Maggie’s Dilemma

Once again Postie, in one of his many guises, has the temerity to write a slew of rubbish denigrating people he judges by his own warped moral standards. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone...and Postie should have bloody great boulders raining down on him. Moralizers are always the worst sinners, but they are usually too cowardly to own up to their own weaknesses.

Having said that, let’s examine Maggie’s dilemma in the harsh light of reality. While I felt sad for her, it wasn’t because she had been cheated on. Instead, I felt very clearly as I read her lament that she was looking at the situation without really comprehending why it happened.

Did she examine her behavior over the years before coming to Thailand? Did she do everything in her power to maintain a healthy relationship with her husband? It is obvious that she did not or her husband might not have strayed.

The fact is, women ‘feel’ relationships, while men need sex. It’s that simple. Sure, men enjoy the other aspects of a relationship, but when it is all boiled down if the sex is no good nor is the relationship.

I know women who have said that after they reached menopause they no longer wanted sex. There are pills to help with that. I wrote about this recently. But that is not the real problem, is it?

If they want to keep their man happy they have to understand that he wants sex. Not just sex, but good sex. That means being open to all sorts of possibilities.

Postie postures about monogamy being the be all and end all of a relationship. What he fails to understand, and he has been nothing if not consistent in this over the last couple of years I have known him, is that there are different strokes for different folks.

I know couples who have been together for years, have a very strong loving sexual relationship, who occasionally have other partners in for some fun. They have agreed in advance and they have both sexes in to have fun. Their love for each other is strong enough for each other to enable them to be totally honest with each other.

Maggie wails about her feelings for her man. But did she actually do everything in her power to ensure he would remain true to her? Reading between the lines I sincerely doubt it. It takes two to tango. She was out there boogieing to her own heartbeat.

Sure, she says she will take him back, but as Postie points out she will likely only do this if she can put the chains on so tightly that her husband will have no opportunity to stray again.

Kahlil Gibran was so right. The best way to hold onto your love is to let it go. No one likes being penned in.

Did Maggie try to spice up their sex life whenever possible? Or was she like so many other Western women who let themselves go after the kids come along? Did she propose new and exciting games and role playing to her husband. Or did she crawl into bed every night complaining she was too tired for sex....she had a headache....she wasn’t in the mood.

Perhaps what Maggie didn’t understand is that most men are in the mood all the time. It doesn’t matter how old a man is, if he is offered the opportunity for some good fun sex he will take it.

There is some good news for Maggie though. But she is going to have to take the bull by the horns and fight for her husband. After tasting that sweet Asian pussy he is not going to come back meekly. For a start, he has lost face and he knows it. By now, he is probably also realizing he has lost a hell of a lot more than he has gained. Sex with a hooker is exciting and fun for a few days, but it will always descend into boredom. Worse, she will start asking for more and more money. That’s what hookers do.

So what can Maggie do?

First, she has to get her husband to sit down and talk to her. This has to be in a neutral place where both can feel comfortable. Perhaps an anonymous hotel room would be best, as he will already know how exciting a room like that can be. He will have taken his Asian honey to rooms just like it.

Then Maggie has to be very careful. If she starts throwing out accusations, or trying to belittle her man, he will close down immediately.

Instead, she has to be open and show that she still loves him. She must also initiate playful sex with him as soon as possible. She needs to show that she loves him so much that she will do anything for and with him. At the same time, it wouldn’t hurt to talk about some of the fun things they did in bed when they were younger. Men love sexy talk. The point of this advice is that she needs to show she is sexier than the slut. And that she loves her husband despite what he has done. She must never try to make him feel guilty. He is already feeling that.

Once she has established a good rapport with him, then they can sit down and discuss what he has done. But she must be careful not to start any accusations. What’s done is done. She must make this point very strongly, while emphasizing that they have a long history together. Why throw away all that they have built for a little fun? She should also emphasize that she wants them to be totally honest with each other....to be totally fearless together. Perhaps she could even tell her husband about some of her fantasies. All women fantasize about other men....even when the relationship is very strong. This is just natural. She might even suggest that they set up a threesome. Even if she is repelled by this, it will show her husband that she can be an exciting sexual partner.

Best of all, this approach will show her husband that she is worth returning to. What man isn’t going to be excited by a woman who understands his needs and fantasies?

Maggie, the first step towards a reconciliation with your husband is to examine yourself objectively. Do you dress attractively? Do you look after your body? You don’t have to be svelte like a pole dancer, but could you tone up your body to be more alluring and sexy? Have you been honest about your feelings with your husband? If not, this is the time to start....but keep it light. Accusations will only drive him away. Show him you are open to new ideas, new situations.

Good luck Maggie. I am sure your husband is already asking himself what he has got himself into. Only you can offer him a way out and back into your arms.

Stickman's thoughts:

I must admit I have some fairly serious reservations about this. Sex might be important in a relationship - and some people put more emphasis on it than others - but if what you are implying is that kinky sex or the inclusion of third party partners is what is needed to resurrect the relationship then I am sorry, I think that is taking things to a ridiculous extreme.