What’s Charlie Doing Wrong?

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“Charlie, me want go shopping today.”

“Aw honey, I just got off the plane. I’m jet-lagged?”

“What jet-ragged, Charlie? You no on jet plane now. Me want go shopping!”

Charlie sighed. He knew there was no way he was going to catch up on his lost sleep. All through the flight he had been looking forward to this first trip to the Land of Sex and Honey, as one of his mates had called Thailand.

The trip had tired Charlie out, but she was still full or energy. Considering the age difference between them, he was 45 and she was 23, this was hardly surprising. He’d met her in a bar in Soi Cowboy. Wow! What a night that was. She latched onto him as soon as he walked in. He knew he looked like a deer blinded by headlights. He’d never seen anything like the Baccara in all his life. Girls everywhere, some wearing almost nothing. Half naked girls dancing on a Plexiglas floor upstairs. She begged him for a drink. How could he refuse? She already had herself draped over him closer than a wet tee-shirt. Throbbing music and a beautiful girl grabbing a raging horn soon had him throbbing too.

It wasn’t long before they were exploring each other’s bodies. Each time she would squeal, “Oh! You so big!!” and he downed another beer. Several other girls came over and he bought them drinks too and soon he was being massaged and kneaded like a Kobe bull. He was having more fun than a human being is allowed to have.

After an hour of this his beautiful new girlfriend asked him to take her to a hotel quickly. She couldn’t wait. She was feeling horny.

“You pay bar fine, darkling, and I take you go fine hotel we boom boom, ok?”

He couldn’t believe his luck. Here he was, first night in town, and a gorgeous Thai girl was begging him to sleep with her. What a great town Bangkok is, he thought to himself.

He paid the bill the hostess presented, only about $AUS80, and he thought to himself he would never get this lucky on a first date back home. “We’ll go to my hotel, honey” he said. They jumped into a taxi and ten minutes later pulled up outside his hotel in soi 21. He paid the driver the five hundred baht fare. He was thinking to himself what a lucky guy he was. He’d only just met this girl and here she was negotiating a Thai price for him with the taxi driver and looking after him better than any Aussie Sheila he’d ever met. No sooner were they in the taxi than she grabbed hold of his old boy and he nearly came right there and then. But he grabbed her hand and they made it to the hotel safely.

She told him to go ahead and get the room key while she settled up with the taxi driver. He gave her 1,000 baht and strolled happily inside. Two minutes later she followed him in. He was about to ask her for the change from the taxi fare, but she told him she had to give the taxi driver another 500 baht ‘late fee’, because it was after midnight by the time they got to the hotel.

“But the hotel clock only says 11.45 honey.”

“Hotel clock wrong. See? My watch me say 12.02 already.”

He wasn’t about to argue with her. How could he when his eyes were riveted on her prominent chest as they fairly sprinted for the lifts?

That night was fantastic. She licked him, sucked him, rubbed him, massaged him, and then when they finally did the deed he was so excited he almost blacked out in pleasure. He didn’t get much sleep that night. She was after him all the time.

Well, that was it for Charlie. He told her he wanted her to stay the full 2 weeks with him and she agreed. She took him back to the bar the next day where he paid her bar fine for the 2 weeks in advance. On the way back to the hotel he finally remembered to ask her name.

“My name me Gessenee.” She told him.

“Aw heck, what sort of a name is that? I’ll call you Gus, ok?”

She shrugged and smiled. If he wanted to call her a strange farang name, why not? It was his money, wasn’t it?

After a few days in town he wanted to go to a beach resort, so they jumped into a taxi and once again she negotiated a really cheap fare for them to drive to Pattaya, only 2,000 baht. The taxi driver was a friendly fella and chatted in Thai with Gus most of the way.

When they arrived in Pattaya Gus told Charlie to go ahead and check in while she took care of the taxi fare. Charlie turned and started to walk into the hotel. He had just entered the door when he realized he’d forgotten his carry on bag with his passport in it. He turned just in time to see Gus handing over the money to the taxi driver. Then the taxi driver did something he thought was a bit strange. He handed back two red notes. He remembered that the two 1,000 baht notes he had given to her were purple, so why was she getting change from the agreed fare?

Ah! He thought to himself that perhaps she was getting change. She might want to buy something at the shops in the hotel. After all, she hadn’t brought any luggage with her and she would need at least a toothbrush and so on.

As he came up behind her Gus appeared a bit flustered, but he took no notice and merely reached for his bag and turned back to the hotel. He was in a hurry to get Gus back into a bed. Nothing else really mattered. His blossoming relationship with Gus had him in a spin. All he could think about was playing with her marvellous body and achieving the perfect bliss he had experienced once again.

He was falling in love with Gus, and he wanted to get back to exploring that exciting prospect as quickly as possible. As they walked through the lobby of the posh hotel Gus grabbed his elbow and started talking in a loud voice, attracting the stares of several obviously married guests. But he didn’t care. He was on a mission.

The next morning, they went down to breakfast. Soon after they sat down Gus demanded in a loud voice that he give her 5,000 baht.

“What for honey?”

“Me want go shopping. Me no have dress.”

Charlie understood and handed over the money. She got up, leaving him at the table, and flounced out of the hotel. He shrugged, thinking she must need to get some nice clothes urgently so that she could take him out sightseeing later on.

He went back to his room, turned on the TV and waited for her to return. There was nothing much on the tube, so he closed his eyes and dozed off.

He woke up with a start and looked around the room. No sign of Gus. He looked at his watch. It was already past midday. Where was she?

Thirty minutes later there was a loud knock on the door. When he opened it, Gus stood there dressed in a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She carried a plastic shopping bag.

“Where have you been for so long honey?” he asked in a reasonable voice.

“What you ask like that for?” she screeched back. “You no truss me? What for you no truss me, eh? Eh? You no good. You give me little money, I have to go to cheap market buy clothes take long time”

Charlie was taken aback. He hadn’t expected an attack. He tried to calm her down but the more he tried the louder she shouted at him.

Finally, he could stand it no more. “Listen,” he said, “I’ll give you another 5,000 baht. Here. Take it.”

But this only angered her more. “You cheap Charlie.” She screamed. “You no luff me.”

Her voice was so loud Charlie was sure the staff down in the lobby could hear her, so he pulled out his wallet and gave her another 5,000 baht, all the money he had left until he went to the ATM later on.

After he handed it over she calmed down. She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss as she pushed him onto the bed.

....and there I will leave this story for now.

Now for some fun:

Did you recognize the many mistakes Charlie made? Rather than pointing them out to you I’d like to try an experiment; something new on Stickman.

It would be interesting to see what you, the reader, think of the scenario I have painted. Let’s hear from you. Point out Charlie’s what he did wrong...or right, and tell us what you would have done instead. If Stick will post them below this submission, we will soon see some interesting responses to entertain and educate us. Go to it Stickies! Have fun!

I'll tell you what - readers send the responses to Marc and he can send the best list to me, and perhaps make a new submission out of it. Updating a single submission file continuously is perhaps not the best way - and from reader patterns, readers are unlikely to go back and read it. But a follow up pieces - with Marc's analysis (ha, got you there!) would make a good piece!