Stickman's guide to Bangkok Readers' Submissions
Don't Smoke In Bed
By Caveman
The purpose of this submission is to discuss the practice of “tipping” in Thailand initiated by Skater and David Rhodes in recent submissions.
Tipping is done almost everywhere, especially in western countries, and is a phenomenon most popular in the US. Depending on your income, generosity, and your personal outlook on tipping, you can certainly get carried away. Who do you give a tip to? How much? How much is too much? What constitutes “flaunting it”? “We all not rich but happy and content living our simple lives . . . . . . until you and your type come here”. This is a quote from the submission “Dear Mr Skater”, by David Rhodes. He lays out a folksy argument that people like Skater, in his submission “Tipping”, are destroying Thailand and ruining the morals of those on the receiving end of what he views to be overly large tips. Mr Rhodes gives the example of Wan, whose morals changed after entering the “farang tourist trade”. “Wan now working 8 hour day make more THREE time we make! OK, no problem, money shared with family, lucky to them. But then, poor Wan - SHE change! She buy expensive cellphone, clothes and make-up from fashion store in Siam. She go disco...” OK, I always like to ask the question: Where is the individual responsibility here? It all falls back to individual responsibility. If Wan chose to work the “farang tourist trade”, was anyone pointing a gun to her head when she made this decision? (BTW, would you feel better if she became a whore that catered to Thais, which I understand constitutes the majority of the prostitution industry in Thailand?). Don’t blame farangs for Wan’s decision to become a bargirl. Yes, yes, I understand very well how limited the options are to young ladies in Thailand like Wan. However, the point is that she chose her profession freely. She either knew or should have known the pitfalls and dangers of her choice. The fact that she may happen to be an uneducated, young, naďve rice farmer girl from Isaan is a factor beyond anyone’s control and should not be used as some sort of perverted excuse for concluding that she’s being taken advantage of by her customers, those that tip her, or pay her wages, as high as they may seem to most Thais. The laws of supply and demand, otherwise known as “economics”, will dictate her wage or tip. The laws of economics prevail the world around in any market economy, and Thailand is a market economy.
“But you think you Mr BIG, so clever, so smart just because have big wallet.” Agreed that there are many farangs that flaunt their affluence, especially where bargirls and the farang naughty nightlife industry are concerned. They try to buy friends with money because they have nothing else to offer...i.e. no personality. Consequently, they have heel hounds following their every step hoping to catch some scraps. However, there is no real distinct line between a decent tip and what is seen as overkill. It is a highly subjective matter. What constitutes too much to one person might not be too much to another. I personally believe a tip should only be given if the service warrants it. Good service gets a tip, whereas poor service gets none. Some Thais don’t understand this. I can remember one occasion where I was with a Thai lady having dinner at a restaurant where the service was poor. I explained to her that I was not going to leave a tip, and told her why. She tried to persuade me to leave a tip anyway, not really grasping the concept of what a tip is all about. To her, a tip is simply ALWAYS left by a farang regardless of the circumstances. There could have been other factors in play there, such as her gaining face by being with a “rich farang” who leaves good tips, or maybe even losing face by being with a Cheap Charlie farang who leaves no tip, or both. Whatever! Of course, being the stubborn, pig-headed fuck I am, she could not persuade me to leave a tip. I must regretfully admit that I have had many meals in restaurants in Thailand where the service did not warrant a tip, whereas this does not often occur in eating establishments in the USA. Those from the USA are considered by many as being overly generous with tipping. I have personally been accused of such; not often, but have been. However, here in the USA where I usually tip about 15-20%, it’s not much higher than the norm. But when I go to Thailand, my tips are usually not as high on a percentage basis, but may still be seen as excessive by some. One occasion where I NEVER tip is when I am asked for one, which is something that taxi drivers in Thailand will sometimes do. Those that openly request a tip reveal their ignorance of the custom. While I always try to maintain a deep respect for the culture of Thailand during my visits (and any other time for that matter, as I truly LOVE the country!!), that door swings (or should swing) both ways. Granted that I am the visitor and it is their country, NOT MINE, but there should be at least some degree of respect for the culture of those that are lawfully visiting as tourists, and tipping is part of the culture of Americans. You would think that it’s a part of the culture that would not only be respected, but appreciated.
“Mr Shaker I tell you this. 5 baht tip you jai-dee. Sanook. Thank you. 50 baht tip and you change us to bad. You make us depend on you, take away our pride and independence.” Another quote from Mr Rhodes. This may be the heart of his argument: excessive tips and gifts can establish a dependency on the part of the recipient. It’s funny how one Thai will consider a 5 baht tip OK, whereas another will think you a Cheap Charlie. It’s a case of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”. You just can’t please everybody, and consequently shouldn’t try. Bottom line is that you have to do what your heart tells you is the right thing. This will always be based on your personal values, your cultural background, and hopefully your knowledge of Thai culture, since you are giving the tip in Thailand and not in your home country. A 50 baht tip seems excessive to Mr Rhodes. However, Skater sees the 50 baht as about $1.25, which is not even enough to sneeze at back in the USA or the UK. He could probably use 50 baht notes for kindling every day in his fireplace and never feel financial pain. Where is the truth in this matter?
There is no doubt that farangs with big money (compared to the average Thai) have an undue influence on what transpires within their personal spheres within Thailand. Money talks, and in a developing country like Thailand, which can be dog-eat-dog environment with people living their lives from paycheck to paycheck, if you are a local who stumbles across a “rich farang”, you’re often going to do whatever it takes to get your piece of the pie. But here’s the question: Is the farang really the one changing Thailand? Is he really the one responsible for changing the Thais? Is he really making the Thais “dependant” on him as Rhodes claims? The question is a bit deeper than you might imagine when you cogitate it a while. It’s like an onion: the more layers you peel back, the more you find. Money is seen as an evil to many people, not only in Thailand. Here’s another one on individual responsibility: if the Thai really believes that an excessive tip is going to change him or that he might thereby become dependant, then why does he accept it? If I give you something that you believe will damage you, would you accept it? Would you accept a moist, steaming, odoriferous pile of freshly laid shit if I were to hand it to you? Most people would agree that Skater can rightfully do what he wants with his own money. If Mr Rhodes thinks that the money will ruin him or Thailand altogether, then why do most Thais readily accept these tips, and with a smile to boot? Broken record time: Nobody’s putting a gun to Mr Rhodes’ (or Wan’s) head to accept the cash. If you argue that “Anyone is going to accept the cash, but that doesn’t make it right. You take away the Thais’ pride by giving this kind of cash...”...well, if pride is the issue, put YOUR money where your mouth is and do as many Japanese people do: refuse the tip! I have been to Japan, and there are Japanese people who will outright REFUSE a tip if you attempt to tip them. Now THAT is pride! True story: I was in a restaurant once in Japan back in the early ‘90’s. I ate, had a great meal, and tried to leave a tip. The waitress refused it and handed it back to me. Being a stubborn, red-blooded American, I insisted and gave it back to her. She gave it back to me by forcing it in my hand. Being the obstinate mule that I can be, I then laid it on the table and walked out. She picked up the money, followed me out the door out of the restaurant onto the pavement, and laid the money on a window ledge next to me. Now, THAT is a demonstration of pride. NOW tell me that the Thais can’t refuse tips if they don’t want the money. If the money is really going to damage you that badly, refuse it. Otherwise, don’t lecture me about the money ruining you. It’s not my fault if you can’t handle it. Agreed that money DOES ruin some people, but that’s not a reason to refrain from tipping. Have you heard of lottery winners or others who fell into money who couldn’t handle it and it destroyed their lives? How about Kurt Cobain of the group Nirvana? He couldn’t handle his fame and fortune and it destroyed him. However, I feel quite confident that if you were to kindly bestow me with some extra cash, I could easily handle it.
“The best things in life are free,
But you can keep them for the birds and bees,
Now gimme’ money...that’s what I want.”
At the risk of being politically incorrect in the extreme, try this argument on for size: Why do you think you’re told not to feed wild animals? Forest rangers advise us not to feed bears. The reason is that they will turn on you. The food spoils them and makes them dependant on humans. Eventually, they have to be put down because they will attack humans in their search for food. They don’t understand the fact that the human is giving the food as an act of kindness and that humans should not be relied upon as a never-ending food source. Why do long-time welfare recipients often begin to despise the very system that is sustaining them? In both cases, a dependency is established that ultimately weakens the recipient by making him/her/it too lazy to forage for themselves. Whose fault is it?In my opinion, if SOME Thais see themselves becoming dependant and therefore lazy because farangs are tipping them too much, they should really consider declining tips. If you think about it in a certain way, the argument laid out by Mr Rhodes can be construed as insulting to Thais in general because it equates them with the bears and the welfare recipients referred to above in that it establishes them as a weak people who will become overly dependent and greedy when faced with a random act of kindness, to the point that it will actually destroy them and/or the culture.
Do you know that after the incident above where that Japanese woman refused the tip, I NEVER tried to give another tip as long as I was in Japan?! Refuse tips long enough and often enough and you’ll achieve your desired effect. Otherwise take the money, be grateful, and shut the fuck up! Ya’ know, I’d really like to think that the majority of Thais can accept a tip for what it is without building up some sort of twisted resentment against the tipper, who just may happen to have more money than he does. What a lot of this boils down to is pure class warfare crap: the HAVES against the HAVE NOTS. Mr Rhodes: I’ve come from “no money” myself and have worked my fucking ass off for every dime I have. At times, it’s simple jealousy and resentment manifesting itself, where the “poor” person happens to be a Thai, and the “rich” person is a farang, who is probably not really even rich. The fact that “excessive” farang tips turn SOME Thais into greedy bastards who resent farangs because they think we destroy Thais and Thailand, might actually have some truth to it in a weird sort of way, but when you break it down and analyze its guts, it’s indefensible and even ludicrous if you’re blaming the farang for this. Yes, most Thais can gracefully accept a tip for what it is (a gift, a reward, a simple act of kindness) even if they believe it’s a bit too big, without believing that it’s destroying their country and culture. I agree that money does spoil a certain contingent of the population who can’t handle it or just can’t cope. But I refuse to base my decisions / actions on the potential reaction of that fucked up segment of the Thai population. Analogy: If you know that a certain segment of the population (like those that come from Philadelphia) gets angry when asking them for the time of day, will you forever refrain from doing it? I base my actions / decisions on how a logical individual would or should react, not what some half-cocked idiot foaming at the mouth MIGHT do, or how somewhere down the line 10, 20, or 30 years from now, it might cause somebody some harm. That’s just a bit too far-fetched for me. For those, like K in my Thai Journal 1.5 submission, who become resentful and greedy upon receiving tips or gifts, here’s a tip for you: Don’t smoke in bed.
Nothing is entirely black & white....so at the risk of sounding wishy-washy, please allow me to undue my entire previous argument that I have laboriously laid out like a mad scientist! Although Mr Rhodes is addressing his submission to Skater, who happens to be discussing the topic of tipping in Thailand, perhaps his main beef with Skater and “his kind” is the fact that increasing visits and escalating tourism by such farangs is a precursor and signature of the process of globalization that really took off about 40 years ago and continues to consume Thailand today. “until you and your type come here” are the words Rhodes uses. I can agree with Mr Rhodes on some level at his getting emotional about this, which is a process similar to an advancing tide on a remote beach. Slow but irresistible, steady and certain is its progress. But how do you stop this process of globalization, and should you even try? If you really want to stop outside influence within Thailand, austere measures are required, such as those employed by North Korea, which is truly still in the stone ages. Small glimpses into that barren country after their recent enormous train wreck (or whatever the heck it was) reveal a country that is completely undeveloped (the net result of Communism: SHARED MISERY!). Compared to North Korea, Thailand is well on its way to becoming a 1st world country. The only solution to Rhodes’ problem might be to ban tourism altogether. However, the leadership in Thailand is steering things in the opposite direction.
What is the real allure of Thailand to tourists like you & I? Yes, maybe the ladies provided the main draw, or at least the initial draw. But for those who linger, for those who discover a little more to it, for those whose gaze is captured by something more than the bronze beauty of an Isaan spring chicken, and discover the infinitely diverse and rustic beauty of that compelling country... To people like Brother Stick, there’s just got to be something more to it than a cute little Thai girl who shakes her ass at you, don’t you think? Maybe it’s the fact that Thailand has been able to preserve its cultural uniqueness, the singular ways of its colorful and friendly inhabitants, the unspoiled and intact splendor of its many remote areas (which constitute the vast majority of its geography), that special “untouched” flavour that the hill tribes emit when you happen to be the first white man they have ever encountered....Yes, I think this is really Mr Rhodes’ argument. On this, I cannot, would not, should not contest him. Also, I might add that the way his piece is written might seem weak and feeble to the learned reader, but upon reflection, it may express his beliefs more effectively than any other method. It conveys the ideas with “Thainess”. By visiting Thailand and taking advantage of its beauty and everything the country has to offer, we are simultaneously spoiling what has been preserved for centuries with our footprint. Each individual is but a drop in the bucket, but on the macro level, the impact is considerable and is occurring at an increasingly geometric rate, especially with the advent of the internet, technology overall, advances in transportation and tourism, etc. Thailand’s unique character might one day be absorbed into the eternal global melting pot. It won’t happen overnight. How long will it take? How will we know when the process is complete, or will it ever be? What will Thailand look like when there are no longer places “where no white man has yet to tread”? Hopefully, I won’t know in my lifetime.
Stickman's thoughts:
"I personally believe a tip should only be given if the service warrants it." This quote says it all.
The thoughts on globalisation and the changing Thailand are also very interesting indeed.
Thailand Hotels Bangkok Hotels Phuket Hotels Pattaya Hotels Hua Hin Hotels farangs.com The author can be contacted at cromagnon9669@yahoo.com
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