Is It Moral?

Caveman asked if it was “moral” to go to the PI or Thailand to “exploit” the farang nightlife scene.

Peter Pickles talked about “feelings”, especially those he missed after he split with his wife and he paid for a girl so that he could just hold her in an effort to recapture the feeling he had with his wife.

After dipping into the honey pot for so many years, I found myself discounting both these reactions. Let me explain.

Is it moral to hire a girl who has willingly decided to sell her body?

I would ask, moral for whom?

Let's face it, hiring a girl for sex is just a business transaction. Even if it is extended and the man gains the Girl Friend Experience, at the end of the day it is still a business transaction. Even Dana admits that his long running relationship with Fa continues to be merely a business transaction. No matter how hard he tries, she is realistic enough for the both of them to refuse to get involved with him the way he craves.

Unfortunately, the girls you meet in the sex industry are superb actresses. I am sure many of them could win Oscars for their performances if they were in Hollywood. They can make a man believe anything: black is white; she is not working in the bar any more; that voice you heard on the phone was just someone walking past. It doesn't matter what she says, you can be sure she is lying. That's her job.

So where is the morality? Only in the man's head.

Frankly, I was surprised that Caveman would even ask a question like that. I thought he was a seasoned player.

Obviously not.

Perhaps he still carries some of the baggage he gained in the West, the baggage thrust on us the blue nosed religious people who would like everyone to live life to get ready to die. I say the hell with that! Life is too short. I say get out there and grab it all, and don't even try to rationalize it.

I was like him once, thanks to my strict Catholic upbringing. But one day I read a Zen Buddhist tale about an old monk and a young monk who were walking from one temple to another. Along the way, they came across an old woman trying to cross a flooded river.

The old monk motioned for her to climb on his back. Then, using his walking staff to steady himself he carried her across the swollen river and deposited her on the opposite bank.

The two monks walked on a couple of kilometers in silence until the young monk could stand it no longer.

Oh wise one. Surely you know that monks are not allowed to touch females. Why did you carry that old woman across the river?

The senior monk turned to him surprised and asked, Oh! Are you still carrying that woman?

I gained the same attitude towards bar girls. When the urge came on I went out and did what was needed. As soon as I had finished I dropped the girl on the far bank and carried on with my life. I might return sometimes and carry the girl into the river again, but there was no way I could even contemplate establishing a long term relationship with her. There were just too few points where we connected (no pun intended).

Trying to make more out of a paid for connection is sheer folly. Of course, if everyone writing here had the same attitude poor old Stick would go out of business very quickly. But there are plenty of men out there searching for something they couldn't find back home, hoping they will find it in the bars. As I said, sheer folly.

Peter Pickles analyzes the P4P scene accurately. Too many men agonize about the morality of what they are doing. Religion has laid a deep guilt trip on these guys. But what good does it do? They are taking the girls out for sex. That's it, no matter how well the girls make them believe there can be more. It just ain't gonna happen.

Would they agonize about the morality of doing the same thing back home with a girl who is not selling her body, but is willing to sleep with a guy after a good dinner and perhaps a show? What is the difference? It is all a matter of perspective.

Unfortunately, too many men lose their sense of perspective after they meet a bar girl.

I don't blame them. I've been there and done that myself. But after so many years, and literally thousands of women, I think my perspective took the turn that led to a realistic view of the scene.

I love pussy. I love the look, the feel, the smell (most of them, anyway), the way it reacts when stimulated. I loved seeing the look of sheer pleasure on the bar girls' faces as their orgasms synchronized with mine. And I sure told a hell of a lot of them that I loved them as we Rock and Rolled together. Sex is the absolutely best fun you can have while horizontal.

But when it was all over, what then? I couldn't discuss philosophy, art, or anything else cultural with them. I couldn't discuss the kids with them. Nor could I see any way to walk into a future holding them next to me. Where was the mental connection? And, like Peter Pickles, I believe a relationship must embody far more than just sex. Even though I knew it deep down, it took me a long time to come to terms with that. My current relationship provides everything I need; love, comfort, a meeting of the minds, physical satisfaction, and so much more. Do I stray now? No. But if our relationship ever did break up for any reason, I would feel a lot like Mr Pickles. I would miss the intimacy and the relationship. Sure I would miss the sex too, but not as much as the close feeling you get from a solid relationship.

Would that stop me from going out and banging anything in skirts again? Nope. I would jump right back into the P4P scene again until I got lucky enough to meet another woman I could connect with. I would not meet that woman in a bar. And I would stop going out to the bars immediately as well.

Before I went to Thailand I used to say that too many girls took seriously what was poked at them in fun. After a while in the P4P scene I realized that too many guys took their poking too seriously.

It's only sex guys! That's all it is. Don't take it so seriously. And don't take anything a bar girl says to you seriously. That way lies madness.

That's what I believe anyway.