Stickman's guide to Bangkok
Two Sex Tourists Are Born Part 4
Much to the relief of anyone with critical literary facilities or morals out there, we draw the adventures of two Farangs in Pattaya to a close with part 4 of the modern day odyssey through party town.
During the previous evening (in fact at a quite crucial time in proceedings) my friend’s telephone in his room had rung. It was his lady (the Mamasan) from the first night who wanted to know why we hadn’t contacted them again. You’ve got to admire these girls persistence, savvy and downright love for removing Baht from the Farang. Naturally he arranged to go and meet the two ladies the next evening. You also have to admire my friend’s stick-to-it-iveness, dealing with the gammy knee that required an appliance to be fitted before retiring with the lady, telephone’s ringing all over the place and a potentially jealous Mamasan on the other end of the line would give most people pause. I’m proud to say none of this seemed to put him off in the slightest.
Truth be told I was pretty relaxed about seeing Lat, from the first night, again. She was a really sweet girl, not someone I would want to see on consecutive nights because of that sweetness and the potential (albeit minor) for me to become a complete idiot.
So, breakfast, and then back to the room to catch up on sleep and watch some TV. Pattaya Mail on TV had the exclusive on a Farang who had, somewhat unwisely, wandered down a Street and relieved himself on or near a statue of Buddha. A security guard from a nearby bank had remonstrated with him (with a truncheon). Additionally a group of taxi drivers also joined in the theological debate when they found out what had happened. The intellectual force of the argument had clearly made an impression on the Farang’s face and body, as we could see because the cameras were there to record his arrest. Stupidity has always been a capital offence everywhere in the World.
Another item showed an old Thai man who had been accused of molesting his granddaughter – again full face pictures and probably his address on screen for everyone to see. This was another of those WTF! moments. Imagine that happening in the West.
Again early evening arrived and we went for food and then down to Walking St. The walk down there and the bustle going on would definitely take some time to get used to. I certainly hadn’t managed it yet. Eventually we got past the tailors, the hawkers, the sellers and the general street people to the Shark complex. Quick embarrassing moment when we tried to remember where we had been that first night – first night – all a bit of a blur. I confidently struck out for the bar I remembered – unusual for me – I normally have the sense of direction of a headless chicken. Luckily I knew the confused state we’d been in so figured that we couldn’t have got further than the very first bar! I was right, first time for everything. Good job because it would have been a bit uncomfortable sitting down confidently in the wrong bar whilst our ‘dates’ looked on.
Lat was serving behind the bar but came over to see me when we arrived. She made a bit of a fuss initially that we hadn’t come back before but had a sparkle in her eyes as she was complaining. My friend did have the grace to comment on how attractive Lat was; I think we’d both been slightly out of it the first night to fully take everything in! Meanwhile his lady was sitting with some Farangs but soon came over when we arrived. She apparently had arranged to go out for a meal but said she would be back later. My friend was relaxed about this, however, she then disappeared and came back quickly and she wasn’t going out with the others any more. Flattering, and also proving the old adage that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush!
Once again a great night was had. First of all “traditional” trip to Sharks Go-Go to pick up the two for one drinks and look at scantily clad girls. Fewer seats tonight so Lat “had” to sit on my knee. You can imagine how upset I was about that. Particularly when she started giving me what can only be described as a lap dance! I have to tell you that the night goes by very quickly when you’re having that good a time!
After the two for one drinks were finished we headed up to another complex on Walking St to see some of the Mamasan’s friends. I appreciate this was probably to pay them back money, but nevertheless we had a great time. Some of the girls in their will be made for life if they ever start a professional Jenga league!
No night in Pattaya would be complete without returning to the hotel, and tonight was no different. Genuinely great sex, which was apparently enjoyed by all, occurred. I was sad to see Lat leave in the morning, but she had given me a great time and I hoped she had enjoyed herself too.
Same, same from the Farangs – catch up on sleep after breakfast and chill before an evening meal. As it was our last night we wandered over to the bars near the hotel and picked up some nice girls after having a really chilled out evening. Just the normal dice game and connect four, which I was pleased to say I had got good enough at to win some games (or at least for it not to be obvious that I was let to win). Plus the dice game – here is the correct order – 9, 8, 7, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Don’t tell anyone I told you!
Sitting by a bar on Soi 8 is fascinating, with a high number of street sellers beggars and blokes with elephants. There was one particularly frisky example of pachyderm that kept running (literally) up and down the Soi followed by its Mahout. Scattering food vendors, deep fried bugs and chicken on a stick as it went.
Su, my lady from the bar had a sweet personality, although she was a bit older at 34 (get me – older at 34!). Her performance later on proved her greater experience and I really had a nice last night.
Next day was our last, for this year. My friend was more knackered than a little by this stage so after breakfast I went out to buy some more stuff for home. Various presents, and a dice game for my friend, since he loved it so much!
One last wander over to the Pig and Whistle to say goodbye to the waitresses and eave a large tip after the meal. You still wondered whether they would have been amenable to coming out (especially the ones that were as cute as a particularly fluffy kitten with a bow) but you don’t want to insult someone, and you want to be able to go back in there again, so probably best not to have tried.
The hotel gave us a free late check out (which we weren’t expecting after reading all the websites), and when we were picked up we had a pretty easy drive back to Bangkok. We only had a couple of stops at other hotels on the way. The first stop we picked up possibly the oldest couple I have ever seen. I genuinely didn’t think they’d make it to the airport, particularly when the old bloke started coughing. I was wondering how many forms and how delayed you’d be arriving at the airport with a corpse on the roof rack. (Actually, that’s unfair, you’d have to keep him inside with the air con, or otherwise he’d spoil.)
We then picked up a younger guy from a resort hotel quite a way out of town. I’ve got to say it didn’t look like the right spot for a young single male traveller. I figured he hadn’t done his research before booking. This was confirmed later when we were talking about buying property in Thailand and about not being able to own property as a non-Thai. Our new friend said (not sarcastically) “So you’d have to buy it in the name of your Thai girl?” Now I know that’s a bloke who hasn’t found Stickman yet!
We did the usual wandering around the airport, hurry up and wait stuff. Neither of us was too keen to get on the plane, and if it weren’t for the guys with the tranquilliser darts and nets I think I would have made it over the wall.
The flight back was uneventful, with an annoying (but expected) refuelling stopover in Sharjah. Because the flight was again so empty the service was superb. We almost had our own air hostess (I wish)! Interesting corollary, the same flight the following week was in the English news because a passenger had noticed a fuel leak when the plane was in Sharjah and passengers refused to take off. We obviously lucked out, because our flight both ways was on time with service from the top drawer.
We arrived back in England. It was raining. After a very smooth running ten days in a developing nation we returned to Gatwick to find that the “moving walkway” used to connect the plane to the terminal had broken down, and we had to wait for 45 minutes whilst they found some steps. Then the train information boards at Gatwick station had packed in (Good luck in finding a helpful railway employee to ask what train is going where!) Onto the central London station, where ‘improvement’ work meant the ‘integrated transport policy’ involved walking round the outside of the station in the rain for half a mile. Then get inside and find that all the trains to your destination have been cancelled because of a vehicle on the line (from 4 hours ago!!) Welcome back to England!
Go with the right attitude, read Stickman, don’t fall in love and have an absolute blast!
When you book a holiday to somewhere you haven’t been before, there is a tendency to build it up until expectations simply cannot be met and the whole thing comes crashing down in anti-climax when you actually experience it. That wasn’t the case here. Pattaya exceeded my wildest imagination, and I have a pretty wild imagination! It helps to have excellent company with a friend who is on (sometimes to a worrying degree) the same wavelength, but I would still go back alone. I don’t think that is likely to arise – we will definitely be back next year if we can hold out that long.
Sounds like you'll be back again soon.
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