Miss Udon In Focus

Speculation has surrounded the identity of Miss Udon. The sex of the lady who answers readers' lovelorn emails each week has been questioned. Some readers even suggested that I don my best frock and apply a bit of lipstick before answering the questions, slipping back into a shirt and trousers to scribe the rest of the column. As amusing as that may sound, I can assure you that Miss Udon is indeed a Thai lady and I have no influence over her answers at all.

Had you made it to the Big Mango's second anniversary party last night, you could have met her. The poor lass was grilled with question after question as guys poured out their heart, turning to her for desperately needed relationship advice.

I broke my rule of only interviewing somewhat famous people, and this week decided to have a chat with Miss Udon.

What did you make of Nana Plaza last night?

It was fun. It's a fun place with many pretty girls that attract many young guys to come and check the place out. I think it's good for the bar business because guys will come and drink a lot in an environment like that. The bar owners can sell
a lot and make a good profit. I guess it is a great place for single guys to go!

Did you see anyone you know?

Yes! I saw a guy who used to work in an English school where I studied, actually where I still study at. But he no longer teaches there. I was quite surprised to see someone like that because that school pays a high salary so he should be professional and he shouldn't go there and hang out with girls like that. For me, I think that with him being a teacher he should be more respectable than that.

Would you want to study with him again?

He never taught me but I saw him working at my school. For English skills, it's ok, but now, when it comes to respect, I don't have that for him. It is harder than before to respect someone who is not what we really thought they were.

Do you think most Thai people know about bars and bar areas like Nana Plaza?

No. We know the names of the bar areas. Some people might go and look, guys that is, but not girls. For girls, if we go there alone, it's quite strange because most people who are there are white guys. If you go there alone they might think that you were working there or something like that. But it is worth it to go and look. Who knows, maybe your boyfriend could be there? I think it is better to go as a group, with both guys and girls. I can feel that when girls go there with a group of friends or boyfriends the girls who are working there are not really happy to see Thai women there. I think it might make the women working feel bad about themselves and they don't want to be compared with other women. And some women who go there will act like they are better than the girls working there.

When you see women from your home province working in the bars, doing what they do, how do you feel?

I wonder what reason keeps them working there. Maybe they enjoy it? Maybe it is big money? And I wonder whether they are happy working there or they just want to save money. I wonder about their feelings. If they have a need to be there for money then they are most probably not happy there, but they have to work there for monetary reasons. I am curious about the first time for them working there. How would they feel? Nervous? Do they get used to it and does it become normal for them? For me I understand that when I start working, anywhere, I have pressure. I feel nervous but then when I keep working at the same job every day I am fine and it becomes like normal, what I am doing everyday. So I guess it must be the same for them, right? And I really would like to know what the guys think about girls there. Do they think that the girls are pretty or nice or want to "date" them in the day time, or just want to keep her in the bar and have fun at night with her. Do they think differently about those girls to girls who have regular day time jobs?

What about back in their home province? When you're back in Udon, do you see many local women with Western men or boyfriends? What do you make of that?

Yes, I see Western guys with women in Udon. I have seen many. Most of them are retired guys, married with local women. They have kids. Maybe they are too old to have kids but they still have kids! I don't often see young guys married with local women in Udon. But some young guys have Thai girlfriends and it makes me wonder how long he will be there for. And most of the guys I have seen who are married with local, or other Isaan women, they seem to be happy. I have even seen a guy who has a jatukham. It is strange because farangs don't really believe this kind of thing, right, but then they become like the local people and adopt what the local people believe in and then they seem to be really happy.

What about all of the guys? Do you have any thoughts on what they are doing?

Yes, what are they doing there?! The young guys they might want to have fun, chatting with pretty girls and having fun with friends, but for the married guys, yeah, what are they doing?! For a married guy, is he not happy with his family or is there something which he cannot get from his wife? I wonder if I had a serious relationship with a farang, maybe boyfriend or husband, whether he would go to Nana Plaza or not?

Some people say that the women are "forced" to work in the bars. What do you think of that?

Many of the women in Isaan are single Mums with no jobs to earn money to take care of their lives. These women may have been told by women working in Bangkok that they can get a good income and they can get money to take care of their kids and they will believe that. The ladies who hear these stories might think that now that their husband has left them they have no problem about working in such bars, even though they don't really like it. Maybe they are depressed about their own personal situation and this contributes to their willingness to enter the bars. For some women they may have got married at a very young age and they never really went out a lot or had enjoyment in their lives. Maybe their husband left them so they thought they would try it. There are many reasons why women can end up there. They are not forced at all.

While there might have been a slowdown in the number of Western visitors to Thailand, there has been an explosion in the number of Westerners moving to Bangkok to live. What do you make of that?

Yes, Thailand is a beautiful country with nice people. The lifestyle is cheap and it is fun and mostly peaceful, but not in the south. For some others, they may think that Bangkok is good for hiding or getting away from something he "did" before. I met a Western guy who was with a friend of mine. He came from England. We met at a bar in restaurant in the Sukhumvit area and then we became friends. Just friends, nothing more. He was my friend's friend! He used to work as a teacher in the Huay Kwang area. We would usually go to the same bar every Friday night, after work. We knew this guy for about a year and he seemed alright. But then we went to the same bar and we didn't see him as we usually did. We asked his friend where he was and we were told he got arrested. We were surprised about this. His friend then explained what he did back in England. He had raped a girl and escaped bail and then came to Thailand where he worked as a teacher. The English police found him and arrested him and took him back to England. What should we think after this story? Now I realise there must be many Western guys who have done the same thing and, what should I say, we Thai girls should be more careful talking with guys working here or Western guys online. We don't know them and what they are really like! <This guy's extradition from Thailand was big news a few months back and covered by BBC, amongst others – Stick Mark II>

Many guys send you questions about their relationship troubles. I have always felt relationships between Western men and Thai women are difficult because they are so different. What are your thoughts?

As I said last night there are two types of girls in Thailand. There are innocent girls and girls who pretend to be innocent. It's just the same with Western guys. One, he is really serious looking for a nice Thai girl to have a family with but the others just want to have fun. If you see both of them, they act the same way! And when a guy who is serious about a girl meets a girl who pretends to be innocent, problems begin! And when a guy who just wants to have fun meets a really nice girl, an innocent one, there are also problems. On the other hand, a serious guy can see an innocent girl but they have other problems like related to culture, where they do not understand each others' culture. But this case is more easily solved than when people meet each other and have completely different ideas about what they want from a relationship.

Miss Udon is available to answer any questions you may have about relationships in Thailand or any cultural issues you're not clear on. Email the questions to me and I then forward them on to her. She answers them and sends them back to me. I tidy up the English and then they go into the column.

FROM STICK MARK II'S INBOX (These are emails from readers and what is written here was not written by Stick Mark II)

EMAIL OF THE WEEK – Living in a bubble.

Soi 22 a centre for crime?

It’s a miracle!

Is there such a thing as a hi-so girl with no English?

What are they looking for?

Paying for the privilege of being someone’s personal banker.

A big name hospital takes on a back soi clinic – and comes out second best!

Sin City in decline?

Sisterz A Gogo, the newest bar on Pattaya's busiest strip, Walking Street, is opening on 6th September, that is this coming Thursday. At happy hour which runs from 8 until 9 PM drinks can be had for a mere 35 baht. This is a nightly special, not
just opening night! This is the soft opening and there will be a large opening party later in the month. Sisterz could best be described as a very large gogo bar – and there is seating for 130 people. It will of course feature the very popular
and experienced Ricky as manager. Do pop by and check it out.

Down in Pattaya, while the city is not dead, those who are visiting are not necessarily party types. Daytime around Pattaya witnesses a good number of people, more Russians and other Soviet Bloc people are returning for shopping sprees. That doesn't
mean they will be out bending their elbows at night.

New Living Dolls 1 has reopened after being closed by the police for a month or so. They were caught with their pants down (or the ladies were). That ailment seems to be spreading in Pattaya because in recent weeks the police also shut down Heaven's
Above (Soi Diamond) and Classroom 2000 (Soi 2). Both are expected to reopen next month. Meanwhile, the gogo girls at NLD1 are looking more and more like Bangkok dancers – that is to say, fully covered. Ditto for many of Pattaya's 70 or so
gogo bars. Those that continue to show are being more careful. But they reportedly are finding it difficult to protect against the prying eyes of undercover farang aligned with Pattaya's finest.

The Blue Lagoon is Wet 'N Wild. The Center Condo (South Pattaya Road) gogo bar has changed hands, changed name, and changed face – but little else differs. A new facade is not enough to entice punters to venture so far off of Walking
Street.

You know the bars are dead when bar bosses talk about business with their close friends, out of ear shot of customers. Well, the boss of Rainbow 1 was heard complaining about just how quiet Rainbow 1 has been. The Rainbow bars are generally the busiest
in Nana so if the Rainbow bars are quiet, everywhere must be DEAD right now! With that said, I don't know if I have never seen rainbow 4 quiet!

Big Andy was due to appoint a new manager of Electric Blue Patpong as of this past Friday. I never got a chance to pop by and see who it was but I believe it may be Jack who used to manage Dollhouse Clinton Plaza. Now that is turning back the clock.

Doing the rounds in Soi Cowboy this past week, there is quite a variance in the offerings at the various establishments. While some bars employ dancers who are extremely easy on the eyes, others are home to girls who could perhaps best be termed well-rounded.
And there seems to be absolutely no correlation between the prices charged for drinks and the looks of the staff. I was impressed with Our Place – a fun atmosphere, good music and friendly staff.

Oh My Cod have introduced a new Wednesday night special for teachers. Buy two Chang or Singha or Tiger or Heineken or Beer Lao and you get the next one free. This is a Wednesday night only promotion and those irresponsible people at Oh My Cod run the
special from 5 PM though to 11 PM! To stop the venue being descended on by all and sundry, teachers wishing to avail themselves of this very good deal (remember Oh My Cod is very reasonably priced already) must show some official ID which shows
they’re a teacher. The big unanswered question is when are Oh My Cod going to open up on Sukhumvit, or somewhere a bit more central? They have built up an excellent reputation for good, British style food and very affordable beer. Get a
spot on Sukhumvit, Chris, and you'll be rich!

My favourite Irish pub, in fact my favourite of all of the British style pubs in Bangkok, the Irish Xchange has just re-opened in its latest guise, Molly Malone's.
It re-opened yesterday and I have not had a chance to swing by and check it out yet, but I will do this week and report next week.

A friend recently left Bangkok to return to Europe to start a new job. The start date for the job was delayed so he decided to return to Thailand for a couple of months to hang out and have some fun before beginning his new position. He applied
for a tourist visa at one of the consulates in his country but the application was declined with them citing the rule that you are only allowed 90 days in 180 days in Thailand, irrespective of visa type! It would seem that they misunderstand the
rule which clearly states that the 90 days out of 180 days rule applies only to people WITHOUT a visa i.e. they are on 30 day entry stamps. The consulate had even printed their interpretation of the 90 day rule on every visa application form!
Being resourceful, he then phoned another Thai consulate in a different city in his country. They said that there was no problem and subsequently issued him with a visa. What is perhaps most perturbing is that the first consulate was run by a
local of his country, and not a Thai. You'd expect better service than that.

Yet another amendment to the visa laws was implemented yesterday which will affect Western couples retiring in Thailand. Previously the foreign wife of a foreign husband in Thailand on a retirement visa essentially qualified for a visa merely by being
the wife of someone who had already met the required criteria. She did not have to meet the same criteria herself. The law has been changed and now each individual must meet the criteria meaning that essentially they have to apply as individuals.
And just to make things REALLY complicated, retirement visa applications and extensions must now be accompanied by a map showing the way from the Immigration office where they submit the application to their residence! The Thai visa rules continue
to cause all sorts of misunderstandings – and don't think they have finished yet. It's almost as if they feel they need to make some changes every few months – and never in favour of khun farang. What could be next? Perhaps they'll
up the amount of money required to stay in Thailand on a marriage or retirement visa? And remember when they up it, they usually double it! Or how about a maximum number of years foreigners can stay in Thailand? Once you've been here "X"
years, you're out! In all truth and honesty, NOTHING WOULD SURPRISE ME!

A couple of years or so back two twins started at Angelwitch Bangkok and caused quite a storm, particularly when word on the street was that they were “innocent”, although it didn’t take a genius to look into their eyes and see a
hardness that certainly belied those rumours. From day one the girls were unavailable. The smiles were sweet but really, were no different to the cheerful veneer most girls in the industry perfect within a week. The twins are still employed at
Angelwitch and remain off limits. Each apparently has a farang boyfriend, although whether they're "real boyfriends" or merely sponsors is unclear. Neither smiles much these days and as they go about their nightly routine, starring
in many of the shows, at least one has that cold hardness in her eyes that any girl spending a period in the bar industry cannot help but adopt. For me, one of the most interesting aspects of the bar industry is watching the girls change over
time. Sadly, the changes are almost always negative…as the girls don’t just slip, but positively slide down the slippery slope.

A dreadful accident happened on Sukhumvit Road, near Soi 5. A youngish farang was hit by a large vehicle and killed. Details remain unclear but it sounds as though he tried to cross the road away from one of the pedestrian crossings and did not realise
that there was actually traffic moving in both directions on that side of the median barrier below the skytrain. As crazy as it sounds, crossing the road in Bangkok can be hazardous and you really do need to be extra careful.

If you’re looking to meet someone special, you might want to give Bangkok Matching a go. They provide a dating site and dating services for "busy professional singles" in Bangkok. Bangkok Matching will be holding Speed Dating Parties for age range 25 – 45 on Thursday 20 September and for age range 40+ on 26 September starting from 7:00 – 9:30 PM at Bar Eleven, (opposite the National Stadium near MBK). It has been described as a fast, fun
way to meet and mingle with about 30+ professional singles in one night – and you'll have 5 minutes on-one-one talk with each of them. It costs 1,000 baht per person which includes drinks and snacks – they’d better be the good
stuff at that price! If you are interested, email admin@bangkokmatching.com.

For anyone planning on venturing to the Land Of $miles over the Christmas / New Year period, factor in that the general election is scheduled for December 23rd, which means that that day, just two days before Xmas, may very well be dry i.e. no alcohol
available. And if is the same as previous general elections, the bars will be closed from 6 PM the day before the election until midnight of the end of the day of the election, meaning the bars would be closed from 6:00 PM on December 22nd until
midnight on the 23rd, essentially ruining two nights! A killer for bar owners as December 20th is usually the time that the high season REALLY gets going. Nothing has been announced yet, and don't expect there to be anything for a while,
but I would not expect any special dispensation for tourist hot spots – even though it would be the sensible thing to do.

I have never been to Krabi and it is probably the most commercial tourist spot in Thailand that I have yet to visit. But I don’t know that I ever will make it there. I keep hearing really negative reports from people close to me who trek down there.
The latest reports from a close friend include a boom in the construction of ugly, bland concrete buildings, rude locals, widespread double-pricing and prices that are closer to what you would expect in the West, than tropical Asia. A can of local
beer goes in some minimarts for 60 baht! The whole place used to be low key but it is said to be getting rather ugly these days.

YouTube is back online in Thailand after a few months of being blocked by the local IT Ministry. About time! I just hope that no clowns go and upload any daft material again resulting in it being blocked again. I personally didn't notice any discernible
reduction in the net's speed upon its return to Thailand. They say that YouTube pulls 10% of all internet traffic worldwide so the strain on the international bandwidth may have been noticed by some. The New York Times reported the issue
here.

It has been said that fake Thai drivers licenses are available in the Khao Sarn Road area. Trust me when I say that anyone who uses one in Thailand is a bloody idiot. First and foremost, the Thais will lock you up for presenting fake documents as original.
If you use one when driving, you're even dafter. Getting pulled over by the cops is nothing to worry about but what about when you run up the ass of a Mercedes Benz and do 1,000,000 baht worth of damage to some Khunying's chariot? When
the insurance man sees your license is a fake – and he will, then your insurance will be invalidated – and you'll now be liable for the damages all yourself. Don't even consider it!

Dasa Book Cafe, many a local’s favourite second hand bookstore, is running a special for all of September. They’re offering 15% off all second-hand books in stock (excluding "blowout" sale items) during the entire month of September.
That’s a pretty good deal!

In April this year a long time visitor to Bangkok, Mr. David Parr, from Manchester, England passed away in Bumrungrad Hospital. The cause of death is unknown. David's family flew out from the UK and took the body back with them. David first came
to Bangkok in 1982 and almost every year after that always staying at the Nana Hotel for 6 months from November until May, returning to the UK for a bit of summer and cricket. David talked of how much Bangkok has changed since he first arrived
when there were three main hotels in the Nana area – Nana, Grace and the Rajah. How things have changed. He was well known for his large, colourful shirts. One of his favourite pastimes was sitting in Lucky Luke's at the entrance to Nana
Plaza at around 6 PM drinking coffee and watching the girls going in to work, no doubt making mental notes for future reference! Over the 25 year period David visited Bangkok he made many friends and I am sure he will be greatly missed.

Here’s an interesting article from the International Herald Tribune about Thais adopting some English words as nicknames. Money, Pig and Fat are amongst them…

And here is proof of what can happen if you get caught fooling around in Thailand! OUCH!

Miss Udon is here to answer questions surrounding anything that confuses you in Thailand, particularly issues of the heart. Feel free to send questions in for her to answer and get the perspective of a Thai female. You (and I) may well disagree with what she says. The purpose of this section is to provide a Thai woman's perspective!

Question 1: My Thai girlfriend and I have been living together in Bangkok together for a few years now, and we have a wonderful relationship. I am making a very respectable income, purchased a business for her over a year ago, and in return she has been paying my rent since then and has never asked me for money. I want to give you the sense that she is normally very smart and responsible when it comes to finances. I am trying to save money in order to buy a house / condo here in Bangkok, as in my country that is fairly typical in life's timeline of events. Now she has come to me about buying a car for her father up in Isaan, which I think is a "not so good" idea considering those monthly payments will definitely be eating into our future goals. Of course, this car is more about face than about making a savvy investment. I have sat her down and explained to her that I disagree for the above reasons and more, but we keep hitting the cultural ceiling and cannot move beyond there. How do I get around this without insulting the Thai way of life?

Miss Udon says: Compare between Thai groom and Western groom, the Western groom will get more expectation from parents than the Thai groom as they have a higher income. Supporting the parents, that is always in Thai culture but you do not need to give them extravagant things if they do not need them. Even if they need things, you still don't have to buy them. But if you are happy to do that as you can afford it then that is another issue. This point I know you have another target to use the money for. It is difficult to get around this without upsetting someone. But don't worry about insulting the Thai way of life. The way people live depends on a person who owns the life. I don't know how much the parents need a car. If they really needed one they would have saved some money to buy one! And if your girlfriend wants them to have a car then she should help them save some money to buy it. Asking for money from you is the easy way out. Explain to your girlfriend about your plans with her. Tell her to talk to the parents and make them accept the fact, not the face. No one wants to upset parents just as parents do not want to upset their kids. I believe they will understand if she knows how to talk in the middle way.

Question 2: About 2 years ago I added my name & profile to Thai Love Links, and soon after was contacted by a lady from Isaan. In checking her profile I was happy to read that she was a teacher in the Khon Kaen area. We communicated via
email for about 1 1/2 years, and decided that we should meet and see if there was a connection here. So finally this last April we meet and were together for the month. Everything seemed great and both of us agreed that we should get together.
We went to "Easy Visa" in Pattaya where I had become friends with the owner who is married to a Thai lady from Isaan. The Thai wife was familiar with my lady and she attended the marriage ceremony, which gave me confidence in applying
for a fiancée visa with her. The question has come up as to why she is still on TLL. She has told me several times now that she was going off the site, which she did, but was back on after being off for a week or so. Each time I confronted
her about it she denied it and after a few phone calls said she would leave. She also told me about a "friend" on TLL who she said was married and after I checked found out that he was a single guy "looking for fun" and only
after some words that she realized I was correct. I have asked but never get an answer because she says there is a "English problem" and that seams to go along with the "You not understand Thai lady", combined with, "You
not trust me". What do you think?

Miss Udon says: Some girls act like that, true. But not everyone! I have to mention that it's "not everyone" because I don't want you Western guys to think that we are all the same. This girl chats with many guys from the internet and what she is looking for is not only love. She has an idea that Western guys will support her for any thing she asks for and maybe for the future in another country. I guess you are not the first guy from the internet who contacted her and fell in love with her but you are perhaps the first guy who is serious with her. I feel that she doesn't have any special feelings with you as you said she still keeps her profile online. There is not an English problem here but there are definitely a lot of lies. When people lie they will give you a clue in two different ways. One is trying to explain in a sweet way that they are not like that and they would never lie to you, not even one word. Two is turning to be crazy shouting and trying to change the subject. This girl us using the second method and I think you should leave her. That's my thoughts.

Stick Mark II says: You married her and she is saying and doing this nonsense? File for annulment of the marriage. She is not committed to you. She is a liar and the trust has been seriously damaged. When the trust is lost it is as good as over. Sorry.

Sometimes it pays to be a little coy when gossiping in this column. Occasionally I am sketchy with details about an establishment, or a person. This is for the protection of the people concerned. In the past some things were described in this column with
more detail than was necessary but these days I am much more careful to be hazy. So, if you are wondering why I might occasionally mention something like "a certain bar owner was ripped off by his Thai partner" it is to report what is
going on, but without naming the parties. I hope you understand.

That's all for this week. Have a good week and try and stay dry!

Yours,

Stick Mark II