An Open Letter to Janice
By Korski

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Dear Janice:

Let me introduce myself. I go by the name of Korski, which you might say has become the name I most identify with these days. There’s a long story here, not as interesting as yours perhaps, but one not unrelated to your story either. Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with my tale. I am rather writing to share a few thoughts on your predicament. I hope it is candor you are after, for it with this thought that I pen the following words.

How many times do women of any age have to be told that when they shut off the gas to a man, so to speak in colloquial terms, they are inviting trouble. And it is a kind of trouble that once invited into the bedroom is awfully hard to rectify. Yes, Janice, however you felt about your husband at the time you withheld sex from him, your decision to use sex as a weapon was your first and most fatal mistake.

Apparently you have been naïve enough to believe that with your writing and verbal skills, and perhaps some other talents, you would have no problem getting another man, once you had decided to go down that road. But Janice, do women of any age beyond the age of reason have to be reminded that men don’t care if you have more literary skills than James Joyce or Ernest Hemingway, or that you can sing with angels? What they care about is how you look, and if you have let yourself go to seed, as I sense you have, then you are at an enormous disadvantage with nearly all men. And then too—dare I say it?—age itself works against you. So what then do you have to offer to a man who can get a young woman, one half your age, and who very much looks like a young woman—thin, without sun lines, without a saggy chin or stomach, without an enormous amount of what might be called historical baggage, and...well, you get the idea.

What are your choices now? I said I would be candid, and I will be. With a bit of luck you might be able to find another woman in your age bracket that will love you for your writing skills and insights into men and familiarity with internet dating and want to share a bed and cooking and shopping with you. You won’t be the first middle-aged divorced woman who has had to become a lesbian of sorts to meet emotional needs in the autumn of life. Whatever, if this doesn’t work, and you are feeling constantly sexy, and shall we say horny in a way that you have not felt for decades, then by all means pay a visit to a sex toy shop. I don’t know from experience what they have available, but I imagine there are all kinds of dildos, and some vibrating dildos at that, that should keep you happy. The good news here is that you don’t have to look at a naked man with whom you have all kinds of “issues” and who has gone bald and is, shall we shall, a bit portly. When you have satisfied yourself, you can simply push a little button or pull the plug and your electrifying dildo session will be over. This thought also occurs to me as I write these words meant to be helpful. Perhaps you can find a blowup doll? You know, one that resembles a handsome young man who is showing no signs of male pattern baldness and is well endowed and who you can throw out of bed or utterly destroy with a simple pin prick whenever fancy strikes.

Then there is the delicate matter of the deal you have been presented with by your husband. No doubt it must seem unfair to you, since he has all the pleasures that come with someone who is fresh and young, and you are not able to find yourself in a similar situation. But you must see that he has made you a great deal. You can still live in the house, you don’t have to put up with his boring ways and silences that so bothered you, and I gather that you don’t even have to share the same bed with him most of the time. It sounds like it is everything you have wanted all these many years. And, to boot, you will still have the time and money to be with your gossipy friends who feed you comforting ideas about the fascist ways of men. Rejoice, Janice! Rejoice! Perhaps you have found the Nirvana to which so many middle-aged women aspire.

I don’t really have a whole lot more to say, other than to trot out some overly worked clichés. One you are acutely aware of, as you noted in your letter, is this one: life is unfair. Yep, someone always feels like they’re getting the short end of the stick. And in the sexual arena, life seems particularly unfair to middle-aged women who have lost their way in their relationships with men, only to discover that they can be easily replaced if a man is willing to seek a new partner in Asia. And then when this happens, there will be, as I suspect there is in your case (more so than is evident in your letter), plenty of room for bitterness. Over where you find yourself. Over what, in your honest moments, you can see as terrible and irrevocable mistakes on your part. And over the fact that your misery is now yours and yours alone, however much you do not want to face this awful fact.

One final note, for what it’s worth. You could be prudent with your money and take a couple of one or two week vacations to Jamaica, and I don’t think your husband will object at all. You can become a sex tourist. Jamaica is a place, I understand, where you will be able to get young and strong and well-endowed black men to treat you sexually and in other ways as you’ve never been treated before. All for a price, of course (there are no free lunches in life, another cliché). Now that I think about it, you might even consider divorcing your husband and taking your half of what’s left—doesn’t sound like much—and reconstituting your life, finding your youth again, with one of these great Caribbean macho show pieces. Of course, I don’t know how he will treat you when your money runs out, so do be careful and prudent! But then perhaps in your state of mind, and the constant loneliness you must surely feel, being prudent is not something worth worrying about should you decide to move in this direction.

In closing, I do hope that you find these few comments helpful. Mind you, I am not an expert on any of these matters. I am, to be honest, a mere amateur anthropologist who wanders Asia in search of pleasure, the more exotic and dangerous the better. Anyway, I am only speaking in this brief letter to what you have written, and to what I have come to understand so many men like your husband have gone through. I do wish you the very best.

Sincerely, Korski

Stickman's thoughts:

I could not agree more with what you say about a woman who turns the tap off.  That is the beginning of the end.

The author can be contacted at korski@cox.net.
 The publisher of this website, NOT this article, can be contacted at: stickmanbangkok@gmail.com.