What Women Want
By Caveman


Lately there have been a couple submissions discussing the subject of "what women want", especially as relates to farang-Thai relationships.  This submission chimes in.  I don’t consider myself to be an expert in the field even if there is such a thing.  This is just one man's opinion, and admittedly that of a hard-headed, opinionated bastard.  Delivery may be a bit imperious and authoritative, but if you think you can do better, by all means send something in. 
 
I agree somewhat with "Old, Fat, & Bald" where he states that Thai women don't want anything different than women in other countries.  Women are women the world around.  But there are some differences in the values and priorities of Thais when contrasted with Western women.

In asking what women want, the question itself is flawed.  It assumes, does it not, that all women want the same thing: a fallacious assumption.  But can we still not draw some generalizations?  Most importantly, and not to be chauvinistic or flippant: Who gives a damn what women want?  Why should you?  Of what value is the question itself?  The implication is that if you determine what women want, you can satisfy those wants, and the result will be a woman who loves and stays with you forever, takes care of you, and you'll live happily ever after, right?  This is ridiculous.  Would you give a child anything he wants?  If he wants a piece of candy every minute of every day, will you provide it?  If you give in to a child’s whims, all you’ll succeed in doing is creating a monster.  Same with women.  Readily giving in to a woman's wants is madness, unless your mission is to become a doormat.  Really the title of this article should be "What Women Should Get", or "What Women Deserve", or "What You Should Give Women", or "How You Should Treat Women". 
 
Altruism is dead....if it was ever alive.  No person does anything out of pure altruism.  Many people don’t like to admit it, but for everything given, whether it be tangible or not, there is an expectation of some sort of return; maybe not immediately, but eventually.  Even philanthropists expect a return (in the form of adoration from people with minds of mush.  For philanthropists, or do-gooders, it’s all about ME and how GREAT I am.  Definition of a do-gooder: A piece of human shit who happens to be internally aware of the fact....so he attempts to compensate for the consequent inner guilt by donating time, money, and / or energy to useless causes....such as government programs or "community organizing"....which accomplish nothing....BUT, this provides them with adequate mental justification in their own distorted minds to continue to be the pieces of human shit they are).  The most faithful, devoted, non-judgmental and loving person in your life will be your dog.  People who claim to be altruistic are either deluding themselves or full of crap.  The only possible exceptions may be between close family members, and even then you can probably attribute their actions to the genetics argument: they're only helping those with their own gene set for the purpose of ensuring the passing of their genetic code to succeeding generations.

Conclusion of above paragraph is that people will only do those things that are in their own best interests.  We therefore need to discover and practice actions in relationships or in meeting women that are in YOUR best interests, knowing that she will never do anything out of pure altruism.  Some of these actions are in direct conflict with "what women want", or what women will tell you they want, which are sometimes 2 distinctly different things, women being illogical and indirect creatures.  For some reason, women speak in code and leave it to you to figure things out instead of communicating directly.  (It’s about control).  For instance, when she says "You don't have to buy me anything for Valentine's Day", what she's really saying is "I want you to have the perception that I'm not so demanding by pretending I don't want anything for Valentine's Day.  But you should know that I'm only saying this for effect and you should buy something anyway and surprise me.  If you really get me nothing on Valentine's Day, I'll go on the rag for the rest of the year." 
 
This submission assumes the woman you’re pursuing is an active, thinking, worthwhile, decent lady and not a worthless piece of human debris with no self-esteem.  Such ladies will settle for a human being with a penis.  And by the way, there are plenty of those available.  I had a marriage proposal on TLL after chatting with one young lady for a few days.  I've got another telling me she loves me, sight unseen (aside from cyber photos, which could even be fake).
 
What should women get (how should you treat them)?  The categories are somewhat overlapping.  Obviously this could be a book.  Some things are obvious, while others I’ve rarely seen pointed out.  In my 46 years of experience, here's my take:
 
1.  A CHALLENGE.  They're not after an "underling" on the social ladder.  They want a vibrant, lively, confident man that keeps them on their toes and actively dialogues with them: the dynamic man.  Even the man they can’t quite figure out.  What a decent woman does not want is a couch potato who drinks himself into a stupor every night.  While there are definitely the types that seek control of their man like a puppet on a string, my observation is that even such women want a man of power and social status that is equal to, or preferably greater, than the level at which they perceive themselves to be.  In this way, they believe they can better their lot in life and also pass their genes to superior offspring.  They also get bragging rights in the same way you seek to do by parading around with your trophy on your arm. 
 
There are many ways to portray oneself as a "challenge".  The simplest way, no matter the situation, is to ensure you stay one step ahead of her intellectually.  Never bow to her.  Don’t ever let her take complete control of you or the relationship.  At best, the relationship should be a 50:50 proposition with regard to decision making.  Letting her take control is a recipe for disaster.  Misogynistic or not, I simply believe that the man should control things; that’s just the way Nature designed it.  It’s politically incorrect in the extreme to say it, but the fact is that men are the stronger and more effective of the human species (but not all species).  "Let" her make certain decisions to give her the illusion of control.  Remember that for her, especially the Thai female, a lot of it's about face.  If she can tell her family and friends that she made this or that decision, or "forced" you to do this or that, then it's all justifiable in her mind.  She’s content with you at the helm.  Of course there are cases where women are in control, on the surface at least, and the relationship seems “successful”.  The fact that I’m proven wrong by the existence of such "successful" relationships (those that stay together) doesn’t change my opinion.  I just pity the guy (with tire tracks across his back). 
 
2.  CONFIDENCE.  Although mentioned above, confidence deserves a category of its own.  Women the world over are inspired by a man's confidence.  Other than simply looking like Brad Pitt, or having a 10-inch cock, a sustained display of confidence is probably the #1 aphrodisiac.  Even if you lack self-esteem and feel you have no reason to be confident, be confident anyway.  Be confident even if you just made a mistake or said something stupid (just apologize with a confident smile).  She doesn’t expect perfection.  But she does expect confidence, and the lack thereof will be cause for dismissal.

Confidence, no matter what the situation, mystifies.  And that which women can’t figure out they respect.  ACT as if you have a reason to be confident....and you know what?  This will actually inspire you to BE confident.  PRACTICE confidence.  Properly delivered, women can't tell the difference between “genuine” confidence and some act of confidence you’ve managed to contrive.  It matters not your appearance, size, height, attractiveness, etc.  Have confidence in yourself and your actions.  This, by the way, is called "Psycho Cybernetics", and there's a book on the subject written by a brilliant plastic surgeon named Dr. Maxwell Maltz that was published decades ago. Read it. 
 
3.  SECURITY.  As critical as this requirement is, I would still actually place it after #1 above, although these categories are not necessarily in order of precedence.  The requirement for security, and by this I mean basically a roof over her head, a means of sustenance, and to a lesser degree physical security, is probably higher for Thais than Westerners because of the fact that Thailand is a 3rd world country.  Especially for those from Isaan, their first thoughts are consistently geared to the requirements of shelter and putting food on the table on a daily basis.  The fact that, by and large, they are content to live paycheck-to-paycheck for their entire lives continues the cycle of poverty.  But that's where you, the “rich” farang, come in. 
 
What you do NOT want to do is to over-do it and thereby make yourself redundant.  In trying to ascertain how Thai women should be treated by their farang boyfriend / husband, and what you should / should not do or give them, it's amazing to hear the stories of men who ALLOW themselves to be taken to the cleaners.  Their problems are 100% self-induced.  Really the worst mistake consistently made by men, at least in my experience and as you will find on Stick's website, is the man that showers the woman with cash / stuff.  The idea is to try to buy her love, or show her what a great and generous (jai dee) guy you are, but it never turns out that way: NEVER.  She will never see you as the generous man you wish to portray.  She’ll simply wonder why you’re giving her so much stuff and will eventually take it for granted.  This includes the idiot who builds the woman a house, buys her a car, caves in to her never-ending requests for cash, etc.  This is absurd beyond all reckoning.  By buying her a house, and one that will inevitably be in her name as there is no other alternative in Thailand, you give her every incentive to unload you like so much garbage, which you are anyway if you buy her the house.  Darwinism rules.  Call me cynical, but if you have a financial advantage in the relationship, your best interests lie in maintaining that advantage and thereby NOT making yourself unnecessary.  Money = power, and if power is not the #1 aphrodisiac, it certainly nears the top of the list.  Never surrender your power. Never put her in a situation where she does not need you. 
 
This brings up another topic, and one I've never seen discussed or proposed.  It speaks to the concept of "love".  CAVEMAN’S LAW: Whenever a woman says she loves you, substitute the word "need" for "love", and 100% of the time it will be a true statement.  People simply do not allow others into their lives that do not serve some purpose, or NEED.  Therefore, when you hear "I love you" from your teeruk, what she is really saying is "I need you", although she herself might not even be conscious of the fact.  (Regarding love and sex: "It amazes me what a mystique the human race has built around a simple biological function."  Quote from an old Star Trek episode by a hot alien chick.)  What does that tell you?  In order for a woman to want to continue a relationship with you, this means that you must CONTINUE to serve one or more of her basic needs.  You must have future value.  So what does she need (not WANT)?  First and foremost, and men being the traditional breadwinners, women need shelter and a means of sustenance.  As long as she needs it and you are capable of providing it, she will continue to love (need) you.  Remove that requirement by giving her hordes of cash or a house and you’ve become unnecessary.  As soon as you’re unnecessary, you’re history.  In a twisted sort of way, your best interests actually lie in ensuring she actually remains in need (but not poverty).  Forget about her promises, forget about the fact that she just boffed your brains out 884 times in the past year, forget about the cash you handed her, forget about the gold you adorned her with: forget about everything.  This rationale precludes EVER doing something as ridiculous as building her a damn house.  Rental properties are available all over Thailand at very affordable prices, and for retirees, rental for life is a great option.  If you have a woman who gives you an ultimatum: Build me a house or it's "Farewell", she’s actually done you a favor and revealed her true intentions: to make a cash cow out of you.  If you don't walk (run) away, you deserve what you have coming.  Join the soi dogs along Sukhumvit.
 
I'm not advocating being a tightwad and keeping a woman in poverty like a control freak (although if she’s really a worthwhile woman, she’ll do something about that herself), but your generosity should have its limits.  Of course, treat her to some niceties, like dinner at a decent restaurant, a box of chocolates, a new dress, a night at the cinema, etc.  The practice of giving her an "allowance" is absurd.  I mean, what the hell is she, your 12-year old kid?  Allowance for what?  If she wants money, she can get up off her ass and earn it.  For that matter, why shouldn't she give YOU an allowance?  Because you have more than her?  So what?  You earned it, didn't you?  You know what they say about a fool and his money. 
 
4.  SEX.  While I don't believe it necessarily has to be world-class, Olympics-quality, she needs and deserves satisfaction, and if you don’t give it to her, she’ll find it elsewhere.  On occasion, I would favor the delivery of some hardcore pounding: the type that makes her sweat, changes the taste in her mouth, and even hurts a little.  (The pain gives her respect for you, while making her feel more like a woman.).  My conviction is that women really want a little bit of pain in their sex.  I'm not talking kinky stuff like hitting them.  Just a right, good, sexual thumping.  Go at it for as long as you can.  Get physical.  Manipulate her, change positions a couple times, throw her around a bit (this is 1 reason I’ve always preferred thin & slim.  Try throwing around a lard-bucket.).  Make sure you last a while and don't do it like an 18-year old who only knows that he needs to bust a nut.  By all means make sure you please her on every occasion, which in my mind should be at least 3 - 4 times a week and preferably more.  Also, try to avoid establishing routines where you only do it in the morning, or only do it at night.  If there are times you prefer to have sex, so be it, but break up the monotony and deliver her up a hearty dish of sexual punishment at random times, when she doesn't expect it.  Be spontaneous.  If it's 2:15 in the afternoon and you think you're up for it, then by all means jump her bones, tear off her clothes like an animal and commence to jamming your head up her ass like a true gentleman.  And by all means, don’t forget to smack her in the face with your crank.

Another sexual discovery I’ve made, at the risk of sounding too proud of myself and the consequent message getting lost in its delivery, is that you should spend maximum time in areas other than her tits and crotch.  Don’t be mundane in the sack.  Foreplay is critical: Beat around the bush a while.  This could be a submission in itself: make yourself familiar with a woman’s erogenous zones.  There are many areas you can peruse that will drive a woman crazy with anticipation, and anticipation is what it’s all about.  The anticipation beats the climax itself, and serves to feed its intensity.  The fact is that an orgasm lasts only seconds for both men and women.  Take time and don’t make it seem like you’re rushing to put out a fire.  A woman loves you to play around with her and explore her anatomy the same way you do, but it’s easy to forget the fact, get ham-handed, and just “get down to business”.  One key erogenous zone is her neck.  Peck around just under her ears.  Spend some time in / around her lower abdomen, like the area adjacent to her pelvic bones, but not directly on home plate.  Linger around her inner thigh.  Make her ANTICIPATE what’s to come.  Take your time and savor the moment in acute awareness of the geography you’re exploring.  By the time you get to home plate, she’ll be wetter than water.

5.  PRESENCE.  Long-distance relationships don’t work.  I don't care where you are geographically, or how much money you pay her in some ridiculous sponsorship scheme; if you're not with your woman, in the long or even short term, things simply won’t work out.  The only chance you have of maintaining her fidelity is to be with her.  Sponsorship of Thai women is one of the most ludicrous and nonsensical concepts if your goal is to keep a woman “on ice”.  She has absolutely no incentive to maintain her fidelity to such a clueless idiot and every incentive to violate the terms of any agreement made between you.  And if the woman has an ounce of brains, she can easily prevent you from gaining knowledge of her betrayal.  If you haven't read up on the number of women who have multiple sponsors, each having the illusion of exclusivity, you’re living in a cave.  
 
6.  SHOW INTEREST.  Especially at the beginning of a relationship and in order to gain her on as a girlfriend, the worst thing you can do is to ramble on endlessly about yourself.  The best thing you can do is to actively engage her and ask questions.  Find out what makes her tick.  Ask about her family, her friends, her childhood, her schooling, her dreams and aspirations, her ideal man, her favorite color, her favorite animal, whether she shaves her pussy daily or just on occasion (and why)....  Give her small compliments but don't swoon over her as if she were God's gift to the female gender.  Maintain eye contact: look through her instead of at her.

While some people are quite off the charts, most people still harbor at least some insecurity about themselves inside.  I’ve found that no matter how beautiful a Thai woman may be, for some reason they’re usually a little bit insecure and don’t feel that they measure up to others they’ve seen, maybe on TV.  This goes especially for the darker skinned contingent.  Make her feel good about herself, especially when you are together with her.  Make yourself the one person with whom she can feel good about herself all the time.  Easier said than done, actually.  With Thai women, for one thing and especially during the beginning stages of a relationship, I’d keep the conversation light, certainly lighter than most Westerners are accustomed to.  This will make her feel comfortable in your presence.

Smile!  The importance of maintaining a simple smile is one of the great differentiating factors of expectations between Western women and Thais, and probably deserves a category of its own.  Smile often with your Western woman and she'll think you're a goofball or sex fiend.  Smile with your Thai girlfriend and you gain mega-points.  The criticality of the smile cannot be overrated.  Especially in cases where there is imperfect communication due to a language barrier, much of the communication will occur on a non-verbal level.  Thai women are extremely adept at reading body language....and that’s where the smile comes in.  It tells your lady that you’re a good man, and that you’re sanuk and happy!  Even if you’re a miserable, cynical, pig-headed bastard like me, the beaming smile has the effect of jamming her radar.  On TLL, when I’ve queried women who reached out and contacted me as to WHY they chose me, I cannot remember even one who did not respond with "your smile".  Not "your big arms", or "your profile", or "we share similar interests", or any other cockamamie bullcrap.  In fact, on TLL, I really don't think 90% of the women even read what you write....and that's even if they can.  They simply look at the photo and if they like it, they contact you.  You are judged on appearance alone....and the smile is vital.  Remember to wear it and maintain it when you meet. 
 
Again, actively engage with her and ask questions.  Get her to open up about herself and talk about herself instead of trying to impress her with your exploits and keen wit, which could blow up in your face anyway.  At the risk of sounding overly cautious or negative, be aware of the fact that the more you talk, the more you increase the chances that you’ll say the wrong thing, or maybe even be misunderstood....and how common is THAT in the farang-Thai arena?  If you can get her to dialog with you about things near and dear to her, you’re on the right path.  Women love to talk about themselves, so if you provide a willing and attentive ear regardless of whether you think the subject matter is boring or mundane, dividends will be forthcoming.  When you can get her to tell you things that she's told no one else, the battle is won.  But how do you win the war (keep her long-term)?  Unfortunately, I don’t believe there is a foolproof answer; I certainly haven't figured it out.  (The more important question may be: Do you want to keep HER?)  However, there are some good general guidelines. 
 
7.  INCENTIVE.  Above all, women need an incentive to stay with their man.  The question "What have you done for me lately?" will never be asked verbally and outright, but it's in the back of her mind.  The fact that you brought home the bacon yesterday or for the last 23 years means little to most women.  This is precisely why men who empty their bank accounts and buy the little lady a house in her name in Thailand are making themselves redundant.  You are thereby giving her every incentive to kick your ass out the door.  Also and very importantly, instead of her being grateful for your act of unbelievable generosity as you hoped, she will lose respect for you because she knows you are but an imbecile. 
 
Ask yourself the question, "What is my future value to my teeruk?" 
 
8.  HYGIENE.  Here is something truly Thai-centric.  Did you ever notice the popularity of the Thai sniff-kiss?  You’re more likely to get a sniff-kiss from your Thai Lovely than you are to get a peck on the cheek or to swap spit.  Well, if they're sniffing you, the obvious conclusion is that you’d better smell good.  From my experience, it does wonders for the female libido to have a male that smells really good.  I could provide graphic details.

Have you ever noticed how your teeruk will take a shower as a ritual prior to sex?  This should tell you something critical about her expectations.  They know what they're about to do, and most importantly, they know where YOU are about to GO.  They want to ensure all the cracks and crevices are squeaky clean.  The last thing you want when you're wandering about the female anatomy is an unpleasant smell, and they're acutely aware of this.  They expect the same in return.  Hygiene should be a given.  Even men who are "unattractive" can still practice proper hygiene and thereby maximize their chances.  Failure to wash yourself properly prior to sex could result in delivery of walking papers.  It’s so easy to discount the criticality of proper hygiene, which all boils down to "smell".  Scrub that sack until it glows in the dark.

And now let me broach a rather graphic but critical subject matter concerning hygiene.  There is one area of the human anatomy that, action not taken to alleviate this, will ALWAYS smell like a sewer (because it has a sewer right behind it: the colon is the body’s sewer).  It also happens to be in an area you are trying to get your lady to spend a whole lot of time when you're in the sack.  Her nose and / or tongue will be within one inch of this lovely and most sacrosanct of orifices, and maybe even on or inside it.  Even if you think you’re clean or just took a shower a couple hours ago, realize especially in warmer climates that the shit-stink returns very quickly.  There’s no reason NOT to take a shower every time before sex, and the failure to do so can only be accounted for by laziness or outright disrespect for your woman.  Scrub that thing until it's squeaky clean, and you're likely to give her the best experience possible, and this in turn will increase your chances of her returning there....which is of course where she belongs.

9.  LOOK PRESENTABLE.  A close cousin to hygiene, this obvious category nonetheless deserves mention.  My experience indicates that the better women are after the clean cut, thinner types.  You can probably get away with a few extra pounds and still reel in a cutie, but for fat slobs, you're unnecessarily limiting your options.  Understanding the fact that "body art" is the in-thing nowadays, my take is that tattoos attract the sleazier of the female contingent.  This also speaks to proper dress.  I've myself been guilty on many occasions of dressing down in Thailand because of the heat and humidity.  Looking as neatly dressed as possible will pay dividends, especially during the initial stages of a relationship.

10.  FACE.  This refers to the fact that you should especially put your best foot forward when dealing with your lady's family, friends, and colleagues.  Dress accordingly and put on your thinking cap.  Be aware that she will be judged by YOUR behavior, dress, hygiene, etiquette, and all other aspects.  Being on your best gentlemanly and polite behavior, while maintaining sharpness of wit (it helps to NOT get shit-faced), will make HER look good.  Make her proud of you.  This cannot be overestimated in Thai culture. 
 
11.  MARRIAGE.  This, my pet topic, relates closely with Security, and it’s where the conversation really goes south.  My steadfast conviction, and putting my money where my mouth is now for the 46 years I've cursed the Earth with my presence, is that marriage is a forlorn institution.  Will I EVER get married?  I’ll never say never, but I just can’t imagine it happening.  I’ve seen far too many horror stories.  Marriage gives her every incentive to stop performing in the relationship, and by "performing", I mean behaving as if her words and actions have a direct bearing on the quality and tenure of the relationship.  As soon as you put a ring on that finger of hers, the entire equation changes.  For those in the US, you know the financial disaster involved in most divorces nowadays for the male.  Even in cases where there is a pre-nup involved, courts (especially in the Socialist State of California) have been known to throw them out completely on the grounds....are you ready for this....that it was “unfair”.  Forget the fact that she agreed to it.  Forget the fact that she signed it.  Forget the fact that you paid a scum-sucking lawyer $XXXXXX to ensure its legitimacy.  All you need is 1 liberal judge (are there any other types?), and you're screwed.  While my understanding of divorce law in Thailand is far from perfect, indications are that a divorce in Thailand is still likely to cost you your ass.  And the financial cost doesn’t even begin to address the incredible stress of going through a divorce.  The devastation can be severe enough for some people that it takes years to really adjust and move on with their lives. 
 
One of my favorite news commentators offered his views on marriage / divorce: “Why get married?  Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house." 
 
The object in marriage, at least according to fairy tales I was told as a child, is to be together until death parts you, as an exclusive and monogamous couple.  That’s the intention, but you know what they say about good intentions.  Just how does the institution of marriage foster this end?  In reality, it does the exact opposite.  It sets up a dynamic in the relationship where neither party, especially the woman, has the incentive to put forth in the relationship and behave as if their words and actions could bring forth immediate retribution.  She's already "gotcha", and she knows it.  Her perception now is that the amount of bullshit she's able to get away with has just expanded astronomically.  It's not so easy for you to cut bait and run now that you're married.  Her incentive to BEHAVE has just fallen through the floor.  Her attention instead will turn to CONTROLLING you, which she may never have attempted prior to delivery of that ring. 
 
With regards to monogamy, why even make the vow if you have no intention of following through?  It amazes me at how many Stickman submissions actually defend the ethics and practice of cheating on their spouses.  While I really couldn’t give a rat's ass what a guy does behind his spouse's back, and many of my close friends are adulterers, why knowingly put yourself in that position?  Maybe I'm one of the few cavemen left, but I insist on keeping my promises.  If I say I'm going to do "X", then I do "X".  Lead from the front: set the example.  It's called "being a man of your word".  Pretty rare nowadays actually.  For those who might say that Caveman hasn't been put to the test (never been married), fair enough....you may be right, but I have been in a few exclusive / monogamous relationships and have not strayed.  I expected to have her clean, fragrant, shaven snapper all to myself, and wished also to honor her expectations of my own behavior.  And in cases where she did not properly take care of me, instead of cheating on her as many guys will do, I took out the trash: I ended the relationship immediately and despite any tears, protestations, begging, threats, etc.  Men who fail to do this on a timely basis are needlessly complicating their lives.  I'm certainly not the smartest guy in the world, but I've got that one figured out. 
 
Unfortunately today, the very premise of marriage is usually false.  Neither party ever really has the intention to follow through on their spoken wedding vows.  I mean, really.  "To forsake ALL others, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health....blah blah blah.”  How many couples today really enter marriage with the true intention of making it last forever according to the vows they spoke?  The reality is that as soon as things go bad, either party will back out, and both parties know that going in, even if it's never stated outright.  So why bother in the first place??  To relate a yarn from personal experience, about 10 years ago, I had a friend named Cassino who got married for the first time in his life at age 38.  I was a close friend of Cassino at the time (but he turned out to be a real dirtbag), and we were even roommates for a while, so we knew each other well.  He dated Ann for about a year, and during the dating process, they had considerable turmoil in the relationship.  Despite these issues, they decided to get married.  Ann was very sweet and had a lot of faith in this Bozo: I could read it in her eyes and in her actions.  The wedding was arranged for the Dana Point Ritz Carlton in the Socialist State of California.  My very conservative estimate is that Ann's parents forked out at least $60-70K, and probably much more, on the entire event.  Could even have been six figures or more.  It was the most incredible wedding ceremony I've ever witnessed.  Anyway, here I was sitting with Cassino poolside the morning of the day of his wedding.  I queried as to whether the relationship issues they had been experiencing were sufficiently rectified.  He said "No."  I then asked the obvious question, "Then why are you getting married?"  You can guess his response, but I couldn't believe it when I heard it: "Fuck it.  If things don't work out, I'll get a divorce."  On the very day of his wedding!  I spun my head in disbelief.  At that moment, I sincerely pitied his poor bride-to-be.  Can you imagine the devastation had she been able to overhear this?  And can you imagine the fury from her parents, should they have been privy to this conversation?  What can I say?  It's a sign of the times.  Whether people state it outright or not as Cassino did, he has plenty of company. 
 
In today's society and with the legal system the way it is, favoring the female in almost all cases: Marriage is a forlorn and outdated institution.  Divorce is not the problem: it's the institution of marriage itself and the way the parties view and enter it.  I've seen too much evidence to think any other way.  It is simply not in YOUR best interests to marry, and many times even hers.  By all means do everything short of marriage: become an exclusive couple, spend time with her....even all your time, take her everywhere you go, even move in with her if things have developed to that point (at your own risk).  Stay with her for years, even forever: just don't marry her.  
 
And need we discuss the dreaded sin sot?  Caveman's definition of sin sot: "Paying cash money to a Thai family for the privilege of being able to pay more cash money in caring for their daughter's financial needs for the rest of her life.  Synonym: see 'moron'."  How is it in YOUR best interests to give her family a sin sot?  It's clearly not.  So why do it?  They should be paying YOU for promising to care for their daughter.  Go ahead and talk to me about respect for her culture and all that other bullshit.  Go ahead and tell me "it's all about give and take".  Go ahead and justify it any way you want....then remove cranium from rectum.  How about respect for YOUR culture?  Is her father going to finance the wedding and spend as much as you spend on the sin sot?  In my culture and experience, the families of both spouses are many times on the hook to help out financially in the early stages of a marriage, where finances are often tight.  That’s the way things used to be anyway (when we lived in caves).  Why does it always appear that there is only a one-way respect for culture in certain farang-Thai relationships?  I'll tell you why: the man involved has no nuts.  My take is that if you surrender to a sin sot, you’re gutless, and her demands (and those of her family....remember that a Thai woman’s loyalty to family usually exceeds that for her man) may eventually spiral out of control.  Keep giving, and no amount will ever be enough.  So even if you’re filthy rich, you will eventually become redundant in the relationship.  There will come a point where she will not NEED (love) you anymore.

Well, that’s all I have time for now....gotta’ run out to my psychopathogist.


Stickman's thoughts:

Heaps and heaps of really excellent advice, some of it directly stated and some of it between the lines.

I am quite sure that a good few who read this submission will not like it, almost certainly because you have described them rather too accurately and they refuse to acknowledge the man in the mirror.  I do however believe that if guys actually take a lot of what you say on board, especially those who have struggled with women, their success rate (NOT their "luck") will change.

The author encourages feedback and can be reached at  cromagnon9669@yahoo.com.
 
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