Stickman's guide to Bangkok

Readers' Submissions

Thai Journal 5

by Caveman

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• Bangkok Hotels • Chiang Mai Hotels • Koh Samui Hotels • Krabi Hotels • Pattaya Hotels • Phuket Hotels

The purpose of this submission is to serve as a journal of this, my 5th trip to Thailand, and also a submission to Stickman's website. Some names have been changed, etc....all that rotgut crap to keep anonymity. For those who may initially be put off by the length of this journal, you might give it a read. Based on feedback I've received from my previous journals, with links below (this is the 6th), I honestly believe it will repay the time spent. My goal is always to record my trip, entertain, humor, be very direct and even "in-your-face" with fresh and pointed details delivered with “attitude”, analysis and discussion, and try to guide/instruct from frontline observation and lessons learned. Feedback is very welcome, and I always reply.

Thai Journal
Thai Journal 2
Thai Journal 3
Thai Journal 4
Thai Journal 1.5

For those who read these journals, note the considerable changes in opinion on aspects of Thailand since my first visit in March 2002.

Flew out of US on JAL, nothing to report on flight. Arrived at Don Muang on evening of 20 June, and made it through customs in record time. Headed to Honey Hotel and went to sleep immediately, despite the fact that the streets of BKK were indeed rocking, it being about midnight. To Hell with the whores.

After good morning workout where I met Gung at California Fitness Center, (she was a cutie, and beamed me the brightest smile when we met), met up with Ben Dover, another contributor to the Readers' Submissions on Stickman.

MEETING BEN DOVER. For the first time, I've had the pleasure of meeting up with another person through the Stickman website: Ben Dover. We headed down to Pattaya together in a piece of shit, broken down taxi. The only thing worse than the taxi was the driver, who never got that jalopie past about 80 kph. Our thought was that this rice farmer was trying to save gas. He also managed to save himself from getting any kind of tip. This imbecile, in trying to save every possible drop of gas he could, even failed to downshift when we slowed down. I guess he figured that if he increased the RPMs of the motor by downshifting, he would burn more gas. What a douchebag. Another interesting observation was the ripe smell of his breath, which you could cut with a knife. On the couple of occasions where I asked him questions, his breath nearly knocked me out the damn window.

The following part of this journal was written by my new buddy, none other than the esteemed Mr Ben Dover:

“At one point along the way to Pattaya, Caveman had to take an urgent leak. So we asked the driver if he could pull over at some point soon so that we could use the 'facilities'. Well, not 5 seconds after Caveman told the driver that we wanted to relieve ourselves, the idiot who had been driving not more than 80kmh/hr the entire trip, decides to slam on the brakes and pull off to the side of the freeway right there and then. Did he wait a few minutes for a gas station, or a little town, or some sort of rest stop or restaurant situation? Hell no, he just veered of the freeway onto the gravel on the side of the road at full speed, of course without any formal notification of his fellow drivers (or us) via any type of signal. He just yanked the wheel over to the left and stopped as traffic was speeding by at about 130km/hr. Caveman and I were somewhat aghast at this idiot simply pulling over so that we could piss right on the freeway in plain sight of vehicles passing us by without asking us or even attempting to stop at a more logical (and safe) place to take a leak. Of course we took full advantage of this idiot stopping along the side of the freeway, but at the time we wanted to strangle that jerk. You gotta love Thailand...”

End of Excerpt by Ben

We checked into Apex Hotel, rented a couple cycles, and then I went and found Noi, whom I had met and even traveled to Chiang Saen with on my previous trip over a year ago (see Thai Journal 4). After taking Noi back to the hotel where we reminded one another about the high quality of our love, the 3 of us went to get some chow on Walking Street, then proceeded to check out the Pattaya nightlife. Well, Noi seemed to enjoy it more than I did. I have never been to so many gogo joints in my life. We did quite a circuit around Walking Street, with Ben looking for a temporary 'change of scenery' from his girlfriend in Bkk. And they certainly are showing it all in the gogos down in Pattaya, that much is certain. There was complete nudity in just about every gogo we visited. I related to Ben the following day that my observations on his hunt & kill tactics indicated that he enjoys the hunt more than the kill. We sifted through literally hundreds of women, many of whom I would not have hesitated in chatting with and maybe barfining, but Ben refused to dally, insisting that there were plenty more fish in the sea. Later that night, his choice was made rather quickly as the last sands were falling through the hourglass. I thought he had passed up some real hotties, but he insists on nothing but the finest, so he is very picky and has discriminating standards. He seeks for the true Thai trophy dancers with stunner looks. We had a philosophical discussion about this between us, where it’s my thought that “for everything there is a cost”, and at times my ass is NOT willing to pay that cost. If you have a trophy, she is likely to be just that: a trophy, and useless otherwise. They usually let you know in no uncertain terms how the smell of their shit resembles roses. But Mr Ben has his own standards, and I applaud him for that. Hey, if it were any other way, we would ALL be chasing the same woman.

A funny thing that happened with one of the ladies (a stunner in one of the gogos we went to) that Ben passed up was when she mentioned that she never goes long time, but only goes short time with customers. Ben decided to fuck with her head for being such a whore, so he opened his wallet to fish out some baht, with the main purpose being to ensure she was able to see its contents. There must have been at least (100) thousand baht notes in that swollen thing, along with a stack of US cash and a slew of credit cards. It was so stuffed, his back must have hurt him later that night from sitting sideways. She made no outward sign that she noticed, but she just had to internally cringe at voluntarily losing out on a potentially high-paying customer by refusing to go long time.

Ben left Pattaya one day before I did, and we might catch up next week sometime if our schedules permit. You never know how you’re going to relate to someone, but we got along fine, with the only exception (if you call it that) being that he is a Night Owl and I am a morning/day person, so we had divergent interests to some extent. He is certainly more the norm; if anyone is the exception with waking hours, it is the bonehead Caveman. Recently, there was a Reader's Submission posted here on Stick's site by Union Hill where he, in so many words, gives a heartfelt argument for what basically amounts to pissing in the wind. To quote: "A wise man would analyse the situation, calculate the pros and cons and make a balanced decision based on the information available. I ask you, where’s the fun in that?!" Ben strikes me as being the complete opposite of Mr Union Hill, preferring instead to calculate every move with exacting precision. Who's right? Who's wrong? Who knows! One thing I do know is that Ben won't ever be needing the government or anybody else to bail him out for lack of finances, while many Union Hill types eventually need to fall back on a safety net and have the public coffers more or less scrape what's left of them off the ground, where they have become imbedded because of their notoriously poor judgment. Speaking of the farang contingent, Thailand certainly does have all types with divergent lifestyles. Editing back through this journal, I can remember passing 2 drunken farangs at about 6:30 AM one morning while taking a walk before going to the gym, both of which had a beer in their hands and sitting on the steps in front of the Thermae on Sukhumvit. It struck me as to how differently I live my life than did those 2. I don't know....I just never could live my life like that, drinking until all hours of the morning. I'd feel like a worthless lush.

It was good see Noi again. She's now working some sort of karaoke bar, but yeah, her body's still for sale. She's now been in the scene for about 2 years, and her appearance has not changed all that much. Being 29, she’s still quite attractive. However, she has become a bit more hardened as a result of her occupation. She showed signs of being more on the money hungry side. One indication (of many) of this was her comment, when Ben was quoted 2500 baht LT from a gogo dancer during negotiations, that this sounded about right....yeah, this is the going rate nowadays. Usually a carefree, laid back woman who calculates nothing in her life and just shoots the breeze, this is as serious as I ever saw her get, as she sat there telling me that, "Yeah, Caveman, 2500 baht LT is the current going rate for gogo dancers. Ben should not feel like he's being overquoted." My thought was that she was really telling me what SHE expected to be compensated with after the night was through. But 2500 she would not get. She's also drinking more than she previously did. As a topper, she mentioned that she enjoys going with Japanese customers nowadays, and gave the improbable reason that she enjoys talking with them more and seems to relate better to them. Didn't mention it to Ben at the time, but she inquired as to Ben's financial status. Not willing to give specific details, I simply mentioned that he made good money and is pretty well off. "He make more than you?" When I told her he did make more than me, she stared at him and her eyes became aglow, as she seemed to show an interest in trading me up for him, and I don't think she would have hesitated if I suggested it. Not certain if Ben picked up on this, but I’m fairly certain that she may have actually done it if given the opportunity. All I can say is that after she knew about Ben's bank account being bigger than mine, she expressed a lot of interest in him. Another indication of her hunger for cash was that when I mentioned my job promotion since last we met, she fixated solely on the monetary aspect (the pay raise). Her eyes lit up with dollar signs from Hell.

Well, Universe Gym in Pattaya is no more. At least it's not in the same location as it was previously on Beach Road. It's been moved to Sukhumvit Road somewhere in Pattaya. However, there's now a gym, not too big but with decent equipment and A/C, called Tony's Gym, on 3rd Road. I recommend it. The manager at the front desk is Mike, a good & decent guy, who hails from Germany. He has tattoos all over, to include his face, neck, head, everywhere. One similar thing about this gym as compared with Universe Gym is how some customers work out with bare feet. What a nasty, smelly, useless habit! The sight of a guy's feet is unwanted to begin with, but why do they have to smear them all over the equipment everyone has to use? Mike and I chatted about it, and he agreed, holding his hand up to his nose.

Next day Noi and I went shopping a bit in the Big C, where we picked up a couple of small items for her and I was blessed once again with the sight of watching her eat ice cream. Now, that is one of the joys of this man's simple life: watching a bubbly, attractive woman enjoying a bowl of ice cream. Anyone who fails to appreciate such a sight needs a serious attitude adjustment in my never-to-be-humble opinion. She was wearing the nicest smile the whole time. That evening, her attitude seemed to have changed a bit from the first evening we reunited. She seemed to be enjoying things a bit more. I'd like to think it was genuine happiness on being with me again, as we hadn't been together for over a year, but who knows? She just seemed a bit less antsy.

This morning, upon my getting up and going to the gym, she again remained in the hotel sleeping. Can't quite blame her, as I departed before 5 AM to begin my workout. But shit, yesterday she slept 11 bloody hours. What a life! How could a person be so lazy to sleep so many hours in a day? She claims she does this every day. Is it a Thai thing? A bargirl thing? Plain laziness? How can a person lay in bed that long without getting restless? On the other hand, I'm crazy in a different way. Regardless of where I am on the globe, I have always felt much better every day when I can start it with a healthy exercise, and don't feel right without it. I guarantee y'all that when I kick the bucket, I'll be the healthiest cadaver in the graveyard.

Upon my return to the hotel room, she was still sleeping. This time her sleep amounted to more than 12 hours.

A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE. Since it just happened moments ago, let's make this journal entry while the presses are still hot. Just went to get a Thai massage, which I also did yesterday. I've had many here in Thailand, and most of the experiences were good ones. The one yesterday was painfully delivered by an old hag in a massage place on Walking Street, who ignored my many requests to go soft. I essentially paid 300 baht for 1.5 hours of pain. Afterward, this war-weathered x-bargirl (my guess) whined that I gave her no tip. Well, today's massage experience was a horse of a different color. Went to a place near the Apex Hotel where I'm staying, and the young, nubile Thai masseuse asked me what kind of massage I wanted. I always get a traditional Thai massage, as I'm not interested in the sexual type massages that are available in Thailand, or anywhere else for that matter. So, we march into the massage room and she proceeds to press my flesh. Ah, my favorite position: being massaged by a pretty, young Thai female. Rest & relaxation at its best. I informed her first quite keenly, however, that she should give me a soft massage and told her about my experience yesterday. She then went on to recommend an oil massage, explaining that they're a much softer variety. At times being resistant to change, especially when "the shoe fits", I figured OK, what the heck, she sold me. "Why not try something new, you damn fossil?" I said to myself. I'm so damn rigid sometimes...let's take a walk on the wild side (not knowing how wild it was about to get). She then moved me to a different area where there were beds one beside another, drawing a curtain around me for sight privacy, although there was no sound privacy. Here's where it all gets interesting. You'd think a well-traveled bonehead like me, including this being my 5th trip to Thailand, would know that an oil massage means that you're being massaged naked, right (at least this is how things were in this establishment)? No, not Caveman. I thought I would just be keeping my knickers on like I always have for other massages. Well, Da informed me differently. She told me to remove my pants (I was wearing gym shorts). "OK, but I have nothing on underneath." "You shy?" "Yes, I'm shy," I replied playfully. Off came the pants. She wasted no time in catching a stare at my cock. OK, cards on the table, baby, here we go. I quickly lay down on my stomach before I got a raging rocket. OK, so here I am butt naked with this hot Thai chick rubbing oil all over me. How the fuck can I control myself? How does any heterosexual man control himself from getting a bloody, raging stiffy under these circumstances? Well, I surprised myself by being able to maintain flaccidity. A colorful detail about this all was the fact that I had drank quite a bit of water before entering the massage, so I had a fairly full bladder which caused a some discomfort toward the end of the session, not wanting to get up and piss, being naked, covered with oil, etc. Another exquisite detail consists in the fact that I had just consumed a decent helping of raw asparagus prior to entering. Well, what do you think happens when you consume a decent helping of raw asparagus? How about gas? Well, yes, that's what happened. Wasn't extreme, but it was there. I lay there a bit uneasy as she nimbly massaged away, chopping here, patting there, afraid she'd apply pressure in the exact right (wrong?) place to force out a pocket of asparagus-induced gas from my asshole directly into her cute little face. That would have caused a scene, eh? Can you imagine her chopping, patting, rubbing, and all of a sudden a green cloud of foul gas gets forced from my asshole directly into her face? It would be so embarrassing, and for both of us. She might even consider a career change, who knows. Anyway, I was still enjoying the exhilaration of the whole scenario. Then she softly spoke those magic words: "Turn over, please". It was funny how she said it almost hesitantly, like she wasn't sure whether I'd comply, or like I was doing her a favor instead of just doing what was necessary to get on properly with things. Well, I complied. This soldier knows how to obey a direct order. But this soldier also wasn't yet "standing at attention", shall we say. I surprised myself incredibly by NOT getting a hard-on. I began to think to myself, "What the fuck's going on here, John Boy? Are you turning fag or something? You're in Thailand getting an oil massage, you got this hot Thai chick rubbing oil all over you, your cock is out in the air, right in her face completely exposed as she's rubbing you, and you're not getting a hard-on? Is it old age, or am I turning an Elton John trick; i.e., finding my "gayness" at middle age? Well, I made it quite a ways through and was under complete control of my penile blood supply through sheer discipline and concentration. "Come on, John Boy...think about baseball. That always works", I kept saying to myself. And it DID work for a while. But then it happened. Enter "incidental contact". A brush here, a side-swipe there, and soon enough, there was enough blood in my schwanzy to drill for fucking oil through a mile of rock. My eyes were mostly closed for the duration of the massage, but I now kept them open and watched as she smiled, demurely I might add, at the sight of this newly grown ligament between my legs. She began looking me in the eye enticingly. "You want hand job?” she queried. Wow, I hadn't planned on this. I was completely caught by surprise by everything that was happening. What was I going to say? Did I have to pay extra? At this point, it was rapidly becoming a case of not caring at all about anything, the volcano was going to have to erupt. Hey, when the shit gets dicey, "adapt and overcome". "Up 2 U", believe it or not, was my awkward reply. She interpreted the lame reply for the affirmative and proceeded apace, stroking the snake with all her oils. Nothing was happening. Mount Pinatubo was withstanding the earthquake without erupting. She stayed at things dutifully. Eventually I started rubbing her, too, reaching my hand around her, across her, getting things excited all around. Then she outright asked me, "You want make love?" I grumbled something I can't quite remember now, and she just kept on. I then started to get more horny and started rubbing her more, and tried to remove her clothing with 1 hand. She asked again, "You want make love?" I acquiesced to the logic and raging hormones of the situation. She departed and seconds later came back prepared for action. She put on the condom and we went about the business with no real foreplay (as if the whole massage wasn't really foreplay enough). Well, it usually takes me a while to finish things, especially with a condom, which I ALWAYS use unless it's a long-term monogamous relationship. I'm average on size, but stamina is my strong point. Viagra is not necessary or even desired, thank Buddha for that. I have always been hesitant to take any kind of drug, and am especially leery of taking something that affects the most intimate of organs, thank you very much. But, OK, I started to take control of the situation since it had evolved from a simple massage into a XXX-rated sex scene. Hey, I'm the man, right? Have cock, must be a man. (BTW, that's a lesson for those in denial out there as to the gender of a ladyboy. All I read is "her" this, and "her" that. Get a clue: you tranny fuckers are having sex with MEN; therefore you are fags). Back on track....OK, I'm 'taking charge of this post and all government property in view', right? Well, during this prolonged session of ham-slamming, I finally got into a position where, even in the dull lighting, I could see that there was blood on the condom. This was after quite a prolonged period of pounding flesh. Now, the sight of blood on a condom has a definite damping effect on such situations for me, and it's happened many times before. I stopped slamming the ham, pulled out the salami stick, removed the condom and told her about it. She held it in her hand and started examining it, not understanding what was going on. When she realized what I was saying, she explained to me that there was no blood on the condom, but that the thing was a strawberry condom and therefore colored red. Well, shiver me timbers, but the traditional (read 'stupid, ass-backward') Caveman is evidently living too sheltered a life and wasn't aware of that. She began giggling at the situation, and so did I. At this point, however, things could not quite get fired up again, and I departed and tipped her well for everything. Also departed with some new knowledge about this great and wonderful Land of Smiles and oil massages. Hey, you learn something new every day, even at the ripe age of 41.

Last night, went with Noi to dinner buffet at Apex. Excellent value for the money. I pigged out on a ton of meat for a measly 160 baht. Can't beat it. Would have gone to a more upscale restaurant, but it was raining cats and dogs, so the motorcycle was not an option.

PATTAYA'S WILD KINGDOM. Woke up this morning early as all Hell and did my morning run, which included a circuit through Pattaya, up to Jomtien along the beach path, and back to the Apex. Getting back almost to the front of the Apex, I witnessed a completely decrepit soi dog get struck by a pickup taxi. It was quite the horrific sight, with the soi dog yelping loudly after being struck and being consequently unable to move itself out of the street. There were many onlookers, none of whom could do anything but watch this creature's last agonizing moments before expiring into Doggie Never-Never-Land. The taxi didn't even stop. Hey, Thailand is a dog-eat-dog place: it's survival of the fittest. This mangy animal was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I approached the mortally wounded beast to within about 2 meters and did a quick visual inspection. Now this was one sorry looking specimen of a dog even without its mortal injuries. Well, it didn't have any entrails protruding from its asshole, so at first I thought it might live despite its obvious agony, especially when, in a Herculean effort, it actually summoned the energy to stand and limp (pathetically) out of the street to the pavement. Nasty soi dog or not, this poor animal was in serious pain, and being an animal lover (even more so than some of the humans I encounter), I feel bad when I witness such events. Well, when it moved, its hind quarters were completely twisted and disheveled as a result of the incident, and one of its hind legs was shattered and failed to function. In fact, this canine looked like its back was broken, as its body was more or less in the shape of a comma. Then blood started pouring from its mouth as it lay on its stomach on the sidewalk. I didn't stay to watch the conclusion. Couldn't have lived for more than another 15 minutes or so. If it were different circumstances (in my “backyard”), I would certainly have put the mongrel out of its misery with 2 quick rounds to the head.

This incident made me think about Thailand and what an unforgiving place it can be if you make mistakes. Whether man or beast, mistakes can quickly make you a statistic. One wrong move and you are a mere memory. And the world will move on without you...or me. Thailand and indeed the world, in a way, doesn't "care". We all have our cross to bear.

Well, 2 nights ago was probably my last date with Noi, ever. She still has charm about her, but it's wearing thin. She slept for about 11-12 hours each evening after we were together, then unbelievably when I asked her what she planned on doing for the rest of the day, she told me she planned to sleep! How could a person be so fucking lazy? She honestly has very little to offer any prospective man, aside from her attractiveness and bubbly spirit, which I guess is something. But she's certainly a "taker", in the scheme of things. Gives very little, but expects much. Contributes very little of her own volition. Laziness is her biggest downfall. Shit, I was even having a hard time getting her to give me any kind of massage that lasted longer than 5 fucking minutes. Saya-fucking-nara, Honey Pie! No massage, no Caveman.

Taxied back up to BKK yesterday and made great time. Chowed, then mosied on over to Soi Cowboy for a spell. I've seen a Reader's Submission here on the site where a reader made the observation that he finds it difficult to get rid of ladies for which he has no interest when he goes into a bar, and that they cling to him, preventing him from getting the lady he really wants. While I understand the problem, it stems from a spine of linguini more than anything else. I mean, this is not rocket science. In Midnite Bar last night, 3 women came up and sat next to me that I had absolutely no interest in: (1) a fat pig, (2) an Amazon, and (3) a drunk. The longest it took to get rid of any of them was the Amazon (about 10 minutes). All you need to do (besides having a set of fucking balls to execute what's necessary) is sit there with a smile, say NOTHING, don't look at her too much, and give very hesitant, 1-word answers to questions. Don't insult her, but just don't give her any attention. Also, when they ask you your name, invent one that's impossible for them to remember, understand, or repeat. My favorite is Poindexter. Yeah, I'm Poindexter from Antarctica. That usually sends them packing. All you see is dust. Yeah, they may perceive you as a bit rude, but heck, if you want to make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs. Then after you've accomplished the mission of getting rid of the woman you don't want, just call for, get, or smile and stare at the one you do. Worked like a charm for me last night. M came over and we entertained one another for about an hour or 2. But as always, no barfining in BKK. Will not negotiate. Which brings me to an observation on "method".

METHOD FOR GETTING A DECENT BARGIRL. What's the biggest problem with bargirls? There are many, but the 1st on the list has gotta' be ending up with one who's out to chisel you out of as much cash as she can. And here YOU are with diametrically opposing needs trying to get one who will satisfy you without having an inflated predilection for money grubbing. Is that about right? How can you increase your chances of finding one who isn't out to grub for money obsessively? Well, it’s a crap shoot at best when you're fishing in the troubled waters of the Thailand Naughty Nightlife, but there's one method I’ve never seen anyone entertain except for the writer of this journal. It can be summed up in 1 word: NEGOTIATION. In short, DON'T! Depending on what your goal is for being in the bar, the biggest mistake you can make is negotiating for services. If you're there just to shoot the shit and look around, then it doesn't really matter what you do. If you're just out to cornhole the prettiest babe you can find no matter what the cost, same deal...this does not apply. But if you're out to find a lady who will care for your needs and NOT be grubbing for every extra lousy satang she can get out of you....if you're out to get that increasingly rare "classic model", girlfriend-type, devoted to taking care of you and your needs, you can drastically increase your chances of finding her if you DON'T NEGOTIATE.

OK, what the heck am I getting at here? Well, what's the 1 thing about the solicitation of any "woman of the night" that dehumanizes the whole thing and reduces it to a mere transaction? Isn’t it the passing of money or even the discussion of compensation for the sole purpose of satisfying your carnal needs? It's the reduction of this special thing to its basic monetary considerations by going through the mundane motions of deciding exactly how much compensation she will be getting for her efforts. I mean, it just ruins the whole atmosphere. Well, with that in mind, why negotiate at all?! Here's what I'm talking about. Especially if you're in a Pattaya beer bar, this should work like a charm, and even if you're not. Once you've found a bargirl you'd like to barfine, don't discuss compensation at all. Just lay the amount you think is fair on her purse the following morning, and get on with things. I have NEVER had a problem with this (but have only done it in Pattaya). If you're in the bar with her and she outright tells you how much she expects, do NOT barfine her. Even if it's an amount you'd actually be willing to pay, get out of Dodge City. She's no good. You see, SHE has revealed how SHE sees things to YOU. She has revealed that she sees it not as an opportunity to take care of you, but an opportunity to get cash first and foremost. You and your needs are secondary. Do not barfine a woman who attempts to negotiate with you. She should be happy with whatever amount you decide is OK (not that you should be out to rip her off). If she's unhappy with it, she can refuse to go with you next time. OK, what if you lay the cash on her purse and she demands more? Well, as long as it's not a ridiculous amount more, I'd probably just give it to her. Then just do NOT barfine her again. You have found her out, that she is a money grubber and wants more, and more, and more....etc. This is one thing I've observed that so many guys have trouble with, and that is moving on when you find out information that should rapidly disqualify a woman (whether bargirl or not): the failure to MOVE ON. Instead, so many guys will try to talk their way through the thing, tell the woman that she's being greedy and try to rationalize with them, try to make them “see the light” (which is really your light, not hers)...basically, what you're trying to do is CHANGE HER into someone she is NOT. People define themselves by their actions. By asking for more money, she has defined herself as a money-grubbing fucking whore! GET RID OF HER. You cannot change her any more than you can change lead into gold.

If you're in BKK, this should also work. Admittedly, the "going rate" for gogo dancers is higher than Pattaya beer bar bargirls, but it can still work. The fact is, just don't discuss compensation. Then if she brings it up, giddayup, cowpoke. Exit. What if you're in a BKK gogo bar, meet one you'd like to barfine, but she beats you to the punch and SHE asks YOU to take her out of the bar? The going rate is pretty high for these women, and higher than I am ever willing to pay for sex, which we probably shouldn’t be paying for anyway when it comes down to it. How do you increase your odds of NOT getting a money grubber in this situation? Try this: tell her, "I'd really like to, but I don't pay for sex". (!!) This statement is a highly effective filter. If she walks away or refuses to go with you, she's probably not the pleasing type you're after anyway. If she agrees to go with you for free, take her! But, (I know what you're thinking...how can you just stiff her?) here's the caveat to this. After you take her, even if she agreed to go with you for free, I believe you're morally obliged to pay her something anyway. Just because you're not after a money-grubber doesn't mean that the poor girl doesn't have needs. She has shown her good faith, and now it's time for you to show yours. So, what I would do is lay the amount you think is fair on her purse the next morning as compensation for her time. For me, this amount is always 1000 baht regardless of other considerations. Admittedly, this tactic will cause many BKK gogo bargirls to walk away because most of the ladies are out for cash, but this whole discussion is assuming that you’re out for a woman who will take good care of you in more ways than just the sexual. What are you after?

SILVER BULLET. Everyone wants a quick fix. So many nowadays want immediate gratification from every endeavor. Out to lose weight? Well, they want a pill so they can drop the weight instead of doing what's necessary (proper exercise and diet). Weightlifter? So many jump on the steroid train regardless of the severe side effects, to attain their goals quickly and with minimal effort. So many people nowadays want, want, want, but are not willing to do the work and put in the commitment necessary to achieve their goals...which leads me to "getting Thai women". This analysis assumes that you want a Thai woman who is a good, virtuous woman who will take good care of you, and you her. If you're out to get a quick fuck, this diatribe will be worthless to you. Anyway, it seems to me that so many guys on Stickman are out to find the "best way to meet Thai women". They want a silver bullet. There's a myth out there dancing around the airways, I swear. So many guys think there's a magic answer to meeting Thai women that they've yet to discover. They sincerely believe the answer is out there somewhere just waiting for them to find. They are looking for a guarantee of some sort where they can just meet Thai women anytime and every time they wish. Maybe I should hang out in offices in BKK? Maybe it's the mall? Is it the internet? Is it the beer bars? Well, my opinion is that if you are a good, simple, and plain decent person, then eventually they'll find YOU. Just be yourself and it will happen, just living the course of your ordinary life, and no matter where you are (unless you're on the fucking Moon or the surface or the planet Neptune, OK?), you're eventually going to meet someone special. If you are not meeting Thai women and you think you're looking everywhere, try looking in the mirror. That's probably your answer. That said, here's another "however" that I've seen no one mention. I highly recommend that you go to a gym to meet Thai women, especially in BKK (Pattaya just has mostly farangs with bare feet stinking up the place). That's right, get your ass into the gym, even if you're not a real fitness enthusiast. Why? People have qualities, and they seldom change, if ever. So, you need to find a target rich environment where there are women who have desirable qualities, and hopefully, they're good qualities you want in a virtuous woman. Again, if you're just out for a quick dick-dipping, this might not be for you. But here are some important advantages of meeting a woman in the gym, and it applies especially to Thailand. By finding her in the gym, you automatically know that your chances of her having the following qualities are very much increased:

1. She takes care of herself at least to some degree, and therefore is better equipped to take care of you, and probably even children. Those that cannot take care of themselves certainly cannot take care of anyone else.

2. She's probably in decent physical shape.

3. She has personal pride, a degree of confidence and self-worth.

4. Here in Thailand, if you find a woman in the gym, you automatically know that she has an above average income level. Gym memberships are very expensive for the average Thai, and most can't come close to affording it. She probably has a decent job, a decent family that won't gouge you for every dollar they can get out of you, etc. This is a huge consideration in a country where so many women are looking for a man, with their primary interest being financial.

5. If you're a fitness enthusiast, you now know that you have an important common interest, and something you can do together aside from exchanging one another's sexual juices. Common interests are absolutely key to any successful long-term relationship.

6. She is not physically lazy.

I don't know about you, but these are some pretty important factors. Meeting a Thai girl in the gym has got to be one of the best places you can meet because you automatically know so much about her just by virtue of the fact that she's THERE. Admittedly, there's no guarantee, but your chances are so much better, especially when you compare it to trying to find a girl in the bar. Bar-flies are mostly after instant and immediate gratification. And that's what they get...and no more.

Another dumb ass observation from your faithful dinosaur....have you ever seen those shoes for ladies that the tips extend way beyond her toes, and hang way out in front of them? Well, evidently, Thailand shoe designers have invented a similar shoe fashion for the Thai male now. I'm talking about shoes, the front of which extends maybe a good 3 or more inches past where the front of the foot ends. Hello, WTF, over?! Maybe I'm a bit behind the times, but these things look absolutely ridiculous. They look like something a clown would wear. Who in their right mind wears these idiotic things? Another shoe “style” I’ve always thought to be repugnant is that of males who wear open toe shoes, especially shower shoes. Completely classless and tasteless. I mean, who the heck wants to see a man's nasty, corn-infested, hairy, smelly, feet anyway? Have some discretion and hide the things, will ya'? This applies especially when a man is otherwise decently dressed in, say a collared shirt. Then you look down and see hairy feet and almost wretch. For women, especially the type of lovelies we all see when taking the Skytrain, the more of their bodies they expose, the better.

Out with A (from my Thai Journal 4) last night at a French restaurant. Meeting up with her was nice, as we've been keeping in touch mostly by email since last we saw one another, which was early 2004. It was a genuinely happy reunion. Had a decent time together at a poor restaurant (L'Etage on, I think, Soi 39), where I had to request more bread 4 times before they brought it. Then the bill came with a service charge: no tip. Went to Londoner afterward, a good establishment with good chow, but unfortunately the music blasted us out in less than 60 seconds. No way to carry on a conversation under those circumstances. Finally ended up at the Westin Grande Sukhumvit at the piano bar on the 7th floor. A bit pricey, but I'd recommend it for ambience and quality. And the waitresses in there are HOT. But so was my company, so I was quite content. They also charged a service charge, and all we ordered was 1 appetizer and 1 drink each. Recommend y'all check your bill over after dining, and if they give you a service charge, give NO tip: they are charging you the tip. This almost NEVER happens in the US except in cases where you have very large parties; then a tip is not expected. To continue, meeting up with A was great. She continues to impress me as being very demure, a quality I highly admire in a woman. She is the cutest thing in the world. Indications are that her EXPECTATIONS (big word here) are definitely high for us as a couple, based on her very pleasant/open demeanor and other observations last night. Hey, I was happy to see her, too. The way she was looking at me spoke volumes.

Of note was the way she handled the goodnight kiss. You could tell she anticipated this whole scenario playout, and instead of the shy refusals I got last visit, she went in for it. It was so funny, because you could tell that she had been waiting for the moment, and had been considering what to do for ages. Right after she kissed me, she smiled, turned around and walked away almost as if she had done something wrong and wanted to get away with it (the cat that ate the canary). She headed straight for her car, which was only about 3 meters away and running, all without looking back. I think she was embarrassed that she had ACTUALLY kissed a man! Might not sound like much, but if you could have been a fly on a wall nearby, you'd have been well entertained. Have plans to meet up with her tonight for dinner at Baiyoke Sky Building on the top floor at their 1st class buffet. Looking forward to it.

Out last night with A as planned. Good night out, with good food, good company of A, and just relaxation. Really loved the way she jumped in the same lounge chair with me when I moved over, indicating that she should sit down in the same lounge chair with me in the Baiyoke Sky bar instead of having one of her own. To my surprise, she got right in there with me, squeezing tightly in right next to me. She certainly fit well despite the small size of the chair...snug as a bug in a rug. She is the most petite thing, being about 5'1" and weighing maybe about 80 lbs soaking wet, so fragile and innocent. Three problems I see right now in pursuing a long-term relationship with A are:

1. Lack of common interests. A is not a really physical person, and while I don't necessarily insist on her going to the gym with me, it’s unlikely that she can even keep up with a little bit of hiking. And what of the motorcycle? Doesn't take much strength to sit on the back, but will she really be interested? She is physically lazy....not a good trait.

2. At this stage in my life (age 41), having children is probably not an option. We have never discussed this. Most people consider having children as something they either want to do or don't want to do based on their personal preferences. Few people consider the welfare of the prospective child first before their own selfish desires, instead treating "having a child" as the equivalent of going out and acquiring an asset for themselves to enjoy. It's always "me, me, me" when deciding on whether to bring a child into the world. How about the best interests of the kid? Should they not be the paramount issue in the decision on whether to conceive one? Maybe if more people thought this way, there would be a lot less starving and/or unfortunate children running around that seem to be EVERYBODY ELSE’S RESPONSIBILITY to support except the parents who irresponsibly copulated. How many people put that first, as it should be? Heck, if I were to have a kid right now, the poor thing would be graduating high school when I'd be approaching 60. How is that fair to a kid?

3. Communication is difficult between us. The other day when I asked her if we'd be having dinner together, it took about 7 times in 7 different ways before getting a straight answer (a simple yes or no). Two weeks with a woman having a command of English and I’d actually know more about her than I do about A right now, and I've now known A for about a year and a half.

4. She never thanks me for anything. Very bad implications. This is really starting to bother me.

Off to Pattaya right now for 3 days before heading back up here to BKK. Time for another seabag drag.

Went out last night, cruised around the bars here in Pattaya khon diao. No more Noi, as I've written her off. She no longer has the ability to take care for my needs, as all she does is eat, sleep, and produce feces. Yeah, she might be charming to watch eat ice cream, but that don't quite cut the mustard if she can't scratch Daddy's back. Came across an attractive young bargirl who was drowning her sorrows with whiskey. Wondering why she would be drinking so much at her own bar, as it's pretty rare that a bargirl will just sit there and get drunk while potential paying customers are on the prowl, I struck up a conversation with her. She told me of her sad saga with her British "boyfriend", who was currently there in Pattaya but was with another woman. "You know this for sure?" "Yes, he take lady." "Then why don't you just get rid of him, dump him? Why do you stay loyal to him?" She tossed back some mumbo jumbo disconnected thoughts about staying loyal to him being the right and honorable thing to do, but it just made no sense. Now if I was reading this right, here was a bargirl who actually wanted to stay loyal to a guy who was cheating right in her face. Of all the shit we read about bargirls not staying loyal to guys, she certainly seemed the exception. But what the heck kind of rationality was this? So many women, and men for that matter, just keep pissing in the wind, throwing good money after bad. So many people seem to have such a hard time letting go of a bad relationship, and usually prefer to wallow in a pool of emotion rather than cut ties and move on. This just winds up wasting life's precious little time.

Finally landed a pretty little lass at a bar close to the Apex named Oy. Cute, petite little thing who told me she could deliver on a massage. She proved fabulous on all counts. One funny part of the massage she gave me was when I was lying butt naked on my stomach with her massaging me. She was poking, pressing, prodding, etc. Well, for some reason, she started to concentrate on my ass region...specifically, the crack. I happen to have been born with a small indentation above my asshole, nothing too conspicuous, but which upon casual observation to Oy, appeared to actually be my asshole. I was lying there as she took a look at it, poked and prodded a bit, examined, etc, and then came the comments, all in Thai, of course. Went something like this: "Oh. What is this? Have no asshole? Oy! How? Oh, my goodness. Why...etc." I knew exactly what she was doing the whole time and began laughing like all Hell, not saying anything, but just leaving it to her to discover things on her own. She had mistakenly thought that the indentation was my asshole, but when she scrutinized it, of course she found no “paydirt”. Then she probed a bit lower and, 'Voila'...she found what she was looking for. We both laughed out loud at this for a long time. Next morning, woke up early for daily exercise, and told her to just take the key down to the lobby when she departed, as it was early and she still wished to sleep. There were a few small valuables left out that she could have stolen, but I didn't figure her for a thief. She was, in fact, quite jolly all night, and would laugh at the slightest provocation. Actually, I've never had a bargirl that's stolen a single satang from me. Very few of them are outright thieves, on a percentage basis. They prefer to get the big prize, and have enough foresight at least to see that if they rip off the watch on the bureau, that's all they'll ever get from me. And on the topic of negotiations.....there were none as usual. Just left 1000 baht on her purse per normal routine and never heard a peep. Just exactly why guys pay such exorbitant amounts of up to 2, 3, 5000 baht or even more is still way beyond my (limited?) comprehension. Pure stupidity. I guess if you have cash falling out of your asshole (for those of you that only have 1), you don't have to care.

During my walks and runs around Pattaya and BKK, I've noted something that Dana adroitly commented on a while back. It's the nature of the electrical wiring that hangs about everywhere. Have you ever just looked up at the wires hanging all over the place, and the unprofessional, haphazard way they’re strung up? Now, I'm no electrician, but if this were ever to occur in Podunk, Missouri, it would make front page national news and would be the talk of the entire nation for as long as it took to get the mayor and hang him up by his balls. The risk of someone getting electrocuted by dangling wires is severe. There is something that can occur with poorly constructed electrical hookups called "arcing", which involves the electrical current jumping onto another nearby source, to include a body. This really happened recently at my place of employment, and the individual was fried beyond belief, but actually lived for a short while, but (mercifully) died shortly thereafter. So, when you're out and about, or especially if you're a jogger and tend to just haze out when you run and pay attention to nothing and no one (like yours truly), please take heed.

Out of sheer boredom, wandered into Happy A Gogo off Walking Street last night. It's probably me, but the gogo bars really don't do so much for me. Just a bunch of tattooed whores. Yeah, some of them are physically beautiful, but for some reason, they just don't excite me. Even with naked dancers, there's just something missing. Literally walked out right in the middle of one of their "shows". Nowadays, a shy kiss from A does more for me than a completely naked gogo dancer. Even having sex with them, there's something missing. First off, you can't really have "full-on" sex without the risk of contracting something nasty, so there's no real physical and emotional release as there is with a woman you're involved with and care about. Great sex is not merely a physical thing, but more a mental state.

One of the great food deals you can get is the beef or chicken on a stick sold by the street vendors. They are cheap and a nutritious, low fat source of protein. I've had problems, though, because I've noticed that even when you request "no butter", they often forget just mere seconds after you tell them, smearing the beautiful, protein-rich pure meats with butter that's been sitting around collecting flies for God knows how long. This makes your nutritious, low-cal snack into a fat-rich, high-cal indulgence. Butter is high in calories and adds nothing to the taste of the meats. So I always tell them, "Mai sai neui". It actually works sometimes! You literally have to stand there watching them, because even if they understand you and acknowledge/repeat what you've instructed them, they'll still put butter on your meat stick just out of pure habit. This has happened to me about 1/2 of the times I've gotten these. The first time, the idiot repeated and understood my instruction, smiled at me, and no more than 20 seconds afterward, started painting my delicious meats with swaths of lard anyway. I uttered the words "Mai dee", and walked away disgusted (without paying or saying anything else). Smile and walk away....this is Thailand.

Went out last night and found Wan in a beer bar on Soi 7. Seemed like a good enough package, gave me a decent massage while we were sitting at the bar, so I barfined her. After feeding the wench, took her back so she could demonstrate her skills. In the short time we were together, she went from demure to sleezy. Once in the hotel room, instead of the massage I craved, she began telling me how horny she was. Believe it or not, I actually had planned on getting a simple massage with no sex, but she was trying to change my mind. Her mouth finally did it (and she was not speaking at the time). Well, if she was horny when we started, she lost it somewhere along the line after about 30-45 minutes of incessant $@#6&=+>!. What once was a smile became a grimace. "Jep mai?" I asked. "Nitnoi" she replied. So I stopped. But then I got no massage. Instead I got a young lady asking me what time she could leave. "Where are you going to go? Why do you want to leave? Are you going back to your bar to get another customer?" "No, I go room." Yeah, right......go ahead and piss down my back & tell me it's rainin' why don't ya'? Whatever. Gave her only half the normal fare since she wanted to short-time it, and caught some needed shuteye. In retrospect, the only reason she initially told me how horny she was is because she evidently had plans on leaving as soon as possible (immediately after the deed) to get another customer or something similar to that. Fucking whore. What ever happened to the GF experience? I think they're dying out; from my observations, they're a rare breed anymore.

FITNESS AND BARGIRLS DON'T MIX. In just about every corner of Farangland and even here in Thailand, most women dig a guy who is physically fit. But what about bargirls? Why shouldn't they be the same? Based on my observations, my opinion is actually "No", they do not necessarily prefer a more physically fit guy over any other. Makes sense, as their primary motivation is to screw the guy and collect the cash. I have suspected this for a while, but as of now, have seen pretty solid evidence of it. I could offer specifics on some particular observations and how I arrived at the conclusion, but I fear the message might be misconstrued in its delivery. Email me if you want spec's. But suffice it to say that it seems to make no difference to bargirls what you look like, your age, or your level of fitness. In fact, some of them probably try to avoid the more physically fit punter, fearing that they'll be in for a sexual pounding. Best case scenario for the typical bargirl is the guy who is completely out of shape and blows his load in 5 minutes. So, for guys out there who feel a need to trim up before your arrival to the bar scene, exercise a bit more than usual, do some dieting, etc, my honest opinion is that it will make no difference to the bargirls and may even be a negative for many. So go ahead and have that extra Big Mac, that donut, or that extra slice of pizza. Go on and drink a 12-pack of Guinness every night. Fire up that smoke, and then another. Again, this only applies to bargirls, as non-bargirls do not seem to display some of the behaviors I've witnessed.

WHERE, WHEN, AND HOW. What's your impression of Pattaya? How about BKK? How were your impressions formed? Being an individual who follows the beat of a distant drummer, my waking hours are different than the average single male Thailand tourist. Being more the morning/daytime person, I've had the chance to see a side of Pattaya that most punters seldom see. During my morning runs, which usually start at a time when many of the beers bars are still entertaining customers, I'm as sober as a judge (post script...and was also sober for the entirety of this current Thailand trip, having drank almost nothing during my 3 weeks there). By that time, anyone still awake after a night of partying definitely reflects it in their appearance, demeanor and carriage. And it ain't pretty. All the glamour and glitter you might see at 7PM has been reduced to ash and sack, with Pattaya being a pig sty, the only people awake are usually drunk, the bargirls (and unfortunately the ladyboys) are sloppily chasing me around even if I'm completely soaked in sweat and hazed out in the middle of a jog. This scene would no doubt appear much differently to you if you had been drinking all night long and were still awake as opposed to having freshly awoken. Conclusion is that depending on your perspective, especially WHEN you see a certain place, your opinions about it can be drastically different. Enticing bargirls are now mere irritants. Beautiful ladies of the night are now drunken, sloppy, degenerate whores. A generally clean and inviting scene is now a dumpsite. Add sobriety to the issue, which many Pattaya punters rarely do, and your perspective changes further still.

Ran into LJ just walking around on Beach Road in Pattaya. Now what were the chances of that? We worked together in Hawaii some years back, and we happened to collide while walking around in the afternoon on Beach Road. It's a small world.

Went out with Stick last night and had a great & relaxing time, just catching up on old times. It's always refreshing chatting with Stick, as we share a strikingly identical outlook and philosophy on things and life in general, which is rare, my opinions and general thoughts not being mainstream. It's amazing to find not only such a similarity in opinions, but also in methods of approach and analysis of people, situations, and institutions. And a more stand up guy than Stick is hard to find. Long live Brother Stick!

Flew out of BKK to Surin with A to meet her family. Our plan was to meet at the gate, but she neglected to tell me that the flight was not e-ticket, and she had the tickets. This is typical of her, not really giving anything much thought at all (lights on, nobody home). If we were ever to become an item together, it would be Caveman who would be wearing the pants in the family...otherwise there would BE no pants. Arrived in Surin and went immediately to her family's house to meet her parents and a couple other relatives. Her Father welcomed me heartily. Now here is the most decent of fellows who I thoroughly enjoyed meeting, speaking with, and just listening to. He is a retired local high government official, and evidently has some money in the bank. He bought A's car for her, in fact. Well, he showed me his house, welcomed me with open arms, told me how nice it was to see me, as he had been expecting me, etc. A man small in physical size, but large in stature. I soon began calling him "Papa". He gave me the official tour through his fabulous, decent-sized 2 story house with much pride. Beautifully landscaped, hardwood floors and other handsome appointments, tiled well in areas, a great balcony-type large deck for partying...just a great pad by any standards. He is certainly master of his domain and the area he surveys, as he rightfully displayed a lot of enthusiasm in his house, having built it himself. A finer man in Thailand I've yet to meet. He exerted no pressure on me regarding my plans/intentions with A, and in fact, never even brought up the topic for the duration of the visit. Contrast this with K's relatives from my Thai Journal 1.5, and note the contrast. Well, the first of 2 nights, about 7 of us went out to a nice Thai style restaurant, and he picked up the tab. That was a first for me. It's good to know that if things really do develop between A & I, this family certainly won't be after me for money. A might personally desire a guy with some spare cash to throw around (!), but her family does not need my help at all. Night number 2 with A's family had us enjoying a dinner meal outside their home, sharing the repast with the indigenous parasitic and verminous insect life in Surin, which drew their quota of blood from us all and ate their fair share of the foods as they lay on the table. A's Mother is a sweet woman, rather quiet. She said almost nothing to me for the duration; this should not be construed as a negative, as my time was well taken up in male bonding with the Father. At all times at the house, we were together, and I was seated immediately to his left side at meals while we chatted. He is 74 years old, sharp as a tack, and his English is better than my Thai. A’s Mother did display a strong reaction (a hearty laugh and maybe even some excitement) when I gave her a hearty hug & kiss goodbye, as this is not a regular Thai custom. She smiled, laughed, and was giggling and cackling with her familiars who were present there, looking at me with a wide grin. Regarding A herself, she's definitely feeling with us being together and loosening up. Generally cheerful and easygoing demeanor is consistent. Laid back personality is easy to blend with.

Negative: she's not completely reliable. Have now noticed definitely that she NEVER thanks me for anything and it's starting to bother me more & more; she takes people and things for granted. Mentioned it to her yesterday but it went in 1 ear, through the air inside her pretty but empty head, and out the other side, as after I paid for lunch for her and her friend, she said nothing. I needled this point a bit and started a mock conversation with myself as we walked out of the restaurant. "Hey, thank you for the meal, John. Oh, you're welcome, Sweety. No problem. Blah, blah, blah..." She didn't even bat an eye and I still received no thanks. This is a potential serious problem with implications that could be quite "final". I don't mind if she's a little bit on the "taker" side, but if I ever come to the firm conclusion that she's the type who expects the world to be delivered to her on a silver platter "just because", I will terminate things without hesitation. There is NO changing people who have this quality. They merely expect things and think they have it coming it to them, like the world owes it to them.

TWILIGHT ZONE. A booked our trip here to Surin. I gave her the cash last weekend and asked her to just to book the flight. WOULD YOU BELIEVE SHE BOOKED ONLY A 1-WAY TRIP?! We were in the car yesterday driving around when she dropped the bomb on me (Envision hearing Rod Serling's voice, "You're now entering the twilight zone"): She uttered the words, "How will we get back to BKK tomorrow?" "Arai na?" I replied. We went back & forth with this a while until the reality dawned on me that, incredulous and inexplicable as it may seem, she had actually booked a 1-way flight for us instead of a round trip ticket. For the longest time, I thought she was joking, but finally the reality sank in. I shook my head in utter disbelief. Then I asked the obvious question, "Why?" No answer. Asked again. No answer. As I continued to ask, she physically put her hand over my mouth to stop me, which irritated the fucking dog shit out of me. It is said that you should not push Thais too much on things, but sometimes you just HAVE to dig in your heels and TAKE NO PRISONERS. I asked the question as many times as it took, as this farang was getting a response one way or another. She continued (very rudely) trying to physically put her hand over my mouth to stop me from talking, not wanting to face the discomfort of the situation and just trying to make me shut up. Well, it didn't work, and I began to lose patience. Finally, as an answer, she said the words "ting tawng", which basically was an admission that she just went a bit crazy and simply had a brain fart. Wow, that one was a real stinker, Honey. As simple as this response was, it satisfied me in its entirety. Once she admitted the mistake, there was no point in rubbing her nose in it. But heck, we leave for Mae Hong Son tomorrow out of BKK. How the fuck did she expect to......my head is STILL spinning over this one. Can you believe it? How could someone ever be so........??!! Of all the....... OK, next challenge: I explained to her that since she had caused the problem, it was her responsibility to fix it. I therefore insisted that SHE pay for the return 1-way trip for both of us.....cost = 3700 baht for both of our tickets. She did not like this one bit and refused, simply saying "I cannot". I told her that if she refused, I would indeed pay for the tickets, but would consequently cancel our trip to Mae Hong Son (and thereby get back my 9500 baht less small cancellation fee). Her friend Wan was in the car with us, and they began chatting back & forth with one another. Wan then asked me, "Are you joking? Will you really cancel the trip to Mae Hong Son?" After my reply, A realized I was not shooting blanks. She booked the flight back to BKK using her cell phone, and I then requested the funds immediately, IN HAND. She had to visit an ATM to get that much cash. Afterward, she hesitated giving me the cash and even tried to negotiate the figure of 3700 baht downward, trying to save herself some money. It felt like dealing with a fucking used car salesman, the way she treated the whole thing. Of course my stubborn ass refused to negotiate on this, and she finally forked it all over.

The moral of the story is: Don't be a whimpy ass Soi Dog, or you're liable to get hit by a truck. And they won't even look back. If you let them, Thai women will walk all over you ALL DAY LONG, and the more you let them, the more they'll do it. She will either respect me or I won't be around, which is becoming more predictable anyway at this point.

Aw, shit, you gotta' love it. Women.....can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

How about Surin itself? Surin is a small town in the flat, Eastern geographical region of Thailand. The people are friendly and inquisitive of farangs. There is not much of a nightlife to speak of. My stay in Surin was at the Thong Tarin Hotel for 810 baht/night and got a decent room. Costs are typically cheap, as in most Thailand small towns. The surrounding countryside is all rice fields and buffalo, with buffalo roaming freely all over the place. The morning run yesterday was especially pleasing, as I got to see Surin at an early hour, pleasant and serene.

Well, had a blowout with the teeruk yesterday. Instead of giving a mundane blow-by-blow, the following is a copy/paste of the actual emails we exchanged, which should offer a colorful explanation on what happened between the innocent Thai princess and the wicked farang.

Here is A's email to me:

"Hi John

I THINK I DESERVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
HERE.

REMEMBER WHAT YOU ALWAYS TELL ME " I CAN ALWAYS RELY
ON YOU " TOO BAD YOU JUST TAKE THOSE WORD BACK TO YOURSELF.

IF YOU THINK YOU ARE A REAL MAN PLS REVERT MY MAIL.

THAT'S ALL I WANNA SAY.

A"

Here's my pointed reply:

"A

I was going to try to be pleasant about this, but since you have taken a nasty tone, I will let you have it.

Maybe you are not aware of how you treated me, as I find that you are blissfully unaware of many things I think you should know. On Saturday night, you barely spent any time with me, instead preferring to spend time with your friends while I was at the dinner table. Then, as 8PM came along, you asked me if I would like to return to my hotel. Did you have plans to go out with your friends and I was in the way? I got the feeling that you wanted to unload me like a pile of trash.

Although I cannot be certain of this, I have the feeling that when you finally did UNLOAD me just before 10PM, you may have gone out with your friends. This feeling is reinforced by the fact that you NEGLECTED to call to me, as you had PROMISED, on Sunday morning. We have talked about this thing before, but it means nothing to you. I have told you how important it is for you to do what you promise, but evidently my wishes mean nothing to you. The only important things to you are those things that YOU want. I WAITED IN THE HOTEL ROOM FOR YOUR CALL ALL MORNING, AND EVEN TRIED TO CALL YOU. YOU EITHER KNEW OR SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT THE HOTEL CHECKOUT TIME WAS 12 NOON, AND STILL YOU DID NOT CALL ME. I HAD NO PLACE TO GO. I HAD NO CAR OR ANY OTHER MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION EXCEPT TO TAKE A TAXI. ON TOP OF THAT, WHEN I TRIED TO REACH YOU ON YOUR MOBILE PHONE (many times), YOU EITHER HAD IT SWITCHED OFF OR FAILED TO ANSWER.

You knew that I was stranded at the hotel with no car and no transportation.

Still, 12PM came along and I waited a bit more, calling you again but you did not answer your phone. Finally, I decided that you had neglected me quite enough and caught a train back to BKK. How long did you expect me to wait? This is one of the rudest things anyone has ever done to me. Here I am, in a town where I have never been before, in a country 10,000 miles away from the US as your guest, and this is the type of treatment I get?!

I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOUR EXCUSE IS, this is unacceptable behavior. I would never in a million years treat you this way if you came to America as my guest. You would be treated like a queen.

WANT MORE? You give me the distinct impression that I am nothing more to you than a walking ATM machine. I have always generously paid for everything every time we have gone anywhere. HAVE YOU EVER ONCE THANKED ME? Do you think money grows on trees? Do you think you are owed these things just because you exist? NO ONE LIKES TO FEEL UNAPPRECIATED, whether they are Thai or farang. You have taken me for granted once too often. Heck, even when I mentioned this to you on Saturday afternoon and then treated you and Wan to lunch, you still could not bring yourself to say the words "Khap khun kha". I'm sorry, my little Thai doll, but I work too hard for my money to throw it away on someone who takes it for granted. It takes BLOOD, SWEAT & TEARS to get what I have.

A: I hold no ill will toward you, but:

- you lack common courtesy to others
- you are ungrateful
- you are inconsiderate and thoughtless toward others
- you are spoiled
- you are immature

WE ARE INCOMPATIBLE.

If you still want more, I can probably think of a few more things.

Don't ever take a nasty tone with me again. Oh, and watch out what you ask for, you might get it.

Chok dee,
John"

Boy, was I seething mad when I was waiting for her to either call or pick me up at the hotel. I was really stewing in my juices. If our worlds had collided yesterday afternoon just prior to my boarding the train, she would have received a bit of nastiness. It would all have been done without any voice raising, but it would certainly have been done.

Well, at least I got to take a train in Thailand. Took a painful 6+ hours to get from Surin to BKK.

After workout this morning here in BKK, feeling calmer than yesterday. I think it’s time for a 2-hour massage. This is Thailand.

Went out with Stick last night at the Londoner...great meal. Unfortunately, my stomach is giving me problems, though, and things could have been better. But had a great time chowing and chatting, after which we moseyed on down to Soi Cowboy, then retired for the night.

A huge thanks to Stick for referring me to BNH Hospital. This was the first time I had any medical service in Thailand, and it was first class all the way. They diagnosed me with some sort of acid suppression problem in the intestines, which a prescription of Nexium should take care of. However, another test will be done tomorrow to rule out an intestinal infection. Cost today (unbelievably) = 500 Baht! And this includes checking into the emergency room, being admitted, reviewed by a doc, then sent (actually taken by the hand by one of the female orderlies) to the gastro clinic, where I was seen and diagnosed by a trained gastro doc. Tomorrow there will be a test to take which will require me to fast for 8 hours. Results of test will be ready the following day, which will be Friday. This type of service and also the pittance of a fee, together with the record time in which I was in and out of that facility, are IMPOSSIBLE to get in the US. I would have been in a US hospital for hours, and the fee would have been at least 10 times as much for an uninsured patient. Total time in BNH was about 1/2 hour, and I was treated like a king and escorted by the hand everywhere. They even gave me a patient card for any return visits.

PAIN. Yesterday saw a rebound into the House of Pain, so I went back to BNH. What follows is a detailed account of that visit. First off, as I was experiencing stomach pains, they did a test to see if I had an intestinal infection. Test result was acquired the next day and was negative. But at the time, it was decided that an endoscopy might be a good idea, since pain has been considerable and ongoing for the past 4-5 months or so, as it just comes and goes. An endoscopy involves the doc sticking a tube/camera into your mouth, down your throat, all the way into your innards, for the entire length of your stomach. Now, I know there is supposed to be a dividing line between pain and discomfort; at least that's what they tell me. But where is this line? Chinese water torture involves the mere application of one drop of water after another on the forehead every few seconds, but applied long enough, it will kill. Well, if this procedure was "discomfort", it was the most painful fucking discomfort I ever had, and the longest 15 minutes of my 41 years on Earth. But it was all done as quickly as possible, and with the utmost professionalism by all medical personnel present.

When a patient undergoes a significant medical procedure, and especially in Western hospitals to include the US, there is usually a long waiting period to undergo between the time you decide on a particular procedure and the time it is actually performed. Forget "why" this is, it just is. At BNH, however, once it was decided to have this endoscopy, I was in the operating room in a mere 15 minutes. No wait, no hassle, no BS! How many readers would disagree that the worst part of having any medical procedure is the waiting?! I had a hernia operation years ago and I remember having to wait 3 weeks until the doc could operate. Well, wait turns to worry as you think about going under the knife. Then worry often becomes anxiety, then maybe even dread. It can be far worse than the procedure itself. I don't know about anybody else, but if I'm going to have a medical procedure done, the best thing to do is to GET IT OVER WITH. This is, however, quite impossible in the US. Red tape abounds in just about every significant evolution you are ever a part of, to include especially anything medical. People even die waiting for the proper drugs or procedures they need. Well, there's good news....at BNH, they DO NOT make you wait. That is a very big deal. And the price for both tests yesterday was 10,100 baht. It would have been maybe about $2000 in the US...probably much more, for sure. For the endoscopy, there was the doc, 2 nurses, and 2 more orderlies in attendance. They used sophisticated equipment, to include a monitor screen hooked up on the other end of the camera tube that was jammed down my throat. The doc invited me to watch as it slid through my gut, as it depicted the progress of the camera on its way through my intestinal tract. Just exactly how they can charge such a pittance for this procedure and still be profitable is amazing. Actually, it's because the medical practice in Thailand is not subject to the myriad of regulations, red tape, and abundant threats of medical lawsuits as their American counterparts. There are many reasons why medical procedures are cheaper in Thailand, but they stem largely from the fact that, compared to the US, there is almost no unnecessary government involvement/interference. Hence you have efficiency at its maximum, which is the way it should be. "Government is not the solution to the problem, government IS the problem."

Was in and out of BNH relatively quickly, but I was still in bad shape. I was completely dehydrated and for some reason even felt drugged because I had to fast and could not even drink water prior to these tests. Took the Skytrain back to Sukhumvit Soi 19 and while standing, I felt like I was going to pass out and fall on the deck. The Skytrain was totally packed. I actually had to get down on my knees. It was either that or faint, that's how bad I felt. I also thought I might shit my fucking pants due to the state of my stomach. Just exactly how I managed to get myself back to my hotel, I'll never know, but there I remained until this morning, drinking water, eating yogurt, and drinking milk.

Again, the staff at BNH get a very high rating for their work. Dr. Suthep (his real name) in the GI Clinic was knowledgeable and professional, the only slight drawback being weak English. I am also satisfied that he arrived at a logical diagnosis, which is the important thing in all this, and has prescribed me what I need to get better. Another very important point in all this is the way Dr Suthep (and all others at BNH) treated me personally. He was not overbearing, know-it-all, and demeaning as so many western doctors are, many of whom treat you like a piece of meat that they need to get in & out so they can get on with other patients. He listened to everything I had to tell, and very attentively. He spent all the time with me that was required to answer my many questions and make me feel comfortable with everything. He would have spent all day with me if that’s what it took! Try to find that in the US! Bravo, bravo, bravo to Dr Suthep and the staff at BNH.

Yesterday was the first day I missed my workout in 6 months. Hate to admit it, but it probably did me some good.

Unfortunately due to my medical problem, had to cancel out on Stick last night. Shit, only 3 nights left in Thailand, including this one. Gotta' try to make up for lost time.

Have wandered over to Soi Cowboy a couple nights lately, and have taken a shining to a young bargirl in Midnite Bar. She's the cutest thing in the world, and is from Surin, which of course I just returned from this past weekend. Last night, and since the topic of barfines was on the table, I informed her that I would gladly pay her barfine, but I do not pay for sex. She did not bite, therefore I did not barfine. But still got a nice massage sitting in the bar. Tipped her well and was on my way at an early hour.

Waking this morning for a walk before gym, I've noticed that at the early hour of 5:00, there is still quite a large number of prostitutes out on the prowl on Sukhumvit. Same as Pattaya, the number of ladyboys available at this late hour is high, possibly because punters may be less willing to have sex with them (my guess). When I see one of the things start to come in my direction, I steer well clear of it, placing my hand in my pocket where my cash is.

Last night went to Emporium and saw another movie. A few nights ago it was Batman, now saw War of the Worlds. The theater is clean, the prices are very reasonable for everything, and the seating is great. Beats the hell out of movies in the US, where a large container of popcorn alone is now $5 or more.

Can't help this past week but have a bad taste in my mouth from some of the things that have happened on this, my 5th trip to Thailand. Not only has A spoiled a good bit of the trip, but the stomach problem definitely put a damper on my energy level. I've not done much really here in BKK except go for massages every day, maybe wander over to Soi Cowboy at night for an hour or 2, and see movies. Probably better off. Better than wasting my money on these BKK whores for sure. Regarding B from Midnite Bar, we had a discussion a couple nights ago about the possibility of my barfining her. I informed her that I do not pay for sex, hoping that she would go anyway, after which I would have compensated her for her time just the same. She did not seem too excited about the prospect. She also mentioned that she never goes long time with customers, and that did NOT sit well with me. As always, I refuse to negotiate pricing with the ladies of the night. And BTW, it's not due to lack of finances.

I first visited Thailand in April 2002, and as you can see if you read my Thai Journal (posted April 2002) I was pretty enamoured with the Thailand nightlife scene. As of now, and mostly with the help of Stickman's website coupled with personal observations, the love affair is long over. I see the vast majority of the bargirls as mere whores, and probably not much different from whores in any other country. My understanding is that once upon a time, most bargirls were out there to give you the "girlfriend experience", taking care of you as if you'd known each other for ages. Well, my current opinion is that, if it ever was this way, it has changed, and they seem to be out only for quick sex, and then get paid.

As an aftertaste of this visit, my attitude on the BKK and Pattaya bargirl scene has done a complete 180 from my first visit. I am tired of being told about how sexy I am, and I even remarked funnily to Stick how I actually look forward to returning to the US and being ignored by American women. And BTW, upon my return, I was excited to be back in the town I call home; more excited, in fact, than when I arrived at Don Muang on June 20. While there were indeed some good times during this, my 5th visit to Thailand, and bottom line it was great to see the StickMeister once again, the overall effect of events with A, coupled with taking ill, took their toll on me. Shit, I feel I'm getting old. Anybody got a remedy?

Giddayup, cowpokes.

Feedback is very welcome, and I can be contacted at cromagnon9669@yahoo.com
 

Stickman's thoughts:

The usual excellent mix of opinion and analysis.

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