My Tale Is Done

I just wanted to share some updates and thoughts and maybe spare some poor fool grief in regards to online dating in Thailand. The year was 2008 and it was my second time in Bangkok and my first attempts at online dating, in particular on ThaiLoveLinks.
I blame and thank Stickman for this because if it wasn't for his article I probably wouldn't have experienced the pleasure and pain of this obsession of seeking the perfect match. That year there were 4 ladies that really stood out.
Let's call them Su, May, Phen and Wahn.

As fate would have it, 3 of these girls turned out to be the best of the best and only one failed on every test. After 5 years and countless dates these 3 still remain friends and I saw Phen two days ago and Su 7 days ago and Wahn was married earlier this month and I saw the Facebook photos as proof. I saw Wahn last year and she was happily engaged. She took me to dinner at Siam and paid for the Musketeer Movie too. She insisted. We left with a big hug. I'm happy for her. She really didn't deserve a guy like me anyways and she made the right choice with her guy. She just might have been the one that got away.

Su met me last Friday after work for a quick beer. I didn't see her last year as she was still in a relationship with a Thai man and had stopped dating farangs. But earlier this year I noticed she popped up on my favorites list so she had reactivated her account and we connected again. I haven't had sex with her since 2008 but there have been some kissing sessions. I don't want to get into details, our sex life was never good, not a match in that area but I do enjoy her company. When we got to the pub on Ekamai the first thing she did was pull out a T-shirt and hand it to me. I felt like a tit. I didn't even think about getting her something. Mental note for next time. She left in a taxi within the hour. I invited her back to my room for a drink. No dice, and I didn't push the issue further. She mentioned she has another Thai man interested in her and almost the same age. Happy for her, she is an accountant, works extremely hard, is in charge of a large team and for sure doesn't deserve a guy like me in her life.

Phen called me a few days ago and left a text message but I didn't recognize her number so I didn't text back. She called me the next day and wanted to meet at Emporium and Starbucks for a coffee and wanted to introduce me to her friend that spoke excellent English. I was there in 30 minutes. She looked the same. I hadn't seen her since 2009 and she was in a long term relationship with a farang for the last 3 years. Happy for her, again, and you can probably anticipate what's coming. I'm not worthy. She is a good women. Honest, real, one of the few I've met. Now…

Last night I wondered into New Wave Pub looking for some games and maybe some action. If the timing was right, I'm open to negotiations. I was in a great mood and had just ordered a beer, grabbed a pool stick and lit a smoke…then I saw the outline of something that made my heat beat faster. I'm talking about a nice little package, 5'3" and 88lbs dressed in a classy tight fitting skirt and Bebe T-shirt and high heels. I couldn't see the face, but from behind these specs are about as good as it gets in my world. I like them petite and in proportion and this girl was bang on. So I sat back and watched as she strolled over to the board and put her name up looking for some action herself. Humm, erm, there was something familiar about this hot number, the way she moved, her cadence, the tempo and gait. I sat back transfixed waiting to get a look at her face. But it was instantly buried in her Smartphone the moment she sat down. This girl wasn't the friendly social type. She was in her own head and could care less about anyone around her. She was used to being looked at and for whatever reason avoided eye contact and vacillated from her phone to watching a pool table where two girls were playing. She didn't scan the room at all, and I'm sure of this because my eyes never left her.

Eventually my name came up to play and it was on the same table she had been focused on for the last 15 minutes. Finally I was going to get a closer look and when I did I realized it was May. All the memories of dating her came flooding back in one pop and I felt my legs buckle a little. My last memories of her was on a Monday morning in 2009 and her suggesting that I needed to give her 3,000 baht if I wanted to see her again. Oh, it all made sense to me now! She had been grooming me as her latest sponsor the year before. Sizing me up, watching, studying, always smiling, saying exactly what I wanted to hear, laughing at my jokes and also serious statements. This was going to get interesting because we had not left on good terms, her last memory of me was picking up 3,600 baht (everything I had on me) off the floor and my words, "See ya later, whore!"

After running 5 balls I quickly glanced up under my baseball hat to see her staring at me. She wasn't even playing coy. Her eyes were daggers and she remembered our last moments together better than me. She didn't like the idea that I knew her game and exactly what was up. She knew that I knew and that pissed her off immensely. However, I really needed to address her and I walked up and said, "Hi May, you look great, Honey. You haven't changed a bit in 5 years How are you?"

Silence. The eyes went back to her Iphone and fascinating life there. Did she just dare to leave me hanging? Well, yes she did, that little hot bitch totally dismissed me. Even though this probably wouldn't end pleasantly, I wanted some kind of closure and explanation, although I wasn't really expecting to actually hear a syllable of truth from her succulent lips. To many Thai girls their favorite three words are "I love you", but for many more, Fresh off Plane, is the Bingo jackpot. May is the latter group. I'd met her on her 24th birthday, on May 24th 2008, and that coincidence was not lost on me. It was a month later before I had a chance to rifle through her wallet and catch her in that lie. Although she never was the wiser that I knew about that. It's not like I could call her a liar when I was doing something almost as bad as confirming my doubts about her. And that ammo might come in handy some day. And it's not like it was a big lie anyway. She was only 7 months off! Confronting her would only make the situation volatile and ugly, and I still hadn't got my fill. May possesses something quite rare and to this day I haven't seen a more flawless body. And I really looked for flaws, it was freaking me out that there were none. Every Thai girl I ever met had something. Some carefully concealed flaw with her body image. Something she wanted to change. But May had nothing. She was happy with it all and proud to show it.

That first date was a dream. It started off at the Night Bazaar across the road from Lumpini Park. We ate at a Thai place that I thought was overrated and underwhelming to say the least. The only spectacular thing about it was when the checkbin came and the way the waiter kept a straight face when presenting the damage. Now, in retrospect, I can see that this was her standard operating practice. She had a routine that she would run through with all her perspective sugar daddies, a test to see if they get the longer grooming. Next stop was a massage, whereby she went out of her way to present herself as the good little school girl. She had even brought some of her homework along, which consisted of a one page outline of a business course. Which just so happened to be at a university minutes from my room in Phrakanong. After some glimpses of her shape in the massage I stated to take some photos and video on my new camera. May didn't like this. She hid her face and turned her back on me as well. Maybe she was just shy? Not likely, she didn't want any evidence around and about a month latter she would be asking me to delete all her photos after coming out of the bathroom unexpectedly with the shower still running I found her scanning my photos. So the next venue she directed me to was Hollywood nightclub, and this is where see made her bold move. It was crowded and as we were standing and watching the show she stood in front of me and pushed her tiny butt onto my crotch and started to grind me. Humm, only 2 beers and she is frisky already, not the typical good little school girl that claimed to have never dated a farang before. Humm, maybe I'm just so sexy she can't help herself? Not likely.

Then it was off to eat again and play a game of pool. She hardly touched her food but seemed to enjoy that it was expensive and tasty. And when I mentioned that she shouldn't let it go to waste and that I will eat it, she pouted for the first time and I got a micro flash of her true face. So now it was the wee hours and I figured it was time to seal the deal and get her back to my room. But she wasn't through with my sugar daddy test quite yet. We still had Spicy Club to visit and more money to toss around. In for a penny, in for a pound. I was intent on seeing this thing through to the bedroom and she was just as intent on stretching it out and building tension. Spicy really wasn't my cup of tea, a bunch of posers, too many aggressive farangs and load music. But I suffered through it. Some guy, maybe a Persian or Arab walked by and grabbed her arm and started to pull her towards him. This bastard actually had the balls to do this in front of me and without thinking I grab her other arm and pulled even more aggressively. For a moment we were having a full on tug-o-war with this little spinner, and thankfully, he let go first or we might have torn off one of those stick arms of hers. God damn, I wasn't going to let some oiled up Persian in shiny gold lettering steal my babe before I even had a chance to kiss her. It was past 4 AM and the place still wasn't closed. I have to get my sleep. I needed to get out of there or I wouldn't have the energy if this went on much longer. I was already about 5 beers in and a whiskey shot, and I know my limitations. It was enough. I leaned in for a kiss and she came in just as fast and we met at the lips for the fist time at Spicy Club in front of strangers. How classy. Her lips melted into mine and instantly she started to straighten out my aching dilemma. Checkbin cup. More kissing and tongue in the taxi. By the time we were back in my room, it was obvious there was heat between us and that my favorite part of the night was almost certain.. Maybe I shouldn't have had that last shot of whiskey. Whiskey dick is never an impressive state. Should we just skip the formality of the shower and go caveman? Nah, the girls need this alone time, it just adds to the tension. Her favorite part. While she was in the shower until 5 AM I started to calculate the cost of the date – somewhere around 8,500 baht. I guess that was adequate, because after all she was in my shower and moments away from becoming a bad girl, I had to assume I passed the initial screening.

She came out of the shower and I passed her on the way in, with the towel up around her neck and the whole 45 seconds that I lathered up I thought about what kind of surprise awaited me under that towel. Her breasts looked too large to be true in her T-shirt and I was expecting to discover the padded deceivers and false advertising of bra manufacturers everywhere. What kind of scars and burn marks would be under those skinny jeans? What weird discolorations would I have to ignore and turn the lights down for? I was already preparing my pak wan in anticipation of massaging her ego. Too bad, I like the lights on full blast…think sound stage bright! I want to see every wart and blemish. I'm a little sick that way.

The towel dropped and my jaw followed just as quick. My best friend hates this next part. The part where I talk about her Photoshop body being as perfect as I've ever seen before. I never got a chance to get the photographic evidence, but I'm certain some guy did before and it surprises me that I haven't see it on the internet yet. And believe me, I've been looking and Thai porn since 1998 and if it was out there I've seen it. I'll spare you the details of what happened next, except to say, I was starting to worry…what was this babe doing with a middle-aged man when any millionaire producer would be quick to marry her in a heartbeat. The sex was awesome. She moved and anticipated my desires. She floated from one position to the next like she was on a ballet stage and the condom went on like a well practiced parlor trick. She stayed with me the next few nights and brought over a small bag the next day after allegedly going to school. She liked it that it only took a few minutes by motorcycle taxi to get there. I was as convenient as a 7 Eleven ATM as far as lovers go.

Then around date 4 the phone call came at 2 AM. It was a friend of hers having trouble with her boyfriend and she needed to go to immediately console her. She would be back in a couple of hours. She went from snoring and drooling on my pillow to wide awake and action mode in under a minute. She was out the door in 3 minutes flat. I was left dumbstruck but too sleepy to push it. Humm, strange that her friend had a lot of bass in her voice, as I could overhear parts of the conversation only being about arms length away. Oh well, maybe her friend is a ladyboy.

May arrived back the next day at noon. No excuse for missing the 2-hour return time and I was too happy to see her to hammer her about it. She wanted to get something to eat at MBK, have ice-cream and buy something for her friend, she said. This was all forgotten once we arrived there, which she insisted we must take a taxi from my place even though the skytrain would have been much faster and efficient. She dragged me around from one shoe store to the next, looked at purses and dresses and the dreaded jewelry shop. May kept asking me what I thought of this bauble or useless trinket and I just nodded my head and said, "Yes, it's nice". When really I thought, where is this going?

Then we went by a lingerie shop and my shopping interest started to perk up…finally a store that appealed to me. She sensed my delight and tried on the skimpiest, sexy Victoria Secrets style gossamer threads I've only seen in Hustler magazine. She really got into our little secret dressing room session and we sneaked in multiple kisses during dress up time. I asked her which bra and panties she liked best and I would buy it as a belated birthday present for her. She asked me which color I liked best and I said purple. Okay, but she also wanted some stockings and shoes to match. Okay, I caved, the full package it was. Except when we went to the counter, a black bra and panties also joined the items on the receipt. Although I wanted to make a scene, I was smitten and bit my tongue not wanting to spoil the mood. And after all, the underwear is really a birthday present for me. So I will let her be a little cheeky with her gall. After the shoe store, something to eat, topping up her phone card, a movie and taxi home. I was in about 4,000 baht. If this was my country it would have been closer to 8,000 so I chalked it up to experience and made a mental note to not complain about it, but avoid afternoon shopping trips like the plague on future dates. Let's try to steer this relationship more into a bedroom style thing and stay close to home away from brand name clothing shops and expensive spas. I was already starting to hear about her beauty shop and spa habits and I wasn't overjoyed with the frequency. From the sound of it, they would be interfering with her studies anyways. How the hell did she find the time to get anything done if she is in the beauty shop or a spa 3 hours everyday? And what's more, she doesn't have a job, so how does she afford it. By the way, I was thinking last night, I never did get a chance to see her in that black bra and panties. Pity.

In total our relationship, or more precisely my illusion of a relationship, lasted about 45 days, including that last night in 2009. She made excuses about a number of things too numerous to remember without a diary. Late night calls to help out her troubled friend with the low pitched voice, trips to Nakhon Somewhere, study groups that needed her insights, sisters with babysitting issues that could only be solved by her, sick days, headaches, periods that lasted 9 days, the list is long and constantly updated. If you have ever dated a flayer (female player), you know my pain. If not, you're in for a lot of high maintenance drama, so beware middle-age lover.

The day after May snatched the 3,600 baht from the floor I received a text message offer. She would be my sugar baby for the bargain price of 50,000 baht a month, but if I paid cash in advance, she would discount 10,000. So generous of her. Of course this didn't include shopping trips as many times a week as I would stomach, but she would pay for her own beauty shop and spa needs with this stipend. She would be available as many times for sex as I wanted, except for during the day or when she was menstruating or emergency calls in the middle of the bloody night. I texted back. Nice try, Teeruk, I'm not fresh off plane. She texted back one word…Kub.

Hope you enjoy this, my tail is dun. JC

Stickman's thoughts:

May will probably make the right guy very happy. There are plenty of guys out there who are actually quite happy to pay up and put up with that sort of nonsense in return for awesome sex with a hard-bodied lass with the body of an angel.

Very nicely told tale in a style we don't see so much of now – which is a real shame.