this morning, he might honestly be better off with the rats. This sounds harsh, but unless you've seen the side of Pattaya that I saw this morning, you might withhold judgment.
The above pic is but an example of the type of “creatures” one can see in and near Pattaya. One is well advised to stay clear of these, as severe damage of all types can result. Give all such creatures a wide berth.
Another good night out on the town last night. Took the teeruk to the Pattaya Hillside Resort, which is nestled between Pattaya and Jomtien on the hilltop where that large Buddha statue is. Went to dinner there at the Horizon Rooftop Restaurant on their 23rd (top) floor, and boy was it magnifique.
The pic here shows the Pattaya Hillside Resort on the right, which is where the Horizon Rooftop Restaurant is located on the top floor. Next to this is the Hillside Resort Pattaya, a great place to stay next to this highrise. First of all, the view from the restaurant is excellent no matter if you sit inside or out. Service was top notch, as was food, with reasonable prices for the level of food and service. Honestly, you can get away with spending very little if you order all Thai food, which they do have. One of the few occasions where the waiter really made no mistakes or "faux pas" with our meal, being very attentive with all details. Was funny, though, when I ordered my normal huge quantity of food and the waiter gave me a look as if to say, "What the fuck is this, buddy? Where's the other 3 people and the billy goat in your company?" I merely added, with a touch of attempted humor, "Just stand by for the dessert order, partner." All jokes aside, this is THE place to take the newly found love of your life if you're looking for a good place to wine and dine her, while getting away from the half-soused crowd in lower Pattaya for a spell. The chef is a European fellow, and on a subsequent visit to this restaurant, upon my request, he even prepared me a special dish that was made just for me, as it was not on the menu. Now that’s what I call service.
Discussed plans with Noi for going to a location in Northern Thailand, and we seem to have settled on Chiang Rai. Went to Chiang Mai in December, and although it was excellent, I'd like to see another location. Chiang Rai seems like a good choice, and Noi sounds very excited about going there. We seem to be clicking pretty well together. Cannot detect any significant mental baggage in this one. Seems bubbly, generally happy, uncomplicated (a rare and highly sought after trait which should not be underestimated!), and is really a sight for sore eyes. Very clean and smooth. Smiles a lot, which never hurts, while serving as a good indicator that she's happy inside and out. Body language tells more than words, and her body language is all positive. One negative, if I can call it that, is that she does not seem to like sex too much. I attribute this as a side effect of her profession. Let me qualify this. She does not seem to have much enthusiasm for having sex UNTIL it begins. Then the engines get fired up. It's like she puts up a small initial resistance, then lets all hell break loose once things commence. This doesn't really bother me because in all honesty, many times I'm not up for the shmacka shmacka after a long day anyway. A massage often does the trick. Anyway, will be visiting the travel agent today to check on getting air tickets for us. According to her, this will be her first plane ride. Looking forward to seeing this just as I did with B back in December; only this time, I hope not to have to unload the baggage after our return trip. Never a pleasant scenario.
Booked flight to Chiang Rai for Noi and I at a cost of about 14,500 baht for 3 days to include air travel and hotel for 3 nights. Not bad for a trip up north. As you know if you've read Stick's site at all, Thai women can be so unappreciative of kind gestures, so I can say that I'm doing this primarily for myself, although I certainly hope Noi enjoys herself. She does display a good deal of enthusiasm for going to Chiang Rai, and seemed excited when we chatted about the upcoming trip over dinner last night. Had dinner at a place called the Sky Restaurant, and as the name would suggest, it is on the roof of the highrise hotel on Soi 1 in Pattaya. Magnificent view of all of Pattaya, to include the city, beach, and all the way out on the ocean. Prices even cheaper than the Horizon Rooftop Restaurant where we went last night. You can eat inside or out, and since they had the A/C jacked up to the point where the diners had frost forming on their noses, we opted for dining outside. Better view out there anyway.
Of note is the way that Noi's bargirl friend, Nit, now refrains from chatting with me at all when we visit the bar. This is the one that would happily (or so it seemed) chat with me and give me a massage at the bar before I decided to go with Noi. Now that she sees no possibility of obtaining any revenue from me, I guess she sees chatting as a fruitless endeavor. That wouldn't suggest that she's all about money, now, would it? Wow, that would be a shocker, eh?
Cruised around on foot yesterday afternoon and did a little shopping for teeruk, claiming the occasion of Valentine's Day as the reason for giving her a couple of gifts I picked up for her. She received them warmly with a couple of khap khun kha's. Then we were off to Das Berliner Restaurant in Naklua, the place I went to during my last trip that had the monkey in a cage in the outside dining area. They have some really good food there, with the steak being particularly tasty with healthy portions. The manager/owner lets me decide how many grams of steak I want, and adjusts the prices accordingly. Good idea! But as before, the waitresses really provide horrible service, rarely smile, and look and act as if they're asleep on their feet. And as before, the ladies did not receive a single satang tip, but the monkey was well taken care of. They really have missed out on what I had intended to be a nice tip on each occasion I've been there. I actually looked for reasons to give a tip because of the great food, but their service level left me no alternative. It would have been tacky to hand a tip directly to the chef, but that's just exactly what I felt like doing.
Woke up this morning, and teeruk departed early for what she says is her jaunt out to praise Buddha, which she does 4 times a month. She is quite ritualistic about the whole thing, and never eats beef. More “religious” than most other Buddhists I've been around. Gave her taxi money for her ride up to BKK this Monday, where she will meet me upon our mutual departure to the airport going to Chiang Rai. Looking forward to departing for BKK this morning after a short gym workout (can't miss a day, now, can I? I might turn into a fucking pumpkin. Buddha forbid I should gain a pound.).
Took a long walk around Pattaya/Jomtien Beach area prior to departing to BKK by taxi. The below 2 pictures were taken in the area between Pattaya and Jomtien. The first is the “fitness park”, which is a nice place to take a walk to. The second is a pic taken close to the golden Buddha statue and is a picturesque view of Pattaya from this hilltop. It’s amazing how much relaxation and even fun you can have just by going out and taking a walk, let alone the good exercise. Walking enables you to see and experience things that are otherwise hard to see, and allows you to interface with the locals in a special way.
A particular Thai male that works at the Apex must see me as a walking ATM. Hey, I don't mind being a walking ATM of sorts for the teeruk, but who the fuck does this idiot think I am? Before departure, he asked me for a tip prior to my entering the taxi, and I told the asshole not to smoke in bed. A couple days ago, he actually put his hand out to me once, palm up, evidently wanting some cash. I grabbed it aggressively and shook his hand as if we were lifelong friends, making vigorous eye contact and smiling broadly the whole time as he had a dumbstruck look on his face. Not exactly what the parasite was looking for. Scab.
Went out to Khao Sarn Road last night and frequented a couple places to include Gulliver's. Hey, isn't Khao Sarn Road supposed to be a backpacker hangout? Then what the hell are these nasty, sleazy, pimp mother fuckers doing there trying to sell you their whores with that nasty "dtuk dtuk" call they use? Even if you pass them by, they will sometimes follow you, ask you where you are going, how bad you need a lady, etc. Who the hell is patronizing these succubi? There must be somebody out there doing it, otherwise they wouldn't be there. These pieces of human shit are even more irritating than the incessant touts that tap you on the back while chilling at beer bars in Pattaya, and that's pretty bad. In Gulliver's, there were 7 bartenders behind the bar while the customer load called for maybe 2. Ordered half the menu, then hung out checking out the female clientele. Plenty of pretty little Thai ladies there, much to my liking. However, a bit of bad luck struck, because every time I decided on approaching one, she would light up a nasty, smelly cancer stick. Disqualified. Real bummer about one particular little phooying who was hanging out with a couple of her lady friends, all curled up into a little ball on her seat, with her shoes removed. Hot diggity dog, if that don't make you get some lumber. Then she fires up. Aw, shit, honey, you broke my heart.
Took a nice walk yesterday afternoon all along Sukhumvit between Asok all the way to Siam Center, just having some eyeball liberty and small shopping, although I found no bargains. What I did find, as always, was some interesting humanity to write about. Aside from the gorgeous Thai ladies that were everywhere to be seen, I feel a need to comment on the many beggars that abound in this neck of the woods. Certainly you would rapidly go broke if you gave money to every one of them. So, being the good-hearted farangs that we Stickman readers are, how do you choose? So many beggars, so little time (to borrow from the name of a Rolling Stones album, it's a Beggar's Banquet). Which of these sad individuals rates your hard earned cash? Those missing a limb certainly tug at the heart strings, not being able to get a decent job because of their obvious handicap. So do the mothers who sport about with their progeny in plain view of their potential donors, ensuring that they remain unbathed in order to cultivate the saddest possible image. There are also a number of beggars with physical deformities they’ve had from birth that are a sad sight to see. But there is an even sadder sight among this Beggar's Banquet. I remember a military fellow once giving a lecture about the importance of 'staying low' during the heat of battle in order to protect oneself from direct and indirect fire. Basically, the lower the soldier gets to the ground, the more effective is his defensive position. The learned soldier, in his attempt to get as low to the Earth as is possible, will even curse the lousy buttons on the blouse of his uniform for adding that additional cunt hair of height. Well, the American soldier can certainly use a lesson in ground groveling from one particular group of beggars to be seen here in BKK. These guys have perfected the art of scraping the ground with their bodies. They can get so fucking low that they might as well be part of the pavement and go in between the cracks in the sidewalk. They can be seen pulling themselves across the concrete surface in much the same manner as a soldier will pull himself across the field of battle advancing toward enemy lines, wiggling himself underneath the concertina wire in order to infiltrate the enemy position while evading fire. Indeed, they get so low that you can trip over them if you fail to see them. They claw their way about, inch by inch, moving as slowly as possible. Consequently, in my decision making process on which beggar to give my donations to, it is these chaps that get the gold prize. If any of the BKK Beggar's Banquet deserve a contribution in their little tin cans, it is these sad guys. Although they may be doing the military low-crawl purposely in order to encourage your offerings, with me they are succeeding. If you have a problem giving money to the “perpetually unemployed” no matter what their situation, consider this: they are providing a community service by cleaning the sidewalk with their bodies. So empty your pockets when you see these chaps.
Went out last night with A, meeting her at the Baiyoke Sky Building to enjoy the buffet. Happy Fucking Valentine's Day, Mr Farang. Instead of the normal 410 baht for dinner, it's now 930 baht because it's Valentine's Day. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Why would I pay more than twice as much for the same meal? Well, I wouldn't. We instead headed over to the Londoner, where I actually paid just about as much as I would have at the Baiyoke Sky Building buffet. But at least I didn't feel like a blithering idiot doing it. At the Londoner, I got good value for my money, if you know what I mean. And as if the night couldn't get any better, met up with Stick and the Mrs after we chowed down, making it a foursome. Actually, Stick gave me a 'get out of jail free' card by showing up, because communication with A was a bit rough. We both have a limited knowledge of the other's language, but it seems that if my pronunciation of Thai is even the slightest bit off, she does not comprehend. The volume level of the establishment also adds to the difficulty in communication. Stick's arrival enabled me to chat with him while our lovelies ratta-tat-tatted together. What a wonderful world it is.
After morning workout yesterday, took a walk around before meeting up with Stick for an afternoon chat session at Starbucks. Took a small bag of dirty laundry with me, as I figured I'd get it done before departing for Chiang Rai, and was certain I'd run into a rahn saak paa. Walked around for quite a while with my bag of laundry and could not find one. There must be thousands in BKK alone, but I couldn't fine ONE. It soon started to irritate me, now carrying the laundry onto the damned skytrain. Exiting at Sala Daeng, still couldn’t find one in the general area, and here I was still carrying around my dirty laundry in the streets of BKK. It was only a small, rather inconspicuous bag, but I soon got the feeling that people were going to start throwing fucking baht coins at me ("Poor, wretched farang.....carrying around his worldly possessions.......Thailand's not been kind to him".....etc). WTF, over! Finally went into a small shop and got a decent little tote bag to stuff my laundry into. How bloody irritating.
Met later with A at Oishi Japanese buffet restaurant in Siam Discovery Center and ate a few piles of seafood. My, but A is really thin. She was wearing a set of slacks this time, and she is looking really good. And she mentioned that she weighs 36 kg. Wow. My brother says that I don't like them unless they're so thin that they’re attracting flies, and I wonder what he'd say if he could see this one. She might be thin, but he’d be pitching a tent in no time, I'd wager. She's hot as all hell in my opinion, which is, of course, gospel. Jokes aside, A seemed a good bit less apprehensive last night, smiled quite a bit more than the previous evening, and communication was easier. Her English seemed to dramatically improve, and so did my Thai, because she seemed to understand most of what I said without having to repeat. Maybe she's just getting accustomed to hearing my stupid farang accent, who knows? Hey, who cares? Fabulous evening, and we already have plans to meet up on Friday night when I return from Chiang Rai. Speaking of which, I'm looking forward to flying out of BKK in a matter of hours with Noi to that very locale. Yes, time to check out more of Thailand's northern parts. Looking forward to a short flight, checking into my hotel room, khinning a huge fucking khao (eating largely) at a nice Chiang Rai restaurant, and then seeing what develops next. My, I can't guess what that might be.
Keep forgetting to record my run-in with M at Cali Fitness, the same tight Thai lady I met and was joking around with during my last visit in December. Have been looking for her each time I go, but have not seen her yet, until a couple days ago. So, decided to definitely inquire as to her occupation. Her reply could not have been worse. "I work in the night". Asked her where. "I work in the night", she repeated. Now what the hell kind of reply is this? It sounded so sleazy, although I'm sure that she thought it might have sounded better and somehow more mysterious than just saying that she worked in the bar. I don't know, but for some reason, her response conjured up images of ghoulish gangbangs from demons, ghosts, and hobgoblins in dark, rat-infested BKK alleyways. Did not let her off the hook, and asked if that meant she worked bar. After a small bit of this, she finally admitted to freelancing and told me the specific place (one we all know about) that she frequents nightly in her search for clientele. She must be doing well if she can afford the gym membership, because Cali Fitness aint cheap.
First entry in a few days, having just returned to BKK from Chiang Rai area. Thought I was going to Chiang Rai, anyway. Travel agent did not tell me that the Chiang Saen River Hill Hotel, located (of course) in Chiang Saen, is a 62 kilometer drive from Chiang Rai. At first, I was a bit peeved, but as I looked around Chiang Saen, I adapted and overcame. Chiang Saen is about 8 km south of the Golden Triangle along a rural route that runs along the Khong River. The Golden Triangle is where the countries of Thailand, Laos, and Myanmar join together along the Khong River. Well, upon arrival at the Chiang Rai airport, the taxi driver told me it would cost 600 baht to drive the 62 km to the hotel, so I suspected a scam and was on the defensive. Tisk tisk on me. Chap was honest. On our drive to Chiang Saen and upon arrival to the town, the smell of burning wood was in the air everywhere. It gets a bit cool in these parts, so all the locals keep their fireplaces burning, I guess to stay warm and also to dispose of refuse. It lends a nice and even romantic, nostalgic aroma to the wafts of air. This is a tight knit community up here, and at times it feels as if everyone knows one another. Often when you find this, people are unfriendly, but this was not the case with Chiang Saen. Checked into hotel, ate, and just crashed. Next morning, took a walk early around the marketplace in the center of Chiang Saen, and gosh golly gee jeepers did they have a ton of veggies and lots of other things for sale there. This area of Thailand grows any type of vegetable really well, and consequently the carrots were huge, the bell peppers were aplenty and in all colors, there was every vegetable you can imagine, and they all looked top quality and were very cheap. One thing I noticed immediately was the fact that I drew a lot of stares from the locals. There really are not too many farangs up here. Very few and far between. Surprisingly enough, though, many of the farangs are French (which turns my red, white, and blue stomach: FUCK the French). Also noticed that many of the family homes in Chiang Saen were well appointed and well kept indeed, and not indicative of the wretchedly poor conditions that prevail in Isaan. In fact, some of the properties to be seen along the rural route that runs along the Khong River north of Chiang Saen (Rt 1129) are quite majestic and indicative of wealth. Each house in this whole area has a black container that looks like a kettle sitting out of the front lawn where passersby can toss their refuse, which will be burned by the home owner later. Actually lends the appearance of military uniformity to a degree. To continue, after my morning walk, teeruk and I rented a Honda Dream, since there was nothing available bigger than this, and we cruised about. Took the road which heads out to Mae Sai, the northernmost part of Thailand, and saw quite a number of interesting things, to include a golf driving range where we swatted 2 containers of balls, an ostrich farm, passed through the Golden Triangle area and did some shopping, and just had a good relaxing day cruising around. It was great to see that this area is very conducive and relatively safe, as far as Thailand goes, to cruise a hog (although I had a shitty little moped). The roads are winding and relatively well paved, there are mountains, and the air quality is good. This was also the day we took a boat ride along the Khong River, which may have been the highlight of the whole trip. Cost was 600 baht for 1.5 hours, which I consider to be a good bargain. Boat departed from Chiang Saen area and trekked up the Khong River to the Golden Triangle. We cruised the shores of Laos in this area, and there were families along the river using it as a place to clean their clothes, take baths, and just take their kids to play. The boat also took a stop in Laos in what was a sort of duty free area, where we disembarked and did some shopping at the riverside shanties there. Bought a bottle of some cheap, potent banana whiskey, among a couple other things. Biggest thrill for me was the 3 little children that were there at the side of the river. They did not speak a word to me, but stared at me as if I had landed my space vessel from Andromeda. I went and got them each some sweets from one of the vendors and gave a container to each of them. They smiled graciously and all gave me a wai. This was the highlight of my boat trip! They then had trouble opening the packaging, so I did this for them while they watched me, taking a small nibble of the contents and making a "yummy sound" to encourage them to chow down.
After boat ride, teeruk and I did a bit of restaurant sampling in the grand & glorious town of Chiang Saen, and this was one of the very few letdowns of the trip up north. For one thing, the small restaurants in this town did not even stock half the items on the menus. The serving sizes in Thailand often being quite small for the average Westerner, Chiang Saen was no exception, and I literally had to order 3-5 menu items to get my tank filled up. Granted I’m a hog, but these places really did not give anything substantial. Not expensive, though, as the price is reasonable for what they give you. This explains why I saw only one fat individual in the whole town, and I believe he had a disorder of some type. His legs alone were of equal girth to Noi's midsection.
Next day, Noi and I took a trek out to Doi Tung, which is a big mountain about 65 km from Chiang Saen. The little piece of shit motorbike did not want to climb that mountain, and we even got a flat. As luck would have it, there was a small town on the side of the mountain that had a mechanic, and we got the flat tire only about 1 km away from this place. Fixing the flat tire, to include labor and a new tube cost only 100 baht. Can you believe that? Tipped the mechanic hugely, and he stood there wondering why the hell he was getting extra money. To continue, Doi Tung is a beautiful mountain area that somewhat resembles the mountains near Chiang Mai, where I went in December. I prefer Chiang Mai beauty-wise, to be honest, but Doi Tung is indeed beautiful and worth seeing. Flowers abound everywhere, and Noi happens to be extremely fond of doc mai (flowers), so she was taking pics like mad. Every time she saw a flower patch, she was running around like a little kid, calling at me tairuup, tairuup, so I would snap her picture while she cut the most demure poses that made my heart throb. She is really doing it to me, she is so damned charming. Memories of this day will forever linger in my mind’s eye. A word of advice for trekkers out there like me is to AVOID roads on a map that are not given a route number (for example, Route 1209). We took what appeared to be an excellent shortcut to Doi Tung from Chiang Saen and it added almost 3 hours to our trip time! It took a painful 4 hours to get from Chiang Saen to Doi Tung on that shitty Honda Dream, while it took only 1 hour/20 minutes to return on the other route, avoiding the "shortcut". Also, taking a shortcut can land you in some really backwoods territory. On many occasions, we were surrounded by large numbers of local farmers who could have done a number on us similar to the movie "Deliverance" (if you relish the type of thing that happened in the company of those hillbillies in that movie, then by all means, take these shortcuts). However, my fears were all for naught, because we experienced no hostility whatsoever. Also, it has been noted in the news that this area of Thailand (the parts of Thailand that border other countries on the north) has had some trouble lately with terrorists or whatever, and indeed there were many police and soldier patrols to be found. But I never saw anything out of the ordinary and was safe as a babe in its mother's arms at all times. Passed many checkpoints where the police were checking for either people without proper visas, terrorists, or anything else illegal. Many times, the checkpoints were unmanned, and I asked Noi where she thought the police were. Her response was typical of her: Taam ruat khin khao. (the police are eating) They must eat an awful lot.
The above pictures depict the touristy area part of Doi Tung, and show some of the flowers that Noi was jumping for joy about. I can still hear her saying tairuup, tairuup, and my heart goes pitter-patter all the while.
The above picture was taken atop Doi Tung, and depicts the appearance of the highlands in this area. Breathtaking and nostalgic.
The above picture was taken on one of my morning strolls in Chiang Saen while Noi was soundly sleeping. Just a rustic picture of a farm field in Northern Thailand. Quiet and serene: food for the soul. Way off the beaten path, farm boy. This is how to enjoy Thailand.
Above is the ostrich farm we found on one of our cruises up North. We fed these fuckers (I love feeding ALL animals, except unemployed homo sapiens), throwing little pieces of fruit at them. They can’t catch the food like dogs in the US with their mouths in the air, instead just standing there stupidly as you beam cherries at their miniature heads, getting pelted with the fruit. It then dawns on them, in a delayed reaction, that they have food at their feet, so they lean over and scoop it up. They would often fight over the food we gave them.
The above picture was taken at the Golden Triangle. The Khong River is seen next to the town.
The above picture was taken on our boat ride, and depicts the Paradise Casino, which is on the Thailand side. <I'm not sure that that is correct...as casinos are not legal here - Stick>
Another pic taken on boat ride, this one depicts the shopping area we visited in Laos, where you get off the boat and walk around. You do actually get to go to the country of Laos. They charge you a 20 baht fee. They sell some strange shit here. For instance they had liquors with things in the bottle along with the liquor such as snakes, scorpions, and my personal favorite: the giant centipede. Don’t screw with centipedes. Mess you up.
Above pic taken along the Khong River. Just a piece of shit boat, but odd and mystic looking in a way.
Above pic taken of the Laos shoreline, where families can be seen using the Khong River for bathing, clothes cleaning, play, etc.
Sunrise at Chiang Saen, where the sun can be looked at directly with the naked eye, as the haze of the atmosphere makes it appear as a mere yellow disc. Khong River in the foreground. The mood up there can be “hypnotic” at times. Tranquility and serenity abound.
Opium Museum near the Golden Triangle is depicted above.
On Thursday of this week, departed Chiang Saen area with Noi, flying back to BKK. Told Noi that I would be staying in BKK and that I would like to go khon diao while there. Much to my delight, she didn't even bat an eye. She's really a cheerful one. Good sense of humor. Told her that I would enjoy seeing her again upon my return to Pattaya on Monday, and her reply with a smile was "Mai pen rai". In other words, she wanted me to know that I should not feel pressured to see her again, and that it was up to me. Very mature of her also to be careful not to become overly attached to a customer (I may not like to think of myself as such, but let's face facts). This actually makes me feel good, as I do not need to feel flattered that she should want to show that she wants to see me again. She is evidently hardened enough to know better than to become attached to a customer, but is nonetheless quite capable of satisfying the needs of this one. This must take a lot of grit on her part, and I applaud her for it all the more.
After her departure to Pattaya, the evening was without event. Woke up this morning, and had a pounding workout at Cali Fitness with a British-Aussie chap that I've been seeing in there. We teamed up and spotted each other for a good bone crushing chest workout, and it felt good to get back in the gym after my jaunt up north.
Went out to a massage place and they had the A/C jacked up to the max....so high that I walked out with fucking icicles hanging off my nutsack. The cold I caught from driving around at night in Chiang Saen area on that little shitty moped manifested itself fully on Saturday. It did get a bit chilly up there after sundown. Not like BKK weather. Anyway, had a quiet evening with A, nothing much to mention, except that she is evidently having some family come in from out of town, so we will not be seeing each other for the remainder of the weekend. Bummer. Did cause a letdown, as I was hoping to spend max time with her. Sat night found me quite run down with a bug (per above note), so I just cruised over to Soi Cowboy for a stroll through a couple of gogos. First gogo attendance during my Thai vacation, I might add, and from what I saw, I'm not missing much. As far as appearance goes, there are some lookers, no doubt, but they do not hold a candle to the little dainties I see daily in my trips on the skytrain. BKK is packed with mega Thai phooying ASS. Now mind you that I have traveled extensively across the US and the world, to include every major city in the US from Seattle to Boston, from Miami to LA, and also to places to include Tokyo, London, Seoul, Honolulu, Australia, the list is long. BKK holds the title as far as beautiful ladies go. These petite little phooying inspire all sorts of thoughts, I can tell you that much. The only city I've ever been to that even comes close would be Honolulu. Maybe it's my predilection for the Asian lady that's getting the best of me. But they're everywhere....in the gym, on the skytrain, in the malls, walking about in the streets......they've infiltrated the systems of BKK completely, and much to my enjoyment. BKK is "the shit". To continue with my 1-2 hours at Soi Cowboy, I felt run down with a bug and so did not feel much like socializing, so I thought I would just walk on over, have a beer or 2, and get my ass back to the hotel for a good night's sleep. No, they're not showing, but the outfits they wear leave nothing to the imagination. You can basically say they're naked. Was literally run out of one of the gogos (which shall be nameless), as they were selling ping pong balls, 5 for 100 baht, which I gave a "mai ao, khrap" to. The idea is that you buy the 5 balls, throw them at the ladies, and when a lady catches a ball, she gets 20 baht out of the 100 you gave. I have no problem buying a lady a drink, but I don't usually go for gimmicks. Well, the little slut was quite pushy, and gave me a nasty look and shot me a kee niao when I refused to buy the stupid shit she was peddling. Nevermind the fact that the other patrons were not buying any either, I guess it was my turn to catch this bitch's wrath. Another fine lady came by with this container of balls about 10 minutes later, and held the advertisement placard in front of me to encourage her solicitation efforts. Still nursing my beer and hoping that she would just go away, my hopes were in vain as she moved even closer with the placard. A minute or so went by, where she tried to entice me with some kind (or maybe not so kind) words. I found it strange that she was not doing this with any of the other customers, but maybe I simply did not observe this, my usual powers of observation being less than normal on this particular evening. Anyway, when it became evident to this CUNT that I was not going to buy her ping pong balls, instead of her walking away, she held the placard so close to my face that it obstructed my view of anything but the placard itself. I can usually handle these things quite well and have a long fuse for BS, but this night was an exception. Hey, I'm using my illness as a scapegoat. Well, I took the placard from her dainty little tobacco-stained hand and tossed it on the floor. She uttered some nasty words in Thai which I did not comprehend, and in a slightly increased volume, not quite shouting. But she did leave after this. And so did I. Looking back on the incident, she deserved far worse, to be honest. If this were ever to happen in the US (this would NEVER happen in the US: I must say that the ladies there know better), my reaction would probably have been even more pronounced, but I understand that it is best to keep one's cool here in the LOS for many reasons, the best one being the possibility of landing yourself in a Thai prison. That's good motivation to stay cool and try not to let shit bother you. Another thing about Soi Cowboy: it’s surprising that it has those annoying male touts, or maybe they're pimps, who approach you with the idea of hooking you up with one of their whores. Now why on Earth would a man need such a service on a street filled with bars that has anywhere from 10-30 or more whores each? Incredible, and even insulting. If you are reading this and you are one of the douchebags who patronize these creeps, do the rest of humanity a favor: dig yourself a hole, jump in, rot, and fester. Fertilize a flower or something. Anyway, so ends the saga of my 2nd trip (ever) to Soi Cowboy. Hate to say anything too positive about Pattaya nowadays, but the above BS is why I prefer the atmosphere in the Pattaya beer bars to gogos. With the exception of the touts (which are increasingly nagging the more time you spend there), they are a casual and relaxing place to shoot the breeze. But, yes, those touts.....I wish I could wear a shirt that sends an electric shock into those MF'ers when they tap you on the shoulder to try and sell you some of their CRAP.
The above pic shows the tasty Chinese treats that I am so fond of. They are a pastry with a whipped up egg and bean mixture filling, and are out of this world delicious. I often had a refrigerator full of them. They are very filling, but I would down 2 of them as a late night snack, after snacking on my teeruk. Beats having a cigarette.
One of the true joys of Thailand for me is going out to good restaurants. There is a huge diversity in dining establishments, and you can really get a good deal in most places, while a few others offer little value for their over-priced menus. What follows is a breakfast buffet review of sorts, comparing the Westin at Sukhumvit Soi 19 with the breakfast buffet at the Apex in Pattaya. I will list the advantages of each over the other, give an analysis, and you can decide which you think best. Granted they’re not in the same town, but the comparison might still be useful. I will be comparing the breakfast buffets at the Westin at Sukhumvit Soi 19 and the Apex Hotel breakfast buffet in Pattaya.
Westin advantages: The Westin is a 5-star hotel, and I think the rooms go for maybe about 10,000 baht a night or maybe even more. <Hate to interrupt here but they go for less than half of this - Stick> The dining hall for the breakfast buffet is magnificent in ambience, with all furniture and appointments of the highest quality. You eat with real silver, real china is used for plates and cups, every physical thing there is first class. Servers, although they are not needed at a buffet, are dressed to the nines. Price is 500 baht plus 10% service charge and 7% VAT; total cost = 588 baht. An advantage of this pricing is to keep out low-income clientele. It seems to me that wealthier people were dining here, such as Japanese businessmen. You do not have to endure the displeasure of dining along with persons such as particular the old European I see at the Apex buffet, who has the habit of eating his food with half of it hanging out of his mouth. This guy seems to have a taste for something that is white in color, too, because his lips and part of his face are painted with this grimy substance for the duration of his dining experience. The sight of this will make your stomach rumble. Quite unsettling. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think this guy could afford to eat at the Westin.
Apex advantages: Cost is certainly the biggest advantage, the Apex coming in at 95 baht with no extra charges; that's less than one-sixth that of the Westin. What the fuck is a service charge at a buffet anyway?? Service for what? It's a fucking buffet. And a VAT charge? To me, that's just another form of a service charge. I am beginning to notice that many eating establishments in Thailand are charging this service and VAT charge. Whenever I see this on my bill, my tip is ZERO! I will NEVER give one lousy baht to these nickel and dime MF'ers. This is the equivalent of charging you a tip, and is never done in the States (where tipping is most common) unless you have large parties dining. In that event, a tip is not expected anyway. Another advantage of the Apex is the fact that you can serve yourself tea and coffee, which are at your disposal with other buffet items on their burners. This is not possible at the Westin, as you must wait on one of the staff to come around to you. They can be slow.
Discussion: Both buffets have a cook who makes omelettes ready-to-order, and both are equally (in)competent. If you think service at the Westin is better, think again. I specifically told this stooge not to put pineapple (mai sai sapparot) in my omelette, he gave me a nod and a broad Thai smile, and did not listen to a word I said, even if it was spoken in clear Thai. Was not surprised when I bit into it and found pineapple. So what did I do? I ate the fucker with a smile. This is Thailand. If you let these things aggravate you, you'll succeed in doing nothing but raising your own blood pressure. And I'm paying a service and VAT charge? OK, to continue: food selection was about equal. There were 1 or 2 things available at the Westin that are unavailable at the Apex, and vice versa. Basically, selection at both is really good. Food quality? You could give a slight advantage to the Westin, but not much. Their sausage appeared to be better and bigger for sure, and it was real sausage, not those mini piece of shit hot dogs served at the Apex. But I don't eat pig (remember “Pulp Fiction”?…..the pig is a filthy animal). The french toast, omelettes, curries, cereals, danishes and breads are comparable. Another factor you may want to consider is whether you are dining alone or whether you are trying to impress a (materialistic) lady. If you're dining alone, you may not want to pay such an extravagant price, but if you have a lady in tow who you want to impress (as to exactly how stupidly you piss away your cash, you fucking fool), you may want to take her to the Westin. Aside from the joking and needling commentary, there it is.
Feel a bit better today, although my voice sounds like I'm going to die any minute. Am heading out to Patpong. Have never been there. May live to regret it.
OK, been to Patpong. One word description: stifling. Wading through all those touts was not fun. Experienced much of the same crap as ever in gogos, to include being shortchanged, having the bartender try to sell me the very shirt off his back, little nasty wenches that probably have not smiled in months, etc. The Pong was certainly nothing special. Bought a drink for a couple of the ladies I encountered, but as always in BKK, did not barfine anyone. To this day, I still have not barfined a lady in BKK, ever, during any of my visits. At this point, I really don't see how it could happen either. My unwillingness to negotiate for services automatically disqualifies these whores, as it is not recommended in BKK to do as I do in Pattaya; that is, to simply give 1000 baht the morning after without having negotiated anything or indeed even broaching the subject. My understanding is that your BKK whore wants more, and more she will not get (from me). I guess the only way I would barfine a BKK bargirl is if she unilaterally told me that she did not expect payment in exchange for her company. In that event, if we were hitting it off well, I might possibly barfine her, paying her 1000 baht the next morning nonetheless. But I can't see this happening. Anyway, for those who have not been to Patpong, you aint missin' a thing. As far as the farang bar scene is concerned, Nana and Soi Cowboy offer a less stifling atmosphere. Fuck the Pong.
In an email circa early January timeframe, Dana (we all know Dana) informed me that after my last visit to Thailand that somebody told him that I "went over a Marine and came back a whimpering lap dog", or something equivalent to that, because it seems that I agree with Stick on basically everything. In other words, I'm a lacky. I question whether this came from someone else other than Dana, but it doesn't really matter. I even found it funny, as I do most of the stuff that comes from that ever-colorful character. But if I were not such a gentleman, I'd tell him to go cornhole a tranny, but he may be doing that at this very moment without needing my suggestion, him being in Thailand right now. Without a wrapper, to boot. But since I am a gentleman, I will not do this. Take care, now. To continue, here is something that I do disagree with Brother Stick about, and that is the nature of these lousy taxi drivers. Yes, I have encountered an honest few, but they are by far the exception. If I were to use taxis only for downtown BKK transportation, I might see taxi drivers in a different light because there's not really much they can do to rip you off as long as they use the meter. But I use them for other transportation requirements. The unscrupulous asshole that took Noi and I to the airport on our way up north was excellent up until the time he dropped us off. I had planned on tipping him handsomely and presented him with a 500 note and asked for change. He claimed to have no change in an obvious attempt to increase his tip. My intention was to tip him from the change he gave me, but not giving me that option, I gave him exact change to the last baht. The chiseling bastard that just brought me down to Pattaya went out of his way to extract every baht out of me that he could. In BKK, I negotiated a fare of 1000 baht with him, and with me paying the motorway tolls. I then gave him the 150 baht that is required to go the motorway, and figured I could relax and catch some shuteye on the ride down. So what does this parasite do? He purposely avoids the motorway for about 10-20 km in order to avoid a toll booth or 2 so he can keep the excess toll money. When I pointed this out to him, reluctantly and even embarrassed to even have to do it, he immediately jumped on the motorway. Sorry, no tip for this rice farmer. Hey, I understand that these guys are not well paid for what they do and it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. They need to do what they need to do to survive. But do they need to be dishonest, shiftless jerkoffs? If there are any Thai taxi drivers out there reading this, follow these instructions for maximum tips: always be honest, NEVER ASK for a tip, and always be honest. Oh, and did I mention: always be honest?
Met up with Noi at her bar last night, and she admitted to me that she thought I would not show up as promised. My, but she's a lot like me: cynical. Can you blame her? I'd say that most farangs who make such promises fail to keep them. There is something funny happening between Noi and I. Being a cynical SOB and also trying to be sensible, I resist to the utmost to fall for a bargirl for a variety of reasons. I don't believe there is any harm spending time with one that has a pleasant personality and enjoys having a good time, but a commitment is another thing. Having a knowledge of what makes Noi tick, I also believe that she is not out to establish a relationship with a customer. In fact, she might even be involved in a relationship with a Thai guy, maybe even her husband who she claims to have left a while back. She denies this, though, but of course she would if she were as shrewd as I imagine her to be. It is in her best interests to deny this if it is the case, especially with customers who do not wish to spend time with a bargirl that is attached to someone (hearken to Stephen Leather’s “Private Dancer”). Anyway, for whatever reason, she does not seem to be out to establish a relationship with a customer, and is not hoping to be whisked off to Farangland, etc. In fact, in one of our discussions while up north, she mentioned to me that she loved Thailand and would never wish to leave it. Bravo, and good on you, Sweety Pie. She is mature, well adapted, cheery, positive.....so many good qualities has this Noi. The only negative qualities I can detect thus far is that she is a bit lazy. But I sense that we are becoming fond of one another, even in spite of ourselves, if you know what I mean. I wasn't particularly looking forward to seeing her at the bar last night, and even entertained thoughts of going khon diao. But when we met, something happened that I had not expected. She beamed me a bright smile, and my heart warmed up upon the sight of this. We turned out to have a fabulous evening together, and the snake got a good feeding at that. We certainly have not had sex every day together, but last night was one for the books. I did all sorts of crazy shit to make her laugh her ass off and get her in the mood, and she did her usual bit of feigning a lack of desire at the startup. I say this because once she's engaged, she goes at it like a whirlwind. And her petite, dainty little body is the ultimate. I just love throwing that thing around. She weighs maybe about 104 lbs. Anyway, after a great night together, which included hanging out for a spell at the Blues Factory, I dropped her at her apartment this morning with plans of picking her up again tonight. She enjoys this because that means she doesn't have to go to work.
Universe Gym this morning was a fucking sauna. The hot season seems to be upon us, as the temp lately has been climbing along with the humidity. Yeah, the bedroom aint the only place that's getting steamy.
"All generalizations stink, including this one" was a quote given to us by my High School French teacher. A recent Stick submission chimes in on this, reminding us that generalizations about groups as diverse as Thai ladies are problematic because they just don't fall into neat little categories. That said, generalizations help us to form ideas and classify things and tend and lend simplicity to discussions, and are nonetheless useful. So, what generalizations can be drawn about the much-maligned Thai male? I have read descriptions such as "conniving, dishonest, shifty", and the list of negatives is long. I can agree with much of this based on my own observations, especially after having visited the elephant farm this afternoon and being endlessly cajoled by a particular Thai male trying to entice me to release all of my cash into his pockets. But how would you feel if groups of foreigners made it a common practice of coming into your home country with the idea of plundering your women (plundering may be a harsh word)? Can you blame them for considering us as trespassers? An observation that I have of Thai men is that they can be loyal in the extreme, which for me is a definite positive. If you win them over, I have seen that they can be as loyal as any friend. Treat them well and with respect and you will get the same. Take the guy who works in the hotel I've been staying at in BKK. Here's a clean-cut, well adjusted gentleman who does not fit into any neat category you may want to place him when generalizing about Thai men. He works his ass off to boot, his regular schedule being 10:00 – 24:00 7 days a week, without a day off. Let’s see a spoiled Westerner do something like that. Heck, I don’t think I would ever want to do something like that, and I bet he makes a paltry 10K baht a month.
Just what would we do without devoted guys like this who provide security to all who take the skytrain? They are most likely paid a pittance for the hours they spend on their feet.
Motorcycling in Thailand can cause you to have bad habits, and worse yet, you may bring these bad habits back with you to Farangland. A bit before my departure to Thailand on this current trip, I was involved in a small crash of my own. It was caused by my own carelessness. But I am really not a careless cyclist in general. In hindsight, I attribute it to the bad habits acquired in Pattaya while cruising the town. The fact is that you inevitably bring these habits back with you to Farangland. You become so accustomed to weaving between cars, passing slow vehicles, and just “going for it”, when prudence may call for more reserved driving. And that’s exactly what happened to me. Fortunately, the injury was not too severe, and more importantly, the cycle sustained almost no damage. Hey, a man’s gotta’ have his priorities.
Bad habits are not limited to motorcycle riding. How bad is the habit of hiring bargirls? Can this force you into a pattern of bad habits? I entertained this very topic in my submission “To Solicit or Not to Solicit”. Since sending in that submission, many of my views on the “industry” have changed, but I still maintain that dabbling a bit in the scene shouldn’t do too much damage (that’s not already done) to you mentally. However, visiting Thailand itself will spoil you, based on my experience anyway. The blatant contrast of Thailand’s women to those in Farangland, especially the plenitude you find in BKK, will raise your expectations of women in general when you return home: it is inevitable. Consequently, you are less likely to be attracted to women that you may previously have been attracted to before you set foot there. Your standards will change. This has happened to me for sure. To each his own, but in general (using generalities again), American women just don’t compare with Thais.
Another of the great joys of being in Thailand is people watching. The diversity here is immense, especially in BKK and equally in Pattaya. There are many types of people to be seen, but I enjoy describing only those that stick out from the crowd, otherwise the reading will be boring. One group that sticks out is the group of older males (mostly European), aged anywhere from their 40's on up, that like to wear those bikini style bathing suits under a huge distended gut that has been nurtured into maturity for years. The entire picture is really comical and makes my head spin to think that anyone would walk around in public looking as they do. It's quite obvious that these gentlemen have lost the capacity to see below their waistline at what a sight onlookers are obliged to take in. And the shot from the rear often gives a glimpse of the ever-disgusting sight of “plumber’s crack”. If you fall into the category of these individuals, do you realize just how pathetic you look? Do you realize what an offense it is to the eyes of those unfortunate people who witness your physical presence? You really should look at a few pictures of yourself in the attire referred to above. Also on the note of proper attire: what’s up with this new shoe fashion that some of the lovely lasses have picked up in BKK? Ever notice these shoes with the points at the tip, the ones that stick out several inches farther than her dainty little toes? She might as well be wearing clown shoes, they really do look that ridiculous. Poor clothing can really ruin a beautiful young lady’s picture perfect image. Maybe that’s why they should just sport about in their birthday suits.
First entry in a couple days. Spent the last couple nights with Noi and had a fabulous time, each of us knowing that it was the last we'd see of each other, maybe forever. Quite unfortunate knowing that I may never again experience the magical joy of just sitting in a restaurant watching her eat ice cream. Despite my beliefs about bargirls and all the generalizations you can throw at them as a group, Noi is truly charming. She has been most pleasant to spend time with, and I am even tempted to either stay here in Pattaya with her, or ask her to accompany me to BKK. But this is not something that will make things better. It will only delay the inevitable: we must eventually part. Delaying it will only make it worse once it happens, much worse. I’m not going to be one of those sad farangs crying his eyes out like an idiot at Don Muang, a sight which I’ve yet to actually see, in all honesty. Anyway, leaving her this morning was not easy, and I will doubtless be thinking about her as I return to the grind in my own little corner of Farangland. All good things must come to an end. Ride that wave hard while you can.
Yesterday in the gym, I witnessed what appeared to be a major drug bust. Had a ringside seat for all the excitement, and sent the information immediately to Stick. He posted it as a Readers Submission called "Pattaya Drug Bust", and you may want to check it out if you have not already. To clarify matters, I have no idea if the man arrested is guilty or innocent of anything; I only know what I witnessed. As a post note, I have, as of this date, received some emails from some “high up” people in the weightlifting community as a result of that Readers’ Submission.
Left Pattaya yesterday and had the unfortunate luck of going to BKK in a taxi that did not have A/C, or it did not work. Nasty ride northward. Taxi driver ASKED for a tip even before arriving, and you can guess what the spongebag got.
Headed out with Stick after a much needed nap and we hit Bourbon Street, chatting enjoyably for a while as we chowed down, then hit another venue or 2. Must apologize to Stick here, because I can just about guarantee that he will be gaining a kilo or 2 as a direct result of hanging out with me. Maybe I'm not as good an influence as I believe. One interesting note was when we headed into a gogo in Soi Cowboy and I bought a drink for a young lady who was, by both of our standards of physical beauty, close to a 10. Chatted a while, and her English was nonexistent. She told us that it was her 2nd day ever in the bars, and based on what we saw, it was probably true. After a sip or 2 of cola, she told me that she loved me and asked if I felt the same. She even repeated this later (Chan rak khun). The funny thing about this is that I believe she was actually being sincere. I attribute it to her youth, as she was quite young, too young, in fact, to be barfined by anyone (she admitted to being just 18). Well, my streak of never having barfined a lady in BKK will yet stay intact, and it has nothing to do with her age. Just will not negotiate. That said, the gogos can still give you some entertainment.
Attire in Thailand as a farang affects the way you are treated by all who see you. Want to attract attention? Dress like you've got a bit of cash and you will certainly attract a lot of attention in BKK and Pattaya for sure. Dress even normally and you will attract the maximum number of touts. The same goes with the ladies of the night, for sure, as you'll certainly get more attention if you dress to kill. Dress down and this measure will have the opposite effect. People will more often leave you alone, and this can actually be a useful measure to give yourself some peace and quiet, acting as an insect repellant for parasites. Can actually serve to discourage the touts from attempting to hard-sell you. Like it or not, you are judged by your appearance everywhere you go, and Thailand more than most places. So, during the daytime when I often like to just walk around, catch some rays, maybe pick up a thing or 2 for the newfound love of my life, I often dress down, way down, in either gym attire, or even shedding the shirt altogether. Definitely discourages the touts, as they take a look at you and consequently see no dollar signs. How wrong they can be. On several occasions, I was carrying a small fortune (literally a few years salary for some of them) while walking around in gym shorts and no shirt.
Last night out with A was a good one. We decided to go over to the Baiyoke Sky Building and eat at their buffet. After this, we headed out to the observation deck where I made my first aggressive move with this nubile lass. She was game, hot diggity dog. Got a bit more than a nice smile this time out. Let me tell you, from the right phooying, a nice hug can be more enjoyable than full-on sex with a bargirl.
This morning, I actually found areas within California Fitness that I previously had not known were there. There is a cardio theater and another cardio room that I had not known about. This gym is much bigger than I had previously thought.
Ever try to buy a gift certificate for someone here in Thailand? Say, at a restaurant or department store? Ever succeed? You'd think that a country interested in collecting your money (like Thailand) would have such things available, but this is not true. I have tried numerous places both in BKK and Pattaya, and have had no luck. Surprising.
A general indicator of a well-run eating establishment is the availability of items on their menu. It is practically unheard of to walk into a restaurant in the US and have the waiter tell you that they do not have something on their menu. However, in Thailand, this seems to be the norm. And I'm not talking about just chicken, which I can understand with this bird flu scare going on right now. Doesn't just happen in small towns like Chiang Saen, either. They casually run out of particular beers (like Carlsberg), seafood items, heck, anything. This is an indicator of management incompetence.
Just took a trip over to the US Embassy for the first time, having never been there. Just a "look see" more than anything. For those who have already been there, you might be familiar with their security situation, but I was quite surprised and taken aback. Isn't this American soil? As a US citizen, wouldn't you think I should have the right to enter my own embassy and maybe even just take a walk around? I have a US passport and other identification that clearly identifies me as a citizen, but I'm not allowed on my own embassy without a specific business purpose. Hell, I don't even have a fucking accent, but maybe it would actually HELP me if I had an Arab accent; that way, it would be politically incorrect to deny me entry. I have certainly criticized other countries, but I have no problem criticizing my own if they deserve it. What the fuck is this Gestapo shit? Anti-terrorism security BS has gotten WAY out of hand. Didn't GW Bush say that we were going to continue our lives as Americans and not let Usama bin Laden and other creeps affect the way we live?? Look at what the fuck he did to our country! And the US Embassy here in Thailand is our country, it being every bit as much US soil as NYC. UBL has turned our world upside down. He has succeeded in not only throwing a panic into the lives of every American and others around the world, but has also succeeded in making the day-to-day lives of US citizens much harder to live as a direct result of our stupid gov't knee-jerk reaction to the 9/11 attack. The size of our gov't has ballooned. UBL's gotta’ be laughing his ass off at how effective he has been in crippling our ability to do the simplest things, like air travel or VISITING YOUR OWN EMBASSY! I must say that when Americans get this uptight and stupid, I lower my head in shame and wonder what the rest of the world thinks of us as we chase our fucking tails in fright of every goddam shadow we see. And we have the balls to criticize the Thais about the way they live their lives? Wake up and smell the coffee, my fellow stupid-ass, lazy, sedentary, over-engorged, NOT HAVE-A-LIFE citizens. “Land of the Free and Home of the Brave”? How about “Land of the Shackled and Home of the Obese”? (BTW, obesity is now officially the second leading cause of death in America, right behind smoking. Go ahead and criticize the Thais NOW). And talking about getting a grip on REALITY, I’d say that after these 2 months I’ve spent in Thailand recently, the Thais have a much greater grip than my countrymen. For instance, what’s our answer to our obesity problem? SUING MCDONALDS! How pathetically ridiculous can we get?? Try that shit in Thailand. Could you imagine somebody in Thailand actually trying to sue, say, Swensen’s for making them fat? After laughing himself into a hernia, the Thai judge would probably throw the litigant in jail for wasting his fucking time. They say the meek shall inherit the Earth, and maybe our time has passed. Thailand: take over. At least the Thais have their life's priorities in line with that thing called REALITY, while Americans are busy arguing whether faggots can get married! What a joke. Who gives a hairy horse's ass??!! Wake up and smell the coffee (even if it is imported from Brazil), America, before it's too late.
Less than 2 days left here in Thailand until my departure, and I can already feel that tug on the heartstrings. I just don't want to leave and go back home, not that home is that bad. Thailand sorta' grows on you in an incomprehensible way, day by day, week by week. It's a combination of all the things you experience, whether good or bad, that provide a mystical draw, almost like magic. It's the total Thai experience that can't be compared to any other place you go. The ladies, the weather, the restaurants (good and bad), the ladies, the people watching, the bars, the upcountry and backwoods towns that charm the living hell out of you, the cheap cost of getting around.....and did I mention the ladies? No sooner am I twisting my neck to watch a beautiful Thai phooying go by in a puff of fragrant air, that upon the snap-around, I have another one right in my grill. Oh, my.
Cheap cost of getting around? Yes, Thailand is cheap, but you wouldn't know it from the way I spend money when I'm here. Granted, I'm on vacation and I spend more as I have budgeted for it. If I lived here, I would not be spending at this rate. But one of the reasons it's so easy to spend money is that, to tourists, you're not actually spending money, in a strange kind of way. What I mean is that, mentally, when you shell out baht, your mind doesn't directly equate this to the spending of your own money, like US dollars. It's like spending "Monopoly money", in a way. If Thailand accepted US dollars at every establishment so that currency exchange was unnecessary, I can guarantee you that I'd spend less. But what the heck is this stuff called baht? Doesn't look like money to me. Here, you take it. Anyone else feel that way? Just another dumb observation.
Had another great night out last night with A, Stick, and Mrs Stick at the Londoner. Just sat down, chatted about everything under the sun, to include politics, and Stick and I just enjoyed the company of our ladies. Speaking of politics, Mrs Stick mentioned to me that evidently, the US gov't has recently done another round of human rights lecturing and that this time, Thailand is upset that my wonderful gov't is now pointing a recriminating finger because of human rights abuses. Evidently, Thai prisons don't meet US standards. Well, FUCK ME. Once again, I have my red, white, and blue tail shoved way up my red, white, and blue ass in embarrassment at the amazing stupidity and unwelcome intrusiveness of our gov't. Since when is it any of the US gov't's business what the hell goes on in Thai prisons? You know, the fact that US prisons are more/less run like hotels is a major contributing factor to the fact that so many criminals commit their crimes in the US, precisely because US prisons are nothing to be feared. Since when is a prison supposed to be comfortable? Prison should be something that instills fear and loathing in the hearts of potential lawbreakers, which rightly creates a deterrent for crime. But the US, in our head-held-high manner, has it all backwards once again, instead choosing to defend criminals' rights. GET A FUCKING LIFE! If this is what it means to be the most civilized country in the world, maybe we should start imitating Thailand. They should rightly flip the US “the bird”.
Chatted with an expat (from the US) in the gym this morning about my lovely trip over to the US Embassy yesterday and he was incredulous at the fact that I was denied entrance. He agreed with me that this is TOTAL BS, and that the US Embassy in Thailand is every bit as much US soil as the city of Detroit, and that therefore a passport holder should be permitted entrance. This did not surprise him, though, because he went on to tell me that he has heard that some US expats actually go to the British Embassy to get some needed services because of gross incompetence and just a general unwillingness to assist on the part of the US Embassy. Well, right now, my red, white and blue face has lost its blue and white. Hey, US Embassy in Thailand: KISS MY BLAZING SPHINCTER. Another great example of a huge bureaucracy which accomplishes NOTHING, yet siphons mega tax dollars.
OK, one last hit on my beloved homeland. There has been quite a lot of chatter lately, including on Stick's site, about the midnight bar closings (although as of this writing, they may never eventuate). Personally, it really won't affect me much. I am an early riser, which means that I don't generally stay out past about 11-12 anyway no matter where I am. Any gov't meddling in the business scene is wrongheaded to me, so the decision to do this is not a good one. It cannot have a positive effect on business overall, to include those that work in any affected establishment. Regulation of business always raises the cost of their doing business, which MUST ultimately be passed on to the customer. If you don't understand this, go back to Econ 101. What interests me more is how the Thai gov't got the idea to do this in the first place. Couldn't be political pressure and BS rhetoric from the likes of the "holier than thou" US, now, could it? Now, I'm not blaming the US, because nobody has a gun to anybody's head to make such a decision. But let's face it, the almighty dollar speaks volumes, and I believe that the Thai gov't is doing this at least partly to assuage the US and other Western countries that it is doing something about its image. Forget the fact that it will have NO REAL EFFECT on the evils of the naughty nightlife or any other perceived problem that is supposedly being targeted; actions like this NEVER really do. The important thing is that it has the APPEARANCE of doing something. Same thing with rampant welfare and most social programs. They do NOTHING for lazy douchebags in the long run, but they have the APPEARANCE of doing something, so the politicians can all go home and fuck their bloated wives and feel good about it. Reminds me of the liberal elite trash that, years ago in the US (I think it was in San Fran), manufactured and delivered a fleet of first class shopping carts for the local street bums to push around so that they could be homeless in style. Oh, yes, that did a lot for them. Fucking brainiacs. Sit not upon thy cerebral tissues, you morons. Anyway, my conclusion is that the midnight closing is like pushing in a bubble: push it in on one side and it will just bulge out another.
Being my last night in Thailand last night, it was pretty uneventful. Had a dinner date with A, which I cut off early because I am flying out tomorrow. Also, last date she was a bit stand-offish, to be honest, and I'd like to go have a chat with the little phooying that works at the restaurant next to my hotel. I also decided to give A a dose of her own medicine, and was a bit stand-offish myself. I purposely did not even lay a finger on her, avoiding any and all physical contact, which was in distinct contrast to what we have been doing on the previous 2 dates. What's good for the goose.....
Woke up today, the day I am flying out, and just walked around BKK. Took skytrain to On Nut, which is the end of the line on the Sukhumvit line, and just walked around the area. Did much of the same old crap, like buying food and feeding a starving looking soi dog, bought some fruit for the kind little phooying that cleans my room at the hotel, and warded off touts in the BKK heat, which is quite extreme by now. I don't want to leave. While packing my bags getting ready to depart, my heart warmed greatly when, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping on my chamber door......only this, and nothing more. Hearkening to this rapping, I opened it to a flower-bearing, cute phooying (the hotel cleaning lady). I gave her shy face a little peck with a smile, we exchanged some niceties in a soothing brief encounter. WTF? Do I really have to leave?
Headed to Don Muang in a taxi that was driven by a fucking bahbahbobo whacko. This MF'er was doing 150-160 kph weaving through traffic, and when I asked him to slow down a bit, he laughed and ignored me. Hahahaha. Laugh at this 3 baht tip, fucknut.
Since it was a part of my trip to Thailand, I will include just a part of my return trip to the States. Specifically, the part where the lousy Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) dickheads told me that I could not take my 2 military style can openers, which military guys call "john waynes", on board the plane with me. I have had these things for years, as they are very useful in opening cans in a fix. Those who know what these things are will surely know how ridiculous this is. I have traveled out to Thailand and back again with these things on my key chain MANY TIMES, and have traveled all over Thailand itself without being bothered. They are about 1 inch long and are small gadgets that open cans. You couldn’t hijack a plane with 1000 of them, yet these crack-smoking BOZO fuckheads here in the US see them as a threat. Can you even, in your wildest imagination, see somebody trying to hijack a plane with one of these things? You’d have better luck with a toothpick! Never had a problem with them at all during any of my travel to/in Thailand, but all of a sudden it's a problem here in the US. What has our country become, and all in the name of "defending against terrorism"? I once said that I would never go to live in Thailand unless I could find a job that pays as well as the one I have here in the US. Now maybe I'll have to modify that statement to say that if I EVER find a job that pays as much as mine here in the US, I might very well leave. For those critics out there of the Thai way of life and Thai people in general, at least they can still say that they are a free country, unlike the Socialist States of ameriKa. At least the Thais live their lives with a dose of common sense and don't harass one another in the name of some stupid witch hunt. And this is spoken by a guy who has the star spangled banner hanging high in his living room above the fireplace! Maybe that needs to be replaced by a picture of His Majesty.
If it aint broke, don't fix it. Chok dee, pheuan phom khrap.
Stickman says:
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