Why Marry a Whore?
By Blackest Bart
Greetings again eh? Me hopes you enjoyed last weeks missive. Tis was great fun sharing how Aha Wendigo’s name came about, and I still piss myself laughing about the memory. But enough of Aha Wendigo, at least for now. A bigger character you will never meet, but it is possible to talk too much about the real thing if you know what I mean. This week I explain to all the Stickman readers why regular guys such as yourself (me and Aha are NOT regular guys, hahahaha) marry whores.
Whore too rough a word for you? Get over it! If a woman s displays her naked body to accessorize a chrome pole, and then sets a price for sex acts, then she is a whore. W H O R E ! ! ! W H O R E ! ! ! W H O R E ! ! ! If it makes you feel better to call her a prostitute then be my guest. If it makes the experience seem more sophisticated or cosmopolitan to say she is a sex worker then good on you, possibly your CV says you are a Sanitation Engineer eh? Ok, now that we have decided to call a spade a spade, let us get on with the mysterious WHY’.
How many otherwise intelligent and successful men I have come in to contact with here in the Land of Smiles who have a young Thai girl 30+ years their junior hanging off their arm dressed in spaghetti tops with tats on display, shorts with her ass on display, and wearing heels for her walk around town? The answer is many. It is obvious to everyone with eyes that these men are in the company of a whore and I would never say this is wrong. Whore’s are a lot of fun, more fun than say a barrel of monkey’s if you know what I mean eh? Every man should have at least 2-3 regular whores to meet his needs as far as I am concerned. It would make for happier marriages, less frustration on everyone’s part, and probably the men would be healthier getting all that exercise.. hahahaha..
The problem is when a man MARRY’S the whore! When this happens I want to slap the guys fat sweaty face, and grab him by the ears and shake his head back and forth with great vigor and listen for that little ball they have inside of spray paint cans to break loose and start rattling around, because then it is time to ask him “why did you marry a whore?” Ka chink, ka chink, rattle rattle, rattle, ka chink, ka chink (listen, that’s the sound of the paint ball in the can), TELL ME, WHY DID YOU MARRY A WHORE???
Does this sound harsh to you guys? Maybe it is. But you must agree it would be helpful to know the answer eh? If men knew the answer to this question then maybe they would not make the same mistake eh? I think I know the answer, but then I am one sharp guy which is why I am me and you are you. Let me ask you this question, you can answer it inside your head because really, it is a rhetorical question. Why would a man marry a Thai whore, but never consider a whore from his own country?
I have heard men answer this question before. They say, whore’s in their country look like whores, dress like whores, behave like whores, and everyone would know they married a whore. Whore’s would lie to them, use them for money, cheat on them, and most whores are low class from a very low lifestyle. Who would want that mess of a situation right?
But then, there is the guy with the 30+ younger Thai whore on his arm, tats on display, ass on display, in heels, taking them shopping, arms full of bags from shopping centers, baht gold chains around their necks, mobile phones full of their old customers numbers, and most of these girls come right off the farm or very low rural living lifestyle. Everyone knows right? I know, you know, the shoe shine boy in front of the Landmark knows, everyone knows. And we are supposed to believe there is a difference? HAHAHAHHA! Must be some other reason.
So you grab the guys ears and shake with extreme vigor until that paint ball is really rocking around in there and you yell in his ear “TELL ME, WHY DID YOU MARRY A WHORE, REALLY???” His eyes ready to glaze over at this point and thinking you might be a US government GTMO travel agent about to render his ass to Club Paradise, he blurts out “I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you, but pleaseeee.. pleaseeee… stop rattling my paint ball… “
By now, looking on in disgust, you watch him as he tells you the real truth. “Whore’s in my own country are disgusting to look at, they are old, they are fat, they are huge, they know the divorce laws, and to be very honest I can not afford a quality looking whore in my own country, can not you tell I am a loser and that is why I am here in the first place?” Ok, we are on to something here. There really is a difference in the way a whore from Canada looks compared to a whore from Thailand, at least if you compare them Canadian dollar to Thai baht, same same.
And I do agree, most men who marry whores are losers, and probably can not afford quality whores which I have been told can run from $500 Canadian every two hours. Thai whores are a bargain!!! I can believe that. How about you guys? The reason a guy wants a whore in the first place is because he wants to bonk her brains out, maybe every day! I don’t know about you guys, but I would much rather bonk the brains out of a good lookin Thai whore than some scaggy Canadian hooker, and because most guys must be careful with their finances, you can for sure get “more whore” for your money in Thailand than in Canada and I am assuming most western country’s.
“More Whore for Your Money” There is probably a decent country and western song in that title. I think it is true. The average guy who finds hisself single in his later years is probably paying some serious VAGINAMONY in addition to having lost HALF of everything. The only good news is hopefully the courts made the guys ex wife return the poor sods balls in return for the VAGINAMONY. Now that the guy has a pair, and providing he has not forgotten what to do with them (this is why you guys are reading Stickmanbangkok.com eh? Hahahahah), he will naturally be looking for the best bargain in pussy.
Now, as a businessman I want to tell these guys the best pussy bargain is always to RENT, DO NOT BUY. You heard that right, once you reach a certain age it is much smarter for a man to rent pussy than it is to buy pussy. I could probably get one of the three lawyers I own to draw you up a graph giving you a visual aid about why it is better to rent pussy than to buy pussy, but not being engineers you guys probably can not read a graph eh? Just trust me on this one eh? When it comes to pussy, RENT, DO NOT BUY!!!
Of course, you guys will think you know better than me. What does a young 30ish guy with tons of money really know about how some old retired fart without a pot to piss in afteralls? Ok, fair enough. But let us continue with this train of logic (hahahha, I crack myself up) Here is an old guy, fat and out of shape, sweating his fat ass off in Bangkok I’m sure, who needs to send VAGINAMONY checks to his ex every month, who just lost everything, and the judge ordered his ex to return his balls and he is feeling their weight for the first time as they dangle where no balls have dangled in many years.
This new REINVENTED MAN wants PUSSY! He is thinking pussy, smelling pussy, and wants pussy very bad. He probably can not remember what to do with it once he has it, but I digressing. He stops by the doctor on his way to Thailand and you would think this would be to get his blood pressure, cholesterol, and weight checked eh? NOPE! Reinvented Man does not care about such things, all Reinvented Man wants is a big bottle of the most powerful blue pills money can buy! With blue pills in his hand, the smell of pussy filling his nostrals, and his returned balls swaying dangerously down below he boards a plane for Thailand after figuring out losers can not afford decent looking whores in his own country.
Reinvented Man sways his way through immigration, customs, and in to the taxi queue (the loser can not afford a Camry Limo, hahaha) and pulling out a print out of Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part XX (does it really matter, they are all works of genius eh?) by Dana describing NEP and the Mothership he is soon making an easy 160kph down the Expressway in the back of a Toyota Corolla Taxi that had seen better days in the early 80’s. The taxi driver said they did not need a meter and Reinvented Man agrees! “Meter? We donna need no Fucking meter!” and felt proud of himself for negotiating a very cheap 2000 baht fare using his Lonely Planet Guide and Phrase book and his only four words of Thai. Nope, no way Reinvented Man will let this uneducated Thai loser of a man take advantage of him, imagine, trying to charge him the full metered fare!
Now dropped off at the Mothership and all checked in, Reinvented Man still clutching Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part XX heads across the soi to hunt some pussy! Once through the curtain of the first bar he accidently finds all he can do is stare, this is the first non-ancient pussy he has seen LIVE in 30-40 years. Eyes glaze over, pulse quickens, blood pressure through the roof, and so starts the vacation of a lifetime as Reinvented Man completes multiple check flights on his newly reattached testicles. She might have stretch marks, she might have hideous c-section scars, and she might have saggy titties, but THE LORD KNOWS THERE IS NO ROLL OF FAT TO MOVE ASIDE TO SEE HER PUSSY!!! This is the best pussy Reinvented Man has seen in half a century, since stationed in the Marshal Islands during WWII where he fondly remembers island girls in grass skirts, forgetting he only saw those on recruiting posters and not in real life. But none of that matters now, REAL PUSSY is within reach and Reinvented Man has seen the light. Reinvented Man is broken no more! Testicles intact, blue pills ingested, hotel room booked, prime pussy dead ahead full steam a head! Nothing can stop him now.
And nothing does stop him. Over the course of this trip and several others Reinvented Man plows his way through a gaggle of whores and even learns he can bargain the taxi driver down to only 750 baht! The man is sharp and at the top of his game. Pan at the Motherships reception desk even remembers his name, and for some reason this makes him feel special, manly even. This trip is different though. Reinvented Man noticed he had to try four credit cards to get his last plane ticket paid for, Reinvented Man has went through all his savings and most of his credit conquering pussy over these last few wonderful trips. But Reinvented Man has a plan. He’s smarter than the average punter, and more handsome too!
His plan will work, it must work, or its back to the Elk Lodge’s weekly dances with western ladies more shriveled than the Dole prunes he must eat to be regular. He shudders at the thought of moving roll after roll of fat away from the old western ladies pussy, as she grabs his ears and pulls his head into her many folds, the only moisture/lubrication coming from sweat and nothing else. The old lady is really getting into it now, yelling “more handsome man Somoa (tell me you didn’t Aha Wendigo, tell me you didn’t?)” and looking up he sees her false teeth slip out unnoticed only to get snagged on her flattened and saggy titties. Reinvented Man is desperate, his plan must work!
Reinvented Man sold the last items of value and carefully assembled just enough money. He’d read every single StickmanBangkok.com submission, scoured the internet for more information, and talked with Lounge Lizard Larry at the Mothership. He had even checked on to the immigration website for his country and printed out the forms he would need. This night as he heads across Soi 4 to NEP he has a mission: Shop for ANY Thai whore who will accept his proposal of marriage.
Surprisingly it took him days, but finally in the back of Soi Zero he found a well used Thai whore 30 years his junior and to his eyes she is beautiful. She agreed to marry him, but only after a necessary sinsot which she told him is Thai custom for her forth marriage, after he bought her old mother a new Honda Dream, he paid for a fish farm pond and business startup for her two drunk brothers, and agreed that her three Thai sons who she had when she was five could be brought over as children when he did the visa paperwork. He felt he made a great bargain but he couldn’t think about any of that, all he could think about was his dream was about to become true, a dream of a lifetime, a marriage to beat all others marriages, someone he could take to his 50th high school reunion next month and show off to all the other losers. He was marrying a Thai Whore and life couldn’t be better eh?
The title of the submission says it all.
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