The Fourth and Final Plague -- The Weather

Well, all I can say is, I love Thailand. I like hot weather, and Thailand has an abundance of scorching, balmy, sunny days, and nary a snowflake or down parka is to be spied in the Land of Smiles. I hate the cold weather here in New England during the winter months, to the point of suicidal depression, and seriously considered thoughts of serial killing people with "Think Snow" bumper stickers and ski racks on their yuppie Saab and Volvo all wheel drive snowmobile-like autos. As far as I'm concerned if I need more than two wheel drive on my auto to make it get anywhere then we need to build more, and better, roads, or the Dept. of Public Works guys need to be ploughing and sanding the streets more often, and drinking less coffee in the donut shop.

I hate snow, and ice, and any temperatures below 65 degrees Fahrenheit. So this is one, yes one, of the reasons I love Thailand. I love beautiful beaches, palm trees rustling and the smell of tropical flowers wafting through the balmy breezes, as the salty waves caress the seashore in a rhythmic wash of sound, which lulls my senses, until all thoughts of winter cold are banished from my brain. This is relaxing. This is vacationing. This is WARM!

I've been to Thailand during every month of the year. The only time I've felt cold was when I returned from the swimming pool once or twice and had left the A/C in my hotel room on full blast for hours. This isn’t a problem. I just open the sliding glass door to the balcony, and within two minutes the room is nice, and warm, though my lady will be turning blue during those two minutes, and bitching like a bare-assed Eskimo in a blizzard. Someday hopefully I'm going to get a chance to throw her bare-assed into a snow bank head first, and see which is colder.

Although Thailand is basically hot, humid and muggy, I like it. Once some friends of mine who live in Bangkok year round were bitching to me about how cold it was, and how they needed to get some sweaters, or jackets, as it was soooooooooooo cold. Please fellas, get a frigging grip. You guys need a serious reality check here. I showed up a few days later, prepared for these long cold days and nights with a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt. Never had to use them, and wasted the space of a few more shorts and tank tops in my luggage. It was WONDERFUL weather that trip! Shorts and a t-shirt could be worn at night, and the weather was refreshingly mild, maybe seventy or seventy five at night. COLD? NOT!!!! These gentlemen have had their blood thinned too much from the formaldehyde in the Singha beers I think.

Now there is one problem with the weather in Thailand, well two if you don't like the heat as I do.

Number one --- it is frikking hot sometimes. Seriously hot.

Number two --- sometimes it rains, and brother, does it rain! But it isn't a cold rain at least.

Being from New England though there is a mindset we New Englanders have about rain. It goes something like this. "Wow, it's been raining all damned day!" (week, month, whatever) says someone. "Yeah, well at least it's not frigging snowing!" comes the reply. Where I'm from rain means its above freezing. This is good. Plus you don't have to shovel rain to get your car out of the driveway. Rain isn't a problem. Well most of the time anyway.

A rainy day in Pattaya. A story.

One September/early October I was in Pattaya for a few weeks. Most of the trip had been sunny, and I had spent most of my time at Jomtien Beach and the hotel swimming pool, soaking up the sunshine and storing it in me to keep the coming winter months blues up at bay until my late December return to the Land of Sunny Smiles. This day I woke up and it was raining, hard, harder than I think I've ever seen it rain, and believe me, I've see it rain pretty damned hard during my 47 years. This was monsoon type rain, I’m talking buckets of water.

My lady and I lazed around, relaxing and continuing intimacies started the evening before, later watching TV and goofing off, after getting breakfast sent up from room service, which is always a joy isn‘t it? This is when she still had her small restaurant in Pattaya, with her sister and daughter living there, while she stayed with me at the hotel when I'd visit every 6 or 8 weeks. She would have to leave on some days if she couldn't get one of her other sisters to spend a week or two helping her sister out with the restaurant, which was open 24/7.

Her sister would work the nights, and my lady would work the days and early afternoons while her sister slept. Many times I've spent the day there with her, talking to the customers, learning some Thai while they tested their English out on me. My lady’s old Papa would come by the restaurant every day, as he lived just down the street with my lady's other older sister. He came from